My babe continued to grow over the next three weeks. Looking at my belly, I couldn't believe I had another two or three weeks to go. I was already huge and getting to the point where it was uncomfortable. But I loved feeling the baby's kicks and rolls and even hiccups. There were days I felt almost happy again, the way I had been before the warrior had destroyed my ideals. There had been no reply to my letter and I realized that no answer was my answer. Perhaps he was waiting to hear if I birthed an heir or a daughter before replying.

Two days later, my peace was interrupted as I was walking by the creek. One of the maids came rushing to me, all in a tizzy. "Milady, your husband is arrived!"

I froze. "Who accompanies him?"

"His two men...and a lady and her maid."

I wanted to crumple to the ground, screaming. How dare he? How dare he do this to me? Did he live just to torment me? The one thing I had asked – begged – and he did the exact opposite. Was it just to show me I was his chattel and had no right to ask anything? Was it to teach me that he was sovereign over me?

Finding myself drawing in deep breaths, I worked to calm myself. The baby kicked me as if to tell me I could be strong and get through this, too. I could be cold and gracious and...

The first tear fell. Then another.

Until there were so many rolling down my cheeks that I knew I was embarrassing myself in front of Marial. I found that being with child made me more emotional and the midwives assured me that was a common complaint of mothers-to-be.

Poor Marial came closer to me and put her work-worn hand on my hand, and I grabbed it.

"I'm sorry," I choked out.

"Please stop crying, milady. It's not good for the babe," she soothed.

I nodded, but only succeeded in crying harder. She patted my back and made comforting sounds, but it was many minutes until the tears stopped and I could calm myself.

"Leave us," a deep, rough voice commanded.

Marial took off with a quick, "Milord, milady," and then ran as if she was being chased by a demon from hell.

"My lady wife is not happy to see the husband she abandoned so many months ago?"

Not the best of greetings, but also not the worst. He was standing in front of me now but I kept my head down so he could not see the tears still pouring from my eyes. His monster hand moved to my jaw and tilted my head up, but I still kept my eyes down.

With his scarred hands, he wiped away my tears, but that just made them fall faster. I needed to gather myself and stop showing him how much he hurt me.

Then I felt his massive arms go around me, pulling me as close as my stomach allowed. He was hugging me! The warrior had never, not once, hugged me to him outside of the bedchamber. "Calm yourself, Calissande. I would not have you cry."

Hearing my actual name from him for the first time since we had been wed helped to snap me out of the misery that threatened to drown me. With a shove, I tried to push him away but his arms locked around me and it was rather like trying to push away an oak tree. "Then you shouldn't have done the one thing I asked you not to do. But you had to show me, didn't you? Yes, you are in control! You care nothing about the babe's well-being or mine. And yet you wonder why I cry."

"What did you ask of me that I have gone against?"

"Her! You brought her here just to prove to me that I am nothing to you, even heavy with your child. You could not honor what I asked of you, not even for the wellbeing of your child."

"Before I speak, I would like your eyes."

He waited.

"I do not like looking at your face."

"An unfortunate problem, since we are not going anywhere until you do."

Debating my stubbornness against his, I finally looked up at him, at those beautiful eyes I had once found such joy looking into before everything was ruined.

"She is not here."

"Then who is the lady that accompanies you?"

Understanding lit his eyes. "I received a note from my lady wife, in which she casually mentioned that not only was she with child, but she had put safe guards in place should she not survive the birth of our child. I am sure the words were meant to reassure me." He brought his face right down to mine. "They did not."

For a moment, he looked away, but the expression that crossed his face was one I had not seen before and could not decipher. "You will never understand the effect those words had on me, but I shall not attempt to explain them all at this time. Just know I spent the next two weeks searching for the best midwife I could find, and it is she, and her maid, who accompany me here. Otherwise, I would have been here much sooner."

Searching his face, I could find nothing but the truth there.

"So I would like you to come up to the Cottage and meet her, and then we can arrange several meetings with your midwives so all of them can become comfortable with one another before our child arrives."

He offered me his arm, and I placed my hand on top of his as he helped me up the incline from the creek to the path.

"Being with child suits you," he said as we walked to Fernwick House. "I did not think it was possible for you to become more beautiful than you already were, but I see now I was wrong."

Well, from this man, that was quite a compliment. 

The warrior stood next to me, his hand on my upper arm as he introduced me to the midwife. "Mrs. Timmon, I would like to present to you my lady wife, Calissande du Monde."

The woman had a lovely smile and many wrinkles lined her face. As she took my hand, I felt soothed, my chaotic thoughts calming in her presence. "My lady you are just as lovely as I've heard. I have been told many wonderful things about you."

"Oh, do we have a common acquaintance of whom I am unaware? I would know who to thank for the compliments," I smiled, warmed at her kind words, thinking perhaps she was from my father's kingdom.

The warrior's hand tightened on my arm at my question, then released as he sighed. Mrs. Timmon's eyebrows drew down in puzzlement and her smile lost some of its brightness. "I was speaking of your lord husband. He spent all of our time talking about you on our journey here."

Now it was my turn to look confused, but then I realized he couldn't very well tell her the truth about how he felt about me nor talk about her. The warrior could not have much to say about me that was kind.

"You must be tired after your journey," I said to her, deciding not to pursue what she had heard about me. "I will have the servants bring a bath to your room and some refreshments. Your maid will have the room off yours, and I would hope that if something is needed or is not to your liking, you would tell me straightaway so I can fix it."

"That sounds very nice, my lady. And then perhaps we could walk before the evening meal to become better acquainted? I find walking to be excellent for mothers-to-be."

The kindness in her eyes spoke to me and I agreed to her walk.

