When Maddie finally opened her eyes again, when she pulled her head up from her own lap and wiped at the mess on her cheeks, minutes had ticked by; minutes without her. She took a deep, shaky breath and she looked around her; trying to pull it together, trying to bring her mind out of the fallout from her broken heart.

Her phone sat on the couch next to her; silent.

Her pajama pants with dark wet circles from her tears—tears that had already been cried; tears that weren't going to stop.

Her heart hadn't hurt like this since her father had died; her stomach hadn't twisted like this since her mother had stepped from their room with wide eyes and her hand extended. Since she had told her it was time.

Maddie hadn't felt like this in so, so long.

But just like the flip of a switch, it was back; heavy and hard and sweeping through her body like flooded waters, taking down everything in its path.

And now she had to go upstairs and wake Harry up and bring him into this nightmare. She had to tell him; he had to know before the world did. From somewhere deep inside, she pulled forth her will and she stood. Leaving the phone on the couch, leaving her book knocked to the ground, leaving all the lights on, she moved up the stairs; deep breaths trying for calm.

And suddenly Maddie wanted to be anywhere in the world other than there; other than outside their bedroom with the message she was about to deliver. She didn't want to do it. She didn't want to rouse her husband from slumber only to drop this tragedy in his lap. She would have given anything in the world to not have to do this, to not have to tell him. She stood there outside their door for a few minutes, trying to control her own sorrow, her own devastation; her own tears. But she couldn't.

It was too much; for her heart, for her mind. It was simply too much. Too much sorrow.

So she went. With a deep breath and a prayer, she stepped into their room and moved to their bed. And suddenly she needed him; his warmth and safety, his strength. She needed him just as much as she knew he was going to need her. Without thinking about it, she climbed in next to him; latching to his side and wrapping her arm around him and she stayed there; tears on her cheeks and a crack in her heart, until he felt her—even in his sleep. His hand moved lovingly over the arm she had wrapped around him as he woke.

"Maddie?" His voice was a bit hoarse as he pulled his eyes open. "Are you okay?"

And in the beat it took her to answer, he knew.

"No," she shook her head against him, her voice shaky and teary and Harry sat up. Taking her in, he knew instantly that something was wrong—something was very wrong.

"Maddie..." He watched as she sat up, watched as she took a few breaths, wiped her eyes; he watched as she readied her body and her heart for the blow she was about to deliver.

"There's been an accident..." She blinked once and his entire expression changed; like she had punched him in the gut.

"Who?" His breath sucked in, his body flinching.

"I just got a call from..."

"Maddie." His jaw clenched. "Who."

"A call from..." Her eyes welled over and she cursed herself. And she cried as she told him. "Collins. Harry..." She wiped fists at her eyes. "It's Khenda."

"Khenda?" His face went white with surprise and panic and disbelief. "But..."

"She's dead Harry," Maddie's voice cracked and her vision went blurry; her shoulders slumping.

"No." He whispered.

"She was walking across a street and a car..."

"No," he shook his head, holding his hand out to her, wanting to stop it.

"He said they took her to the hospital but that she was already gone and..."

"NO!" Harry yelled out; his loud voice echoing around their room, frightening her as he rose to his feet. "No! Maddie..."

"I'm so sorry," she held her hand out to him, wanting to erase it; to make it go away.

"Maddie...please..." His eyes turned down, just like his smile, like his shoulders and it tore Maddie more than her heart was already torn. The tears welled in his eyes and he looked like a sad, lost little boy and Maddie thought she might be sick. "Please..." He was pleading with her. "I can't..." He shook his head.

He couldn't. He couldn't lose somebody else. He couldn't lose somebody else who had known his mother; had spoken with her, hugged her, loved her. He couldn't lose the connection they shared. He couldn't lose her.

Not her. He shook his head again, not wanting to comprehend it.

"I'm so sorry," Maddie repeated, moving towards him, wanting to hold him; selfishly needing the contact, needing what little strength they each had to be shared.

"Please," he blinked, hoping.

