Edited

Kayla

I've been down in the dumps lately. After the thing with Andre I haven't really been feeling like myself. I know it's only my fault that things ended the way that they did. I shouldn't have ignored him and then just cut him off with no explanation. And I know people think I'm stupid and foolish for continuing my friendship with Josh. People just don't understand us or him for that matter.

"Girl I'm tired of you locking yourself up like this," April said busting inside my room. It scared me since I wasn't really paying much attention. "We're going to lunch. So put on some REAL clothes."

"But I am-"

"Bitch if you don't put on something that's hanging up in this closet." She walked inside my closet. "Bitch got all these sexy ass bomb ass clothes that I can't even wear because my butt is too small and chest is too big and your ass is forever in some sweats and a damn parachute of a shirt. Bitch got me mad as shit." She came back out with a black romper with white flowers on it. It had a deep V line that I know I'll be uncomfortable in. "Wear this. Girl I saw a dress in there that I like. Let me cop that." She went back in my closet as I slipped out of my comfort clothes and into the romper. "Who bought you those outfits? Because I know you didn't."

"My mom," I mumbled. "She wants me to be more confident in myself and the things I wear."

"And that you should be. I mean Kayla, you have a bomb ass shape. You got a big booty, big chest and an even bigger heart. Yeah you got a pudge and ya weight up there. So what you like to eat and you can't walk up a flight of stairs? You are who you're meant to be. You need to stop letting what others think and say dictate you."

"I'm not you April."

"You don't have to be me boo. You should be you. Acceptance of others won't happen unless you accept yourself. You understand me?" I nodded. "Alright, let's go out to eat. I feel like we don't hang out as much."

"Well you are always with Shawn," I shrugged. I'm happy that April found a guy who's absolutely obsessed with her. I'm also a bit envious of her. That's the kind of guy I want. But I have this suspicion that I may have ran him away with my stupidity.

"Yeah. But you're my best friend. I should always have time for you. You want to go to the diner or somewhere else?"

"Let's go to Red Lobster."

"Bitch do you have Red Lobster money?"

"Yes and so do you," I laughed. She knows we just got paid.

"Damn expensive ass bitch trying to break my damn pockets," she mumbled as we walked out. We rode together and sang songs together. April tried hitting the high notes which was funny but terrifying to listen to. Like seriously scared the hell out of me.

We got to the restaurant and asked for a booth. I love booths so much more than a regular table. I feel as if you got more privacy in a booth and it's much more comfortable. Since we always get the same thing we didn't waste our time with looking at the menu.

"Bitch you took me here just to get chicken tenders? You a whole ass nigga out here," April said while scrunching up her face.

I laughed. "I just wanted the biscuits to be honest."

"Could've asked for a to-go box of biscuits," she mumbled. "I'm glad we're here though since it's not too busy. I do want to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Why exactly are you self-conscious?"

"Well," I paused. "You know a bit about my family situation right?" She nodded. "Well, my dad always favored my skinnier siblings over me. I believed it was because of my weight that he didn't love. A father is a girl's first love and who she based her love off of. The fact I never got that love from him made me believe I wouldn't get that love from any man. And to top it all off, the bullying I've been receiving for years only worsened my self-esteem."

"Baby girl I understand. I'm not trying to compare you to me at all but my dad said fuck me when I was growing up. He didn't care about me. Yeah the shit hurt but you have to realize that's only a mind thing. You have to break that cycle. The only person that can make and break you is YOU. You're damn beautiful and it's time you see it."

"I try," I say. "I really do. Do you think I want to feel this way? Question everyone's motives, everyone's glances and thoughts directed towards me. Always second guessing what I should or shouldn't do. What I should or shouldn't say/wear. This feeling is not a pleasant one. If I could just turn it off, I would."

"And you can. Your mind is weak. You need to strengthen your mindset so you can heal your soul. You're a queen, a beast, a model of perfection. Don't let anyone, anyone take that from you. You understand me." I nodded. April really does care for me. I should try to listen to her more often. "But I know I can yell at you all day every day and it wouldn't make a difference." They brought out our food. "That's why I want you to see one of the counselors at our school."

"What?!" I squeaked. I quickly calmed myself when I saw people looking. "Sorry," I gave them a small smile before returning my gaze to her. "Why do I need to do that? I'm not crazy you know."

"You don't have to be crazy to see a counselor. I see one sometimes."

"April," I said seriously. "You're the definition of crazy."

"Fuck you," she rolled her eyes playfully. "But seriously, you should at least think about it. Speaking to a complete stranger can be a lot more beneficial than talking to your friends. I realize that now when I was speaking to the counselor the other day. Her name is Dr. Jacobson. You should really go by and see her. She's cool peoples."

"I don't know April," I mumbled. "She's not going to judge me?"

"No. And best of all, she can't tell anybody about what you told her. Trust me on this. You'll feel so much better after speaking with her."

I hesitated a bit. I mean, the thought has crossed my mind many times in the past but I could never go through with it. "Okay," I said. "I'll go."

"Good. Because I already made you an appointment for tomorrow. Love you."

I chuckled. "I love you too April." I stopped and thought for a bit. "Why do you see a counsel anyways?"

"For advice on some stuff, that's all."

