Maddie wasn't exactly sure when it was the mood shifted on their holiday. She couldn't pin point what she was doing or the time it really moved. But it had moved; from the lively, jolly nature that came with pulling one over on Harry to this new place. It wasn't necessarily heavy as it settled over them. It wasn't tension or anxiety but it was something that pulled at their attention; at their hearts. They had gone from loud, wild laughter as Harry had pulled her fully clothed into the shower with him, to this new peaceful calm that passed between them as they finished dressing for dinner.

"You're staring at me," Maddie smiled as she looked herself over in the mirror, not needing to look at him to know that it was true.

"Guilty," he smiled at her from across the room, straightening his tie and pulling at the sleeves of his tuxedo jacket. "Though if I were you, I would get used to that tonight." Maddie turned to face him, taking in the handsomeness that came so easily to him.

"You're going to keep your eyes on me?" Her face took on a flirty nature; coy and smug.

"I have to," he shook his head, moving closer in on her. "I let my eyes off of you for a second and you're plotting with my family to take me down."

"So much drama," she grinned up at him as he pressed close; his hands resting on her hips. "Should I be on the lookout throughout dinner?"

"You should," he leaned in to nuzzle her neck. "I might try to steal your dessert."

"I'll stab you with my fork," she giggled as his mouth tickled her skin, her hands holding onto his shoulders as he tipped her back just a bit.

"Not a chance. I have quick reflexes," he tipped her back up and took a half a step back. "You ready love?"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Maybe it was the candlelight. The way it flickered, making everything seem shiny and warm. The way it bounced off of Harry's mess of ginger hair, the way it made his eyes dance. Maybe it was the fact that the Queen was there; appearing so regal and elegant yet speaking to them just as a grandmother would; lovingly and with soft warmth. Maybe it was the way Harry's family made her feel welcome in their own individual, unique ways.

The way Peter had called her weeks ago to let her know about the games they played, asking her to join them in what they felt was the only opportunity to play with Harry.

The way Anne had spoken to her in the library; about the kidnapping attempts, about her visit to Camp Bastion.

The way Charles and hugged her close and let her know he was looking forward to seeing her marksmanship at their Boxing Day hunt.

The way even Arthur offered up a smile to his Aunt Maddie when she bent her face to kiss his chubby cheeks.

It was the way the room was immaculately decorated; pristine and elegant. It was the way the family was with each other; loving and chiding and full of a wit and sarcasm with an underlying current of deep affection.

It reminded her of her own family, of her adopted Bendal family, of her home with Harry. It was everything a Christmas among loved ones should be.

And it was with that gravity, with that warm, consuming love and emotion that Maddie sat at that long table—across from Harry and between Mike and Peter. It was with that depth that she met Harry's eyes and smiled; soft and sweet. And she could see it in his face, he was feeling it too.

This was a big moment for them; their first Christmas as a married couple. Truly, it was their first Christmas together at all; given the unique circumstances. Though Harry was proud to finally have here there with his family, proud to have her with him, there was a part of him, a large part of him, that wished he could whisk her away to some far remote location and spend their first Christmas with only a warm fire, lots of champagne, and each other.

But that's not how this was meant to be; that's not how their lives were supposed to go. So he took a deep breath, steadying his scattered emotions and he tossed a wink across the table to her and she tossed one right back. In truth, neither of them were going to have a problem making this a close, intimate, meaningful Christmas—even if they were among family.

As Charles rose to his feet and the attention of the group shifted to him, gearing up for a toast, Maddie tore her eyes from her husbands and let it all wash over her.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Dinner had passed with great conversation and amazing food. They had been excused from the table, they had gathered for the much lauded gift exchange; laughing over the wild and often inappropriate items that were unwrapped. They had played cards, they had drank champagne. They had posed for photos; the entire family, their immediate family. Them. They had listened to old familial stories that had been told and retold over the years; stories that still drew them all to silence and grins. They had sat close to each other, kept in contact with each other; they had been together throughout.

