fifteen

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"Okay," I sigh, staring at myself in my full-length mirror.

Hair damp from my shower, it hangs over my shoulders in dark waves, framing my already tanner face. My eyes, a golden brown, pop against the new color to my skin. I decided on a simple white tank top sans bra, because it's summer and less is more, and a pair of ripped jeans and sneakers. The sneakers wouldn't be my first choice, but I am walking, so...

Slipping a hair tie around my wrist, I grab my phone from the charger, ignoring another missed call from Hunter, and make my way down the stairs.

Grams is asleep on the couch so I don't wake her. Instead, I dim the lights and turn down the television, tiptoeing through the door and into the darkening night.

My feet know where to take me even without thinking. They find the little footpath off the main road, the one that gets us to the private cove quicker, and within a few minutes, I can hear the loud shouting and laughter of a bonfire already in progress.

My belly does a somersault as I realize what I'm doing and I cross my arms over my chest. Biting my lip, I deliberate turning back and going home. Grams wouldn't really know, anyways.

She is right, though. Casey would want me to be doing things just like this. Having fun, living. But without him here, I'm floundering. I never had to do this, do anything, without him. And now...

A voice in the darkness interrupts my downward spiral before I start hyperventilating.

"Dylan? Is that you?" It's Brynn, thank God.

"Uh, yeah." I wave lamely, leaning in for a hug as she does.

She smiles brightly, "Are you headed to the bonfire? Walk with us?"

I peer behind her to the group of girls from the smoothie shop. One waves, the others giggle amongst themselves and I feel myself shriveling back into my shell.

"I actually, I don't know if-"

Brynn interrupts me by grabbing my hand. "Come with us." Her eyes find mine in the dark and I can see the kindness in them. God, she was a good friend. Part of me feels bad for how I treated her. It wasn't her fault.

"Okay," I mumble weakly, linking my arm through hers as she leads the way down a stony path and into the soft sand. The other women follow, quickly dispersing once we make it onto the beach.

The sound of ocean waves breaking against the shore is just loud enough that the music has to be blaring. Drunken party-goers, a mix of townies and tourists, dot the sand, laughing, dancing, smoking. There's a keg, some lawn chairs around the fire, blankets strewn about, covered in sand and half naked bodies already making out.

Ah, I guess the saying is true: some things really never change.

Taking in the scene, my insides clench nervously. Casey was king at these kind of things. Not that I'm shy, but I just never had to worry about anything. I was there with him and that was all that mattered.

"Want a drink?" Brynn shouts over the loud music, a summer playlist from the 90's that's easy to sing along to.

I nod eagerly, following her to the keg. She hands me a solo cup after she's filled it to the brim, filling another for herself immediately after.

"So," She taps her long fingers against the red plastic. "How're you settling in?"

"Um," I stare into the fizzy beer before glancing back up at her, a chuckle escaping my lips. "Are we really doing this?"

Brynn laughs, shaking her head, curls bouncing as she does. "I'm sorry - you're right. It's awkward. It's just been so long."

I glance around the beach, noticing her friends watching us carefully, now mingling with a group of local guys. The blonde from the smoothie shop in particular looks sort of pissed.

I feel my brows pull together in remorse. "I know. Bee, I'm really sorry."

A loud chanting from a group of guys makes it impossible to continue the conversation. Brynn and I laugh watching them hoist a friend into the air before tossing him into the ocean, probably still chilly this early in the season. Their girlfriends squeal and take videos, their flash lighting up the beach. The guys emerge from the water, clothing soaked, and wrap their girlfriends in tight hugs, resulting in louder shrieks.

With a long swig I realize I've already downed my whole drink. Interesting.

"Need another?" Brynn asks knowingly.

Before I can reply, the group of men erupts in another fit of shouts, this time even more fervently than before.

"Henny! You made it!"

"Luke, my man!"

"Well look who finally showed. Come here, Henson!"

Looking up just in time, my eyes lock onto Luke's across the bright flames and my breath catches in my throat as his face splits in a famous, dimpled, Luke Henson smile.

Sticking my cup out to Brynn, I nod my head frantically. "Yes, please. And keep them coming."

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