Bennett's POV

''I was going to ask what you did to Alex, because she just ran away crying, but it looks like you're as messed up as she is.'' I look up to find Anna entering the classroom.

I sigh at my friend and pass my hand through my hair, frustration deep in me.

The moment Alex left, I regretted it. Every single word that came out of my mouth, so I just sat here and felt like shit. So yeah, Anna is right, I am a mess.

''She was crying?'' I ask to confirm, already knowing that she was, because I could barely keep myself under control when I saw the tears.

I wanted to tell her that it wasn't true, pull her close and never let her go. I wanted to tell her that all I want is to kiss her again, like we kissed before.

But I didn't and I hate the fact that I was angry to the point I became irrational with my words.

That's not who I am, and I feel sad.

''What happened?'' She asks and I sigh again. I could lie or keep it from her, but Anna knows everything, so I see no point. Also, I could use someone to talk to right now.

''She thought I was going to Stanford because of her, which is–''

''True.'' She cuts me off. ''Partially at least.''

I look at her for a second, before nodding. I can't say it's not true, at least a little bit. Alex is one of the reasons why I want to go away. In my twisted mind, it's the only way I can completely forget her and move on with my life.

Stanford did offer me a full scholarship and I can do whatever research I want. MIT also offered me a full scholarship, but I have to research their interests. Work on my own research or have someone telling me what to do? The first option is a dream come true to every scientist, so what choice did I have? I couldn't say no to Stanford.

MIT is my dream school, so I considered for a second if accepting Stanford was a good idea, but with the scholarship and going away from Alex as a huge plus, the decision was clear for me.

At least it became clear that night when Dylan told me they are still together. I didn't know for sure until that moment.

However, I never thought making this decision would make me feel so sad and empty.

I'm angry because I finally thought Alex cared about me enough to break up with Dylan, but I was wrong.

The reason I went to talk to her in the classroom was because I knew why I was mad, but I couldn't see a reason why she was pissed at me.

She's mad at me for not telling her I'm going away. What makes me even angrier is that even if she shows she cares about me, she's still with Dylan.

This is why I was so mad, so I told she's not important, but how could I be so stupid? She's the most important person in my life. I don't know why I said otherwise.

''I know how you feel and I don't know what went down between the two of you, but she said that liking you makes no difference, so I thought–'' My eyes dart to her and I cut her off.

''She said what?'' Is it ridiculous that I suddenly feel hope again? I hate these feelings swing I seem to be in. It makes me emotional and I don't like it.

I feel hope, suddenly I don't, then I'm back to being hopeful. Fuck, I hate this so much.

''She likes you, Bennett.'' I hold my breath. ''She's scared that you're going away. I guess it's not about you not telling her, I think she doesn't want you to go.''

''No. she's dating my brother.''

''Well, yeah, but things change, right?" I nod. Do things actually change? I can't seem to change my feelings for her, so could this possibly be true?

"Look, I think you two should talk, for real. Not the crap you call having a conversation. You two have a serious communication issue."

Yeah, I guess we do.

Which makes me wonder, what did she want to tell me that day? Was it that she likes me? I thought she was going to say they broke up, but if they are still together, then I don't know.

If she likes me, why the fuck is she dating him? That makes no sense.

"She won't talk to me anyway, not after what I said."

"Whatever you said, just apologize, it's that simple."

Anna sounds a lot like Lilly and I consider what she said.

''I think it's a bit too late for us.'' I say, honestly.

Anna sighs and takes a step forward to give me a hug, that makes me freeze in place.

"I'll miss your stubborn ass when we go to college." I can't help but smile.

For someone who never had many friends, I seem to have the best ones.

"Now go fix it. It's not too late, just stop being an idiot."

She's right, I am being an idiot. Could I fix it though?

I wish I could go back in time and tell Alex about my feelings a long time ago. Even if all she could see was Dylan, I would have gotten this out of my chest and worked around it, not letting my crush turn into so much more.

