Apparently I was not quiet like I tried to be.

Hunter faced me on his bed, a look of faux concern on his features, as he told me that he was kicking me out of his apartment.

"Today was weird, Dyl, like what was going on in there?" He stared at me, less caring about what was wrong and more about explaining my behavior to his roommates. It's laughable how transparent he is, but then, that is why I chose him to be around.

Hair fell into my eyes as I shook my head. "Nothing, I just-"

"It didn't sound like nothing." He grimaced. "It sounded like you were crying."

My face pulled into a scowl. God forbid I cried in the only private place in the apartment, right? God forbid a girl ever cry and make a guy uncomfortable.

"It's fine." I crossed my arms. "I'm fine."

"Well," Hunter looked like my well-being wasn't really the point of the conversation anyways. "It's just that me and the other guys were talking..." He gave me a wide-eyed look, like he wanted me to finish his sentence for him. When I didn't, he sighed at the inconvenience. "It was a long shower, Dylan. Like, really long. And you aren't paying any rent..." He shrugged, his expression adding "Or putting out" so that his words didn't have to.

"I'll be quicker." I mumbled, feeling chastised and humiliated, but somehow missing the point.

"The thing is, Dyl, I think it's time for you to leave."

"Oh," I sputtered as his words settled in. "Oh."

What else was there to say?

"Look, I'm sorry, it's just that you're different than you were before. We're different," He gestured between our bodies and I knew for sure that he was upset about the lack of sex, "And this is a really weird situation for me. The semester starts next week and..."

But I didn't hear him after that, already knew what he's getting at anyways.

The semester starts soon and nothing stops drunk freshmen girls from going home with a guy quite like his crazy ex-girlfriend bumming it in his bed.

He rambled on and on, and the entire time I was thinking about the apartments I was looking at all week.

There was a place I could afford - just a room in someone else's house - a young couple who are rarely home, or so they say - and I made a plan to give them a call once I was done here with Hunter.

That was about a week ago now.

Tucking my legs beneath my body, knees noticeably knobbier than a few months ago, I rest my chin on my knees and stare at the TV screen.

The couple I'm renting my room from, Harry and Patrick, are really never home. They didn't ask many questions and after seeing a sad girl with little to her name, they correctly assumed I wouldn't give them any trouble.

In exchange for ridiculously low rent, they give me a room, and access to the kitchen - whether it's stocked depends on their travel schedules. I wouldn't really know, I've mostly picked at peanut butter sandwiches since I've been here.

They ask that if anything goes awry, I give them a call. But the neighborhood is nice and the complex has a maintenance man so there haven't been any problems so far.

My fingers wrap around my bare wrist, twisting even more now that the cord is gone than when the leather strap was still there. Gaze drifting from the screen, some romantic comedy I think, I notice the little rash I'm giving myself and dutifully sit on my hands.

The female lead laughs on screen, head thrown back, hand braced against her hot male counterpart's chest to support herself, and my eyes fill with tears.

Silently, I click the TV off and stare at my reflection in the blank expanse of the screen.

Lifeless eyes stare back at me, dark circles ringing them, a deep frown turning my mouth down and bunching my eyebrows.

After so much time in the sun, laughing so much with Luke and Brynn and Finn that I was beginning to notice smiles lines instead of stress marks, I almost don't recognize myself like this.

I'm not sure that it matters, though. I continue to stare, not caring what I look like. Not caring about anything except the slideshow playing behind my eyelids every single time I blink.

Casey. Lies.

Luke. Lies.

Mom and Dad. Lies.

Lies and Casey.

Shouting outside my window catches my attention and I reluctantly peel myself from bed to peer through the blinds.

The neighborhood kids are playing kickball in the cul-de-sac. They're dividing themselves into teams and arguing over who gets the best players.

My throat feels like it's caught in a death-grip. Gasping, I stumble slowly from the window until the backs of my knees hit the mattress and then I sink and keep sinking until I'm a pile of tears on the floor.

At some point this week, my cries became silent. Less choking and feeling like I need to scream, replaced with soundless weeping and a numb feeling that nothing still in this world matters anymore.

Pressing my forehead to my knees, I press my palms to my eyes, trying to stop the neverending movie of the worst moments of my life from playing out on my brain's big screen.

Please, if I could just have one minute, just sixty seconds, when I don't think about it, when it doesn't hurt to inhale air or simply exist. Please.

Forcing my eyes open, the bareness of the room hits me, the lack of personality on the walls, the absence of anything sentimental. I suck in sharp breaths, chest constricting tightly.

The shouting beyond my window morphs into laughter and the sound of little feet stomping the pavement.

Tears line my eyes again and I squeeze them shut, feeling the warmth sliding down my cheeks as I shake my head.

I'm alone.

I claw at my bare wrist, my throat, my chest.

I've never been so alone in my entire life.

A soft sob escapes my lips as I try to inhale. I put my fist to my mouth even though there's no one here who will hear me. No one who would care if they did.

God, it hurts.

My body shakes, eyes forced closed, endless memories bombarding my brain. Not just the accident ones. The good ones, too. The ones with Casey and with Luke and with Maya and with Mom and Dad and Grams and...

"Help," I squeak to no one between sobs, hands grabbing at my chest and the lungs that just won't fill right. "Please, make it stop."

Desperate, I crawl to my duffel bag and throw the contents across the floor until I find my phone. Fingers shaking, vision blurry, it takes me a minute to turn it on, and several tries to unlock it successfully.

Gasping, sucking in ragged breaths, I find Luke's name and start typing.

I need help

I pause, shaking my head furiously to rid myself of the vision of a broken Luke stuck in his Jeep.

I need you, Luke, please

I'm typing out my new address, when every insult I've ever hurled his way, every disgusted look or hateful comment, every secret time I wished it was Luke and not Casey gone, hits me like a punch to the gut.

A fresh wave of sobs washes over me as I delete everything I've typed and drop my phone into my lap, not a single message sent.

Alone.

Completely alone.

Needing to see his face, hoping it'll dull some of the ache in my heart, I peer at my phone again, opening Luke's contact photo.

It's from a lunch date with Finn.

Finn was being silly and smeared ketchup down his uncle's cheek, and I, feeling so lucky in that moment, caught the expression on Luke's face when he realized what his nephew had done.

Mouth popped in a perfect O, brows near his hairline in shock, eyes alight with amusement, he looked so handsome and happy.

I was wrong.

Seeing his face doesn't make the ache any less, it only twists the knife.

Ready to curl into bed and stay there as long as I can, the last thing that catches my eye is the link Luke sent.

The one to the grief support group nearby.

I stare at it suspiciously for several minutes, like it's a trap.

The kids outside get rowdier, the sky gets darker, my room with it, as the minutes pass. Soon I hear parents calling their children in for dinner and my heart hurts.

Alone.

Wiping the remaining salt from my cheeks, I glare at the text, my stubbornness warring with the breathtaking loneliness filling me up inside.

It can't be Casey.

It won't be Luke.

But it has to be someone.

I click the link.

Okay this one made me kind of emotional ??
what're your thoughts on how the story will end? and just thoughts on our girl Dylan?
love you all❤️