I feel like my entire world is upside down.

Since I realized a few days ago that I actually have more feelings for Bennett than I thought, things have been different.

Well, not only that, but I was actually planning on talking to Bennett about all of this, but then saw him and Nancy - I finally know her name now - talking on Monday and an entire story went through my mind.

I couldn't hear them, but I think they were saying how much they enjoyed going out and were planning a second date, where they would kiss again. In fact, they will probably go to an empty classroom to spend time together, because they can't wait for the weekend.

Argh, this makes me sick.

I can't take his kiss with Nancy out of my mind. Whenever I think about what I saw and pictures of them are back on my mind, I give up even more this stupid idea of talking to him because well, if it's not true that he likes me, I would be mortified. Also devastated.

Not to mention that it's not like I want to ask him what happened with Kate because last time I checked, they were still together. At least it's what he said in the college fair, right?

I don't know, I have a very creative mind and I have no idea how to deal with the million scenarios I'm creating. Maybe I should be a writer.

Apart from that confusion in my head, I have to tell you that Dylan and I actually talked after that day when I broke up with him. It was completely different from what I expected, to be honest. I thought he was going to be cocky like "you're the one missing out", but no.

He was kind and nice and it made things harder for me.

"How have you been?" Dylan asked me after he ordered us some burgers. He asked if we could talk at the local diner while having dinner and although I hesitated at first, because I didn't want him to think it was a date, I ended up agreeing to it.

In which alternative universe I would consider saying no to a date with Dylan?! I must have lost my mind.

Not being his girlfriend for the past few days felt weird. Not only you're tired of me saying that dating him is what I expected my whole life, but we actually dated for many months, so I guess I got used to it.

I had time to think. I do miss him, even if I realized I don't love him, he's still important to me.

Anyway, I looked at those expectant blue eyes and I couldn't help but think that he looked gorgeous. He has always been good looking, I'll give him that.

"I'm fine. Busy with school. The play is next week and I can't wait for school to be over." He nodded and waited for me to continue. I was waiting for him to make a comment about him, like how he's busy too, or how was when he was the star of the school play last year, but he didn't, so I asked. "What about you?"

"I'm ok." That was it. Just ok. Well, I guess he was not ok and it made me feel bad. "I asked you to meet me today because I wanted to apologize."

"What for?" I genuinely asked.

"Everything. I wasn't a good boyfriend. I realize that now and I'm so sorry. These past days made me think about how much I love you and I feel terrible for losing you."

My heart broke inside my chest and I reached for his hand over the table, but I let it go fast enough.

What if this is a mistake? I know I don't love him, but couldn't I actually love this Dylan?

"I don't know what to say, Dylan. I guess I just needed the space to figure things out." He nodded again, looking like a lost puppy.

"I know. I just want to be your friend and prove that I can be different than what I've been. Maybe we can be together again someday." I sighed.

Why couldn't he be like this before all this happened? Before I... well, before I realized I like Bennett?

"Maybe." I said, but I don't know if I meant it. "I want to be your friend though." This part I am sure of.

He's been in my life all my seventeen years of existence, I'm friends with his family, so I definitely want to be his friend.

We went on talking about many things and for the first time, he was showing he was really interested in my things. He asked about the play, about college, he even asked about Lilly and it felt great. I felt like he was actually wanting to be there for me.

I also took the opportunity that we were in a good conversation to ask about something that's been bothering me since we broke up.

"That day you said you knew Bennett was coming after me. What did you mean?" I studied his face, looking for a sign that this talk would go downhill, but he just sighed and fitted the table, looking sad.

"Bennett is not a nice person, Alex. I know you two are friends and all, but all he wants is to get into your pants." Ok, well, I wasn't expecting that and I'm pretty sure my face was telling him this. "This is what he does. Trust me, I've seen it happen before. He pretends to be friends with someone, but in reality he's trying to get closer to... sorry, I shouldn't say this, he's my brother."

I love that Dylan is concerned about Bennett and doesn't want to say bad things about him.  Bennett for sure doesn't hold back his opinion when it comes to Dylan.

Once again, I found myself contemplating a different version of Bennett. A version I don't know and especially a version I have a hard time believing, but I was curious. I needed to know more.

If that's true, then I don't want to have feelings for him. As if I could control, but still...

"It's ok, I want to know." He nodded and continued, a deep frown on his face.

"I heard him on the phone once with a friend of his, from nerd camp or whatever, he was saying that he was almost getting it with you, whatever that means. I confronted him and he almost punched me, telling me that it's none of my business. I said he's a fucking player and made clear that if he hurt you, he would have to deal with me and that was it. I had to keep an eye on him, because I knew he was coming after you."

I look at him completely shocked, my mouth hanging open. That's not the Bennett I know. He is caring, easygoing and so amazing that I can't believe that this happened.