Andre

"Really Andre?" My mother sighed. "I thought you were planning to at least TRY and get along."

"I was being civil," I said. "No one told him to go behind my back and start telling lies."

"Did you have to break his nose though?"

"I honestly wanted to break every bone in his body but I sufficed to just punching his face. Maybe now he knows not to fuck with me."

"Deandre!"

"My bad ma," I sighed. "I don't think you understand. We can't get along. We're like oil and water."

"Why not?"

"Because...there's a lot of reasons and I honestly don't want to get into them. I promise to be cordial at the gathering but I'm not going to be buddy-buddy with those two. Not after this."

"Why is this time so specific?"

"Just because ma."

"Andre-"

"Aye," my dad hopped on the other line. "I heard you broke Josh's nose."

"I did."

He chuckled. "My boy."

"Henry!" I laughed. My old man ain't worth shit.

"What? Maybe that punch put some manhood in his bones. Pussy ass nigga," he mumbled.

"Henry I'm going to beat your ass!"

"I've got to go y'all. Love y'all talk to y'all later." Ma was too busy yelling at dad so I just hung up. I love my parents. I really envy their relationship. I hope to have something like what they got.

My parents, Deon and Henry Jackson, had started dating when they were in high school and had been together ever since. They're still very much inseparable to this day. They've been happily married for thirty years although they've been together for forty. They still got a lot of life and love left in them. I'm the second oldest out of four.

My older brother, Julian, is in the army and currently stationed in Germany. He's expected to return home soon but we're not positive. He seems to be doing well out there. My younger sister is in high school. Being the baby means she gets her way and she's spoiled rotten. Not to mention I take the pleasure of ruining her chances of dating. And then there's Shawn. He was adopted into the family as a teen. He grew up in foster care and my parents took him out of that place.

Anyways, my family is pretty much excluded out of the rest of the family. We're cool with that. The others are damn crazy and I honestly don't have time to be catching a case over ignorant motherfuckers. Even though the family is pretty divided, it's even more so with me, Josh and Chris. And everyone knows it. For a various number of reasons.

One being, they're spoiled as fuck. Never had to work for shit in their life. Thinks shit is handed to them on a silver platter. Two, they're a bunch of bitches that can't think or handle shit for themselves. Three, they're petty and do the most. For example, the Kayla thing. And lastly, they're both manipulative lying ass niggas.

The list is endless and there's some fucked up shit I had to find out the hard way. I really don't wanna speak more on it.

Even though what Josh said to Kayla was bogus as fuck, there held some truth to it. I do have a bad temper and my anger can make me dangerous. I mean, I feel like that can go towards anybody but whatever. I do get protective and crazy over what's mine. Any man would get protective over the woman they want. But he was making it seem like I'll harm her in some way which would never happen. I don't put my hands on females. Males on the other hand only get touched by me if I feel it's necessary. But I don't have a kid. There was a kid scare in high school and the mom would always threaten to keep the kid away from me since I didn't want to be with her but we found out the baby wasn't mine.

He warped everything to make it bigger and badder than what it really was so I'm more pissed at him for saying that than Kayla for believing it. I mean, I guess I wouldn't believe a stranger either. And I guess I did come on a little too strong for her. But she's also got some things she needs to work on with herself. That much I can tell. But things with us aren't over and I'm going to make sure of that. There's something about Kayla that I don't want to let go of. I wouldn't be my father's son if I gave up on something I wanted so easily.

People would really think I'm crazy and obsessive when we only went on one date. My pops knew right away my mom was the one for him. He saw everything he needed to see in their first encounter. And I believe I see everything I need in Kayla. I'm not saying its love at first sight. I just have a feeling about her.

"Still thinking about Kayla huh?" Shawn asked. "Bruh why don't you just call and talk to her?"

"Because then that would defeat the purpose of this whole thing."

"And what the fuck is the purpose?"

"Kayla is stubborn and stuck in her own ways. If we dated now I can guarantee there would be major problems in our relationship. The biggest one being Josh. We'd be bumping heads way too much until one of us is fed up. Or until she runs away again. We'd be wasting each other's time. And I don't have that much time to be wasting. Nor do I have the patience to deal with unnecessary bullshit. Besides, there's some things she needs to work out."

"You could help her."

"Nah. If I do that it would be more like I'm leading her where I want her and I don't want that. She could turn around and fall back into a dangerous pattern so she needs to this on her own. Life doesn't baby step you so why should anyone else? Kayla needs to reach that stage in her life on her own. That way, we can reach the next stage together."

"Oh yeah? What if she talks to someone else?"

"I'm shutting that shit the fuck down." He laughed at how serious I was.

"But you're the one that ended things with her. You can't just butt into her life if she decides to move on to a nigga that didn't give up on her."

"I never said I gave up on her," I glared. "Once she figures herself out then we can see what's up. Just because we ain't talking don't mean we're over the fuck? If we're going to end things it's going to be after we at least give it a try."

"I get it man," he chuckled. "You want her to see shit for herself because that's the only person who can show her the truth. I get it. Do what you think is right fam."

"Thanks." It's time Kayla mature on her own. She doesn't need me or April holding her hand through this process. I believe we'll get to work us out but that can only happen when she finally peaks. And I know that will only happen because of one thing. She finally gets the fuck away from Josh and his bullshit.