Jax.

What the fuck am I doing?

Getting us killed. That's what I'm doing. I don't like that we are split up as this is happening. Likely, most of these people that we are talking to do not know who I am. On the other hand, this is a small town. Everyone knows everything. So if this got back to the wrong person, that they saw Gabby Brooks and her dead boyfriend knocking on doors and asking people about their sex lives and Courtney Parker, it would be bad. I can only protect Gabby. Sydney is off on her own and who knows where Dan and Zooey are today.

Gabby is quiet beside me in the car, snapping her rubber bands, focused only on what's outside her window.  I attempt to turn on music but she turns it off. 

"You're pissed at me for something..."

She keeps her focus on the window and shrugs.  Helpful.  So is she pissed or not?  I have a pretty good guess as to what this is about.  I didn't kiss her.  Fuck I wanted to.  In that moment we were us again and it felt good.  I know us though, we wouldn't have stopped once we started.  Sydney interrupting us was for the best.  Gabby's getting married in the morning.

We have been to four of the six houses that Sydney has on her list. Two of them (both male) slammed the door in our faces when we asked if they had ever slept with the girl beside their name. One girl admitted that she had slept her sticker partner in 2013 when they were both sophomores, so they must have been in Felix's class. The other girl we talked to would not confirm or deny anything, but seemed a little too interested in Gabby being home so we left. She must have been in the same class as Gabby. I feel as though I've seen more of Iowa today than when I lived here, two of these houses took an hour each way to get to. We are running out of time.

"Are you going to talk to me at all? This is like the fifth house and it's awkward with you not speaking to me... what did I do to make you so mad?"

"I'm speaking to you." She mutters without even looking my way. "You didn't do anything."

Nailed it.

I don't exactly see her rushing over here to kiss me either. We fell into a moment. If she was serious about this, she would say it. Out loud. She would tell me she loved me more than Kane and that she wasn't going to marry him. I don't want her to marry him.

Small beads of water begin tapping on the windshield of the car as the skies turn dark. The windshield wipers automatically begin to swish back and forth across the glass. The sky begins to growl.

"Is your wedding outside?"

"Yep."

"Do you have a backup plan?"

"Nope."

"Are you worried?"

"Nope."

So much for small talk. Her phone begins to ring. Some song about pockets of sunshine (which this day and car ride are definitely lacking) begins to blare from the phone. She picks it up, silences it and tosses it back to the center console. It rings again and she repeats the same steps.

"Maybe it's important, don't you think you should answer it?"

She mutes the phone as it rings for a third time. "It's my mother. This rain is like her worst nightmare come true. She doesn't like when things are dirty and the wedding is now taking place in in a giant muddy park."

"A normal bride would be panicking right along with her..."

She finally turns and glares at me. "I'm anything but normal. Normal is overrated. I'm not a normal girl, or a normal daughter, or a normal sister, a normal friend, or a normal mom. I don't want to be their version of normal."

She's right she's not normal. But that's what I loved about Gabby the most. She was her own version of normal. I knew that from the first day I met her. She was the first girl to turn me down and be cocky about it. She didn't wear makeup and was still ridiculously beautiful in shorts and band t-shirts, those multi-colored rubber bands on her wrist for her anxiety. Those damn chucks were always on her feet and I loved it, she has them on right now. I loved her love of silly things. Like popcorn and tragic romance novels when she wanted a mood change. I loved that she loved me, even with my flaws. I just wish that she still loved me that way.

I kill the engine in front of another house and look down to the list that is sitting between us. This is some guy named Mike's house.

"You should stay in the car for this one Jax. This is Tyler's best friend and he's matched with Lily. Put on sunglasses or something and stay here."

"Yeah Books, because sitting in the car in sunglasses when the sky is black makes loads of sense and isn't suspicious at all. It's damn near night already. And I don't want you going to this one alone."

"You're right here!" She motions to the seat. "I'll be fine!"

She gets out of the car and slams the door. I never was good and doing what she told me to, I get out and follow her. I keep myself against the wall, out of sight of whoever is about to answer the door.

"You're ridiculous, Parker."

"You used to like that, Brooks."