"Bennett always envied me, you know? That's why he resents me, because I'm a football player, I have friends, I have you. Well, I had you." The sad look on his face made my heart twist a little.

I don't know how to deal with all this information. Bennett does resent Dylan, but I thought it was for other reasons. He told me Dylan bullied him all his life and I've seen how he treats his brothers.

I don't know who to believe anymore.

What if this is true and Bennett is the bad guy in all this? The wolf in sheep's clothing.

No, that's not Bennett.

So if what Dylan said is not true, then he's one hell of a liar, but it didn't look like he was lying. Why would he?

Maybe he just wants to protect me. Maybe he does love me.

Also, if I think about it, even if it's hard to see Bennett as a player, because it's completely nonsense, what if it's true? Think about it, Kate, me, Nancy... It all makes sense now, right?

For someone who is a loner, he sure seems to have a lot of girls on his feet, and I'm about to enter the list.

I couldn't focus on anything else after what Dylan said, so he drove me home and that was it.

The day after, he sent me a bunch of gifs, memes that made me laugh and texted me in the morning.

I hope your day goes well. I know you'll nail the final exam. :)

It was nice of him and I texted him later to tell him how the exam went. Actually, we texted each other throughout the entire day.

"What are you doing?" Lilly's disapproving voice startled me as I replied to one of Dylan's texts. "Please, tell me you're not texting Dylan."

I don't reply and I shove the phone inside my hoodie.

"Oh Alex, you've got to be kidding me."

"We're just texting Lil, it's not a big deal. Can't we be friends?"

"No." She's quick to say. "Dylan is a manipulative bitch and I will not let you fall for his bullshit again."

Lilly is even more pissed off with Dylan than she's ever been, because I told her what he said about Bennett and let's just say that her answer was "that fucking motherfucker son of a bitch is lying", so yeah, she didn't believe him.

She reminded me of how much Bennett has done for me, been by my side, helped me, etc, etc and not only you can't fake that, but he's amazing with everyone, so now I really don't know who to believe.

I can't see Bennett being a bad person for one bit, so I don't know.

"I'm not falling for anyone's bullshit. Again, we're just talking. I don't want to get back together with him, we're just friends." Although I'm confused.

"You know what? I've made a huge mistake of not telling you about Bennett's confession after that summer and I'm not making the same mistake twice." Come again?

"What are you saying?" I ask, kind of panicking, hoping that she doesn't mean what I think she means.

"Either you tell him or I will." Yep, exactly what I thought. She wants me to tell Bennett I like him.

"You can't do that!" I take my hand to my heart.

"Try me. I am so sick of you two not realizing you are perfect for each other. Like P-E-R-F-E-C-T! You're texting Dylan and I'm so not letting him get into your head again."

I keep looking at her quite shocked. Lilly is threatening me. I don't know how to deal with that.

"In her defense, I do think you two would look great together." Harris' voice suddenly echoes and I realize he was right behind her this whole time.

"Thanks, babe." She turns to him and pecks him on the lips, inflating her proud chest.

"You should put some sense into your girlfriend's head." I say to him, trying to get her out of the way.

"You know that's not happening, right?" He says and I smile, before I roll my eyes, at the same time that she crosses her arms.

"So? What do you say? Are you telling him or should I?"

I take a deep breath, knowing that I'm so screwed.

........................

Bennett's POV

It's been a few days since that day when Nancy kissed me and we came to terms that it didn't work for us. We talked at school on Monday and although I could tell she didn't agree much, I had to politely tell her that we should just be friends.

I mean, the fact that I didn't kiss her back should have been a hint, but I had to say the words.

As for Alex, I still haven't talked to her since that stupid party, even if I wanted to. She is acting weird and I don't know why.

She seems different, contemplative and a bit out of place at the same time, not to mention that she blushed the few times I caught her looking my way, which was also weird.

If in the past I'd thought that meant something, now I just don't care.

I mean, I do care, because I was also blushing looking at her and my mind is trying to make a big deal out of it, but I'm not letting it do it. Our eyes meeting across the room and both of us not being able to look away means absolutely nothing.

I have to believe this. I just have to.

We didn't talk, we didn't interact and right now, I'm not sure how to act around her. This precise moment being one example of it.

The school play is in less than two weeks, so we have to be at the rehearsal every day, making this a bit more complicated, as being around her is clouding my judgment.

We're not ignoring each other, we're simply not talking, so it's not like either of us is making efforts to talk while we're working with the rest of the staff on the final details of the scenario.

I'm working on the fake wall for the play when I look around and I realize there's no one else in the backstage besides me and her.

I look at her and can't help but think that she looks like a nervous wreck and all I want is to talk to her to make sure she's ok.

"Are you ok?" I finally ask. These are the first words I say to her in what feels like forever.

She looks up to meet my eyes, before looking around. It's like she just realized we're alone and it's almost funny to see her face when it hits her.

