Gabby.

All night I lie awake with thoughts of Courtney and Jax.  That shouldn't be what's keeping me awake.  I should be excited for today, tonight is my rehearsal dinner.  Tomorrow I marry Kane.  He should be all I'm thinking about.  The only thing that brings him to my mind during the night is that he's like me, and Felix, and Morgan... he's on Courtney's list too.  It says he slept with Becky Murphy and now she's in my head.

There was no doubt that progress had been made in deciphering the stickered photos, but I felt as though we had hit another dead end.  I thought maybe when I saw that Tyler and I shared a sticker that this was about my assault or the assaults on prom night, but that didn't seem to be the case.  Morgan had willingly slept with Felix (which by the way, gross). Then Sydney had pointed out that two of the people on the list that were connected were now married and living in town.  They got married after Courtney's murder.  Nothing about it made sense.  I kept thinking maybe she was just tracking who had slept together but then I kept returning to Sydney's thought of... why did she have these books in the first place?  Who cares if people you never knew slept together?  And why was it only football players?

Nothing made sense. 

My door slowly creeks open and I can't even bring myself to look at Kane.  I know it's him.  God I love him but... Jax.  He's home and my mind is going a million different directions that all lead back to him.  He made pancakes with Zooey yesterday. He made her giggle. They talked about books they both loved. He held her as she slept and gave her kisses. Everything I ever wanted was right there in front of me.

The bed dips as Kane crawls in beside me and wraps his arms around me. I snuggle in close, breathing in his comforting and familiar scent. He places a quick kiss on my neck.

"I love you, Gabby Brooks. One more day."

This makes me smile and feel a little better. I love Kane, I really do. It's just that if Jax would have never left, I'm not sure Kane would even be in my life. I turn to face him and see his sleepy grin. "Kane, can I ask you about something?" I rub my thumb over his strong cheek bone.

"Sure." His face looks worried. Probably because I'm worried and not hiding it. I'm not quite sure how to ask him this, I mean, every couple has this discussion. We just never did.

"How many girls have you... been with?"

His eyes open much wider, this woke him up. He gives an awkward chuckle and rolls his eyes. "You want to discuss this... now?"

I shrug and continue rubbing his cheek. "You know who I've been with. Tyler, Jax and you. Tyler was... Tyler. And it's not like Jax is alive for you to worry about..." I lie; I'm not ready to tell him about Jax being home.

"I'm older than you, Gabs... and I've dated more people than you..."

"I know. I guess I'm just wondering. Who was your first? How old were you? It just bothers me that there is no hiding my sex life from you. Tyler is public knowledge and it's not like I can claim I never had sex with Jax..."

He sighs and lies his head black on his pillow. "My first was Becky Murphy. Sophomore year. I've slept with, I don't know... ten girls maybe a few more. I wasn't keeping count of them."

So the book matches up. They have slept together. How the hell did Courtney know that and I didn't? At least he was honest with me, which makes me feel a lot better.

"She's married now, you have nothing to worry about. I don't even think she lives in town."

I chuckle and roll my arm over his chest. "I'm not worried, handsome. I'm just being nosy."

He smiles and places his hand on my cheek to pull me into a sweet kiss.  "Can I ask you something now?"

"Sure" I whisper. 

"About Jax..."

I feel the color drain from my face.  Does he know?  Does he know he's alive and here in Luxberg?  Does he know I've been spending time with him?  That he spent the day with Zooey?  Does he know I love Jax?

"What about him?"  I try and hide the fear in my voice but my body is shaking.

"I know he didn't like me.  But I've been thinking about Zo.  Thinking about..." he pauses.  "Maybe adopting her?  Being her dad?"

As much as I want to let out the breath I sucked in, this question was worse than him knowing Jax is alive.  What do I tell him?  Jax is alive and spent time with Zooey yesterday. He loves her.  I want her to have her dad, her real dad. 

