Chapter 46: Memories and Letters

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Hello! Its been a while. Sorry about that. Between the ten days I has my sister and her cat saying with us, two trips to the ER, camping, going back to school, along with getting sucked into the TV series Merlin for the first time and catching up on the new season of Seven Deadly Sins... i have been both busy and distracted... but hey here is another chapter and I have another 8000-9000 word chapter already written, just needs to be edited. This is a long one but has some important stuff in it... for both the plot and subplot... Yay plots! So long as they are not six feet under ground. Man I'm tired. Send me your love and support. I love hearing from your guys. Sometime I need to take a break and draw some art for this story, unless one of you wants to do it before me... and in case you were wondering the cover for this story is not Sara... that's me... and I did draw it. Let me know how you liked this VERY long and involved conversation. Keep tuned within the next week for Chapter 47! Yay see you soon!


In which Fili and Kili learn some hard truths.

"Why were we never told any of this?" said Fili, shoving the door to his, Kili, and Thorin's bedroom behind them. Sara felt Thorin's rough fingers tense around hers as he pulled her to sit on the bed next to him. After Thranduil had left with Legolas, Fili and Kili had burst forth with questions, but Thorin had silenced them, insisting they would talk once they reached the privacy of their chamber. Sara suspected that more than secrecy had been his motive in postponing the conversation. The look on his face told her plainly that he was reeling from Thranduil's words, trying to internalize, process, and make sense of them. He had quickly led them back to their cramped bedroom. Bilbo had excused himself after agreeing to hold his tongue until further notice, stating that he had, "Quite enough to be getting on with thank you very much." Sara agreed with her little friend and had thought briefly about joining Bilbo, leaving the others to sort out the truth of the past, but Thorin's grip on her hand had grown tighter as they approached their rooms, as if he were trying to draw strength from her. She had stayed and now sat beside him. Balin occupied the only chair and Fili and Kili stood, looking to their Uncle, watching him, clearly expecting answers.

"Uncle did you know any of what Thranduil said?" asked Kili, his hands jammed into his pockets as he glared at the night table as though it had bit his leg. Thorin shook his head, his dark hair swaying side-to-side, the metal beads clicking softly.

"I was aware they both suffered from the sickness, but I never imagined it stretched back so far and affected so much. But after what we just heard several things have fallen into place in my memory."

"What do you mean?" asked Fili. "Uncle why were we never informed of any of this?"

"You were made aware," said Balin.

"Yes," said Fili, spinning to look at the old diplomat. "I was informed that Thror and Thrain suffered from Dragon Sickness, but I was never made aware it was so severe or extensive. I didn't realize it impeded their ability to govern our people. You told me and Kili of the signs we should be watchful of in ourselves and uncle, but we never really understood it could be quite so pervasive. Why did you not inform us?"

"You should have told us," said Kili, his glare swinging to Thorin. "Why?"

"You didn't need to know," snapped Thorin, releasing Sara's hand to run his fingers through his hair, agitated. Sara opened and closed her hand, trying to restore the blood flow to her fingertips. "My father and grandfather were indeed very sick. Much sorrow was born of their illness, but it was over long before you two were ever even thought about. By the time you two were born, much had changed and our people enjoyed relative peace. The past was in the past."

"But it affected our future and our present," insisted Kili.

"Uncle what happened? Was Thranduil right? Did Legolas speak the truth?" asked Fili, tugging roughly at the top button of his shirt.

"I can't be sure of anything that far back," said Thorin. "Those days after Smaug attacked are still hazy in my memory to this day. They were filled with fear, uncertainty, and grief. Grief for the ones we lost, so many, including your grandmother." Sara felt a twinge of pain as she saw her own grandmother's face flash before her mind's eye. The last few days before her death had been heart wrenching. "If it is true," continued Thorin, "Then it would be the second tragedy that has befallen our people due to our bloodline's weakness."

"Second?" asked Kili. Balin nodded.

"They were responsible for the war against the orcs. Many were led to their death in that war, including themselves and your uncle Frerin."

