The last days have been incredibly confusing.

I barely slept, thinking about what happened, replaying the kiss in my mind and coming to terms that I do need to come clean with Dylan.

Yes, I have made a decision.

I'm going to tell Dylan what happened and hope he'll still want to be with me.

Like I said, it's not fair to him.

I wanted to talk to him during this week, but he stayed on campus every day and it's not like I'm having this conversation over the phone.

I was anxious for the weekend, where I would be able to have 'the talk' with him but my parents are not helping at all, as usual and right now, I hate that our families are so close.

At this very moment, I'm looking out the window of the back seat of our car as we are going to the West's cabin for the weekend.

I mean, despite the conversation I need to have with one of the West's brother, I barely want to see the other one and now I have to spend the whole weekend with both of them and our parents.

Like, really? What else is the universe throwing at me?

There's no way I'm ruining the trip by throwing this bomb on everyone, so I guess I'll have to wait until next week to talk to Dylan. Imagine if I break up with him because of what happened with Bennett and we're all stuck in the same house.

Well, it would be starting a war, so thanks, but no thanks.

"Why are we going to the cabin again?" I ask my parents, who are in the front seat talking about... I don't know what they are talking about. I'm not paying attention.

"Peter wants to have some quality family time with the boys and it's been a while since we all don't go to the cabin, so they invited us." My mom says and I sigh.

"But isn't their family time? We are intruding, we should turn around and go home." I whine, with a bit of hope that they will change their minds.

"Nonsense. We are like family. It's not because you're dating one of them that things change." She glances at me, but I continue staring out the window. If she only knew... "I hope I don't see you sneaking in Dylan's room though."

"That's not going to happen." My dad's deep voice echoes the car and both me and my mom laugh. "Otherwise, I'll have to murder him and you can say bye to family time."

"You're so dramatic." I pat him on the shoulder like a puppy and I wish I could say he's kidding, but I don't think he is.

It took us another hour to get to the cabin and if there was no way of avoiding this, I allowed myself to enjoy the ride, as much as possible at least. I love the empty road, the trees and the relaxing vibes I feel whenever going there. I usually listen to soft music all the way there and think about life in general.

Ok, that's too deep. To be honest, I usually think about random stuff, like when the next Fast and Furious movie is coming out and listen to Taylor Swift.

Today my mind is on a way more important topic, though. Today I'm biting my nails, clearly indicating how nervous I am and the headache I feel is all about the confusion in my head.

At least I know my headaches, this is not the typical migraine, thankfully.

When we finally get to the cabin, the Wests are already settled and Peter and Dylan come to the front yard to greet us and help with the bags.

I don't know why me and my mom need so many clothes for the weekend. We could easily spend an entire week with what we brought, while my dad barely brought a backpack.

Once we're done taking all the supplies from the car, that includes my dad's fishing equipment, Peter and my dad go to the backyard where Peter wants to show him the new vegetables he planted in the garden.

I'm left alone in the living room with Dylan, but instead of giving him a kiss or hugging him because we spent the entire week apart, I just stand still, not moving a muscle.

I should be excited to be spending the weekend here as his girlfriend, like I've always wanted to, but that's not how I feel.

Not when Bennett is going to be here and especially not after what happened.

How the hell am I supposed to enjoy being Dylan's girlfriend after this?

I should just figure out how I feel before it's too late. I need to come clean with him to have some peace of mind. I hope he won't hate me after this and we can end things on good terms. Or maybe not end it at all.

"Come on, let me show you your room." I turn around to look at him, moving away from the floor-to-ceiling window.

He takes my hand and leads me down the hall.

"I think I know where it is." I chuckle. "I come here since I was born, remember?"

"I know, I just wanted an excuse to be alone with you." The moment we enter the room, he spins me around and kisses me.

I immediately kiss him back, feeling weird. Right now, I don't want to think about any of what happened, I just want to kiss him, even if his kiss doesn't feel the same as...

STOP, Alex.

I close my eyes shut to avoid the thought. I hug him tight and this is it. This is what I should be focusing on. He hugs me back, before we pull apart and he plays with my hair.

"I need to ask you something." I nod, following him to the balcony. The weather is nice and the breeze feels good on my skin. "Is there something going on with you and Bennett?"

I choke on my own saliva, nervousness taking over my entire body with his question.

Where the hell is this question coming from? Maybe he knows that I like... I mean, not like, but kissed Bennett.

"W-What do you mean?" I stutter before taking a deep breath.

"I've been meaning to ask you this for a while. My mom said that time when we were having lunch that you're now close friends and have been spending time together."

He doesn't know what happened. I feel a bitter taste in my throat and it's hard to swallow as guilt strikes.

I should definitely tell him right now. I look at the door thinking about our families, so I decide to keep it shut for now.

It's not a good time.

"He was helping me study, so we became friends again, I guess." He can probably notice how tinted my cheeks are. Maybe he can tell I feel terrible.