"Can we talk about it after the wedding?  I think that's a conversation Zo should be a part of."  I feel terrible.  His eyes search my face.  "She isn't okay talking about Jax yet.  I just, I want her to be able to make that decision and meeting his parents has finally got her asking questions about him.  I want to keep that communication about him open, I don't want to confuse her."

"Okay."  He lies back again.  He didn't like that answer at all.  I can feel how tense he is next to me.

"Kane, I swear, we will talk about it.  I just like that she's asking questions about her dad right now.  Jax was special and she should know about him."

"Is there ever going to be a time when you aren't hung up on thug?"

Wow.  Thug?  It's been a long time since I've heard him say that. I sit up in the bed, choking back the tears that I know are inevitable.  I grab my jeans from the floor and pull them on quickly.

"Should I take that as a no?"

"He's Zo's dad and don't you dare call him thug in front of me, or Zooey for that matter.  I thought you were more mature than that now.  You're seriously going to throw that in my face because I didn't say you could adopt her right away?"

His face hardens as if he has a reply coming but Sydney pushes the door open.  "Hey I was thinking we could have a sister afternoon before your big night..."

I know this is her way of saying she wants to work on the case and likely go to the Parker's house.  "Sure.  Just let me finish getting dressed."

"You two haven't spent enough time together this week?"  Kane sits up. "It's kind of a busy day..."

"You get to go home with her.  I get her for one more afternoon."  She walks away, giving us our privacy back.

I look back to Kane and frown.  He doesn't look up to me so I move myself in front of him and place his face into my hands to lift it.  "I don't want to argue today, handsome."

His hands wrap around my waist and be places his head against my stomach.  "I'm sorry" he mutters.  "I love you Gabs.  We will talk about it after the wedding.  I'll see you tonight."  He stands and places a kiss on my cheek before walking out of the room. 

I hate lying to him.  I crawl back into my bed, thinking I'm going to start sobbing but I don't.  I'm so done with crying in this house.  This is the last day we have to figure this out and we need to make it count.  Then I will tell him everything and hope he doesn't hate me, but after that discussion I don't foresee that going well.

"Ready?" Sydney reappears in the doorway.  Her face says it all, she knows I'm upset.  "When are you just going to admit to Jax that you're in love with him, Gabby?  Yeah, Kane will be upset but you shouldn't go into this marriage unhappy.  You need to tell Jax the truth."

"He doesn't want this.  We didn't solve this in time.  We have no clue if those yearbooks have anything to do with Courtney's murder.  We could have wasted all that time for nothing.  So tomorrow he will disappear again and I'll be married to Kane and living in Minnesota.  He wants to adopt Zo."

"Gabby don't do this."  She walks in pressing her hands together as if in prayer.  "Be happy for once.  I know you love Kane but Jax is here, he's alive, he's that little girl's dad and the way he looked at you both yesterday... he loves you so much."

She isn't helping.  She's making me feel worse.  Jax told me to marry Kane.  I know him, he will put our safety first.  He's going to disappear.

"Let's just focus on the books, Syd.  We only have a nine hours and then it's done.  Then we go practice walking down he aisle."

Her hands fall to her sides in defeat with a frown.  "Whatever, Gabby."

<><><>

Larry lets us into the house with hesitation. I get the impression that he is not a fan of me for telling my younger sister about Jax. He glares at me whenever I'm at the door with her. He should be thanking me, I'd rather she knew than my dad. He got us into this mess again. We haven't even told dad about cracking the code in the yearbooks, there hasn't been time.  He knows little details, that's it.  We figured it was best he didn't know Felix was sleeping with Morgan.

Sydney spreads out her notes on the counter and I go to retrieve Jax. He's sleeping when I walk in, with a book lying across his stomach. Something tells me this is the way he sleeps every night. I sit on the side of the bed and carefully pull away the book. I run my fingers across the cover of Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy remembering the day at the lake with him. It's scary to think the same place we fell for each other is the same place that terrifies me.

