Chapter 45: The Past

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In which history is revealed to all.

The days of imposed rest and confinement in King Thranduil's halls passed with exaggerated slowness. After having spent several weeks contained to a single path through the dark forest and months before that in the open, the rooms and communal area provided in the corridor felt unbearably small. The first day or two were not so bad as they were indeed used to rest and regain strength. Even Sara's strength had almost returned in full, and save for the white bandage on her arm one would never guess she had been in mortal peril days before. Bilbo bustled about quite cheerfully, happy to eat much and often as the elves were apparently familiar with the hobbit's meal customs and Bomber, Dori, and Nori had been only too glad to join in on the frequent meals.

Unfortunately, once the company's strength and energy had recovered the boredom had set in. For some it was better than others. Balin had requested books from Kings Thranduils's library and was mostly content to read by the window in the room that he and Bilbo shared, which happened to be the only room with a window other than Sara's. Ori likewise could often be found hunched over his sketchbook or records. Gloin and Oin kept to themselves for the most part, except when Oin would disappear to the infirmary to be near Dwalin. He went so frequently in fact, that the orderlies attending Dwalin had requested that Airdan regulate how often he was allowed to visit. Apparently Oin had begun to drive the elf healers a little stir crazy with his non stop questions, complaints, and unsolicited advice. Dwalin was still asleep two days after arrival but the elves had assured them that this was their doing as he would recover faster if he were asleep. They said that in another two days they would allow him to wake.

Bofur and Nori were restless in confinement. Bofur had taken to flirting with the female guards when they happened to be on duty at the end of the hall, that is, until one of them finally became fed up with him and pinned him to the wall, threatening to run him through should he approach her again. Bofur for his part did not stop his teasing, though he did become more covert and selective with his targets. Nori had been caught smuggling objects into his pocket several times and although he was subjected to a nightly search, Thorin has still instructed the others to keep eyes on him when he was around. Despite these measures, Sara was sure that her ceiling was more than a few stones shy. Her suspicions had been confirmed when the little white stones had cropped up being used as makeshift chips in the poker games that have become a quite popular pastime.

There was precious little money left in the group so they had begun to gamble for favors, the few trinkets they had, dares, or even simple bragging rights. Even Sara and Bilbo had joined in. To everyone's surprise Bifur had become quite adept at poker, even surpassing Nori, whom Sara was sure was cheating. The funny thing was that once it became certain the thief was cheating, the poker games had quickly shifted into a contest of who could cheat the most and not get caught. Sara soon found herself out of her depth in the games and so had resorted to teaching Fili, Kili, and Bilbo other card games. She and Fili were sitting on Sara's bed playing slapjack, while Kili sat behind her, inventing new ways to braid her hair when there was a knock on the open door frame. They all looked up to see Tauriel in the doorway, a bag in hand. Kili's hands ceased their work and behind her Sara could feel his body stiff.

"May I enter?" asked Tauriel.

"Of course," said Sara, setting her decidedly smaller stack of cards aside. "Come sit down." Tauriel nodded her thanks and made her way to the chair, a slight limp in her gate as she favored her uninjured leg. Kili dropped Sara's hair and quickly leapt to his feet, seizing the armchair and angling it for the elf so she didn't have to go around. Tauriel watched Kili hesitantly for a moment before she sank into the chair gratefully, setting the bag on the floor at her feet.

"Thank you," she said watching Kili return to his place behind Sara, taking up her fallen hair. Kili nodded mutley.

"How is your leg doing?" asked Sara.

"It is recovering, though still painful later in the day, but that is my own choice. The herbs that dull pain also dull the mind, so I endure. What of yourselves?"

"I never had more than a small cut on the head so I'm fit as a fiddle," said Fili, setting down his own cards and leaning back on his arms.

"My arm is almost healed," said Sara, holding up her bicep for inspection. "They say in another two days I can remove the bandaging, but I'm afraid I will have yet another scar to add to my growing collection."