Her lips curl upwards a little and I take it as a win. Fuck, I love making her laugh.

The door opens and I make sure to stay along the front of the house, out of sight, but close enough to listen and keep her safe. The sky cracks and rain begins to dump onto the pavement, turning it a darker shade of gray. Thank fuck this guy has a porch or we would be soaked right now.

"Gabby?" A male voice asks and I hear him step out of the house and close the door. Good, let's keep this going outside.

"Hey, Mike. How are you? It's been a long time."

"Yeah, good. I've been real good. I heard you were back in town for your wedding, congratulations."

"Oh, yeah, um, thanks."

She didn't seem too excited about that. Is it wrong of me to like that? I mean really, I understand she doesn't want to be normal, but what bride doesn't panic when her outdoor wedding is currently flooding? I glance down at my phone for the time as she makes small talk, she has to be at her rehearsal dinner in an hour and a half.

"Mike, I uh, need to ask you something personal."

"Okay?" I'm back to listening to this prick. I don't actually know he's a prick, but if his best friend is Tyler Porter it's an easy assumption to make.

"Did you have sex with Lily?"

Jesus, Books. Right to it then.

"No." He says this through gritted teeth. Mike is not a fan of this question. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first liar.

"No?" Gabby returns his answer in the form of another question. "Because Courtney said you did..."

Not exactly a lie, it was as if Courtney was talking to us through the yearbooks.

"Those bitches lied."

My blood boils, nostrils flaring. I'm counting in my head, trying to keep my anger under control. I didn't like this guy before I met him. Now he's lying. He is likely Lily's rapist and he just called my deceased little sister a bitch. Gabby senses my heat already.

"You know what Mike, I'll just ask Lily the rest of my questions. Good seeing you."

She runs off the porch to the car and gets into the driver seat. I hear his front door slam, telling me it's safe to get into the car with her. I'm soaked as soon as I begin my run.

"He's lying" she puts words to my thoughts as she reverses from the driveway. "Jax I think he raped Lily. She must have known and only told Courtney. Lily has to know about these yearbooks! The way he said 'those bitches were lying' that wasn't the first time he's been asked that question."

"I think you're right." I turn back to the house and see Mike standing on his porch, eying our car as it leaves. "And he knows I'm alive."

She quickly turns her head and looks back to Mike. "Fuck!" Her hands smack the steering wheel. "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"

Mike knows exactly who I am. He was at Courtney's birthday party with Tyler. It is about to be public knowledge that Gabby Brooks is riding around with her very alive high school boyfriend.

"Syd hasn't found Lily yet. They know you're alive. We are stuck Alfie! This is it. I don't think we are going to get any further and I can't lose you again!"

I feel my jaw clench and this time I'm looking out the window to the dark stormy night. Nothing I say will make her feel better because she's right. We are all in danger now. I need to leave to keep them safe.

She speeds home, parking her car in my driveway. We both sit silently. All you can hear is the sound of the rain hitting the roof of the car. All the lights are out in both houses, she's late for her rehearsal dinner and she doesn't even care. Her phone continues to light up with missed calls from her mom. We just needed one of those calls to be from Syd, just one.

"Gabby, you're late. You should get to your party."

She turns to me, face full of tears. "Kane wants to adopt Zo. He told me this morning."

I quickly turn back away from her, shielding her from seeing the hurt in my face. He wants to adopt my daughter? She's mine. She is me and Gabby. We made her. We made love and that beautiful girl was the result of that love. I won't be here though. She needs a dad and I'm just a fuckup.

All I can do is give her a nod and I get out of the car as quickly as I can. My throat is knotting and I can't take the thought of Kane getting everything I wanted. He gets Gabby and my daughter.

"Jax! Don't you dare walk away from me right now! Don't you dare give up on that little girl!"

She chases me back to the front door as both of us are instantly soaked. I attempt to ignore her as she screams at me. The door handle shakes, it's locked. Fuck. I turn, walk off the porch and begin walking around the house to the backdoor.

"Alfie, fucking stop and look at me!"

I don't stop. I run to the door and pull it, it doesn't budge. My hand slams on the glass as I growl. "You have got to be fucking kidding me right now!"