His bare chest rises and falls with every breath he takes. Breaths I am so thankful for. I think the worst part of thinking that he had died was that he was alone, grasping for air that he didn't get. In a way, the same as Courtney. I find the tattoo again, the one of the books on his chest and I trace it with my fingers.

"Hey."

I snatch my hand back, turning a bright shade of red, and look at him groggily open his eyes. 

"Morning."

He chuckles and rolls over.  "Always did have a thing for tattoos, Books."

I toss the book on the floor and lie beside him in the bed, tucking my arm under my head and begin tracing the tattoo again.  "I especially have a thing for this one.  When did you get it?"

He takes my hand to stop my tracing but doesn't push it away, he just holds it over the tattoo. He sighs before answering. "Like a year ago."

"Like... when you found out I was engaged?"

He nods his head yes. "You were happy and I needed to let you go. That was my way of doing it."

"So that's it? You got a tattoo and we were done? I didn't get a say? I'm lying beside you right this very moment and you feel nothing because you let go..."

"Nothing has changed.  Someone is threatening us..."

"Everything has changed!" I argue.  "You were gone Jax!  Do you think I would have even allowed Kane back in my life if you had been honest with me? No! I told you I was lonely up there.  The man I loved ended us.  It didn't end when you got a tattoo.  You ended it the day you faked your death.  You were lying to me then and you're lying now!"

My breathing is rapid with my anger.  I'm going to end up arguing with both Jax and Kane today, a day that was supposed to be good.

"How can you just come back and act like nothing ever happened between us, Alfie?  You were it.  My one."

"You were mine too" he mumbles and looks up to the ceiling.  "You know what one of the last things Court ever told me was?  That she knew we would work it out, because she knew I was going to marry you and make you her sister."

So much for not crying today.  I would have loved to have had Courtney as my sister.  "Really?"

"And I thought she was right.  I knew she was right.  I was on your porch with you that night and it was all I could think about.  You could have picked any school and I would have followed you.  I would have gone to the same school and gotten a degree.  I'd put a ring on your finger... Zo wasn't part of that plan but damn she would have been the cherry on top."

"That sounds perfect."  It comes out as a whisper.  I swipe my tears as he watches me close.  "You, me and Zo.  That's all I ever wanted."

He nods, jaw clenched, watching me with his big beautiful green eyes.  I feel that pull, the one we always shared when we were together, the one that makes my stomach do summersaults.  His eyes shift from my eyes, to my lips, back to my eyes and I find myself doing the same.  We both lean in close as my stomach bursts into a million butterflies.

"Are we going to start sometime today?!  We are running short on time!"  Sydney's voice on the other side of the door causes Jax to retreat and roll out of his bed quickly.  Those butterflies disappear and all that's left is a pang of disappointment.  Awesome timing sis.

His throat clears as he puts on a shirt.  "She's right.  You have a rehearsal dinner tonight and a wedding tomorrow.  We need to figure out our plan."

"Yep."  I stand from the bed and wipe the remainder of my tears away. 

I open the door to his room to return to Syd and he pulls me back. "You'll be a beautiful bride, Gabby."

My brows furrow towards him.  I don't want him to talk about me being Kane's bride.  I want that kiss I was about to get.  I want him to tell me he loves me and that we can have a happily ever after.  "I never wanted to be beautiful.  I wanted to be happy."  I tug my arm away and leave the room.

Sydney is sitting at the counter, her pen is flying across the paper as she writes notes. 

"Did you two work it out?"

"He says I'll be a beautiful bride."

Her eyes roll.  "Whatever."

My thought exactly.

I take my seat beside her and begin tugging on her notes to see them.  Jax comes out to the kitchen quietly and leans against the counter.  This time, I ignore his eyes on me.

Her notes are filled with names and addresses.  I recognize the names, they are the people with stickers.  She obviously was up all night trying to figure out where they are today.  There are lots of question marks though.  Especially next to the girls.