"I'm uhn, I'm fine. How are you?" She asks, as if she's talking to a stranger.

"I'm good." Ok, that's a weird conversation. "Are you sure you're ok?" She nods, fitting the floor.

She opens her mouth, but closes it before anything comes out of it. Then she does this again. I remain quiet, giving her space to collect her thoughts.

I'm absolutely sure at this point that she wants to tell me something, but something is stopping her. I can practically see the wheels turning inside her head.

"I have a lot going on in my mind." Well, that's a start.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I put down the hammer and clean my hands on my pants, before giving her my full attention.

Is it weird that I really want to kiss her right now? Ok, completely out of place thought, but she looks so beautiful that I just can't help it.

Even knowing that she's still dating Dylan.

"It's college. Yeah, that's it. I still haven't heard back from them." She nods to herself, I guess.

"I'm sure you'll get in. I mean, your GPA is not bad and you worked hard this year." With my help, which led to us spending time together and kissing, but I'll not say that.

She nods again, looking more confused than ever. I'm absolutely sure that's not the real problem, but I won't force her to say anything she doesn't want to.

"I hope so. I'm sure you already got your letter, so..." she widens her eyes before continuing. "I'm sorry, I know you don't like the expectation people on you, I'm just--"

"Alex, it's ok." I smile so she knows I'm not mad at her for saying this. "I did receive a couple of acceptance letters yes, but they are still being sent out. Don't worry, you'll get it."

She nods and opens her mouth to say something again, but before she does, the rest of the group is back with us, so she closes it shut and storms to the opposite direction.

I curse under my breath because I wanted to talk to her more, just because I miss spending time with her so damn much and also, well, she doesn't seem fine and I have no idea what's going on.

I just know I want to be there for her.

.......................

I'm making my way to the toilet when a hand grabs my shirt and pulls me to the closest empty classroom, without giving me a chance to react.

"Houston, we have a problem!" It takes me a minute to realize that I was dragged by Lilly and that voice belongs to her. Damn, she is strong.

"Ok, first, have you lost your mind? You can't go around dragging people like this." I fix my t-shirt where she pulled me. "Second, what problem?"

"Dylan. He's the problem."

"Dylan? Oh my god, I'm shocked." I take my hand to my heart pretending to be completely shocked, before I roll my eyes and remain serious. "Tell me something new. What did he do this time?"

"This is serious, Bennett. He's lying to Alex." Again, shocker... "about you. He said he heard you on the phone saying you were going after her and wanted to get into her pants."

"He did WHAT?" Ok, now I'm fuming.

"Now that's a real reaction." She smirks and I can't do anything other that look at her with my eyes widened. "Yep, he wants to play the nice guy to her and has been saying shit about you."

"I'm going to kill him. Like, really kill him.'' I pass my hand through my hair. I can't believe that asshole did this. ''Why would he do that?"

"Isn't it obvious? He wants to win her back."

"What do you mean to win her back?" She has a weird look on her face, like whatever she's saying is damn obvious.

"Well, she broke up with him." She looks at me and widens her eyes when she realizes. "Holy shit, you didn't know."

I can't answer her because I'm utterly shocked, for real this time. Alex broke up with Dylan? This can't be true.

If it weren't for the rest of the information she gave me, I'd be ecstatic.

"I can't believe she didn't tell you. She promised me she was going to talk to you." She puts her hands to her hips. I guess Alex is in trouble and will get scolded.

"In her defense, I think she did try telling me today." I add. Maybe that's why she was acting weird at rehearsal.

"Well, trying isn't good enough. She should have told you and kissed the hell out of you and..." she stops herself and sighs, collecting her thoughts. "What are you going to do?"

I think for a moment before I answer her.

"I'll kill Dylan, I'll talk to her, in this specific order." She only smirks. "Why that look?"

"You sound a lot like me. I used the same words with Alex once. Oww, look at us, becoming besties. Next thing, we'll be finishing each other's sentences." She playfully hits my ams and I can't help the small smile on my face. "I'll miss you next year."

"Yeah, whatever." I say, but deep down, I'll miss her too and smiling is my way of saying that and she knows.

As much as I'd like to stay here talking to Lilly, I have more urgent things to deal with.

.........................

Hello Lovely Readers,

Here is another update!!!! I'm planning on updating again tomorrow, I'll do my best!

What do you think?? What is the deal with Dylan? Playing the nice guy... Not cool! All I can say is that it won't be good.

There's happiness in the end and we're getting there, I promise (whatever happiness means)

Also, am I the only one who loves Bennett and Lilly's friendship? I seriously ship them as friends!

I'm not being able to reply to your comments as frequent these days, BUT I do read EVERYTHING and it gives me motivation to continue writing, so please do vote and share your thoughts with me.

Love,

Me