"Did you learn nothing from me? You should carry keys."

I turn to face her, both of us displaying our tears amongst our rain covered bodies. "I'm dead Gabby. I don't need keys. I'll run, you tell people that Mike was crazy and didn't see me. You marry Kane and he gets Zo."

She rushes to me and pushes me as hard as she can, causing me to step back to keep balance. "You idiot Jax! Don't walk away from her! Don't do it! I saw how much you love her! I saw how much she loves you already! Don't do this! Don't leave us! Don't leave me again!" She pushes me again, not as hard this time. Then she hunches over and sobs. "Don't leave me. Please don't leave me..."

I don't want to. Fuck.

I close the space between us and lift her rain soaked face with my hands. I feel as though my Adam's Apple could burst from my fucking neck right now. Her face glistens from the rain. She has never looked more beautiful. I don't want to leave her. I can't. "Don't marry him."

"What?" she whispers, her eyes widening. The sky cracks with thunder and lightning again above us but we don't even flinch.

"Don't marry him, Gabby. He was never the right one for you. I was. Don't marry Kane tomorrow. Figure this out with me, be with me. You, me, Zo... we figure it out. Don't fucking marry him!"

"Say it" she smiles and I feel the tension lifting. "Say it!"

"I love you, Books. Always have, always will." I pull her face to mine, connecting my lips to hers for the first time in seven years. It even feels like the first time all over again, the same sparks that occurred at Courtney's birthday party, they are still there. Her arms wrap around my neck and she dives deeper into the kiss, opening her mouth, letting me taste her. Fuck she tastes good. So good. I forgot just how addicting she is. We stand in the pouring rain for minutes, kissing, tasting, holding each other as if we will never let go.

"I love you too, Alfie" She whispers against my lips before kissing me again. She tastes like rain water and I like it.

The rain begins coming down so hard it hurts, but no way are we breaking this up. We have seven years of missed kisses to make up for and I intend to reclaim every fucking one. I reach down and grab her outer thighs, lifting her from the muddy ground. Her legs wrap around my middle, her tongue dives deeper into my mouth with a moan.

"Tell me you have your keys, Books." She smiles against my lips. That's all I need to know for my answer.

I begin walking with her quickly. The backyard is all mud and it only takes a few steps before I lose my footing with a slip and I'm on my back, Gabby on top of me, her laughing hysterically.

"You are full of mud" She giggles and gives me another kiss. "Just like the night we read at the lake."

I smile and roll us, putting her back into the muddy ground. "So are you."

She smacks my shoulder but continues her laughter. I take this opportunity to dive into more kisses, grinding my body into hers. Hers reacts, pushing off the ground and back into me. There is no hiding my reaction to this, my erection is grinding into her. Our kissing has urgency to it, we need each other and we need each other right fucking now. She begins to shiver beneath me, the rain turning cold.

"Come on Books, we need to get inside."

Her head shakes yes. I stand from the ground and hold my hands out to her, she takes them and I assist her as she stands. Gabby keeps her grip on my hand, running with me to the front yard and back to her car. She lets go to open the car door and fish out her keys and her phone. This is when I see just how muddy we both are. We look like catastrophes.

She peers down at her phone, rolls her eyes and grabs my hand again. We run, we run like Usain Bolt back to her porch. She fumbles with the keys but eventually gets the door unlocked.

We aren't even completely into the house before our clothes are being torn from each other. Muddy shirts are tossed to the floor in seconds. My hands are all over her, hers are all over me. Once our shoes and pants are kicked off I'm lifting her into the air again. She wraps around me tight, moans escaping her as I attach my lips to her neck.

"Take me up to my room and finish what you started graduation day."

I smile against her neck, lift my head to face her again and she kisses me. A deep, passionate kiss. One that we don't plan on letting go of any time soon. I'm knocking into all her wedding shit as I try and maneuver us through her living room and up the stairs. I've never been this hard in my life. Only Gabby affects me like this, like I'll die if I can't have her.

