fifty-eight

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Sucking in a deep breath, I knock on the door harder than necessary, the adrenaline making my hands shake. There's no immediate answer so I knock again, faster and louder than the first time.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." His voice comes through the doorway before I see him. When he pulls it open, he's still speaking, "Laura, you're early, I-"

His mouth is stuck in a perfect O, his words suspended in midair as we stare at each other.

He must've just rolled out of bed, his dark hair a mess around his sleepy face, his ripped torso topless and dipping into low-slung pajama bottoms.

I take a minute to compose myself as he does the same and I try to pretend my heartbeat isn't pounding in my own ears.

Leaning one hand against the doorframe, Luke's head cocks to the side. I realize then that he won't be the first to speak.

"Good morning." I mutter quickly, too chicken to say what I really want to.

He raises his brows. "If you say so."

"Right." I swallow hard. This wouldn't be so difficult if I hadn't been so stubborn, so adamant that he was the villain in this story. "Listen, Luke, I need you to be honest with me because I don't know how much more bull shit about that night I can take."

"Dylan, it's really not something we have to get into. I shouldn't have brought it up, so why don't we just act like I didn't?"

He's closing the door and I put my foot against it, holding it open. "Because you did." The words are too harsh. Softening my voice and trying to keep it steady, I continue, "And because, Luke, I feel like I'm drowning every day. Some days, I tread water, my head barely above the surface. And other days, other days, Luke, I'm so afraid that I'm going to be swallowed whole." I take a shaky breath and keep going. "And the only time I don't feel like that, is when I'm with you. I'm with you and yeah, maybe I'm angry and hurt and upset, but I can remember what life was like before. What it was like to not be just barely staying afloat."

Luke's eyes bore into mine, his expression crumpling as tears build in my eyes.

"So I really, really need to know," I wipe my cheeks roughly, "If I'm going to give that up... That I'm doing it for a good reason."

Taking a step away from the door, Luke gestures me inside. "Come on, let's sit."

So we do. His bed unmade from the night before, we perch on the couch, an awkward distance between us.

Over my sniffles, Luke clears his throat. "I knew Case texted you before we even left the party, I didn't know what it said, but I knew you probably knew something was up."

We need to talk about Luke. I remember the text as clearly as if I were reading it now.

"And after the funeral, I just... I couldn't look at you, knowing that you didn't know. I confronted Maya about it but she begged me not to tell you. I couldn't keep it from you, not when I felt like it was my fault. Had I'd seen how she was acting earlier, or had I called her out on it, or talked to Casey... better, made him understand, the kiss never would've happened." Luke glares at the dark ink on his forearm. "Then the accident wouldn't have either."

The accident wouldn't have happened if you weren't drinking and driving.

The thought is instinctual, automatic, and anger surges through me in a red hot wave. But the desire to be near Luke, to inhale the air he provides, is too strong to leave.

So I say nothing.

"I told Maya I would take the blame, I'd say I was the one to kiss her." Luke's thick brows knit together over his eyes, "As long as you guys stayed close and she didn't bring the kiss up again. So after the funeral, I finally told you, and we broke up."

"Why?" The word comes out harsh, nearly choked. "Why did you do that?"

"Like I said, I felt I was partially to blame. I should've stopped it sooner. I just... it was the last summer, you know? I wanted things to be good, easy, like they always were. Maya was already a tough spot for Casey and me and I just... I let it go."

His expression is conflicted, hard to read.

A tightness in my throat makes it difficult to speak. "You lied to me."

His eyes meet mine, the pain in them so similar to my own.

"You just lost your brother, Dylan." His voice drops lower, ashamed almost. "I didn't think you should lose your best friend, too."

"So instead... You made the decision to take yourself away from me? You made me hate you?" Warm tears spill down my cheeks. "You don't think I deserved to make that decision? I needed you, Luke. I really, really, needed you."

Luke winces as though he's breaking inside. "Up until this summer, Dyl, I've wondered if I made the right choice. And then I saw you again and you looked so... different, so not like the Dylan that I knew, and I started to doubt myself, my decision. Then I found out you and Maya don't even speak anymore," He shakes his head, disgusted, "And-" He catches himself, stopping mid-sentence.

"And?" I ask, perfectly still as his words overwhelm me.

A half smile on his lips, Luke sighs. "And I realized that after all this time without you, I didn't want to stay away anymore. But the way you look at me... I couldn't take it."

His gaze falls on my face and I have to look away. Mind racing, I can only mumble a pathetic reply. "I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. You were right that you deserved to know. And I should've said this a long time ago, Dyl, but I am sorry."