"Then it is well you travel with dwarves," said Tauriel. "As I understand it, they take pride in their scars and wear them as a badge of honor." Sara looked at Fili, eyebrows raised in question.

"She is correct," said Fili. "In most cases we value our scars for the lessons they teach us. They are proof that we have overcome." Sara shook her head.

"You know... I'm not even surprised," she said. "It's definitely a very dwarf like attitude."

"They are not wrong," said Tauriel, her eyes flicking to Kili who seemed to be blushing. "What good are our past mistakes if we don't learn from them. But what of you Prince Kili? How fares your arm?"

"It's recovered, thank you," said Kili, not looking up as he undid a spoiled braid before trying again.

"So what brings you here?" asked Sara. "Not that you're not welcome or anything, I'm just curious."

"I understood your meaning. I came to give you these." She reached inside the sack at her feet and pulled out a pair of beautiful leather boots and held them out to Sara. "Your previous pair were irredeemable so I acquired these for you."

"Thank you," she said, accepting the gift. They were exquisitely made of a dark brown leather with a gold leaf pattern around the top. She was pleased to note that the boots would reach the bottom of her calf. Eagerly, she dug a pair of socks from her pack and a few moments later was pulling the sturdy laces tight around her legs. "They fit perfectly! How did you know my size?"

"I didn't need to," said Tauriel. "They would fit no matter your size. Likewise your feet will never be cold and you need not be troubled no matter how difficult the terrain."

"They are so light," exclaimed Sara, walking to the window and back experimentally. It's almost like I'm not wearing them all." Taurel nodded.

"They are Elvish, and as such should increase your stamina as well as you are human."

"Really?" asked Sara, surprised. "Thank you! They're wonderful!" She came to sit on the bed, clicking her heels together. "They are perfect! How can I ever repay you?"

"No need," said Tauriel, waving a hand. "They are standard issue. I know you have no money. Don't worry."

"That was certainly very kind of you," said Fili, watching the elf.

"Think nothing of it. I saw you walking barefoot down the hall to visit your companion earlier today and recalled that you required a new pair. It is a simple matter. I should return to my duties." She rose from the chair preparing to leave.

"Thanks again," said Sara, she, Fili, and Kili rising as Taruel went to the door.

"It's nothing," insisted Taurel. "You had a need and I simply filled it. It's my duty. Let me or one of the others know if you should require anything else." With that the door swung shut behind her. Fili stood watching the door after she left, a puzzled look on his face.

"You know... I don't quite understand her," he said, turning to gather the cards together in a neat stack.

"In what way?" asked Sara. "She seems fairly straightforward to me." Kili straightened the chair, a distant look in his semi blank eyes. He let out an almost inaudible sigh and his shoulders drooped catching Sara's attention.

"Well she does kind things, like bring you new boots, and tie up your feet, but then she insists that it means nothing, that she's just doing her job." Sara eyed Fili, eyebrows raised.

"I think you're reading too much into nothing. Even if it were something it's probably just the awkward situation we are in right now. Tauriel strikes me as a kind person but she is in an odd position," said Sara, watching Kili pull a long red hair from the chair holding it between thumb and forefinger frowning.

"How so?" asked Fili.

"In essence the elves are like our jailers, but at the same time they are tasked to take good care of us. But who knows if that might change tomorrow and we'll wind up locked and cells. I mean it's no wonder your uncle is so anxious. We are essentially in limbo and that's never a very comfortable place for anyone to be."

"Humm," said Fili, setting the cards on the side table. "I admit I'm not always the best at reading people. Take you and Uncle, I still can't believe I didn't see that one long before."

"Well then you better keep Kili close to you," said Sara unlacing her boots. "He's much better at catching things like that than you are. He knew almost before I did."

"True enough," said Fili. "What of it brother? What's your take?" But Kili was lost in his own thoughts, staring into the empty chair, twisting the hair between his fingers. "Kili?" called Fili. Kili's head snapped up startled.

"What?" he asked, hastily tucking the stray hair into his pocket. "What did you say?"