Once I finally get us safely up the stairs, I toss us both onto her bed. That kiss hasn't broken yet and neither of us want it to. Every inch of her mouth is mine to explore and no part of it will be missed.  Without parting, I've got her bra off and tossed behind me.  The only thing separating is now is my boxers and her lacy white thong. 

"Make love to me" she whispers into my mouth.  "Please, I need you..."

She doesn't have to beg me twice.  I drag my hand down her cold, mud-covered skin until I'm to her sweet spot, my favorite spot, the spot that when I touch and give little circles with my fingers makes my Books give me the hottest yet sweetest facial expressions I've ever seen.  She doesn't disappoint.  I begin those circles and her mouth falls open, head falls back, her body lifts in pleasure.

"Oh yes...!" She's moaning louder than I have ever heard her. 

"Eyes Books!"

I watch a large grin come to her lips, eyes opening, attaching to mine and full of hunger. 

"Tell me what you want, Gabby."

"You" she whispers with a smile.  "Always you, Jackson Parker."

I stop my circles, placing myself between her legs, she tugs down my boxers, our noses are so close they could be touching.  "I love you, Gabby.  So fucking much."

"I love you too."

Lips connect again, her hands on the side of my face, mine find her thong first and I tug it aside then her thigh and I wrap her around me.  It takes one familiar and swift movement of my hips and I feel every part of her, inside and out.

"Oh Jax!"

Her cries of pleasure only turn me on more.  I thought we would never experience this again, I thought I had lost her.  She's mine, I love her and I'm not going anywhere if it's not with her. 

I begin thrusting into her, slow at first.  It's when her kisses become greedier that I increase my speed.  She's so fucking wet for me, I feel it on her thighs.  I can't even hold back my growls for how bad I want her, and this. 

"Yes, Jax! Harder! Oh fuck yes! I love you!"

I'm hanging on to every word that spills from her mouth and trying to hold off from the orgasm I'm on the brink of.  It's been awhile and I've wanted her, I need to pace myself.

"I love you Gabby.  You feel so good... I've missed this.  Shit I love you..."

"Jax, I'm going to cum... I can't hold it..."

Thank fuck, because I can't either.

"Cum with me Gabby, cum for me..."

Her lips slam to mine, full of aggression.  Tongues swirl together and I feel her let go.  Her body withers beneath me, shaking, heat returns to her skin.  Her sex clenches my cock in a grip unlike anything I've ever felt.  That takes me.  I release to her, filling her with everything I have in me.  Her moans rumble against my mouth and I continue my thrusts until neither of us can take anymore. 

She giggles, taking my face in her hands and pulling me down for another quick kiss.

"Holy fuck, Alfie."

"Right?"  I can't help but to laugh with her and place a kiss in the space between her breasts.  I roll off beside her and wrap my arm around her tight. 

She turns to face me, giggles disappearing, seriousness covering her beautiful face.  "You meant what you said, right?  You, me and Zo?  You won't leave us?"

"I won't ever leave you.  I love you girls too much to do that again.  We will figure this out, I promise."

She gives me another quick kiss.  The room lights up, her phone is ringing again. 

"Shit" she mutters and crawls out of the bed.

"You're really late for that rehearsal..."

"I know." She palms the phone and begins scrolling.  "I have like ten missed calls from my mom, two from Felix, and one from Syd.  And a shit-ton of texts asking where I am.  I sent one saying I'm running late.  I'll figure something out."

I grab my boxers from the floor.  Both of us look at each other and chuckle, we are covered in mud.  She tosses the phone to her mud stained sheets and grabs my hand.  She tugs me so that I follow her into the bathroom where she turns on the shower.  We both step in once the water is warm. 

I can't keep my hands off of her.  Our make-out session has recommenced and she's moaning into my mouth as if she's hungry for a repeat of what just happened.  I pull away slowly and laugh.  "Books, what is it about these damn showers? I'm always washing mud off of you."  She giggles and places a sweet kiss on top of the tattoo on my chest.  

We wash each other, taking our time, touching every part of skin we can get our hands on.  The mud disappears down the drain of the shower and the water eventually goes cold.

"I need to get to the rehearsal, Jax.  I need to tell them that the wedding is off.  I need to talk to Kane.  Will you come