Struggles are not meant to define you as a person. Sometimes these obstacle get in your way , so you can learn a little more about yourself. If the lessons are ignored , they will continue to reappear until you do.
― Christine E. Szymanski

Ashley Davis Harris

It was a mess. A tragic mess that needed time.

Although, I yearned to comfort Neil, I could not forget the whole ordeal that terrified and shocked my whole being. Curving my resistance, I let Kate take away his brother, because I had to deal with the tragic shamble within my family.

Grandmama thought it was my fault for bringing Neil Harris into their life because now, her son was willingly dying. But she was too distraught to understand her son would have been dying even if Neil had not forced into my life. She was a wall that heed nothing logical. I decided it was better to let her grieve in her way. Honestly, I refused to spend my breath and time on her anymore than I had to for all my life. If the situation turned to what she feared, I would be putting her and her worthless grandson in the first flight back to the castle she preferred. I had enough of her overbearing presence for a lifetime.

Uncle Matthew had done a horrible thing although he was not in his conscience mind at that time. However, when he was, he chose to step into the car. It was a bitter pill to swallow that a good-natured man like him would give into a thrill that caused such a tragic accident. Now, he could not go on, keeping the thoughts of his actions at bay, torturing him day and night. Everything came out to get him, and he accepted the onslaught.

It is God's will, he said.

Nevertheless, I was not as cold-hearted as I pretended to be. I did ask the doctors to do something, but his surgery could not extract all snippets of his tumor, leading it to spread to his bloodstream. Unfortunately, there was no cure left. The doctors were sorry, and told us to be prepared.

Uncle Matthew was prepared. Before he could go, he wanted see both children of the couple he had killed. Kate and Neil thought wrong. It was Uncle Matthew who wanted to give them peace so that they could go on with their life without feeling the guilt of not knowing or doing anything about how their parents passed away.

He had been a good man until this incident that took away innocents. For that reason, I wished him peace as I let the Uncle I knew, go and repent for his sin as par the God's will.

But Papa...how can I let him be?

My mother and I came to the estate late at night, and my sisters were already asleep, unaware of the depth of involvement of our family in the Harris family tragedy. Neither of us wanted to go upstairs just yet. We went to the library where Mama opened a bottle of wine, and poured into two glasses, offering one to me.

I could never imagine how my mother was before she married my father, what kind of women she was before she was swept into the world of fame, luxury and decorum. All my life, I saw her being a pillar to Papa, never hiding their affection to each other, then why did they hide their affection to their children? Growing up, if only they expressed their emotions to us, shared their turmoils, we would not be such a disheveled family. Papa was flawed, but his intentions were never evil. He did work his way from the bottom, gave us fame and luxury, but his affections fell short when we needed them. I could not change the past as much as I wanted, but I had to get hold of my future, our future. My family's future.

The wineglass remained untouched as I thought of my father's part and how I hindered my family's future. I should had known Papa could never have malicious intent, but all I could see at that time was the sufferings of Neil. Now all the things I did to my father last week rushed into my head, hurting my heart.

My lips trembled as I pictured his smile when they took him away in the police car. "Why did he not he say something? How could I not trust him? Would he ever forgive me? Would you?"

I watched Mama with weepy eyes, gulping the wine in one go as if that would give her strength. Her face turned weary as she sighed. "In a way, we are all responsible. Your father and I for letting both the Harris children suffer in silence. Your Grandmama for begging one son to protect another. I think we would have went on like this if Neil Harris had not stormed into our lives."

"But you should have said something, Mama. Both of you kept quiet when we were charging Papa!"

She shook her head and closed her eyes in regret. "I wanted to, but your father did not. I think your father realized how big his part was in this. So he was punishing himself just like I was by letting him go." Opening her blue eyes that I admired all my life, she leaned forward, and clasped my cheek lovingly. "But I could not let my daughter's love go away from her. I know you love him and he loves you. I wanted to give that boy the happiness we took from him. We took away so much from him and his sister. He needed you, and...you needed him too. You were not happy, Ashley. You were just a shell, doing what you were told. I admit my part in it, so I ask you for forgiveness."

