Edited

Kayla

Chris. He's the cause of many troubles I faced during college. He's the start of poisonous cancer in my life. Chris could have done this before? I can't believe this! I hope this isn't true. I hope that his poison only spread as far as me. Crazy isn't it? I'm actually hoping that Chris only did this to me. Why? Because even if I can't right now, in the future I had planned to forgive him. Not for his sake but for my own. I was planning on waiting until my wounds healed before accepting what happened, forgive him even when he doesn't deserve anything less than a one-way ticket to hell. But if he did this before...I'm not so sure I can do that. Because this time, it's not just me. He hurt Mickey. He hurt Andre and his entire family if he did in fact traumatize her in some way. He prayed on a girl who probably thought the world of him. It really is ironic. If he had done it to her then it's no surprise he would do it to me. She and I are the same in some aspects.

If they went to a party together, does that mean Josh knows? Is that why he sticks so close to Chris even when he knows it's wrong? I don't get it. Why would they do this to people?! What do they gain from ruining the lives of innocent girls?! Why are they the fucking plague?! Are they that sick? Could this have all been planned as some sick joke or game to them?

"What's wrong?" I jumped at the sound of Andre's voice. I was in the living room when he decided to sleep his troubles away.

"Nothing," I quipped. He came up to me and stared me in the face. "W-What?"

"There's a fire in your eyes," he said. "And you look mad as hell."

"I am," I admitted. "After everything we talked about, there's a bunch of questions flying in my head."

"Like?"

"The biggest question would be 'why?' Why would he do this? What would he gain from sexually assaulting his cousin? Was Josh in on it? Why does he enjoy ruining the lives of innocent girls? Like, I feel so many things. Lost, paranoid, disgusted, confused. Did I really know that little about Josh and Chris?" Andre looked taken back a little. "I know I don't know your sister at all but...if he did do it then that means he scarred her so bad her only way out was death. The pain I felt for three years was nothing compared to what she felt. There's no comparing the two if you ask me. I admit, a part of me, the naïve part, was hoping that what he did to me that some way it was all a big mistake. That way in the future it would be easier to forgive and move on but if he did this before then that means there was no mistake. There's no chance of redemption and no chance of forgiving him."

"Calm down," Andre said grabbing my shaking hands. "I have to admit, I'm glad to see that you feel my pain. It makes me glad that I trusted you with this. It's nice to know someone is on my side. But nothing is concrete. Who's to say that he did assault her? At this point it's just a possibility, a very real one, but one nevertheless. Chris and Josh know me well enough to know I do not play when it comes to people close to me. Even as stupid ass kids they knew my sister meant everything to me and I would literally kill for her. I doubt they'd do something that sadistic."

"But you did say you guys fought a lot as kids and from what I could tell they were never a match for you. Even if they concede to you constantly, they may harbor a much larger grudge towards you than you think."

"I thought that too," Andre said. "I guess I'm just hoping I'm right and they're too pussy to do anything like that to Mickey nonetheless."

"How are you so calm about this? They could've raped your sister! Shouldn't you be flipping out?"

He chuckled. "I wish more than anything I could flip out. The only thing I feel is sorrow. Like that was my baby you know? We were so close and told each other everything. I made it my business to always be there to protect her. And this time, I wasn't. I just let her go. She wouldn't even tell me."

"Don't," I said grabbing his face. "I'm a victim too. I know how she was feeling. It has nothing to do with you. It's just...the rape wasn't just physical. It was mental and psychological. She was betrayed by someone close to her. I'm sure she was blaming herself and thought you'd blame her too."

"Why the fuck would I blame her for something she had no control over? Something those sick fucks did to her," he snapped.

"Because she blamed herself. In just one instant she lost everything. Her innocence, self-worth, her sense of security. She developed anxiety and paranoia all in one package. She trusted them and herself and was let down. You can't blame her."

"So what if she trusted them? She only knew them for a few weeks. We've known each other since birth. I was always there for her. When people bullied her, I stood up for her. I never let anything happened to her. Why couldn't she just come to me man? That was my sister. My whole heart dog." He was getting emotional again. "Was I not good enough? Were we not as close as I thought?"

"It's because you guys were so close that it was so hard for her to open up. She lost a lot in one night. The fear of possibly losing you as well clouded everything. Don't blame her for a natural response to trauma. When you go through something like that, it's hard to bring those walls down. It's hard to trust anyone. Especially when you lost trust in yourself. In that moment, she trusted her decision to go and whatever happened there put her in a predicament where she felt let down by the one person who was never supposed to disappoint her. Herself. That battle she fought had nothing to do with the trust she had in you, it was all herself."