"Does it bother you that I was hanging out with him?"

Was, past tense. This totally helps my case here.

I straighten my back, feeling almost proud that Dylan is jealous of me.

"Not really." I drop my shoulders with his answer, whatever proud feeling I had now gone. "I just think you're cool and Bennett is a complete weirdo, so I didn't think you two would get along."

"Bennett is actually cool." I defend him, even if I shouldn't, but it bothers me how Dylan speaks of his brother, regardless of what happened.

"Yeah, right." He snorts a laugh. I stay serious. "Just don't let him get into your head. Next thing, you'll be into science and reading stupid science fiction."

He laughs out loud this time, but I continue to look at him, my mouth a thin line.

"There you are." My dad interrupts us and opens the door wide open. It's not like it was closed, so I don't get the frown on his face. "New rule for you two, I want this door open all the time."

We both nod. Dylan takes his hand to his mouth, trying to avoid the imminent laugh.

"I'm serious, don't make me murder you." We both can't hold it and start laughing at his face. He looks so adorable. "Why do I even bother? Let's go downstairs, your mothers are waiting to play monopoly."

We look at each other, still laughing as we follow him.

Playing monopoly is a tradition of ours. We always play it together when we come here and we always end up arguing about it. It's so much fun.

The moment we are in the living room, I spot Bennett sitting on the couch, a book in his hand.

Everyone else is chatting, but my eyes are glued to him. I can't help it as I try to figure out what's on his mind.

How can Dylan say those things about Bennett? Seriously, why would anyone think he's not cool?

"All right, let's get started! Bennett, put the book down and join us." His mom says, but he doesn't move and continues reading.

"Not in the mood." He replies to her, turning a page.

"What do you mean, you're not in the mood? It's tradition."

"Maybe it's time to start new traditions." We all stay silent.

I can't really blame him, everything is so different than the last times we were here.

A lot has happened, good and bad.

I keep my eyes on him, but he doesn't look at me. He didn't look at me at any moment and it does bother me. It used to annoy me how he would stare at me, but now I realize that him not looking is way worse.

"Well, I'll play. You too, right babe?" Dylan breaks the silence and everyone looks at me, including Bennett this time, much to my surprise.

Our eyes meet for the first time and suddenly all I want to do is to talk to him. He's frowning and I don't know what to say. I understand how this might look. He might be thinking that we kissed again and now I'm all lovey dovey with Dylan, like I won't tell him what happened, but that's not the case.

I should tell Bennett this. I should tell him that I'll talk to his brother, so he doesn't feel I always go running back to Dylan.

Although I do expect Dylan to forgive me.

"Yeah, I guess." I say, not really sure.

"Ok, well... I guess it's ok if you don't play." Denise says to Bennett, giving him a pointed look that I know too well. They will definitely have a talk later.

We all sit to play, except Bennett and although Dylan doesn't seem to mind at all that his brother is not part of the game, I can't help but think that without him, it will not be as fun.

.........................

I look at the clock and it says 1:00 am. I've been rolling from one side to the other for about two hours and I simply can't sleep.

I texted Dylan a few minutes ago, but he didn't reply, so I guess he's sleeping. For a tiny second I thought about texting Bennett, but I gave up, because what was I thinking?

That's definitely not an option, so I made up my mind.

I grab my sweatshirt and a blanked before I make my way to the outside area, trying to be as silent as possible. I go near the swimming pool, where I pull one of the loungers and lay down on it, pulling the blanket over my body.

The weather is quite nice, but chilly due to the late hour, the sky is clear and all I can hear are crickets in the woods.

I look up to find the stars and I take a deep breath. This feels nice and it calms me.

I'm admiring the sky for a few minutes when I hear the house door opening behind me, so I look back only to find Bennett coming my way.

I take a deep breath, because he is one of the reasons I couldn't sleep. He has been ignoring me the entire day, but here he is, as awake as me.

"What are you doing out here at this hour?" He asks. His voice is quite soft, completely opposite to how he's been behaving all day.

"I couldn't sleep." He's now standing next to me, as I look up at the sky again. I still feel his eyes on me. "Actually, I'm stargazing."

He lays down on the lounger next to me and does the same as I'm doing. He crosses his arm over his chest, I guess to keep him warm as he doesn't have a blanket and he looks up at the sky.

"Stargazing? really?" He obviously knows I'm joking - or maybe not - but he looks up and narrows his eyes to the sky.

"You see that thing here that looks like a dipper or a soup ladle with its handle pointing directly to the horizon all the way down here? That's Ursa Maior."

I do the movement with my hand exactly as we did that time when we stargazed together.

That time we first had a moment...

Stop thinking about him like this, Alex. Stop thinking about him in any way.

"Where did you learn all this?"

"There's this guy I know, he's into astronomy, so he taught me." I look at him and he also looks at me, somehow smiling this time.

It's so good to see him smile.

"Sounds like a cool guy." I sense the joke in his voice, so I guess he's not mad at me.