"Mama..." I began in a small voice, but her voice broke instead.

"I hope I did not ruin your sisters too."

"You did not." I assured her, holding in my tears and grabbed her hand on my cheek. "I will make sure everything is okay."

As I relayed the heated conversations in the hospital in my head, I wondered. "Mama, do you think they will release Papa now?"

She slumped in her seat unladylike and my eyes almost popped out. I did not want to point it out just like she used to. We both needed change, and if she was forthcoming about it then why would I meddle? Staring wishfully at the artistic mural on the ceiling, a faraway look came upon her. "His sister, Kate is level-header unlike your husband." I made a face at her, but as if she could see me from the corner of her eyes, she rolled them, surprising me even more. "You cannot deny, Ashley. Well, both are somewhat crazy, but the brother more so. However, since they know the truth now, I am sure Kate might convince her brother to take it easy upon your father."

"I hope so."

Kate and Neil's relationship amazed me. I never saw Neil so vulnerable before, and it made me feel helpless. I wanted to take him away from everything, but what he needed was his sister, protecting him. I figured, he had been acting as the head of the family when his sister should have been. Today, I realised Kate could be a bad bitch, excuse my profanity, when she needed to.

But it was true she was level-headed compared to her little brother, and I hoped what Mama said would be true. I needed to undo my part in this too. Although, Papa was an accomplice, letting Uncle Matthew drive that night, he was innocent in the sense that he was not in the driving seat. Nevertheless he was the one with a conscience mind. I wondered how the law would judge him on that regard.

"But you need not worry about this right now. There is a more pressing matter." Mama reminded me and I felt the weight on my shoulder.

"The company."

"Yes." She frowned, looking down at her lap. "I wish I could help you, Ashley, but I lack insight."

I straightened, running my fingers through my hair. Ever since Neil untied the restraint, I kept my hair fall onto my back freely. My whole body ached in several places, reminding me I needed to sleep on my soft mattress tonight, and not at the settee. I looked around, noting how cleaned and organized it was, a far different sight than the morning. The papers I had thrown, were placed on Papa's desk in neat stack, but I had no will or energy to deal with it.

Turning to Mama, I held in a yawn. "I know someone who can help. I will call him in the morning."

Mirroring my stance, she narrowed her eyes at me. "Your husband?"

Before leaving her confused, I smirked.

"Someone better than him."

*******

The next morning, I joined my family on the breakfast table. Since I wanted everyone to start fresh and on the same foot, I made Mama come clean about everything.

Although, my sisters were young, I knew they could handle it. They needed to know, understand and make their own judgement. There were a number of questions, gasps and sniffles; however, I did not stop eating with gusto. Last two days, I barely fed myself and I was feeling the affect of it. I preferred not to faint when I needed to be strong now.

From Steph and Em, I expected some hostility thinking of the unfair treatment I had done to Papa, but all they did, was cast their eyes down, unable to meet mine.

"Listen here, you two." Both of them straightened at my sharp tone. "Just because I am taking responsibility, does not mean you both will not. Things are going to change around here. Do not look down as if you have done something wrong. Meet them in the eyes, and tell them they are in the wrong. Even if it is me."

Expecting a reply from Steph, I looked at her, but Emily muttered in a small voice. "You did what you had to. I don't blame you. I just feel sorry for everyone." Then she glanced at Mama from beneath her eyelashes. "Adults can be so irresponsible."

I agreed, proud of my little sister's wise mind. "Yes. Just because they are adults does not mean they can get away with it." Mama frowned at us, but she chose to keep her lips sealed because she knew Em had never spoken more truer words. "And, about Papa, I actually do not know what will happen. All we can do is wait."

After breakfast, I made sure to stop Emily to get that number out of her. It was not easy. Emily Lynn Davis was nothing short of Rumpelstiltskin. There was always a deal ready from her cunning mind, and what she wanted did not surprise me.