Later into the night, much later than Maddie would have guessed, the families had begun to disperse; making their ways to their own rooms, some to sleep, others to change and come down from the busy day. They all had an early morning call time and they still had the next night to connect. When Maddie and Harry stepped into their own room, Harry was quick to bring her to him, high off the emotions that had passed between them at dinner, the way she had stayed with him the entire night.

"Dance with me..." His voice was low and a bit rough as he tugged on her hand. It was late and they were sleepy; spent from the revelry and the festivities. But he pulled. And she went.

"Oh..." Maddie gasped as he tucked her tight into the circle of his arms, giving her no time for protest or thought. He took one hand in his as his other slid into the home he had made on the small of her back. "But Captain..." She turned warm eyes to him. "You always say I step on your toes."

"Step on my toes," he shrugged, moving his cheek against hers as they began to sway. "Stand on my feet if you want to..."

"Hmmm..." Maddie let out a soft moan of a sound, feeling the emotion that seemed to pulse from him. Sliding her hand up his shoulder to the back of his neck, she nuzzled in; wanting to be closer. Her eyes fluttered closed and she let him hold her. She let him press her to him, she let him dance her around their music-less suite. She let him have this moment where it was just them in this silence, in this space with the lit fire and the dim lights.

"Have you had a happy Christmas?" He whispered against her cheek, his breath puffing her hair as he spoke.

"I have," she smiled, a small nod moving her skin against his. "I'm happy to finally be spending it with you..."

"Oh me too," he agreed with a groan, spinning them both around as his hand tightened at her waist. He had waited a long time to have her next to him for the holiday. "Did you talk to your mother?"

"I did," Maddie smiled at the memory; smiled at their small talk. Even dressed in formal ware, even dancing in the private residence of The Queen, even with the elegant dinner and the candles...they still came down to this; the normal back and forth of a marriage. "She's excited to see us next week."

"Of course," Harry nodded, excited to spend time with Maddie's family. "Did you speak with Collins?"

"I did," Maddie's eyes grew sad for a moment. "They are at his mother's home for the holiday. Isaiah is going to open our gifts tomorrow night if you want to get online with him and watch."

"I would," Harry grinned; the image of watching Isaiah tear through the wrapping momentarily blocking out the sadness that came with the stark realization as to how much their family had changed that year. Swallowing that back for a moment, trying to stay with the merriment, Harry kissed Maddie's temple and rubbed love into the back of her hand with his thumb. And then, in a moment of sentiment, a moment that hung heavy for him as he couldn't help but remember their lost friend, he stopped dancing and wrapped his arms clear around her; hugging her just as close was he could get her. And just when Maddie thought he might be overcome by the weight of the emotion, just when she thought he may be starting to crumble, he whispered against her. "You know...I have a gift for you."

"Other than the sweat bands you gave me to wear while running?" Maddie's eyes danced as she laughed, as he moved back from her just a bit.

"Other than that," he chuckled and released his tight hold on her. "Let me get it," he lifted her hand to his lips and then stepped away from her, moving to the stand next to his side of the bed. Maddie moved to the chest of drawers on the wall, locating the package she had brought for him.

"I hope you followed the rules this year," she stepped from her shoes as she moved towards the bed, pulling her dress up as she moved towards the middle.

"I did," he grinned, toeing off his shoes and joining her on the bed; package in hand. "It is small, personal and..."

"Not extravagant," she finished. It was a deal they had struck; an arrangement they had made for all of their gifts for the other. "Here's yours," she held out the small square box.

"Fantastic," he stretched his legs out and around the pool of her dress, handing over her package.

"This is heavy," she juggled the weight in her hand. "Harry Wales, did you give me a bag of rocks?"

"You are shockingly close," he winked at her. "Why don't you open it and find out?"

"Actually, if it's okay..." She rested the gift in her lap and nodded to the one in his hands. "I would like for you to open yours first."

"Oh?" He grinned down at the gift, his inner child peeking through; excited.

"You said you wanted..." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly; her eyes turning down just a bit as her mind slipped to the upcoming deployment. "You said you wanted something you could take with you."