"But how can that be?" asked Fili, his voice rising in anger as he rounded on Thorin. "How could such a thing happen? Why was it allowed to happen? Why did you not stop them?"

"You think I did not try," roared Thorin, silencing Fili and making Kili and Sara jump. He stood and began to pace the floor as the silence stretched across the moments into minutes. Finally he stopped. "Sit," he said, pointing to the bed. Obediently Fili and Kili came to sit on either side of Sara, the bed creaking softly under their weight. Balin leaned back in his chair, twisting the end of his beard as they waited for Thorin to speak.

"The war of the dwarves and orcs was not all it seems to be to outsiders," began Thorin. "You will remember that the war began when King Thror was murdered by Azog." Fili and Kili nodded. "Did it never occur to you to ask why Thror entered the mountain on his own?" Fili and Kili looked at each other around Sara.

"I always assumed he wished to know what had become of the mountain," said Fili.

"We already knew the state of Moria," said Balin. "Spies had been sent forth and the few that returned brought ill news."

"Thror was driven into the mountain by his lust for wealth and treasure. He had become obsessed with the idea of obtaining mithril and was foolishly driven to his death because of it."

"Though he was sick, we suspect that he may have had some inkling of his fate, for before he left, he gifted Thrain the Ring of the Kings," said Balin.

"But why was he not stopped?" asked Fili, holding the button in his hand as the top of his tunic fell open.

"He was the king and ordered it thus. To go against him would have been tantamount to treason," said Thorin. "My father tried many times to dissuade him, but soon we were at war to avenge him. At least that was the goal of the war at the onset."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Kili carefully.

"As the war progressed I began to see the same illness grow in my father. It was not enough to simply take our revenge on the orc filth. Soon he was calling for aid from the other dwarf clans. He wanted to take back the mines of Moria. He told them that once the orcs have been driven out, all would share in the wealth of the abandoned mountain. It became his rallying cry, for gold, not for the fallen king or to recover our home of old, but for gold alone. Many times did I and my brother Frerin try to make him see reason. The mines were too vast and difficult to hold and would require too great a sacrifice, but our cries of warning fell on deaf ears. You have been told, though words can do no justice to the devastation that was wrought in that last battle, and among the overwhelming numbers who had fallen was my brother. Your grandfather has not been seen since."

"They say he is dead," whispered Kili, not meeting his uncle's eye. Thorin half growled, half sighed.

"And they may be right, I do not know for we never recovered his body. I only hope that if it is the case that my father died an honorable death."

"Unfortunately when he disappeared so did the Ring of Durin," said Balin mournfully. Thorin stopped his pacing and stood, feet apart, arms folded.

"Had we that ring, we may have had more help from the other clans for this quest. It is the symbol passed from King to King, but now it is lost. I had hoped that the Arkenstone would do the same."

"But what about the tale Thranduil told?" asked Fili, standing and beginning to pace himself. "Was it true? What fell into place in your mind?" Thorin let his arms fall and took Fili's place on the bed, reaching again for Sara's hand. She squeezed it.

How hard this all must be for him. Even she had been surprised by the news. How could someone be so sick as to let their entire people go hungry and without supplies? Was Thorin's fear of the sickness because of how he had seen it affect those before him? Was there a chance that he would also succumb to it? The dragon sickness could explain Thorin's change of character toward the end of the book. Was he fated to experience it as well? Should she share her concerns with him? Yes, she had made a promise to him. Maybe if he knew it was a possibility he would be able to more effectively fight against it. Many mental illnesses were like that, you could fight them much better if you were aware of your own condition. She would tell him but not now. There was already so much to think about at the moment.

Thorin looked at Balin.

"What do you think, is there a chance that the contract was a forgery? A farce?"

"No, I don't believe so," said Balin, leaning forward as he spoke. "I am no authority on document authenticity, but to my eye it is genuine. Indeed it seems unthinkable that any kind of commissioning deal of that magnitude would have been struck without a contract as the one we saw.

"It bore the royal seal," said Thorin, his eyes unfocused as he stared at his knees.