Kneeling on the edge of their bed, Maddie took his face in her hands; her palms against his trembling cheeks, her fingers in his hair and with a devastatingly final voice, she repeated. "Khenda's dead Harry. She's..."

"No..." And whatever dam that had been holding him up, holding him back, gave way. His knees gave out and he sank to the floor next to the bed. His eyes flooded and there he was, her strong, hero husband, falling apart at her feet; his head in her lap.

As she sat back on her heels, her hands moved over him, over his head and his shoulders and her body folded over him, hugging him to her; covering him, protecting him. And as his hands moved around her, burying himself in her, the emotion overtook the room.

And they fell apart; together.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Going to Paris that night was an unspoken decision; one that was never really up for debate. Maddie had slipped down to the carpet beside Harry and they had cried into the other for some time. And there they still sat; tight against each other with quieter tears still fresh in their eyes, coming to the conclusion together.

"We have to..." Harry's voice croaked out into the deep darkness of their room.

"Go..." Maddie whispered, clearing her throat with a cough.

"To..." Harry swallowed back the ill in his stomach. "To Paris." Maddie felt his hand flex underneath hers. "To Collins."

"And Isaiah," she blinked as her eyes flooded again.

"Oh God," Harry groaned, his head shaking slowly as he pulled her hand closer to him; his head bowing under the weight of this great sadness. "Isaiah..."

"I know," Maddie nodded, turning her forehead onto his shoulder. "I know...Harry. I...I don't even know what to..."

"I know," he agreed. And the silence embraced them; the dark, cool silence held onto them there on the floor for a bit longer. They clung to the other for just a bit longer before they moved.

"I..." She sniffed. "I have to call Ella." And the mere thought of breaking the news, of breaking another heart, made Maddie's stomach clench and her tears began again.

"Do you want me to do it?" Harry asked; even in his own heartbreak, wanting to keep her from more.

"No," she shook her head, turning sweet eyes up to him. "No baby. I'll do it." She kissed his shoulder and wiped at her tears and took a deep breath. "I think I'll call Bishop's phone and wake him up before I..." She sucked in a shuddery breath. "I think somebody should be awake when she finds out."

"Yes," Harry nodded, collecting both of her hands in his as he let his mind wash over the information; over and over. "I can call Thomas. I'll cancel tomorrow and see what I can do to get us to Paris and...can we just show up at their place? Is that...is that okay?" His eyes were wide as he looked to her; wide and innocent. And wrecked.

"Yes," Maddie nodded, her thumbs running over his hands as he held hers. "If it had been me they would be here. They wouldn't wait to be asked...if it were..."

"Shhhh..." He shook his head; his eyes welling up as his heart pleaded. "Don't even talk about..." He wiped at his eyes and took a breath. "Don't say those things."

"Okay," she blinked and nodded. "I'm going to call Ella."

"And I'll call Thomas."

And there they sat; both with something to do, something to do right then. Neither able to pull from the other. Releasing her hands, Harry wrapped his arms around her, bringing her into his side. Maddie went; willing and wanting, and she held tight to him for the longest moment. She was lost, so lost, and in his eyes she could see—he was lost too.

Holding on by the slimmest of threads.

When Maddie pulled from Harry, when she finally summoned the strength to step from him, he held tight.

He wasn't ready. He wasn't ready to move, he wasn't ready to let go. He wasn't ready to face this yet. So he pulled her back to him. And she went.

And he cried.

And there they sat; fused together in their sadness, in this new devastating shadow that would hang over them for much longer than they were ready for.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Eventually Maddie and Harry rose from the floor and while Harry made plans for them to get to Paris, Maddie dialed Bishop and woke him from sleep. After making sure he was with it, she had him hand over the phone and she brought Ella into this nightmare that didn't seem to end.

As soon as the call ended, they were in motion. Bishop and Ella would be staying behind for her appointment, wanting now more than ever to make sure she was doing okay. Maddie and Harry were on their way to Collins, to Isaiah and Bishop and Ella would be following behind as soon as they could. While Harry firmed things up to leave in just around two hours, Maddie slipped into the bathroom, needing the hot water from the shower to prepare her for how things were now; for how things would be when they got to Paris, to Collins.

