"Murad is angry because I asked him to extend our mother's stay in Istanbul," Bayezid said with a sigh. He could not hide his sadness and dissatisfaction with the decision of our brother Sultan, who did not want to allow us to spend more time with our mother.

"Don't provoke his anger on you," I told him worried for him.

"He has no compassion for anyone. He doesn't understand that this is the first time we get to see our mother in years, and he wants to end this relationship quickly," he said visibly upset, got up from the ottoman we were sitting on and nervously started walking around the rooms where we were. I couldn't just sit still, I got up after him and stood in front of him.

"We will always find a way to see mother, but don't get into conflicts with him because your life depends on one of his decisions," I warned him seriously even though inside my heart was breaking at the very thought that my half-brother Sultan could take my brother's life because of his one wrong action.

"Murad can't kill me unless I do something wrong," Bayazid said justifying to himself Murad whom we loved very much even though he was the Sultan and the authority to whom we had to obey and respect all his decisions, whether we liked them or not.

"Kosem is just waiting for your wrong move," I told him, warning him, but Bayezid was very stubborn and did not want to listen to me. He sighed deeply and went outside together with our half-brothers Kasim and Ibrahim, who, like him, were worried about their fate because of Murad's aggression and tendency to change his mood quickly.

But Kasim and Ibrahim did not have as much reason to fear Murad as Bayazid did. Kasim and Ibrahim were born brothers of Murad, sons of Kosem. Kosem was the most powerful woman in the harem, but also in the entire empire, and behind all decisions stood the one who had an army of subjects loyal to her.

Our childhood was not easy because Bayezid and I were born as sons of another woman, Gulbahar. Our mother was a woman who once visited the Sultan, after which Kosem got angry with her and exiled her to the Old Palace. When after a month my mother found out that she was pregnant, our father Sultan Ahmed took her back to the palace, where in December 1612 she gave birth to me and my twin brother Bayezid.

With the birth of a male child, she became Sultana. But her title never meant anything to her, because our father only had Kosem in his heart.

I remember our youth. Father never made a difference between us and our other brothers and sisters. But everyone else did. My father loved us all equally and gave us all enough attention, but he died when I was only 5 years old.

After his father's death, a turbulent period of changing rulers followed. Our uncle Mustafa came to the throne, who was replaced very quickly in favor of my half-brother Osman. When he came to power, Osman killed Kosem's eldest son, Mehmed, in fear that he would steal the throne from him. However, his reign did not last long and the army reinstated Mustafa on the throne. My brothers, including Bayezid, were locked in a cage in the palace, while we female children were sent with our mothers to the Old Palace.

But Kosem quickly took things under control and put her son Murad, who was only a few months older than me, on the throne. Then Kosem decided that she would take me and my brother Bayezid to the palace together with all her children. She promised us that we would see our mother often, but that was not the case. While Bayezid and I lived in the belief that our mother was in the Old Palace, she was actually banished to Amasya.

We lived together with Murad, who was Sultan, although he had no real power because Kosem was his regent. Then with Kasim, Gevherhan, Ibrahim and Atike. Life in the palace as a child was interesting to me, because there were a lot of us and we were always playing. My sisters and my brothers were always there for me, but I always felt the lack of motherly love.

Kosem never neglected us, she provided us with everything we needed, but she always treated us differently than she treated her children. Today, when I have grown up, it is quite clear to me, because we were not her children, but the children of the woman she hated. But what I cannot forgive her for is the constant lying about our mother and our ignorance of her whereabouts. It was only a few years later that I found out that our mother was in Amasja, and I knew that there was no chance that we would get a chance to see her.

Things changed this year when Murad took control of his power and abolished the governorship of Kosem, who then ceased to be regent.

Bayezid asked Murad to allow us to see mother, which he granted and allowed us to come to Istanbul, but for a limited time. Kosem was against it, but she knew that it was short-term and that her mother would be banished again like before.

Finally, after so many years, I was able to feel my mother's love again, which I had been deprived of throughout my childhood. Kosem didn't even give our mother a chance to be a mother.

However, as Murad took power into his own hands, changes began in the empire. He introduced new measures and was a person that everyone feared. Right at the beginning of his independent rule, he killed Gevherhan's husband, breaking her heart and leaving her seven-year-old son fatherless. Murad made decisions independently, and was not interested in other people's opinions. This is exactly what made me fear for the future of my brother who was the eldest prince, and was always one step away from death by one wrong decision, deed or spoken word.

