Chapter 1 - Continuation

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Adena was putting the last dish away when she noticed Taye come out and get a bag together. Wait a fucking minute. She was more pissed now because he didn't bother to help after she shouted at him that she needed help. Verbatim. Taye walked in and set the pizza box on the counter, "You want these last two pieces?"

"No," she said.

"Fine-"

"Where do you think you're going?" she demanded. Was he going home to stay with his mom? Why? To prove a point? Because she was so bossy?? Why was he so intent on making such a simple situation ten times worse???

Taye blinked at her; he closed his eyes and inhaled. He exhaled, "Where do I THINK I'm going??"

"Yes-"

"I KNOW that I'm going to the fucking gym. 100%, actually. I've never seen bums with six packs, so I figured I should work on the only good thing going for me right now-"

Alright, she gave up. This was going too far now. They've said some hurtful things to each other. She'll take the 'L' and apologize before it worsens. She didn't want to go to bed by herself again. She hated going to bed angry. Her mom always said...

Never mind. He slept on the couch last night, and she didn't like that it was starting to become a pattern. She sighed.

"Yeah, go ahead and sigh. You don't want me to do that either, huh? You said I needed a routine. Right? Well, you know what? I have a routine. I've been going to the gym every single night. It's a LOT OF WORK, but I do it. Every single night. But that's not good enough for you either. What do you want me to do?-"

"I'm sighing because I'm tired-"

"What would you like me to do, Adena!? What can I do besides taking orders from you like I'm a fucking lap dog or a child or one of Donatella's employees? Huh?! What would make this all perfect for you!?!?"

Wow. She was so taken aback that she didn't have a response. Who was this person? He's never accused her of something like this before. He would never talk like that at all.

Taye sighed. Wow, nothing. That's a first. Who was this person? Was Dena trying to come out and apologize, or was he a fuck up once again and ruined her night as usual?

Adena gulped and turned back to the sink. Her throat was dry. It's like his words and his energy were sucking the life out of her. She also had to hold back her tears. If she cried now, she didn't know if she could stop. And this person in front of her didn't seem the type that would hold her and tell her it was ok. He didn't even apologize, and he probably won't. "Have fun" was all she could say.

She didn't know what to say. Nothing could fix this.

Taye scoffed. Yep, no Dena. God forbid that Mrs. Adena would apologize. She was always right, after all. "Have fun," he repeated. "I think I will. Actually, I know I will," he said as he put his gym bag over his shoulder. "I don't think I'll be home before curfew. It's late already..."

Jesus fucking Christ. When was he going to stop?! She got it. She heard him loud and clear.

"Don't wait up...Mom," he said as he walked out of the kitchen, down the hall, and slammed the door behind him.

She gasped once he called her that. Now, not only was she speechless, but she couldn't think either. She stood there and stared at the sink. But she couldn't see it because she had checked out. She stood there for who knows how long, stoic, staring into space.

Then she came back to earth, blinking back a couple of tears that threatened to fall and shaking her head. Just shake it off, Adena. Just shake it off.

She put the leftover pieces of pizza in the fridge. She fixed some leftover pasta and then took the food into the bedroom. She sat on the bed, pulled a tray up, set her plate on it, and watched tv. Even with the tv on, it was too quiet. It made her feel lonely. Now she wished she could hear Taye and his friends hollering over whatever game they were playing, no matter how annoying. It would fill the space. She turned up the tv but barely ate. She no longer had an appetite. She sighed and put the tray and plate aside. She sat there and stared into space again. Who knew what was on TV? She wasn't watching it. When she returned to earth again, she realized she had been cracking her knuckles repeatedly.

Old habits die hard, I guess, Taye had said.

She always needed to keep her hands busy. What usually helped was Taye taking her hands in his and massaging them, lotioning them up, and kissing them. Just holding them and not letting them go. She reached into the drawer on the nightstand next to her. She pulled out whatever she could grab first without moving at all. She had no energy. She sighed and started to knit. Then she stopped.