"But what about the Elf King's claims of offering us food and supplies? Did we really refuse their help?" asked Fili, staring at the button in his hand, rubbing a thumb over the metal surface.

"We may never know," said Balin. "There seems to be no proof to substantiate such a claim."

"Then how are we to know if they were lying?" asked Kili.

"We won't," said Thorin, his eyes still glazed. There was a moment of silence before his next words fell on their ears like a box of china to the floor. "But, I do not believe they are lying."

"Why," asked Sara, turning to better see his face. He sat up and let his head fall back, looking at the ceiling.

"A dream... or memory perhaps. I am not sure which, but the more I see the Elf Princess face, the more I am sure I saw it that night. I was indeed sleeping in my father's arms as were my other siblings. We had just received word that our mother was confirmed dead and not missing as we had hoped. We sought mutual comfort from each other, but when we woke in the morning our father was no longer by our side but arguing with my grandfather. I had always thought it was a dream, but now I realize it must have been a memory. Legolas was there in our camp that night, and he did call my father away from our side."

"But that does not prove the elves claims," asserted Fili.

"I fear we shall never have definitive proof," said Thorin, rolling his left shoulder and grimacing. "We shall have to take them at their word."

"If you think about it, it's not so incredibly hard to believe," said Sara, scuffing the toe of her new boot on the floor.

"Why is that?" asked Thorin.

"Well because Thranduil has a track record of sending supplies to those who are attacked by Smaug." The dwarves looked at her as if she had sprouted horns. "He does," she insisted. "Or rather he will... or ... oh, I'm not sure, but in the book he rushes to bring supplies to the people of Lake Town after Smaug destroys their homes."

"He also rushes to the mountain to claim treasure," said Thorin scowling at her.

"But now you know he has a legitimate claim to the gems of Lasgalen," countered Sara. "Anyway I think it will come down to how much you want the alliance to happen, rather than proof of the past. I supposed the descendants of Dale could tell whether or not they received his help at the time, but until we get to Lake Town nothing will be certain."

"Your ancestors," breathed Kili.

"I hadn't really thought about it that way, but yes. If our suspicions are correct then they would be my ancestors." She fell silent thinking. Would they be able to find anyone that knew of her or the necklace? Did she have family in the near future? If all went well could she meet her family within the coming weeks? She could only hope and pray she was able to reunite with them, whoever they were, if they were.

"You are right," sighed Thorin, running a hand over his face. "We need to proceed as though we believe them. Much as the Elf King sets my teeth on edge, we will need their aid. So we move forward with this alliance. But I will need your help Balin."

Balin nodded. "I will be by your side every step of the way."

"Fili." Fili looked up. "You should also attend. Someday sooner rather than later you will become king and you will need experience with such things. You should work to understand our allies."

"Yes uncle," said Fili.

"Shall I send word to King Thranduil that we wish to move forward?" asked Balin.

"Not now. I will send word later," said Thorin, slumping a bit. "I have had too much of Thranduil's smug face for today. Let him wonder for once. Let it wait till tomorrow."

"What about the others?" asked Sara. "Are you going to tell them about our talk with the elves? They are no doubt curious what happened."

"I will inform the company later, for now I would just as soon forget the last few hours." Sara squeezed his hand sympathetically.

"I think it went really well. You were very patient even though he was trying to get a rise out of you. Thank you." He did not reply but raised her hand to his mouth, planting a soft kiss on the back of her knuckles. Fili watched them, his arms folded.

"What of the letter from mother," asked Kili.

Thorin's head jerked up and he reached inside his tunic pulling out the tidy envelope. Letting go of her hand he ripped off the side and pulled the crisp paper from within. His eyes began to slide back and forth, various emotions flashing across his face. Sara had no idea what to make of it but as the seconds turned into minutes her guts twisted painfully in anticipation. What had Lady Dis said? The situation had changed drastically since the letters were sent, and much more rode on her reply. Should she accept Sara, as both Fili and Thorin had urged her to, then all would be well. Thorin would be free to disprove Fili's claim and they could begin a real relationship. But should Lady Dis decline due to sheer dwarf stubbornness, then the most likely outcome would be the deadline running out with no challenge to Fili's claim and she would indeed become his true heart sister.

