XIII - We're Not Mates

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I was standing outside of the pack house, waiting for Brittany to show up.

I texted her late last night letting her know I wanted to go for the run she suggested, and now here I was, waiting.

"Well, hello there handsome."

I heard her voice and my heart started hammering in my chest. I wasn't sure how this was going to go, but I knew it wasn't going to end well for me.

"I-I don't understand."

Here we go...

"Do you feel anything, Sammy?"

"No, Brittany, I don't."

"Yes, you do! I know you do! You're just saying that because you don't want a mate, but you always wanted me before! You know you want me, Samuel. I'll be the perfect Luna."

Brittany was hysterical already. I was really hoping she would have waited to throw a fit until we were out of the pack's eye, but I should have known I would have no such luck with this woman.

"I'm sorry, Brittany. I never thought we were mates, I've told you this a thousand times. Please, just come inside and we can talk."

"NO! I'm not going anywhere with you. You've lead me on for all of these years, making me believe we were going to be mates. No one will ever want you, Samuel. No one, I will make sure of it! Mark my words!"

Jesus H. Christ. I knew this was going to be bad, but I didn't expect her to throw an all out fit in the front yard.

"That is quite enough, young lady. Go home before I have to make a bad situation even worse."

My father's voice was booming, and every single one of the pack members that had gathered to watch Brittany lose her mind was scurrying away with their tales stuck between their legs.

It was not often that my father got angry, but when he did, you had better run and hide, because he meant business. Right now, he was using his all too familiar Alpha voice, and it admittedly scared the shit out of me too; Even though I was now the Alpha.

Brittany turned her back and stomped off, crying the whole way.

"Samuel, inside, now."

Great, now I was in trouble too. I hung my head and started towards the house, attempting to prepare myself for the tongue lashing I was undoubtedly going to receive.

"Samuel, I have told you and told you to stop slutting it up with the pack members. You are the Alpha of this pack, the pack that I gave my everything to for many years. I will not have you come in, just three weeks into being Alpha, and make a joke out of.

"What you have done to that poor girl is completely unacceptable. I am not excusing her behavior today, but this is exactly why most people wait for their mates."

"Father, I have told you time and time again that I don't even want a ma-"

"ENOUGH with this! You will be lucky if your mate even wants you after she finds about your past. I've never told you this, but I once felt the same way you did. Then I met your mother. It was like my entire world stopped right in front of me, and I knew then, that I would do anything for her, say anything to make her want me.

"I was honest with her from the beginning. I told her I didn't wait, and she was heartbroken. Your mother grew up dreaming about her mate, how they would share their first everything together, and she was robbed of that because of me. There is nothing saying that your mate will feel the way that your mother did, but you have to be prepared for that.

"Get it out of your head that you don't want her because I promise you, you will."

His words hit home. I had never known this about my father, and suddenly I found myself feeling like the biggest idiot to ever walk the face of the earth.

The Moon Goddess blessed us with mates for a reason, and I have been so stupid to believe I wouldn't want mine when I found her. When I turned 18 and didn't find her, I thought it was a blessing, now I'm 21 and the Alpha, I can't travel like some do, like Rafael did, to try to find her.

How had I been so stupid all this time? I'll be lucky if I ever find her now.

I can't believe I've been so stupid.

*Several Hours Later*

It was now nightfall, which meant Rafael and Deirdra should be heading to the clearing to prepare for her first shift.

I'll admit, I was nervous.

I had never seen Rafael so attached to someone that wasn't his sister, especially since their parents died. I knew it would crush him if she didn't make it through this, but something in me was telling me she was going to.

She had been training so hard, I may not have been checking on her face to face, but I was always watching. I made daily rounds to the training center to check on the pack warriors and their progress and watching the upcoming warriors to see how they were doing.

I had watched her body change day to day, her muscles becoming more defined and her strength increasing immensely, she had done a great job of preparing her body for the shift.

She had also been doing well with strengthening her mind. I had sent my pack interrogator to them to train her mind. He was given details about her past with Taylor, her parents, and anything else I was able to dig up and find out about her.

It was hard watching her go through it though. The first few times, she would lash out and punch Gabe straight in the face when he pushed her too hard, but he took it well and told her they would pick up where they left off tomorrow.

Deirdra got better every day, she was learning to control her heightened emotions, and I think she even got over her heartbreak with Taylor. After having it thrown in your face over and over again, you begin to see it was nothing you could have done to change the situation.

I had wondered if the "Brittany" that her boyfriend cheated with was Rafael's sister, so I asked him about it.

I wasn't surprised when he confirmed that yes, it had been her. He had made it a point to keep Deirdra and her apart so she didn't get herself hurt. Brittany was overly emotional and if Deirdra had gone after her, I fear it wouldn't have ended well, and I try to make it a point to not have to punish my pack members unless there is a serious crime.

It was only a short walk before I heard them.

"Dee, it's going to be okay. I know you're going to make it, you just have to fight, okay? I will be right here with you every step of the way."

Raf was trying to comfort her, and I suddenly wasn't too sure I should be intruding on this moment. I hadn't been around much, so I didn't know if she would even want me here during her shift.

"Ah-hem."