"I asked what do you think of Captain Tauriel? Do you find her actions odd?"

"Odd?" asked Kili, his frown deepening. "No. I don't find her actions odd. On the contrary she's been very kind and attentive, especially to Sara." Fili raised an eyebrow.

"You find her to be kind?" he asked, incredulous. "Are you not the same brother who swore he would never forgive her for claiming your kill?"

"I may have been too hasty in my judgment," said Kili, his ears turning pink. "I can't honestly say that I am positive I released my arrow first. I still stand by the fact that mine was the harder target, but she may have shot first."

"As you say," said Fili, shaking his head disbelieving. "I suppose it's better not to be at odds with the elves in any case. I must go." He gave Sara a quick squeeze before kissing her cheek and turning to leave. "I need to check on Uncle. If I don't he's likely to wear a groove in the floor in our room with his pacing."

"Maybe I should ask Legolas to slip something into his drink so he rests for once," said Sara.

"Not a terrible idea," sighed Fili. "I have seen him sleep very little since we arrived, but I would hold off for now." He grinned as the door clicked shut behind him. Kili sank into the chair with a grown as Sara shook out the half finished braids from her hair, leaving only Fili's braid in her loose hair.

"Want to play Crazy Eights with me?" asked Sara, sitting on the bed and dragging the little table between them. Kili nodded absent-mindedly and she dealt them a round, but something was distracting the dwarf. She had to prompt him at almost every turn. Finally she lay down her cards.

"Alright Kili, spill it," she said, tugging his cards from his limp grip. "What's on your mind?"

"It's nothing," he said, looking away and leaning back in his chair, his arms crossed looking for all the world like a younger version of Thorin.

"Bull crap, Kili. I just told you to go fish twice and you took cards. We're playing Crazy Eights." He glanced at the cards in her hand with a scowl. "You're distracted, and something tells me it has everything to do with a certain Elf captain. You got all tense when she arrived and you were very quiet while she was here. And don't think I didn't notice that hair you slipped into your happened between you and Tauriel in the woods?"

"Nothing happened," said Kili, looking away, his cheeks pinking as well.

"Mmhmm. Yeah that is totally believable and explains why you look so guilty when she is around. Do you like her? She is pretty, I wouldn't blame you if you did."

"It's not.. it's not like that," mumbled Kili. Sara waited, letting the silence drag it out of him. He sighed.

"It's my fault," he said finally, looking miserable.

"What is?" asked Sara, confused

"Her injury. It's my fault."

"But she said a spider got her leg," said Sara.

"And it did, but I could have prevented it and didn't," said Kili.

"What do you mean?" she asked, sitting up, curious.

"I was still so angry with her when I followed you and uncle off the path. Then when we got separate from the others I was even less than happy about it, but I'm not stupid and knew that my best bet at getting back on the path was to stick with her."

"I still don't see how you being angry got her injured." Kili drug a hand through his hair and then to the back of his neck, blowing out a breath.

"Captain Tauriel she... she didn't hold back at all, and not only did she fight to protect herself, but me as well. She had my back."

"But you weren't exactly looking out for her, where you?" guessed Sara. Kili nodded unhappily.

"I mean, it's not like I was trying to get her hurt or put her in harm's way on purpose, but I just wasn't as vigilant as I should or could have been. I was thinking only of myself and not her. Not thinking of fighting as a team. Even after she was injured she had my back. I felt... feel, so terrible about it. After she got hurt I quickly shifted but by then the damage was done. I cannot take it back no matter how much I wish I could, and all over a stupid stag. I know that she is mostly recovered but I can't help but think that it could have been much worse. She could have been killed because of my foolish grudge." He shuddered. "I hate to think how mother would chastise me if she knew. Even if Tauriel was our captor at the time, she's still risked her life for mine, and she is a female, elf or no." They sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity.

"Does Tauriel know?" asked Sara, finally breaking the quiet.

"I don't see how she couldn't. She's a very skilled fighter and no doubt could sense my lack of... well enthusiasm to cooperate and the following shift once she was injured." He held his hands over his face, leaning forward on his elbows. "She probably hates me and she would have every right to."