Murad was very good at heart, he was very protective, especially towards us his sisters, but when he was in his political office he was very powerful, which made many people fear him, including us.

Bayezid was very stubborn. He had his own worldviews that he could not oppose in any way. He valued Murad very much and would never act against him, but the problem was created by the soldiers. Every time Murad did something that the soldiers didn't like, they would shout "Long live Prince Bayezid" in front of the palace. Every such shout meant Murad's anger and suspicion, which we should never have allowed ourselves to do. Bayezid was my twin brother and I would give everything and risk everything for him. I was ready to do anything just to protect my brother from other people's anger.

Kasim was very ambitious and although he never said so publicly, he always expected that after Murad he would inherit the throne. He held himself very high because he knew that his mother Kosem would always stand by him and nothing bad could ever happen to him.

Gevherhan was a person with the purest heart and the most honest person of all. She was very emotional, but her life turned upside down when Murad killed her husband for treason. Gevherhan couldn't believe that Murad would ever do that which made her distance herself from him and shut herself up even more.

Ibrahim and Atike were twin brothers. While Ibrahim always kept to the side, was never too ambitious and did not impose himself too much, Atike was very spoiled. Atike was Murad's favorite sister and no one ever ordered her around. She did everything she wanted without ever being told off.

As for me, I never wanted to get involved in anyone's conflicts because I knew that I didn't have a mother with me who could protect me. I had a good relationship with all my brothers and sisters, but I loved Bayezid the most.

Realizing that I couldn't possibly convince Bayezid to watch his behaviour, because I was worried about him, I decided to visit our mother, for whom this was the last week with us. She was ordered to leave the Palace on Friday after the prayer. I reached her chambers and saw Ayse, Murad's concubine and mother of his two children, coming out of his chambers.

"Sultanim" Ayse bowed to me, visibly scared to see me. She left with a quick step without lingering too long with me, as she was obviously not comfortable with anyone seeing her enter my mother's chambers.

That was suspicious to me because I didn't know that my mother and Ayse were on good terms, and especially I didn't know why they would be. Lately, since Murad brought the Hungarian princess Farya to the court, who became his favorite, he distanced himself from Ayse, who was looking for every possible way to harm her, and apparently she thought she could find an ally in my mother.

"Valide, what was Ayse doing at your place?" I asked her after hugging her and sitting next to her in her quarters. She just sighed and smiled at me.

"My beautiful daughter, she came to eat me because there is no one else. Kosem no longer stands by her, and then she thinks that she will find some comfort in me" Valide said, although her words didn't sound very convincing to me. I didn't have to spend my whole life with her to know when she was lying to me and when she was telling the truth, because I was very good at recognizing people.

"Bayezid talked with Murad, but it was unsuccessful," I told her, changing the subject, because I didn't want to spend the last moments with her on such irrelevant topics as Ayse.

"I knew, Kosem would never let me stay here. She never loved me and never will," Valide said looking at me sadly, which immediately created sadness in my heart, knowing that we would have to be separated again.

"If only there was something we could do to persuade Murad to stay. Bayezid is trying, but I don't want him to do it, but for me to do it, because Murad won't be angry with me. I fear for Bayezid," I told her, admitting my fears, hoping that she would talk to Bayezid, because I could no longer have any influence on him.

"There must be some secret we can use to get Kosem to change his mind. My old heart can no longer bear the distance from my children," she said taking my hand in hers.

"We will never be at peace as long as Murad is in power together with Kos. They may love you and Bayezid as brother and sister, but you are always a threat to the throne they want in their hands."

"Are you telling me you want to put Bayezid on the throne?" I asked her directly, knowing what her intentions were.

"Otherwise, we have no chance of survival, neither I nor Bayezid. They will marry you off to someone you don't want, and send you far away where they won't even have to look at you. Your brother will be killed and I will be imprisoned," she said and I knew everything she said was true, but I loved my brother Murad too much to ever have any plans against him, because he wasn't the one who did something bad to us, but his mother Kosem.

"Precisely because you don't want my brother's death, precisely because you don't come up with such plans that will only harm him. Keep Sinan Pasha away from him until Murad suspects Bayezid and then he will take out all his anger on him," I told her what she wasn't really happy about, but she was obviously ready to do anything or nothing.

"Sinan Pasha is here to protect you, not harm you. He is the only one I can leave you to, because he is the only one I trust."