The late afternoon weather was mild and calm as we walked the path along the creek. "I believe it is important to know the mothers before I help them deliver their babes. Trust is important. I believe it helps to calm the mother if she knows me and I know her and she trusts me to care for her and her secrets."

"Yes, it is."

"I sense you were surprised by your husband speaking well of you."

Clearly she went right into the deepest matters first. "I – yes. Surprise is a mild word, and it is why I assumed you must have talked with someone other than the warrior." I looked out over the gently swaying green grasses. "He does not care for me at all, so I do not know any good things he could tell you about me."

"Then I shall tell you." And she did. She spoke of my love of caring for plants, of my desire to help the poor live better lives, of the way I cared for those under the warrior's command. She surprised me with the knowledge of me teaching both boys and girls alike to read and write and add. She told me of my way with animals and how the warrior had commended my skill with horses, especially.

"He told me that every stray in the area knows where to come for a bit of food."

"I have always been thus, as my parents could attest."

Then she got very personal and told me the warrior had spoken of my kindness, my intelligence and my love of humor, as well as my beauty. He had also told her of my elegance and graciousness.

"He said your laugh is like bells, milady, and he said he liked to hear it."

"He has not heard it since he brought me to Bellford Keep, I'm afraid, so it is a distant memory that perhaps he doesn't recall accurately."

"It seems to me, as I listened to him, that he was quite enamored of you."

Shaking my head, I forced back the tears. Would that he had loved me! "It is quite the opposite. He has another whom he loves and it is not I."

"I have traveled some," she said thoughtfully, "and there are some countries where the lords keep a camaspoza, but it in no way takes away their love for their rightful ladies. And seeing you heavy with his child, I imagine I'm not so wrong."

"I'm afraid you are very wrong in this case. My father was faithful to my mother and it was always just the two of them. I also expected that same fidelity from my husband, and I am an only child, so I also do not share well. When I was presented with proof that he was not a loyal and honorable man, I felt quite shattered and it destroyed what I had felt for him. And from that day forward, everything has been wrong between us."

"This child suggests otherwise."

"My child is simply him doing his duty to procure a legitimate heir."

"Milady Calissande," she spoke my name with a bit of scolding, "I heard the way he speaks of you for many long hours on our way here. I did not have to ask him to tell me about you but he did, with obvious fondness."

"Perhaps he did not wish you to know just how estranged we are. He is a most private man."

"This saddens me that a man who speaks so well, so lovingly of you –"

"It is words, nothing more. His actions speak much louder and what they say is what I believe."

She looked at me a moment, then squeezed my hands. "Then we shall no longer discuss the topic and move on to happier subjects, like your child. Tell me about these other midwives I will be meeting tomorrow."

She listened and nodded in approval as we spoke and found out they shared the same beliefs about mothers-to-be moving about throughout the pregnancy, about cleanliness and avoiding some of the superstitions that ended up killing many mothers. She spoke to me more about what to expect in the next coming weeks, what I could expect to feel and experience. She also spoke of labor, and what she would do to help me handle the pain.

"I should like to examine you with the other midwives tomorrow, milady. We can see where things are now so we will be alert to any changes when they happen."

Her matter-of-fact approach helped me to feel more at ease about the birth, and we began chatting and laughing about funny things that had been said by mothers as they were giving birth. We walked into Fernwick laughing and the warrior was there as we came in, his eyes on me.

That was enough to kill my laughter, and Mrs. Timmon also sobered up immediately.

"It is good to see you laugh, Calissande."

Why was he suddenly using my name again? I didn't want to hear my name on those perfect lips since they also uttered her name.

"It is good to have someone with whom to laugh. Mrs. Timmon is good company," I told him, my emphasis on her name implying he was not. Had I not been watching his face, I would have missed the wince.

After our evening meal and some further chatting, I bade Mrs. Timmon good night and went to the master bed chamber where I'd been sleeping. The warrior had taken his leave earlier, leaving Mrs. Timmon and me to ourselves.

When I walked into the room, I immediately stopped and realized my mistake as I saw him standing by the window in just his breeches. The warrior would, of course, claim this chamber as his own as he obviously had. I would need to take the adjoining one now that he was here. "My pardon. I just need to gather a few of my things for tonight; I'll remove the rest tomorrow."

"Calissande, I would have you sleep in here."

"The beds in the other rooms are not as large as this, and I fear you would not find them comfortable, so I am fine taking one of the other rooms."

"You misunderstand. I wish you to stay in here, with me."

I hesitated, then I recalled that the only reason he wanted me in here was because he had left her behind. My thoughts flew to the first night at Bellford Keep when I had gone into the master chambers only to find her in his chamber, and the warrior telling me I would sleep in the adjoining room.

It had been the second fight we'd had that day; our first being after he had introduced me to her. He had not liked that I'd taken exception to her and had told me I would need to learn to accept her place in his life.

I'd learned what he meant when I'd heard them that night.

It was the night my heart began shriveling as my hatred for him grew.

So, it was no wonder that I had no wish to share a bed with him, as I was only being welcomed because he did not bring her here. I was the substitute in his mind, while I deserved to be first in my mind.

I shook my head no.

"I will not push myself on you," Carrick said solemnly. "I wish only for you to sleep in the same bed with me."

How easy it would be to fall for his soft, tempting words, but I knew it was only her absence driving his request.

"Only because she is not here. You taught me well the first night at Bellford Keep who would be sharing your bedchambers with you and it was not your wife. Well done. I certainly learned my place and it is not in your bed or at your side since you gave my rightful honor to another. Good night."

Quickly, I backed out of the room and shut the door. I could sleep in my chemise; it mattered not. Only escaping before he saw the tears mattered.

I did not choose the adjoining room to the master chamber; instead, I chose the one next to Mrs. Timmon and I slept once my tears had run dry.