You know what? I need to talk to Lilly. She's been my sounding board through all of this, even when she drives me completely crazy.

After Anna and I part ways, I get on my jeep to go home. I promised my mom I would help her with some shit or whatever, so talking to Lilly will have to wait, much to my dislike.

All I know is that I'll be stressing over this the entire day.

........................

It's too late when I go to Lilly's house. Helping my mom was torture. Not only did it take way longer than expected, she kept asking me a bunch of questions about how I'm feeling, because I look like a nervous wreck. Her words, not mine.

I dodged every single question, but she knows me too well and was even trying asking about Alex, but I didn't even let her finish the question, so she didn't push.

I always thought she didn't know how I feel about Alex, but after today, I think she does.

I park the car in front of Lilly's house and I take a moment to collect my thoughts. I pass my hand through my hair, frustration still much alive in me.

I can't knock on her door like a normal person, because it's past eleven and I don't know her parents that well, so I do what any teenager does.

I round the house to climb her window, which is harder than it looks, because well, I'm not athletic.

I knock on the window and wait for her to see me. Maybe she'll be scared because I just climbed the side of her house and she's definitely not expecting to see me here.

As I imagined, the moment she realizes I'm outside her room, she widens her eyes and takes her hand to her heart, as if I scared her to death.

''What the hell are you doing here?'' Lilly opens the window and looks at me, as if I lost my mind. Well, maybe I have. ''Are you ok?''

''Not really.'' One look at me and it's so obvious that I'm not acting normal that my answer is practically unnecessary. ''I could use a friend right now. Can I come in?''

She sighs and gets herself out of the way, so I can enter the room, with a loud thud.

I look around and control myself not to complain about how messy her room is. How can anyone live with so many clothes and stuff scattered everywhere?

''Don't you dare say my room is messy.'' I smirk. I guess Lilly knows me too well.

''I won't.'' I pause and she sits on her bed. As if she could find an empty space to sit, but whatever. ''but that doesn't mean it's not true.''

''I'm ready to kick you out where you came from, so...''

''No need.'' I take a pile of clothes from her chair and put them on the desk, so I can sit.

''What's going on? Are you here to tell me how you fucked up with Alex?'' I nod.

''She told you?'' It's obviously a rhetorical question.

"She did and damn, it was pretty fucked up. What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't." It's all I can say, because it's the only logical explanation.

"Clearly."

"I don't know what to do." I press my temple, because I'm here for her to help me, not call my shit, even if I deserve it.

She keeps looking at me as I pace from one side to the other and for the first time, I think Lilly doesn't know what to say.

There's a lot going on in my mind and if it's true that Alex likes me, Lilly is the one who knows about it.

"You know Anna, that friend of mine?" She nods for me to continue. "She told me Alex has feelings for me. Is it true?"

She sighs, taking a pillow and hugging it in front of her.

"Yes, it's true." I suddenly feel like sitting again and I'm thankful I took all Lilly's clothes out of the way.

"Why you never told me?" I ask, standing up again.

"I was pushing her to tell you and trust me, I was being very pushy." Well, it's not Lilly's fault Alex didn't tell me. "Also, it's quite recent, I guess."

Maybe that's what she wanted to say to me that day. It makes sense, right?

"She came to my house one night and told me that she realized something.'' That got my attention and I stop pacing for a second, looking at her. ''She said I was right, that she likes you.''

''What did she tell you?'' She doesn't reply fast enough and I can't wait. ''Lilly, what the fuck did she tell you?''

''Relax, ok? She said she saw you coming back from a date and kissing a girl, got jealous and that's when she realized she actually likes you.''

"Date? What date?" I ask, more to myself.

Shit, that time I was helping Nancy and she kissed me? Alex saw that? Well, she probably didn't see the part where I didn't kiss her back. I tell Lilly what happened and she listens quietly, which is unusual of her.

"That makes more sense. I meant to ask you, but somehow we never talked about it. I was trying to figure out how you ended up on a date after... well, after everything."