Latest telescope in exchange for a precious number. In addition, now that she knew I was rich, she added an observatory in the future as a bonus deal for leaving them in the estate in the first place.

As Neil would call her, ah, this twisted little twat. She used my emotions for her gain. I could see the resemble between both of them. If I expressed that to either of them, both would shiver in repulse.

Since I promised her if I had large sum of money in my hands, the first thing I would do was built her an observatory in the future, she let me leave her trap.

As soon as I entered the library, the heat in the room comforted me. I found Mr. Carter poking at the fireplace.

"I thought you would be back here, Ms Ashley." He placed the iron rod back at its holder, and smiled at me. "I did not want you to catch a cold. I had the room prepared."

"Thank you, Mr. Carter." When he was about to leave, I added. "I am sorry about your ears. Grandmama would not have gone quietly."

"Well, it was refreshing to see someone put her in her place, Miss. No offence." He pressed his gloved hand on his mouth, stopping a grin.

For his sake, I flashed a grin. "You are welcome then. Tell the staffs, they need not walk in shells around me. We are all going to be fine now."

"I believe so." He bobbed his head before gesturing to the table and taking his leave. "Mr. Miller dropped a package."

I walked ahead, opening the box to reveal a smartphone. The previous phone I had was disposed to God knows where. Since Neil did not bother to present such a necessity to me, I took it upon myself to gift one to me.

Turning it on, I was rewarded with all the set-ups already done for me. Pulling up the keypad, I put in the number that almost cost me a fortune.

As the call went through, I scowled at the stack of papers on the table. Holding the phone in my ear, I picked up the offending papers with my free hand and walked over to the fireplace.

If Neil thought to drive me away, then he had something else coming. That coward chased women all his life, why was he stopping when it came to me? Well, if he thought it was going to be easy, then he would be utterly disappointed.

As soon as the other end picked up, I crunched the papers and threw it on the fire, watching it turn into ashes.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Mr. Sanders." I greeted to the man who had more insight than my own coward husband. "I am Ashley Davis, your best friend's wife."

A scoff was my reply. "There is no way in hell that annoying bastard is my best friend."

"Whatever you say." I let out a small laugh, appeasing him since I needed his help.

"Now, what might a princess need from me?" Tyler Sanders asked, his voice barely giving away whether he condemned me or tolerated me. I took no offense to the nickname anymore. Neil made sure of that. I missed his voice already.

"I think you already know, Mr. Sanders." I took a seat on the armchair, and sighed. "Our reputation took a hit, and I believe I am at a loss. You helped Neil once, I would like you to help me this time."

There was silence, before he said. "As you said Neil's my best friend, I ought to help him. Who are you? Why would I help you?"

I sucked in a breath, detecting a defensive tone, but I made my voice steady. "Because I need to take care of the company before I chase after that coward friend of yours."

He barked out a laugh. "Well, shit." My eyes widened at his action. I never thought I would be hearing both the laugh and curse from his mouth. "Then I guess I have no choice. I'll see you tomor—-." Before he could complete, a wail came out and he cursed once again.

Definitely best friends.

"Is that a baby?" I asked cautiously as I heard some scuffling sounds.

Tyler Sanders took a long breath. "My son inherited a bad trait from my dear wife." Then his voice strained away as if he was talking to someone behind him. "What does he want? I am busy on the phone."

A woman's voice came out from far away, and I recognized his wife. "He wants you to keep that damn phone away before I throw it away!"

Mr. Sanders said something along the lines 'that mannerless rascal' that I could not completely believe before he shifted his attention back to the phone. "As I was saying before I got so rudely interrupted, I'll see you tomorrow morning at your office."

Dumbstruck, I nodded. "Right. I guess congratulations are in order."

"More like I am to be more crazy." He muttered except I could hear a happy tilt in his voice. Then his mood lightened up more. "And, I believe you do not have to chase him. That coward finally pulled his head out of as--ah you know what I mean."

"What?"

"You'll see." With a mysterious answer, he hang up the call, and I kept staring at the phone in puzzlement.