"Have you talked to her about it at all?" He shook his head. "Well maybe you should," she suggested. "I don't think she would hate you, and if by some chance she doesn't know you can come clean. At the very least you owe her a proper apology and explanation for your actions. I would have to agree with your mother though, regardless of your feelings for her, your actions were inexcusable." Kili's shoulders seemed to wilt under her words. She tugged at one of his forearms, pulling his arm free so she could squeeze his hand. "Don't look so miserable. I said inexcusable, not unforgivable, there is a difference. Make a proper apology and I bet she will forgive you. She doesn't strike me as the type to hold grudges, at least not for slights against herself."

"I know you're right," said Kili, his head falling forward to hang in shame. "I'm just not sure how to go about doing it."

"That's simple," said Sara, smiling. "Two words, I'm sorry." Kili half snorted, half chuckled.

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is, and it gets easier the more you have to say it. Just tell her how bad you feel about it. If nothing else happens at least you got it off your chest and you can sleep better at night."

"But how do I fix it?"

"You can't, all you can do for now is vow to do better in the future and not repeat the mistake, that's all anyone ever can do. You can't take back words once said, or actions once done, or in this case not done. I guess not all scars we learn from are on our skin."

"Don't... dont tell anyone," said Kili, miserably. "Especially Fili or uncle. I don't want them to know." Sara thought for a moment, remembering her promise not to keep secrets. Seems they would need to revise that agreement slightly.

"I won't tell them unless they ask," she said. "I'll send them to you for an answer. Fair? I promised no more secrets from Thorin."

"That's fair," sighed Kili. "Although I hope they don't ask."

"I don't think they will. They are kind of preoccupied at the moment dealing with this whole messed-up situation with King Thranduil and all."

"True enough," agreed Kili.

"Now," said Sara, scooping the forgotten cards into a pile before shuffling them. "Are you ready to play Crazy Eights... or did you really want to play Go Fish?" Kili smiled weakly through sincerely as he took the cards from her.

"I'll deal."

The days crawled by... one...two... four... and now six. Meals came and went but the air of expencany only grew thicker and Thorin felt himself wax tencer as the hours and days ticked by. Did it really take so long for communications to come from Rivendell? Was Elrond perhaps so upset with them about their departure that he would not corroborate their claims? Even if he did, would Thranduil take his words as proof enough?

Thorin groaned and sank onto the bed. He had been so agitated the past few days that he had been avoiding the others, knowing himself to be poor company at the moment. Occasionally he had gone to talk to Balin, trying to prepare for what he hoped would soon be negotiations for peace, but as Balin had patiently pointed out, more than once, there was little to be done until they had spoken with the Elf King. Thorin had already gone to visit Dwalin who had come out of his herb-induced sleep two days prior. He had been much more alert today than in the days past, full of questions which Thorin had answered. The elf who stood in the doorway looking on had seemed miffed that they had continued to speak in dwarvish, but they had paid him as little attention. Dwalin seemed to have mellowed somewhat, but Thorin was unsure if it was his lack of energy, or that he had come to terms with their current situation. The warrior had even asked after Sara and Thorin had reported that she was almost entirely recovered. Sara for her part had not been to see him since he had awoken and Thoring was not sure he blames her, but perhaps soon they would be able to make amends once Dwalin had recovered more of this strength. There was a sizable chunk of flesh missing from his upper arm and shoulder where the spider's venom had destroyed the living tissue, causing it to slough off. Thank Mahal that he was showing signs of regrowth. The elvish healers had informed him that his arm may be very weak and it would be a hard road to full recovery, if full recovery were even possible.

Unable to remain still, Thorin rose and began to pace around the room. This waiting was unbearable. It had been six days now! Sara and Fili had tried to distract him as they could, trying to engage him in games, conversation, or enticing him with the food from the elves, but Thorin had no appetite, agitated as he was. The amorous looks he had been getting from

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