"It wasn't a date. But, Alex was jealous of me?'' My heart starts beating faster and my hands are suddenly sweaty.

''Yes. I made her promise she would talk to you, but then the whole Stanford thing happened and you had to mess it up by telling her she's not important to you.''

I want to facepalm myself. What did I do?

''I ruined it?'' I feel my eyes burn and I hate the fact that I'm about to cry. I hardly ever cry, but feeling like I let the girl of my dreams slip through my fingers is one of the situations I definitely would cry about, even not wanting to.

Lilly looks at me concerned, probably because my face is turning red. She shakes her head though.

''I don't think it's ruined. She's hurt, yes. but you do love her, right?'' I immediately nod. "She is upset about Stanford, which by the way, it's quite surprising, even for me. Don't get me wrong, but I didn't grow up with you and even I know you're weirdly obsessed with MIT."

"I know. Stanford offered me a better deal." She nods too, serious this time.

"Is that all?" She narrows her eyes at me.

"What can I say? It was always hard for me to listen to our parents say that it would be great for us to be friends in college and I always liked the idea, for obvious reasons. That changed when she started dating Dylan and I lost all hope."

I blunt my heart out. It feels good to have friends you can talk to like this.

"Only she's not dating Dylan anymore." Lilly doesn't know? What the hell am I missing in all this?

"Yeah, she is. Dylan showed me some messages she sent him, recent messages and they are pretty much together."

"What?" That's the moment hell breaks loose. If I thought that I'm irrational when I'm angry, hell, Lilly is way worse.

She looks like she might literally kill someone and I look out the window to have a escape plan in case she loses her shit.

"I can't fucking believe it. It's not true, Alex wouldn't hide this from me and your brother, well, he can't really be trusted."

"I know." Lilly knows about all the lies. Like I said, she's my sounding board and we do text a lot. "But I saw the texts. If it weren't for those, I wouldn't believe him either."

She looks at me and blinks one, two, three times until her eyes widen and it's like it suddenly makes sense to her.

"They have been texting lately. I think he's trying to get closer to her again. I need to have a serious conversation with Alex."

I nod, because I don't know what else to say. I feel better after talking to Lilly, but well, if there's one thing I know is that Alex is in big trouble.

I wouldn't cross Lilly's way when she's pissed.

.........................

Alex's POV

I thought that sleeping with Dylan would make it all go away.

I was wrong.

I thought it would wash away whatever feelings I have for Bennett. I thought it would remind me why I love Dylan so much, why we're perfect for each other, but all it made me feel was like shit.

It was good, don't get me wrong. A bit awkward at first, but I guess first times are usually awkward, right?

Although I always planned my first time to be with Dylan, I never thought it was going to happen in his friend's dorm in a not so romantic moment. I dreamed about something completely different.

The real problem is actually that after we were done, all I could think about was Bennett. His hurtful words kept playing on my mind, mixed with how I feel about him.

There's no doubt by now that my feelings for him are stronger than I thought. This is what sex with Dylan showed me.

Too bad it's too late for us. That is, if there was even a chance, because from what he said, he definitely doesn't feel the same way about me.

He doesn't care about me like that. Not anymore at least. Not ever maybe.

You're not that important.

''Are you ok?'' My mom asks as she walks in my room, these thoughts in my mind. I've been moping around for the past few days, just leaving my room to get food and ice cream and immediately coming back, like it's a cave or something.

I only do that when I'm sad, because we usually need to buy extra buckets of ice-cream.

I'm sitting on my bed, my legs crossed as I hug my lifelong friend, Mr. Teddy bear. I know I'm not a kid anymore and shouldn't care about stuffed animals, but somehow it brings me comfort.

I look up to find her soft, but inquisitive eyes on me.

''I don't know.'' I fit my hand as I nervously check my nails, completely bitten. I could lie, but I don't have it in me to say that I feel fine.

''Is this about Dylan?'' She sits next to me and I look at her. It takes me a few seconds to nod and she waits for me to say something. How did she get this right?