"I did," he nodded, meeting her eyes with a smile; trying for reassurance as his fingers began to peel back the paper. He lifted the lid and pushed inside the folded tissue paper, his fingers closing around the small, stiff piece of fabric. "What's this..." He pulled out an embroidered patch and took it in. And his face grew soft. "Madeline..."

"It's our family crest," Maddie spoke softly. "The House of Sussex. I had a patch made. I thought...I don't know. Maybe we could sew it on your bag or a t-shirt or..."

"I know the perfect place," he ran his thumb over the embroidery, over their joint crest and a solemn, happy look took over his eyes. "This is wonderful, thank you." Pressing the patch to his chest, he leaned forward; drawing her lips to his for a slow, sweet kiss.

"You like it?" Her eyes danced in his as she pressed her forehead against his.

"I do," he nodded. "I love it." He kissed her again, savoring the taste of her lips; champagne and cake. Before he could be swept up in the emotions that were starting to prick to the surface, he pulled back and took a breath. "Now. About this bag of rocks..."

Maddie chuckled, allowing him to move away from her for the time being. She knew that eventually their attempts to dance around his upcoming deployment, around this monster of emotions that seemed to be poking at them both, were going to run out, she knew that they were going to end up talking about it, crying about it. She knew it was coming. Just not quite yet.

"This is a beautiful package," she admired the paper. "Did you wrap it yourself?"

"Do I get extra points if I did?" He grinned as he watched her.

"Are we accumulating points?" She laughed and lifted the lid to the box.

"It couldn't hurt," he joked. Maddie pulled out the balls of tissue paper, reaching into the deep box and pulling out a cloth bag. Her eyes flashed up to him.

"Harry..." She brushed the box aside and sat the bag on the pooled fabric of her dress. She pulled at the tie and opened the top of the bag. "It really is a bag of..." She looked inside. Her heart thudded and her eyes slid right up to his. "Marbles." She wavered. "It's a bag of marbles."

"Antique clay marbles," he corrected, his fingers reaching to run over hers. "There are one hundred and twenty marbles. One for every day..."

"Harry..." That was it. She was done. She couldn't have kept the tears away from her eyes any more than she could keep the thoughts of his deployment from her mind. Her fingers moved to her face, pressing at her lips, brushing at the tears on her cheeks.

"I didn't know what the rules were about using the old ones, so I thought..." He trailed off, half a smile on his lips as though he wanted to joke, as though he needed to joke. But things were serious and she was upset. "I didn't mean to make you cry." His hands lifted to her face, following hers as they swiped at her wet cheeks. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

"You didn't," she shook her head, eyes wide as she looked at him. "What a beautiful thing to give me..." She sniffed and looked down at the bag in her hand, pulling a few marbles into her fingers; examining their color, their texture. "These are beautiful Harry. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he watched her for a moment, noticing the struggle in her eyes, in the way she was fighting to keep emotions away. "Maddie..." He warmed over her name as he squeezed her toe, wanting to pull her back to him, away from the sorrow that was taking over her face.

"Sorry..." Her voice croaked, her hands waving in front of her face as though she were trying to wave off the emotion, the tears. "I'm sorry..."

"It's okay," he shook his head.

"It's not," she let a light laugh through her tears. "It's Christmas and it's supposed to be happy and..."

"It's okay," he tugged at her foot, wanting her closer.

"I'm scared." Her voice was small and soft and it cracked as the tears came. "I'm sorry. I'm just...really scared."

"I know you are baby," he moved the marbles from her lap, sat them to the side and he gathered her into his arms. "Come here. What are you scared of?"