As she shut the door behind her, she let out a long breath and leaned back against it. She didn't want to turn on the lights, didn't want to deal with the harsh light in that moment. But she couldn't take a shower in the dark, so she surrendered to practicalities and flipped on the switch. Pushing away from the door, she turned the shower on to let the water warm up. And she caught her reflection in the mirror.

She looked sad and lost and so, so tired. Once the steam started to fill the room, she shed her clothes and climbed into the shower. She closed her eyes and allowed the hot water to envelope her. She stood still and felt the water cascade over her; pinking her skin, heating her muscles.

She couldn't believe Khenda was gone. The idea seemed so strange, so foreign. She had just seen her at the wedding reception. They had sat together and laughed and remembered all of the wonderful moments they had shared over the years; the day Maddie arrived in Bendal, the friendship that had forged. Maddie had been prepared to grow old with Khenda in her life, she had been prepared to introduce her and Harry's eventual children to Khenda and Collins and Isaiah—to introduce them all to Bendal; together.

But she had not been prepared for that phone call. She had not been prepared for the emotion that was brewing inside of her. She had not been prepared for the look in Harry's eyes and the sadness etched on his face. She had not been prepared for the devastation that had settled over them.

Maddie started to cry; her tears mingling with the water as she let her head fall forward against the tile; giving into the sobs. She cried for Khenda. She cried for Collins, for Isaiah. She cried for their families, their friends; all of the people whose lives were less than they were that day—sadder, darker. She cried for Ella who was across town sobbing to Bishop. She cried for Harry. Harry who had lost so much in his life.

"Maddie," she hadn't heard Harry come into the bathroom.

"Yes..." She sniffed, lifting her forehead from the tile. Harry stepped further into the room, moving to the shower; his hand pressing against the glass.

"Can I come in?" His voice was soft. He knew she was crying, he knew she was sinking just like he was and he felt his heart drop. With water in her eyes; from the shower, from the sadness; she nodded her consent, her hand pressing to the glass where his was. Harry disappeared for a brief moment, peeling off his t-shirt, his boxers. And then he opened the shower door and stepped inside with his wife.

She moved over a bit, allowing him some space under the heat from the water. Harry closed his eyes under the steady stream, his head tilting back as the droplets pattered against him. Without speaking they began to clean themselves and each other; washing faces, rinsing hair.

"Harry..." Maddie called out his name into the steam and he lifted his eyes to hers in question. "I just...I'm so so sorry." Her hand rested on his arm and she moved in closer. "I know how much Khenda meant to you and I know you must feel just...." She shook her head then, trying to keep it together for just one damn second. And failing.

Harry's heart thumped in his chest. She was amazing. He knew she was hurting. He knew this was tearing her apart too. She had loved Khenda, just as much as he had. She had been family to her too. But there she was, offering herself and her support to him. He loved her so much in that moment.

"Thank you," he whispered, unable to bring volume to his voice; unable to bring ease to his tone. "Thank you." Maddie squeezed his arm gently, sensing correctly his inability to expand on that, to do anything other than move numb through this day. When she moved to step out of the shower, to let him finish his, he quickly reached for her hand and held her there.

"Don't go," he shook his head and pulled her back to him. His arms were tight around her, wrapping her up and holding her to him. "I love you." He spoke into her neck, the water falling around them.

"Oh baby..." Maddie's tears returned. "I love you too." And his arms closed around her even more, his lips pressing a kiss to her neck.

"Don't go..." His hands stretched out over her back, pushing her into him as he continued to kiss up her neck to her mouth. Pulling back to meet her eyes for a moment, he was full of so much emotion it was hard to sort them out.

"Harry," she whispered, leaning into him.