It could be a million things, like not getting accepted at BU, but I still didn't receive the letter, so...

I consider not telling her about what happened with Dylan, but I don't really see the point. I figure I should just tell her.

''Promise me you won't get mad?'' She smiles and takes a strand of my hair in her hand and puts it behind my ear, as a gesture to tell me that she will not get mad at whatever I have to say. ''We had sex.''

I guess she wasn't expecting that, because she seems surprised for a moment, but recovers fast enough. It's not every day your baby girl tells you she lost her virginity and if I wasn't in such a bad place right now, I would laugh at her face.

''Oh! Was it ok? You don't seem happy.'' She studies me. ''Alex, did he force you?''

I feel the concern in her voice and I widen my eyes, because that's definitely not it.

''NO, no, not at all. I actually was the one who started it. It's just...'' I pause, not knowing what to say to her, but she finishes for me.

''He's not the one?'' My eyes dart to her. How does she know... again? She smiles. ''Look, I've been through something similar, I mean, nothing like falling in love with my boyfriend's brother, but—''

I cut her off immediately. ''What? What do you mean falling in love with my boyfriend's brother?'' She gives me a sympathetic look.

''Oh honey, I know you are kind of oblivious, you've always been, but it's quite obvious that you have strong feelings for Bennett. You might not realize that yourself yet, but you do.'' She pauses and I blink at her a few times, trying to make sense of what she's saying. ''I was surprised when you said you and Dylan went all the way, not because you had sex, I knew this would happen eventually, but I'm more surprised that it was with Dylan.''

I just keep looking at her like she said the most absurd thing on the planet. She's surprised I had sex with Dylan instead of Bennett?

This is crazy.

I'm not in love with Bennett.

Am I?

Right, I know now I might have decided to have sex with Dylan for all the wrong reasons and I do realize I have strong feelings for his brother, but being in love?

No, I like Bennett, yes, but that's it.

''You will have to figure out your feelings. All I wanted to say is that it's ok if you realize that being with Dylan wasn't what you expected. I also didn't end up with my first one. It wasn't a great experience and well, I married your dad, who is amazing, so things worked out just fine.''

''I don't think I want to hear about your sexual experiences.'' I frown, but she just laughs, standing up to leave. If she starts telling me about her and my dad, I'm out of here in a heartbeat.

''It will be fine, Alex. Just allow yourself to accept your feelings and everything will be fine.'' She says, already leaving the room.

She leaves me with a bunch of information that I don't know how to deal with.

Accept my feelings? What the hell does she mean?

I think about Bennett and all the things that happened between us and how he makes me feel. Safe, happy, confident somehow, he even makes me feel smart.

I unlock my phone to look at a picture of him. I go through my photo album and scrolling up, I realize there are a lot of photos of him.

Photos I took without him noticing, when we were studying, just hanging out, with our families, at class, well, it's really a lot.

I open one in particular that I took when we were studying for an exam. I remember that day. We are at the library and I was done studying. He's looking at his book, smiling as he pretends he didn't see me taking a photo of him - which he never really liked, but allowed me to do.

Flashbacks of moments we had come to my mind, even the small details, how he opens the door for me, the way he touched my hand without intending to, how he held me while we kissed.

My heart starts beating fast with all the memories until it hits me pretty hard. I don't like Bennett.

I'm completely in love with him.

.......................

Hello Lovely Readers,

I hope you're doing well! My apologies for taking so long to update! It has been a crazy busy week, so I couldn't post.

We're sooo close to the end! I wanted to finish the book before the end of the year, but I couldn't, although it was close.

ALEX FINALLY ACCEPTED SHE'S IN LOVE WITH BENNETT! Yes, all in capital letters, because. it's like ahhhhh, really finally!!  What do you think will happen next?

What do you think of this chapter? How will it end?? Please share your thoughts with me, because I'm beyond excited and curious with your opinions!

Comment and vote <3

Love always,

Me