A 23-year-old...knitting...? Was she becoming a mini version of her mother? Of Donatella? To be fair, her grandmother taught her everything she knew about knitting, not her mom. She used to say, "It will help calm you down. Keep you off that computer and cell phone. It may be boring, but you are actually creating a masterpiece out of nothing. All you have is this thread and needle. The possibilities are endless. And that's how life is, sweetie. You are only given what's essential; the rest...whatever masterpiece you create is up to you. And I know you'll make something beautiful because you're a masterpiece too."

Adena let the tears she held back fall on her unfinished masterpiece. She didn't even know what she was making. She just needed it to calm down. She really missed her grandma. She really missed her mom. She longed for the old days. When it was easier, she was an old soul. So what? It didn't matter much then. She was content with sitting on the porch at home on Long Island, in her mini version of her mom and grandma's rocking chairs her dad had made, and knit alongside her mom (yes, grandma taught her too) and grandma. Dad would call them The Golden Girls.

Hmmm, she wondered if that was on right now. Yes, she loved The Golden Girls. It was a timeless classic. You should have seen this coming anyway once she started knitting...

They would knit in silence and enjoy the calming ocean breeze, or she would listen to Mom and Grandma's G-rated versions of the latest gossip. They couldn't say too much when she was around. But she didn't care. She just liked being there. Her friends were always shooed away by their parents. Not mom and grandma; they loved having her around, and they treated her like an adult sometimes. That made her feel special.

Was that why she's so "serious"? Has she outgrown Taye? Did she grow up too fast because of that? Matured way too quickly?

No. No. He's just having a hard time. Everyone is having a hard time. Job or not. She was so in love with him that it would be impossible to outgrow him, right?

But just as quickly, Adena's mind flew to the opposite side of the spectrum. No, she wasn't too mature. Maybe not at all. She realized she's been taking all the work stress out on Taye. She's had to pick up the slack, and it was starting to get to her. She was always tired. 7 am to 7 pm every day. No, she was still young and naive. Grown women balance so many things at once every day, and here she was feeling lonely, hoping that Taye would come right back and get in bed and lay beside her tonight. She loved him and wanted him to come home. She sent a few texts and calls, but maybe he needs space from her right now. It's her fault. If she had let it go, it would be different. She never liked sleeping alone...

And only little girls couldn't handle that.

*

Surefooted and thoroughly practical, in the end, the Capricorn Goat always reaches the heights, beating others who are faster but less determined.

*

Adena was fast asleep when Taye finally came back. Unbeknownst to him, he didn't do too good of a job sneaking back in, but he made sure to use the bathroom in the hall not to disturb Adena. He didn't want to risk waking her up and getting into another fight. It was too late and too early for that, and he was no longer in the mood for conflict.

Still too late. Adena had woken up when the door opened because it was pretty squeaky. She had asked him to call maintenance or to try to figure out how to fix the squeaking himself. It probably needed something as simple as WD-40, but she would have to handle it. Like everything else lately. Maybe she just needed to be more independent. If something needed fixing and it was simple enough for her to do it, there would be no need to ask him, only to be ignored. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. She heard him try his best to walk in without making any noise. She heard him set his gym bag down, and he walked blindly in the dark as he undressed.

"Ow shit," she heard him groan. She rolled her eyes but closed them immediately when she felt him lay beside her gingerly. She pretended to sleep as she felt him try to get comfortable. She was lying on her side, but her back was to him. She expected him to get in their default sleeping position. He was always the big spoon. He would usually lay behind her, burying his face into the back of her neck or hair. He would wrap his free arm around her and hold her close. She would wiggle closer to him and get comfortable and immediately knock out.

Once you get used to sleeping next to someone, especially the person you love, it is hard to shake that habit. Instead of a favorite teddy bear or "blankie," she needed him to sleep. His warm body close to her, being held, the sound of his breathing, his soft breath on her neck, was the white noise that would be her lullaby.

But that didn't happen. He lay a few inches away from her, and in a few short minutes, she knew he was asleep because he started to snore. He never used to snore before; it only recently happened. She had told him to see a doctor about it, but you can guess what happened or what didn't happen once she told him to do that. She pulled the covers closer to her body and positioned herself into a smaller fetal position, hugging herself in his absence, though he was right there. She could roll over and be the big spoon, whisper she loved him, and hopefully, he wouldn't still be upset with her when they woke up later.