I nod my head slowly, unable to force any words from my lips. We're quiet for awhile, in the stillness of his studio, my thoughts anything but peaceful.

Confusion and relief and hurt and longing all swirl up inside of me, a whirlpool of emotions dragging me around and around. Needing it all to stop, even just for a moment, I peer up at Luke.

"So you were stalking me, huh?"

My attempt at humor falls flat as Luke cocks his head to the side.

"At the day care center," I clarify, "You said you couldn't stay away."

"Oh." Luke smiles big enough for me to see his dimples. "No, that was truly a coincidence. A lucky one, but a coincidence, I swear." A moment later, "Whatever you decide - to hate me, forgive me, whichever, I get it. I'll still always look out for you - I owe that to Casey - but I'll do it from a distance. I won't keep bothering you, if that's what you want."

My eyes flash to his face, a blush spreading over my cheeks. Here it is. My moment to come up for air. I can take it or I can leave it.

"What if that's not what I want?" My voice is barely a whisper, the breathlessness giving me away instantly.

A slow grin spreads over Luke's lips. His Adam's apple bobs in his throat.

"Well, Dylan Grace. What do you want?"

My heartbeat races.

To breathe, to feel like a person again.

My eyes trail his body, the patch of dark hair trailing beneath his belly button into his pajama bottoms.

To see if he's really grown up from the boy I fell in love with.

Simply, I say, "You."

His expression changes, his eyes becoming darker, his voice huskier, as he leans forward and asks if I'm sure, so close to my face that I taste his breath across my lips.

Gulping, I nod, tilting my face back to welcome his kiss. Wasting no time, Luke's tongue slips into my mouth, intoxicating me before he quickly pulls away to line my neck with fluttering little licks. Then, suddenly I'm in his arms as he carries me to his bed, dropping me gently on the mattress and standing at the end, between my legs.

Looking me over, Luke wets his lips in appreciation and I feel something flutter in my lower belly. Positioning his body over mine, he resumes his kisses up and down my neck, along my jaw, nibbling tenderly at my earlobes. Without breaking contact for too long, he slips my shirt over my head, sucking in a breath as he finds I'm bra-less once again.

Composing himself quickly, his hands cup my breasts as his fingers pinch my nipples just enough to set a fire between my legs. My fingers knot in his hair as his kisses get lower and lower until he's at hem of my jeans, eyeing me seductively from beneath dark lashes.

Again, he removes my remaining clothing with ease, groaning in pleasure as he slips two fingers inside me, finding me ready for him before we've even really begun. He pumps in and out of me again and again, tongue working magical circles into my most sensitive part, building the pressure until I'm about to explode, and then he pulls away.

I can see the hard bulge beneath his pajama pants, the want and restraint in his eyes. Tugging at his hair, I bring his mouth to mine again, tasting my slickness on his tongue.

Breathless, I moan into his kiss. "Luke, I want all of you. Please."

As if to tease me, he flexes his hips against my crotch, the friction of his erection sending my eyes to the back of my head.

"Please," I groan again, locking eyes with him.

Chest rising and falling rapidly, Luke finally tears his pants and boxers off in one quick motion, his impressive length springing free and making me moan in anticipation.

If it was that good back then...

Luke plunges into me then, deliciously snapping me back to the present. After the initial thrust, Luke pulls out carefully, entering me even more slowly the next time. Again and again until I can't take it anymore, he fills me up, stretching me out around him, the heat building in my belly, the buzzing pleasure tingling between my thighs.

Flipping me onto my stomach, Luke tugs my hair with one hand, the other cupping my breast, and grunts into my ear. "Come for me, Dylan Grace,"

"Oh, God," I whimper into his mattress, my ass high in the air as he slams into me time after time.

And soon, unable to hold on any longer, I explode all around him, finishing with such intensity it makes me dizzy. "Luke," I gasp, legs shaking as he finishes at the same time, the moans at the back of his throat almost enough to get me going for another round.

We collapse on top of each other, a pile of sweaty limbs and gasps for air, neither of us saying much for a little while.

Then, a cheeky, Luke Henson smile on his face, he turns to face me. "Didn't I say it would be even better now?"

I roll my eyes at him, the dumb smile on my lips anyways. "Don't even start." But I'm already tucking myself against his chest, eyes fluttering closed.

For the first time in a long time, I'm too exhilarated and tired to feel anything else.

Not even the guilt.

Y'all have been waiting so patiently ... I hope you enjoyed!
Tell me what you think below ❤️ was this a mistake? What will happen next?

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