Andre

Who would've thought I would be here? Reliving the pain of losing my little sister. It's been ten years since her death and only just now is it coming to light why it could've happened. If someone would ask why she did it I never had an answer. It never made sense before. I should've seen the signs earlier.

She carried a huge burden and was too terrified to come to us, to me. She shouldn't have to be scared though. We were family. We would've protected her. I would've protected her. I would've given my life for my little sister man.

"I'm going to kill them," I mumbled as anger took over my entire body. Those two. Sat in our faces for ten years, pretending not to know why. Pretending to know nothing. They lied to us, to me. I know we never got along but we deserved the truth. I deserved to know what happened to my little sister.

"Don't," Kayla begged. "I know you're upset right now. They deserve everything that's coming to them. But you should let a higher power deal with them. Karma is coming for them. Don't do anything at the expense of yourself."

"At the expense of myself," I mumbled. I was reminded of something between me and my sister.

~~~~~Flashback~~~~~

"Dre," she huffed. "Why do you always do this?" She was tending to the cuts I had on my knuckles from punching this kid in the mouth, and possibly making him swallow a tooth. "Why do you always get into fights?"

"Because someone is always testing me," I growled. "He shouldn't have said shit to you."

"But you're hurt and you're going to get into trouble."

"I don't care Mickey. I'm your older brother. It's my job to protect you. No matter what."

"But not at the expense of yourself. What if you get into serious trouble huh?! How are you supposed to protect me then?" Seeing the tears in her eyes made everything in my body freeze. "Protecting someone doesn't always mean you have to throw away your chances and opportunities. You don't have to throw away your life to protect someone you care about. If he presses charges, I won't see you again. You don't always have to resort to violence to solve your problems. You might be my older brother but you don't always have to protect me. If you always protect me then how am I supposed to learn protect myself?"

~~~~~Flashback over~~~~~

It's funny how I'm just now remembering this. I guess when she died I tried burying her memory away. Too afraid to bring up anything for fear of breaking down again.

"I know you're hurt," she continued. "They deserve every ounce of your rage. But don't sacrifice yourself. Please?"

"I won't," I mumbled. It was quiet between us. I chuckled a bit. "It's scary just how alike you two are. You even gave me the same advice she did some time ago."

"I'm going to take that as a compliment." I could tell she was smiling.

"You should," I smiled a small smile. It quickly fell as my mind wandered to a dark place. "Did you think about...killing yourself?"

"Just about every day," she whispered.

"What stopped you?"

"I was afraid of leaving my mom alone. I was afraid of who might've found my body and how that would've affected them. I was afraid no one would remember me. I was afraid of dying. I was just...afraid in general. Taking a life, even if it's your own, is not something you do lightly. I just dealt with it the best way I could because I guess a part of me knew it wasn't my time to go just yet. I think I was waiting for something this whole time."

"I see. You kept fighting while she gave up. There's something you two don't have in common."

"Don't say that. She didn't give up. She fought long and hard. Some battles are meant to be lost and others are meant to be won. She chose the path she felt was right. Don't slander her name and memory because you're hurt. She went through something most people can't handle. Who's to say she was looking for the perfect moment to end it all? If she really wanted to die she would've done it in private. She wouldn't have waited until she was with you to do it. She wouldn't traumatize you like that. I know it."

At that moment, I saw Kayla in a new light. She was so shy and reserved. But I had no idea she had so much strength to her. It's like whatever was holding her back from showing this was now gone. She was uplifted in a way that doesn't seem possible. She's so much more powerful now. And she's all mines.

I buried my face in her neck as I inhaled her sweet scent. My foggy mind was getting clearer. I still felt a burning rage in every crevice of my body. I still want to strangle those two. Beat their asses to a bloody pulp. But that won't solve anything. Fighting is always a temporary solution to a permanent problem. Hitting them in the face, breaking bones won't bring my little sister back. But I'll be damned if I let any of them get away with that shit. They hit me where it hurts so now it's time to hit them back.

"Promise me something," I mumbled into her shoulder. "No matter the bullshit, drama, or whatever comes next, promise you'll stand by me. You're the only thing that can keep me clear and focused. I've broken down my charade. I need your support Kayla. You're my crutch."

"I promise," she whispered. "I'll stand with you Andre." I smiled as I held her closer to me.