She felt torn by the whole situation. Torn between her affection and love for them both, however different in nature they were. She also felt a twinge of guilt for wishing this whole mess had been avoided to begin with. Fili and Kili would be her brothers no matter what, but she could not help but hope that the claim was broken. Fili could understand that couldn't he? He had proved that time and time again. She smiled as the memories flashed through her mind. It was almost hard to remember the same Fili she had met all those months ago, the same Fili who she had chastised for his dirty boots, who had talked to her in the early days of the quest. The same Fili she had dove into a river to save, who she had fought and argued with, who she had faced the orc scout beside. Funny how much someone could change in a dozen weeks, even if those weeks had been as eventful as theirs had been. She watched, wringing her hands as Thorn finished the letter and handed it to Fili who took it and began to read ravenously. Beside her Kili puffed in irritation and impatience, and Sara's nerves grew more frayed as his knee began to bounce. Sensing her agitation Thorin took her hand once again and she was relieved to see his expression was calm.

Fili finished the letter looking pleased but weary and Kili yanked the paper from him. Sara tried to read over his shoulder but was dismayed to see unfamiliar characters on the page. Of course it would be written dwarvish. Kili flipped the page to read the back.

"Kili, read it out loud," growled Sara, shaking his arm in frustration. "Please!" Grinning he flipped the page and began to read aloud... in dwarvish. That did it.

"Ouch," he cried, rubbing his shoulder.

"In English." The dwarves looked at her confused.

"English?" asked Fili.

"Westron, whatever," said Sara irritably. "Just read so I can understand it!"

"Brother Thorin and my hasty son Fili," began Kili, smirking.

"How many times must you be at odds with one another? Always you find things to disagree on and make me sort the difference between you. What a bind you have gotten yourself into this time my son. How could you be so rash as to offer the title of heart sister to another? And to a human no less! Albeit a most intriguing human. You know your position as Prince and had you stopped to think about your actions you would surely have realized that your offer was completely inappropriate. A human cannot bear the title of Dwarf Princess. It is utterly preposterous and will cause unrest in our people. The reason for the delay in my reply is because I had all the records of the laws pertaining to heart sister and brothers scoured looking for ways to undo what has been done. Unfortunately it has been for naught. Balin was quite right. There is no law against the human, which puts us all in peculiar circumstances.

"Now, before you go off half-cocked and angry my son, know my full mind on the matter. Fili, Kili, and Thorin, you three are more dear and precious to me than all the gold and jewels in this world combined. Would Mahal you would quit this quest and be satisfied with our home in the Blue Mountains. But alas you all feel duty-bound to undertake such a perilous journey and only Mahal himself could turn you from your course. Having stressed how much I treasure you, I cannot simply overlook the fact that this Sara Miller has saved my son's from what would have otherwise been certain death in the river, and also reviving Fili once recovered. For this act alone Sara Miller will forever have my gratitude and thanks. You have told me much about this woman, how she is from another world sent by the Valar to aid you in your quest. I thank Mahal that she has been sent to you, for without her I would be bereft of my son's. Through your descriptions of her it is clear how you have grown to be quite attached to this woman, my sons. I am pleased you have another woman's influence over you. Perhaps she will be able to enforce some sense of caution in you as I have not been able to.

"My dear brother Thorin, what can I say to you except that I am sorry my sons have proved to be so burdensome to you. Please continue to watch over them in their foolish endeavors. I must say that I am at a loss to understand your aversion to this woman. Don't think I missed the disdain in your letter dear brother. I tell you now that if I find you have been mistreating or neglecting this girl in any way, I will be most displeased with you.

"As to the matter of my answer to your requests that I give my blessing for this woman to become Fili's heart sister and my true daughter; I can only say that I wish things were different. Curse my son and his recklessness. Under other circumstances and given the

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