Gabby.

My last dress fitting is today. That dress is currently hidden at the Parker house because Sue is doing the alterations. I am supposed to go over there, put on my wedding dress, and hide from Jax? What kind of cruel punishment was this?

I admitted to Jax that Kane didn't compare to him. I guess part of me thought that he would ask me not to marry him. That he would tell me how much he loved me and how much he missed me. He didn't.

The worst part was... I wanted him to.

How bad of a person does that make me? I love Kane, I swear I do. But it's Jax. I love Jackson Parker so much it physically hurts. All I wanted was for him to admit to me the same, but he didn't. That possibly hurt more than the day he 'died'. At least that day he loved me back.

I'm back to being the girl with the wrong date to prom. I'm crying over my criminal neighbor that doesn't want me, with Kane as a date. That's exactly how I feel all over again. I wish I could go back and slap myself and yell how that was some fucked up foreshadowing.

"Make sure to take your shoes that you'll be wearing with the dress Gabs."

Sydney has been running around like a mad woman doing all the finishing touches for the wedding.  Thank god she's my maid of honor and my sister, she can handle it.  Morgan is too busy being holed up at Cole's house, so it's all on Syd.  On top of everything, she's trying to figure out those damn yearbooks.  We are running out of time, my rehearsal dinner is tomorrow.

I grab my white chucks and wait by the door.  At least today we have an excuse for going to the Parker house.  We just had to make it so bad no one else came with Syd and I, which left Zo heartbroken.  I feel terrible.  It's always been the two of us and ever since we got here she's been pushed off onto grandma, grandpa and Kane most days.  She really wanted to see me in my dress but no way could I take her over there today.  She would be telling everyone that Jax is home.

"SYD!" I call out through the house.  "LET'S GO ALREADY!"

"IM COMING GABBY! CHRIST! GIVE ME A MINUTE!"

"I don't miss that."  My mom shakes her head as she walks through the room.

"Can I please come too?"  Zo's little face appears from the kitchen.

"Not this time, Zo."

"I want to see daddy's house."

My heart sinks. I look up to see Syd standing there, eyes wide at Zo. Zooey never brings up Jax. Never. Of all the days to want to go over there, this was probably not a good time. How do I hide Jax? He's not ready and I don't want to push him into this.

I bend down to her height and take her hands. "Who told you that was daddy's house?"

"Grandpa said you and daddy used to read on the porches. Daddy read on that one." She points to the blue Victorian home across the street.

"We did." I nod agreeing with her. "That's how I fell in love with him. He loves books just as much as us."

"Gabby, take her with. Sue won't mind, I'm sure she'd like to see her and Larry is at work. I need to run to town anyways." My mom grabs her keys and I begin to panic. I quickly pull out my phone.

New Message: To: Alfie Tats 7:56AM: Stay in your room.

RE: New Message: From: Alfie Tats 7:58AM: With your dress? No thank you.

It's in his room? Seriously?

RE: Message: To: Alfie Tats 7:59AM: I have Zo.

He doesn't reply so I'm assuming that means he's hauling his ass to his room.

"Let's go." I hold my hand out to Zo and she takes it.

"Can I bring a book and read from the porch?"

I blink back tears and nod. She lets go of my hand and runs to the kitchen, grabs her book and meets me back at the door.

"This should be interesting" Sydney mutters as she opens the door.

I grip Zo's hand tight as we make our way to the Parker house. Sydney stops at her car and grabs the yearbooks to bring back and then we are on their porch knocking on the door. I feel sick. This whole day is making me physically ill.

Sue excitedly opens the door and allows us entry. Her smile grows wide at the sight of Zo.

"Zo, this is daddy's mom. So this is grandma Parker." I lead her into the kitchen as Sue begins to tell Zo how beautiful she is and how she loves her green eyes. "I'll be right back." Sue and Sydney both give me a nod knowing exactly where I'm going.

I make my way down the hall to the last bedroom on the left and slowly open the door and close it behind me. Jax is sitting on the edge of his bed, hunched over, head in hands, elbows on his anxious bouncing knees. I sit beside him and he finally looks up and acknowledges I'm here.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know I was going to have to bring her with me. But she brought you up today for the first time ever. She wants to read from your porch like you did."

His eyes fill with tears. "So she's out there?" Just as he asks the sound of giggles come from the kitchen and he smiles. "She has your laugh."

"Meet her. Let me bring her in here and you can see how beautiful and smart she is for yourself."

I want to help them both. I want my daughter to have her dad. I want Jax to have his freedom and his family back. I want him to know her.

"She's in danger because of me, Gabby. I can't. She could tell the wrong person that I'm home."

"Jax they know you're alive. The paper proves that. Your X is gone. So what does it matter?"

"They don't know I'm here, Gabby! Whoever this is, they believe that you still think I'm dead. They don't know we are investigating them ourselves. We can't give up what little of an advantage we have!"

"You are allowing this coward to control our lives, Jax. You are wasting time. Time that could be spent with us. Haven't you missed enough already?"