Though the bafflement did not stay for long because as soon as the evening rolled in, with it came, unexpected visitors.

I was sitting before the desk, hunched over some papers sent from the office, the laptop screen displayed all kinds of terms and policy for business administration. I planned to educate myself with at least basic things through the internet before I sat with the business god tomorrow.

I heard the door open and close. Thinking it was our butler once again reminding me it was dinner time, I muttered without looking up. "I do not want to be disturbed, please."

When there was no movement or sound, I felt the hair on my neck rise as I felt someone's eyes on me. Slowly, I lifted my head and met the hazel eyes of my husband.

The husband who wanted to divorce me.

He was dressed in black shirt and slacks, looking as devilishly handsome as he always was. Yesterday, I noticed the slight beard he had, but without the stress of the events from yesterday, it was more prominent today. With such a rugged look, he leaned on the doors studying me with intense eyes.

Warmth spread all over my body as his heated look conveyed his open desire. Although, he wanted to cut me off his life, he did not hide his lust for me. As much as it shocked me to the core, I stood up with shaky breath. Never would I have imagined Neil coming to the estate after yesterday, but Neil Harris had always been unpredictable.

I came around the desk, unable to take a step forward even though all I wanted was to wrap myself in his arms. "Why are you here?"

He did not answer yet his eyes raked over my body, slowly and sensuously, giving me an answer that would have embarrassed me if I had not already shared the depth of intimacy with him. However, my body still flushed as it reacted to his unashamed intent. I swallowed inaudibly, trying to shift the power he had over me.

"If you came for the divorce papers, I am afraid you need a dustpan to collect the ashes." I gestured to the fireplace, rejoicing inwardly when the corners of his lips rose as if he was pleased with what I had done with his gift. When he only stared darkly, I felt the irritation. "Neil, wh---"

I stopped myself and held in my breath as he leapt off his poised stance. As if his name on my lips snapped his restraint, he stalked forward, his dark eyes intent on my lips and the anticipation excited me. Nothing about the kiss was gentle. As soon as I was within his reach, he devoured me, with his arms, with his mouth. I had never been kissed like this, with such desperation and hunger. His hands roamed all over my back before tangling in my hair, grabbing it and tilting my head for better access. Teeth clanging, his lips claimed mine urgently as if we met after two years, rather than almost two weeks. The reality of his kiss opened the dam of my own desire and I clutched his shirt, needing to pull him much closer, wanting to feel his bare chiseled chest.

The same need must had coerced through him as well because no sooner had I finished that thought, his hand on my waist, holding me captive since the kiss begun started bunching up the dress till he could touch my skin. I had been wearing a grey dress with thick fabric covering me from the neck to knees with full sleeves hindering him from touching my bare arms, but now I regretted my choice of attire because it was hard for him hold the thick fabric around my waist.

As I pulled at his shirt, his tongue ran along the seam of my lips before staking his claim more profoundly inside my mouth, but his frustration at not being able to touch my bare arms or my thighs had him seizing my waist with both hands and lifting me up. Without breaking the kiss, I wrapped my legs around him as I felt the earnest passion through his bulge nestling in the inside of my legs.

He broke off the kiss, and I almost made a sound of disapproval before his lips found the length of my neck. He moved forward, his lips and teeth dragging on the skin, definitely making marks on my neck. The wooden surface on my bottom barely registered in me as he dropped me on the desk, swiping off whatever hindered the space. I did not care whether it was the laptop dropping on the carpeted floor or the important papers clustering around the room. All I cared was his touch all over my body.

Oh, dear me. What have I become?

But his lips left my body and I moaned out loud, already wrapping my arms around his neck to drag him back to my sensitive and reactive body, craving only him.

"I hate.." His harsh voice doused some coherent thinking ability into my lust-filled mind, "this annoying dress." He grabbed the end of the offending dress and bunched it up around my waist, revealing the thighs to his hungry eyes and his quick fingers followed, raving over my skin eliciting a gasp from me.

"Then take it off."

I surprised myself and from the looks of his widened eyes, him as well at my eagerness.