"We need to figure out what type of relationships these people had with each other.  Courtney was focused on assault and I think we should be too."

But that doesn't make any sense.  Mine was the only assault.  "Syd, Felix didn't hurt Morgan.  And I asked Kane today about previous sexual encounters and he told me that he lost his virginity to Becky his sophomore year.  I don't think he'd be admitting to that if he had done anything."

"You just now had that discussion?"

I glare at Jax.  He can't even be honest with me, I'm not giving him insight into my relationship with Kane.  He takes the hint.  He rolls his eyes and shuts up.

"There has to be a reason why she has these yearbooks!  It has to tie in somehow.  I mean why would she even have them?  Where did she get them?  They have to belong to someone."  Sydney flips through the pages attempting to find some clue.  "Someone who started high school in 2012."

You know, sometimes my sister can be really dumb.  "Sydney, who is the only person that Courtney would have known that was a freshmen in 2012?"

"Uh Gabs, that's what I just asked so obviously I don't know."

I smack her upside the head.  "Her boyfriend, you idiot."

"Ohhhh" she nods at the books.  "Felix.  That makes sense."

"Don't ask Felix about them.  That will just send up a red flag.  He can't know that we are looking at these books or that we have them in our possession.  He could mention it to the wrong person."  Jax begins stacking the books again, shaking his head.  "This is getting too risky. I don't like it.  I don't even want to know what you two plan to do those addresses."

Sydney begins typing them into her phone's GPS.  "Gabby and I are going to go knock on as many of these doors as we can and ask about people's sex lives and if they knew your sister.  Mainly the males because I can't find any of these women with their new last names.  I mean I can cross a few off.  Gabby, Tyler, Kane, Becky, Morgan, Felix, this guy died of an OD years ago..." she crosses off another name.  "This is the one I'm really interested in..."

She holds up the paper and Lily's name is circled.  "Why does Lily interest you so much?  We don't even know where she is."

"Because according to dad, they never solved her assault and she was a virgin.  According to this list, she slept with Mike. The guys and girls are evenly matched.  She knows more than she let on..."

Good point.  Courtney and Lily were spending a lot of time together.  Did Lily help her with these books?  Did she know who raped her?  Was it Mike?  He was best friends with Tyler at the time, that would make sense.

"The chances of finding her are slim though.  Dad said she took off when you did Gabby."

Jax's eyes narrow.  "She took off after Courtney's death, my death, and after Gabby fled?"

Sydney nods agreeing.  "Why, watcha thinking, Reaper?"

I giggle at the nickname Syd has decided to give Jax.  It's fitting, back from the dead to take down his sister's murderer.  Even he smiles at it.  I like this, the three of us laughing together.  It makes me like being home.

"I'm thinking something scared her into leaving town." He rubs his face roughly with his hand.  "What if we weren't the only ones being threatened?  Court was really paranoid that last week.  What if someone was threatening them both before the murder?"

"Gabby you drive." Sydney tosses me the keys.  "We need to figure out more about these people and if they ever met Courtney or Lily.  I'm going to try and find Lily while you do."

"I don't like this.  You two shouldn't be doing this on your own.  What if one of these people are the ones threatening us, harming our daughter?!  What if they killed Court?  No.  This is a terrible idea."

He begins pacing the room.  He continually covers his face with his hands and takes deep breaths, then glances between me and Sydney with a shake of the head.  This is a terrible idea, but it's all I've got. Tonight is my rehearsal dinner, tomorrow a wedding and then what? 

"I'm out of time.  We are out of time, Jax.  It's the only plan we have without luring them out using you."

He goes to disagree with me again, opening his mouth only to close it.  He hesitates and then looks into my eyes.  "Then we do both" he sighs.  "Syd, you try and track down more people.  I'll go knock on doors with Gabby."

"Alfie..."

He can't do this.  This puts him into so much danger.  There's no going back.  He can't fake his death again.  He will always run if we don't figure this out.  Zo won't have her dad.

"It's the only way, Books."