She glanced at the clock and couldn't help but gasp. She didn't care if he heard or not. She thought she had slept for maybe an hour tops, but the clock had just changed from 4:59 to 5:00. AM. She had to wake up in half an hour.

Why the hell was he coming back so late? He left sometime after 9 pm last night. He said he was going to the gym. He couldn't have been working out for 8 hours. He probably went to his boy's place and continued the game from where they left off when they were playing here. Why didn't they kick him out hours ago? They had to go to work too. Maybe he passed out, and they decided not to disturb him...

But something still didn't feel right, like she was convincing herself that was what happened.

What else could have happened? He may have gone for a run to get fresh air and ended up at his friend's place later on...

It still didn't make her feel better that he was coming back so late. He should have been back at midnight at the latest. Yea, he didn't need to be anywhere in the morning. Yea, he was a grown-ass man. Yea, he didn't have a curfew. But he was a MARRIED man. He should've known better. She sighed again, and there was no point in trying to know what he should have known; he was constantly proving her wrong.

Did he really not care anymore? Did he stay out as late as he possibly could out of spite?

Her anxiety wouldn't let her sleep, so she turned her alarm off. She wasn't going to sleep at all now. There was no point in having a blaring alarm wake him up too. She didn't want to deal with him at all. He could sleep all day because she was still too upset to fight about it.

She lay in bed for as long as she could and tried to calm herself down, but it didn't work. Once 5:30 came around, she sucked it up, wiped her tears, and sat up in bed. For a split second, she thought about going back to bed. Hide under the covers until she was ready to come out again, but Taye was still there. She would rather work than play hooky, only to eventually fight with him before lunch. They also couldn't afford it. She couldn't take any days off until Taye got himself back on his feet.

Which also depressed her because when the hell would that be?

*

The cardinal signs must put their resources to good use. Earth resources represent practical skills: material, financial, and social resources that can be used to further an ambition.

*

Adena moved slower than usual because of the disturbance and why. She had some green tea and a quick breakfast and returned to their bathroom. She sighed when she saw Taye's clothes on the floor. Granted, he probably couldn't see since he snuck in in the dark, but the damn hamper wasn't that far away...and hadn't moved. She picked them up and put them in the hamper herself. Then she stopped when she saw something. Maybe her mind was playing tricks on her, she was still half asleep, or she only turned one small lamp on so she could go about her day and get ready but not disturb him. She leaned in and picked up his shirt. It was red. Well, it had a red mark on it of some sort, and unfortunately, she knew what "sort" it was.

Lipstick.

She scoffed, "That has to be ketchup," she said to herself, "Or some type of sauce...it's mine, maybe it's mine..." she said, but of course, that wasn't the case. She was so tired and had been working overtime that she didn't have the time or desire to be in a position to get lipstick on his shirt. And it hurt just knowing that as well.

But what hurt more was that this trace of lipstick was not hers. And it did not come from her.

Was he seeing someone else?! How could he? After all they have been through, all the years together and the 'I love you's, and the 'til death do us part's...this is what he does??? While she is out busting her ass, he's out doing this?! She didn't expect much!! She just expected to be loved and someone to be faithful to her. Simple. Being taken seriously also helps...as well as privacy, commitment, and wanting a home to raise a family. But every girl wants those things. She doesn't ask for much!!!!!!

She turned and looked at him as he lay asleep peacefully in bed. Not a care in the world. For her or their marriage. She should shove this shirt down his throat...

Breathe. Just shake it off, Adena. Just shake it off.

Now wasn't the time to fly off the handle. No. She tried to shake those thoughts out of her head. Taye loves her, and she loves him. Things have been rocky since being laid off. And maybe it was something going on deeper that she may have missed. Was he depressed? Did he have a drinking problem and possibly put himself into a situation that wouldn't have happened sober? What was it? What would make him do such a thing??

No, this would not be the new normal for them. No. That's not how they rolled. Never. However it happened, it happened, and he...they would have to deal with it to be normal again. And they'll be normal soon. They had to be. Divorce or separation was not an option. They barely used most of their wedding gifts, and they haven't even celebrated their first anniversary yet. What an embarrassment.

They had to fix this. She had to fix this. If you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself. And that's just what she'll do.

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Spiritual Goal: To learn to understand the feelings and needs of other people.

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