Maddie blinked at his words, the emotions inside of her swelling at his question, at the answers she had. And her quiet, simple tears continued as she pressed her face into his chest. "I'm scared of losing you..." She whispered. "I'm scared something will happen to you. I'm scared this is our last Christmas together. I'm scared we'll never have babies. I'm scared that I'll get a phone call one night or that your brother will show up at my door and..." She shook her head. "I'm scared to be apart from you for four months. I'm scared of doing this alone of...being without you..." She tried to control her breathing, tried to control her tears, but it was clear; she had no control over her words any longer. All of her fears were pouring from her. "I'm scared of all those mornings I have to wake up and you're not there. I'm scared of going to sleep without you and...God Harry..." Her voice broke. "I'm scared I'll never stop feeling this way, that I'll never stop worrying and feeling out of control and..." She took a deep, shaky breath and wrapped her arms around him; hugging him tight and close to her. "I'm scared you'll hate me for feeling this way, for making this moment sad and I'm scared that you'll resent me for wanting you home and..." Harry's arms tightened around her then. He didn't know what to say, didn't know if he could find his way past the emotion piling up in the lump in his throat to even say anything. So he held her closer and tighter and he let her unload.

In truth, he was scared too. He was scared that this might wreck her, scared that he was leaving her alone to fend for herself. Scared that the role, the family might swallow her up while he was gone. He was scared that this would permanently scar them and somewhere deep down, he was scared of something happening. Scared of the possibility that he could get hurt, or worse. Scared that if he did, she would never ever forgive him.

"I'll never resent you," his voice had a shake to it; a hiccup that Maddie caught, that brought her back from her spiral. Back to him. She turned her face, pressing a kiss to his cheek before she pulled back just an inch or so; just enough to look at him. He took her face in his hands then and put more distance between them, wanting her to really see; wanting to watch as he tried to get it through to her. "I could never hate you," his eyes blinked at the idea; tears teasing at his lids. "Jesus Maddie. I love you...so fucking much. Would you just...stop... I couldn't hate you. I couldn't resent you. I..." He took a deep breath and though he wanted to pull back, though he wanted to keep avoiding, he knew he couldn't any longer. So he pulled her forehead to his and they sat there for a moment. Their breath fell in synch, their hearts thumping to a slower rhythm and when he finally felt himself collect, he opened his eyes and locked with hers. "Yes. Something could happen to me..."

Maddie tried to shake her head, tried to pull back, "Harry...." But he held firm.

"It's a war Madeline. Something could happen..." He struggled as he watched a tear slip from her eye. "I swear to you on all eight of those babies we're going to have that I will do everything in my power to make sure that nothing happens." Her eyes shifted down, her vision clouding with tears and he knew that she was sinking. But he couldn't have her do that. Not yet. His hand at her neck slid higher. "Look at me..." He was gentle but firm in his request, his fingers pressing her chin up to him. "Baby...look at me." When she did, he wasn't prepared for the emotions she brought with her; the way it slammed into his heart and he felt tears in his eyes, so fucking close to the surface. "You have to trust me. You have to believe me...nothing can keep me from coming back to you. Nothing." He leaned his lips to hers; light and chaste. "Haven't you figured that out yet?"

"I'm going to miss you..." The vulnerability in her voice did him in and he broke; his strong exterior giving way to the feelings flowing inside. His hands left her for only a second, his forehead left hers and his lips moved to her mouth.

As his arms wrapped tightly around her, as his lips pressed promises into hers, he wasn't sure exactly how it was he could possibly convey it all to her; his hopes, his fears, his primal instinct to protect her. From all of this.

So he went for silence. He went for warm, loving, all-consuming silence. He needed her; in a way that he would never be able to explain. And he knew she needed him, in exactly the same way.

In a blink of an eye, a stroke of a tongue, they moved together.

"Harry..." She breathed into his mouth.

And everything was pushed aside as they connected. His hand pressed flat against her back, warming the bare skin that was there and Maddie adjusted in his arms, moving into his lap without a second thought.

Her legs curved around him. His hands pushed up under the skirt of her dress, all along smooth stockings to the warm, soft skin that bared just above the lacy top to those stockings. There was no fumbling in those moments; his fingers expert at the clasp to her garter belt. His hands easily pulling the silk fabric down her legs, all the way behind him to where her feet were linked around his waist.

And then they moved to her face; cupping her gently in the palms of his hands, his fingers pressing up into her hair as he tilted