"Yeah... some people say he's weird, but I don't think he is." He nods.

We both don't say anything else. We fall into silence, until I break it.

"Does it bother you what people say about you?" I'm referring to being called weird and many other things.

"I don't care about what they say. This is just high school. It won't matter in a year from now, so I don't really give a shit." I nod.

He's right. Next year we'll be gone to the new chapter of our lives and all of this will be history.

The fact that I might not see Bennett or Lilly makes me feel sick. It's not like I'll never see them again, just not everyday.

It's time to start thinking about college, you know? We'll graduate in a few months and applications start next week.

I don't want to think about it though. It just reminds me that I don't know what I want to do with my entire life.

"What are you doing outside?" I ask him, cutting once again the silence.

"I couldn't sleep as well." He hugs himself again and I'm sure by now he's feeling cold.

"Do you want to share the blanket?" He looks at me, but doesn't reply. I can see he's conflicted, because how the hell are we supposed to share a blanket and not be close?

As he doesn't say anything, I stand up and pull my lounger closer to his.

He watches my every move and before I lay down again, I put my blanket half over his body. I lay down again, adjusting myself so we're both covered and warm, but still in our own loungers.

Thank god the blanket is huge.

He turns to his side and I do the same, so we're facing each other. I don't want to go inside, all I want is to do is stay here, in this comfortable silence with him.

I see he closed his eyes for a second and they almost don't open. I feel the same, sleep now coming its way.

''I'm going to tell Dylan what happened between us.'' I say after a couple of minutes.

I wait for him to answer, but he doesn't. I lean closer to analyze him, and then I realize he's already knocked out, so he didn't hear me.

"Good night, Bennett." I close my eyes as well and I whisper before I'm also off to sleep.

.........................

I can't deny I actually had a good sleep last night. The lounger wasn't the most comfortable bed, but it's not the first time Bennett's company makes it a good sleep.

My mom is actually the one who woke me up. She found us sleeping in the backyard, but didn't want to wake Bennett up.

She said we were too close, our loungers glued together, but I told her it was because of the cold.

Which is true.

I had to answer to a thousand questions and I know she's completely suspicious that something happened. Since that moment, she's been smirking at me every time I'm in the same room as Bennett.

What is wrong with her? She knows I'm dating Dylan, so I don't get the fuzz.

That's why Saturday night dinner is not fun at all. She keeps looking at me, but I'm avoiding her eyes.

They are talking about college applications, George asked me where my head is at in terms of college and I told him about Boston University. For some reason, I always wanted to go to Boston after I graduate.

"Wouldn't it be nice if the two of you go to Boston next year?" Denise says, looking at Bennett and then at me. "Bennett is obviously applying to the MIT."

"I don't know if I'll get in, mom." He says, a deep frown on his face, not giving me a chance to reply to her.

"Of course you will." She says and I look at him with sympathy, as he sighs. This is what he meant when he said that everybody puts pressure on him and he feels overwhelmed sometimes.

"Well, even if he doesn't get in, I'm sure there will be plenty of opportunities for Bennett." I say, being on his side. He looks up to meet my eyes.

He keeps looking at me for a while and I wonder what he's thinking. We haven't talked since we fell asleep outside last night, so I'm not sure what his mood is.

He's serious, so I don't know how to read him. Maybe he's angry. Or sad. Who knows?

He doesn't look happy and I wonder if it's because I said I might go to Boston University. When Denise asked, his eyes darted to me and he seemed surprised about my choice.

I don't think I've ever mentioned to him that I want to go to BU, specifically.

"If you both go there, it will be great that you'll already have a friend. It makes a lot of difference." She insists.

"I'm not going to the MIT, though." I say, because let's be honest, it's not like I would get in anyway. It's a college for smart people. So, even if there's a chance we both end up in Boston, we will not be friends.

"Honey, Boston University and MIT have campuses very close. You will definitely see each other a lot."

As someone who doesn't make friends easily, it's indeed great to have someone I know there... ok, who am I kidding? It has totally to do with Bennett himself.

One look at him and it's clear he feels the opposite way.

"I'm not sure I want to go to Boston anymore, so..." he doesn't finish his sentence, as he shrugs and takes the fork to his mouth.

"Why wouldn't you want to go to Boston?" His mom turns to him and inquires. "You've been talking about MIT since you were eight."

"Things change." He quickly glances at me and I meet his eyes for a second before he fits his plate.

I don't know what it was, but I suddenly realize why he doesn't want to go to Boston anymore.

It's because I'm going to be there.

.........................

Hello Lovely Readers,

Here it is a other update! Alex finally decided to tell Dylan, but do you think she's right to wait until the family trip is over?

There's so much to happen and there's a rollercoaster coming our way. College, school play, Dylan's true colors, ok, I'm stopping now.

I hope you're still enjoying the story!!

Bennett and Alex deserve to be happy <3

Love always,
Me