"I need you..." His voice was husky as he moved in, as his lips fell against hers. Maddie gasped at the passion there; the need. But her arms slid around him and her mouth opened to him. She felt his body tighten next to hers and she sank into him, into this moment. Harry let one hand linger on the small of her back as the other moved to her face. He kissed her again and again and again. He needed her. He needed to feel her body against his, her lips on his. He needed to feel the other side of intensity. He needed to feel the other kind of overwhelmed. Just for a moment; just for this moment.

"Harry..." His name escaped her lips in a moan and his mouth tore from hers; sliding down her neck to her collar bone. Maddie's held tilted back as he moved across her wet, slick chest, as his tongue darted out to lap against her. Her fingers laced through his hair and held him to her. "Oh God..." She moaned as he dipped down to her breasts, his hand sliding around her body to cup her as his mouth focused attention on just one.

"Maddie..." His voice was muffled against her breast, his breath hot on her nipple. "I need you. I..." His voice cracked and for just a second the sadness washed into the shower with them.

She pulled his head from her chest, pulled his eyes to meet hers and then she moved in; her hands holding his face steady as she kissed him, as she pressed her body into his. "I need you too..." She confessed.

"Make love with me Maddie..." He spoke into her mouth; his words full of the same kind of desperate urgency his heart was feeling.

He need not say anything else. Without her lips leaving his, Maddie reached around him and turned off the water; pushing open the door. She grabbed for towels, wrapping one around him as he wrapped one around her. They made their way, clumsily to their bedroom. Maddie held his hand in hers as she turned him around. She kissed him softly and with firm, loving hands, she pushed him down to the bed, following his body with her own. As he laid back, she moved into his lap and without much try at foreplay, without any thought of a tease, Maddie sank down onto him. Harry let out a breath and reached out to her, his big strong hands moving into her hair as he pulled her down to him. As his lips caught hers, she settled over him; her stomach pressed to his, her chest against his, her hands sliding to his face and her lips and tongue tangling with his. They needed the closeness; the absolute lack of space between them.

And they made love.

They made love to each other out of a passionate need to comfort the other, out of an undeniable drive to seek comfort for themselves. They made love to feel alive. They made love to feel something good. They made love to connect. They made love because in that moment, before this terrible day truly began, they needed to feel the sort of heat, the sort of affection—the sort of peace—that came when Maddie gasped his name into his mouth, when he drove up into her with everything he had.

They needed this. Before they gave themselves over to Collins and Isaiah and what this week now held for them, they needed to give themselves over to each other.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As Maddie sat in the backseat of the car next to Harry, watching the Parisian highlights fly by, she felt an acceptance wash over her. Before, coming to Paris had always been a joy. Before, coming to Paris meant a reunion with her mismatch little family. Before, coming to Paris meant wide smiles and late mornings and amazing wine.

But that was before and 'coming to Paris' had forever been altered in her mind. As she looked across the car to Harry, she wondered if it had already held this sad place for him. And it made her heart ache to know that this moment was adding to the pain he must have already felt coming to this city. It was still early morning; dark and damp and chilled. Their flight had been quiet; stoic and uneventful. There had been a car waiting for them upon their arrival and, because of the early hour, they had gone nearly unnoticed. And Maddie was thankful for that, knowing the sight of the two of them in sunglasses at night wearing casual, comfortable clothes and a new, permanent sort of devastation would be a hot find.

Harry sat next to her, his shaded eyes turned out to the city, his hand holding tightly to hers, as though she might be the only thing holding him there on earth. So she held tight and she held firm. And when the car turned up that familiar street, she felt his body grow taut and she knew, he was about to take the hit again.

When Collins had called Maddie with the news, he had been in a state of shock. He had relayed the news to her with little emotion, trying to get through the things he had to do before he let it wash over him; before he let it settle. Maddie had known that was what was happening, she could have diagnosed his shock over the phone. But in those moments when Maddie was trying to steady her tears, her breathing, he had told her that Isaiah was with his Nanny at her house. She had been there when the hospital had called Collins and she had offered to take him for the night—before she even knew how it would all turn out. Maybe it was for the best; Collins having one night to grieve selfishly before he had to be there for his son. As their car pulled to a stop and their doors