"I'd rather have time with you two like this than screw up and be at your funerals."

"So if we never catch this person?"

His eyes lift to mine and he shrugs. His way of saying he will never meet his daughter. As if I thought I couldn't feel worse today.

"Gabby-girl?" There's a knock on the door. "You in that dress yet?"

I feel as though she put this fucking dress in here on purpose. "Almost." I lie. Jax stands from the bed and opens his closet, pulling the garment bag out and he hands it to me. "She couldn't put it in Court's room?"

"She hasn't gone in there in seven years."

I sigh and unzip the bag. He quickly turns around, giving me what little privacy he can. I kick off my flip-flops and shimmy out of my shorts and T-shirt, tossing them to Jax's bed.   I step into my floor length Essence of Australia sweetheart necklined dress and pull it up and until it rests in the correct place. 

"It's um..." I pause awkwardly.  "It's on."

His shoulders sink and he turns around, eying me from top to bottom with a clenched jaw.  I turn and show him the undone zipper that I can't reach.  Without me even having to ask he stands behind me and zips it up slowly as I stand in front of the mirror of his dresser.  His eyes meet mine and there we are, in the mirror, me in a wedding gown and him standing right behind me, looking like the same Jax I fell in love with seven years ago.  He feels it, the pain, I see it in his bright green eyes.  He wraps one arm around my middle and sets his head on my shoulder.  His body shakes and I feel his hot tears collide with my skin as he holds me.  My throat feels like it's closing shut.  I want him to say it.  I want him to tell me he loves me. 

"Alfie..." I croak out and set my arm on top of his across my waist.  I need to tell him I love him.

But he shakes his head no and lets go.  "Just hurry up and marry him already."

Ouch.

I storm out of his room, tears flooding my face.  Sydney calls out to me from the living room saying Sue and Zo are on the porch.  Her eyes are glued to the yearbooks again.

"Where are my shoes?" I sob.

Syd looks up and tosses the book to the floor.  She wastes no time getting to me and throwing her arms around me in a sisterly hug.  "Wrong dress or the wrong guy?"

I sob into her neck.  "Both."

<><><>

After the fitting I quickly grab my clothes from Jax's room, ignoring him, and change in the bathroom.

I can't go home, not looking the way I do. I feel destroyed right now. I know he felt it too, that chemistry we always had. Why couldn't he just say it? It's not fair that he brings up Kane every time we try and have a serious discussion. If he is going to keep denying that he feels it, then fine. If he doesn't want to love me, then fine. I know I can be happy with Kane. Had Jax not shown up again, Kane and I would have been fine. So I can do this. I can get married on Saturday and learn to be happy without Jax again. Right?

Sydney and I take Zo to the park. It's secluded. We can talk freely and Zo can play. And by play, I mean Zo takes her book and sits at the top of the slide reading.

We set the yearbooks between us and begin making a list of all the people with stickers vs. all the people without them by year.

"We going to talk about this?"

"No." I mutter this as I continue writing my names. "He told me to marry Kane, that's what I'm doing."

"You told me Kane was the wrong one..."

"He's not wrong. He just isn't Jax. Jax doesn't love me. Kane and I love each other, we have a life together. Is it the one I wanted? No. But it's one I can live with."

"That's the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard ever come out of your mouth, Gabby."  I look up from my book to glare at her but she is glaring right back. "You haven't flat out told him you love him either. This works two ways. He loves you, I asked him and he told me he does. So work this shit out. It's not fair to Kane. And it's definitely not fair for your daughter. You're both just stubborn morons, always were."

"He held me in my wedding dress crying, and as I went to tell him I loved him he told me to hurry up and marry Kane. He let go. Now I need to, too."

"Whatever." Her eyes roll and she goes back to writing her names out.

We stay quiet for a good half hour, trying to make sense of the names. I don't understand it. I thought maybe Courtney just thought the guys she didn't know were hot so they got a sticker, but there are girls on the list too. Maybe she liked girls too? Fuck if I know. This is giving me a headache. I should be at home, helping my parents with some wedding shit, but no. We are just out here solving a murder.

I look over to Syd and see her frantically flipping between her list and and a page near the front of the book. She attempts to put something beside one of the names but her pen dies. "Fuck! Gabs! Give me your pen!" I toss it to her and watch her begin to put check marks next to a few lines.

"What are you doing?"

"Gabby start writing down these names..." I dig through my purse and pull out another pen and wait. "Felix Brooks, Kane Porter, Tyler Porter,  Tom Kelly, Mike Schlicte, John Knopp, Jimmy Gronan, Matt Ryan, Lucas Potter, George Clark, Nate Pape and Dan Parks."  Her smile appears on her face as I write the last few names she gave me.

"Why are you smiling like that?"

"Gabby, what do all those guys have in common?  They aren't friends of Courtney, Cole would have been on the list."

I glance down at the list again.  They are random, guys from different classes.  But then it clicks.  My eyes go wide as I look up to my sister.  "Holy shit."

She holds up the yearbook to the athletic pages and points.  "They were all Luxberg football players."