They turned in my direction and Deirdra gave me a weak smile.

"Good evening, Alpha Samuel, come to watch the show?"

She was trying to play it off like it was no big deal, but I could feel her fear and uncertainty from here.

"No, Deirdra. I'm here to see if you and Rafael wouldn't mind if I stayed during your shift. I know you were planning to stay here after your shift, and as the Alpha of this pack, I try to make it to every wolf's first shift, to welcome their wolf and go on their first run with them. So, would that be okay with you? With both of you?"

"I would love that, actually. Thank you. Plus, I think I'm going to need all the help I can get tonight. My body already feels like it's on fire. My skin feels like it's a million degrees and nothing is making me any more comfortable."

Rafael cringed at her words, and I knew this had to be hard for him.

"I tried to put her in a cold bath, though it didn't help but for a few minutes. I knew it was going to only get worse from there, so I went ahead and picked up some water bottles and brought her over here."

It was going to be a long night, that's for sure.

My body was on fire.

Every single cell in my body, every fiber of my absolute being, felt like it was aflame. Like someone poured gasoline all over my insides, lit a match and threw it in, then closed me back up.

My stomach was churning, my head was throbbing, my mouth as dry as the Sahara Desert.

"Can I please have some water?" I croaked out.

Rafael nodded eagerly handed me a bottle of cold water out of the cooler. I was resisting the urge to pour it all over myself, knowing I needed to stay hydrated for the shift.

I had been drinking water all day, which felt like a whole ocean worth, but I knew it was for my own good.

The cold water was momentarily soothing, then the raging fire inside returned with a vengeance.

The churning in my stomach intensified and I rolled over on to my side and emptied the contents of my stomach, mainly water and bile, onto the ground beside me.

I normally hated getting sick, but right now I didn't care. It seemed to soothe the violent nausea I had been experiencing, and I was feeling slightly better.

I can only take so much pain at one time. I had never been good at dealing with pain.

"It's almost time, Deirdra."

I heard Rafael's voice, but it sounded like it was miles and miles away from me, and that was when I felt it.

The hair on the back of my neck rose and an indescribable feeling engulfed my entire body. My head was throbbing, it felt like there was something pushing in on my brain, almost like another presence.

I didn't fight it, knowing it was probably my wolf. Rafael had told me when he shifted for the first time, the first thing he felt was his wolf and then it all started. It took him three hours to shift, which was about average for a born werewolf, according to Raf. But a bitten wolf would take much longer. My body doesn't know what to do.

My wolf will basically be forcing her way into my brain and forcing my body to turn.

"Hello, I'm sorry about this." The voice in my head said. That must be my wolf. At least she apologized, I guess.

That was it, I suddenly knew exactly what she was apologizing for.

My arm twisted at an odd angle and snapped. A strangled scream found it's way out of my mouth at the feeling.

Another five or so minutes went by before another sickening crack sounded around me.

This time, it was my leg. My hip was dislocated as well as my knee.

Two minutes, another crack, another broken and dislocated bone.

Then every minute or two from there, another bone in my body would break, preparing to reposition itself.

This went on for what I thought was about two hours and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Please, please kill me. I can't do this, there is no way I'm going to survive this. Shoot me, suffocate me, anything. Just please don't make me keep going."

Tears were streaming steadily down my face as I begged for one of them to take my life.

"No, absolutely not. You don't get to give up. You will fight through this because you are the strongest person I have ever met. You helped us fake your death, you busted your ass to survive this, you don't get to give up now."

Rafael's voice was stern, leaving no room for argument. He was right, I had done too much, put in too much effort to just give up this easily.

Just as I was about to respond to him, my face was aching.

The bones in my jaw were breaking and elongating, turning into a snout.

Every pore in my body was burning and I looked down to find blood was covering my entire body.

My ribs were starting to break too, making way for the larger lungs that my wolf would have.

"It's okay, Deirdra, the shift is almost complete! Just hang in there a little bit longer!"

His words gave me hope and lit a fire under my ass to power through this. I was so close, I was almost done shifting.

There were cracks and pops galore as my bones realigned themselves to make the legs and paws of my wolf, her fur was shooting out of my arms, face, legs, everywhere. The pain was intense, almost too intense, and I could feel the darkness creeping in. Trying to claim me for its own.

"Let go, Deirdra. It's time for me to take over."

So I did, my wolf encouraging me to rest, to let her come out and become one with me.

Everything was still, I felt no more pain, and I was warm. No longer did I feel like my entire body had been engulfed in flames.

This must be it, it must be over.

I opened my eyes, to find I was no longer looking through my own. Everything around me was sharper, much more defined. I could hear everything going on around me in the forest. I was laying down, unsure of how to use my legs.

"It's okay Deirdra, try to stand up. Your wolf will help you."

Samuel's voice was music to my ears, which sent my wolf into a frenzy. I turned to look at him and one word resonated in my mind.

"Mate."

Then Rafael spoke to me, and a warm feeling encompassed my heart. I turned my head in his direction, to feel the same feeling I had just felt with Samuel.

"Mate."

My wolf said again, at the same time as I heard both men growl out the word "mine."

Oh, I was in serious trouble now.

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