Gabby.

"Hey Books..." his Adam's apple protrudes and shifts in his neck as he swallows hard.

My eyes stay wide, my breathing rapid, hands shaking, my body feels like it's shutting down, a cold sweat comes over me.

"No. No, no, no, NO." My hands wave in front of me as I begin walking backwards until my back goes flat against the wall of the house.

"Keep calm" he raises both hands. 

"Keep calm..." I repeat with the craziest giggle that has ever escaped me.  "KEEP CALM?!"  I cover my face and begin shaking my head frantically.  "This is another nightmare.  I am losing my fucking mind right now.  Oh my god Gabby, wake up."

I hear him move forward and I put my hands out in front of me to halt him as my eyes reopen.  Jax is definitely standing in front of me.  My Jax.  My deceased boyfriend - Jax.  He looks the same, maybe a little older in the eyes.  I'm imagining this right? He's dead. He's dead, I'm crazy and getting married in a week. That happens to brides right? They imagine that their dead boyfriends come back to life. It's like cold feet, but the Gabby Brooks version where instead of running out of the church they put you in one of those white jackets that you can't escape from and tie you to a bed until you're medicated enough to appear normal again.

"Gabby, I need you to go get your dad.  You cannot tell anyone I am here.  No one!  Do not let on that you are upset for any reason, got it? Go get Dan, right now."

"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!" I scream and hunch over.  "I'm going to throw up."  I begin bawling as my body continues to shake. 

"Gabby, please.  I need you to go get Dan."

He waits a few moments then walks around me, avoiding me to walk into his house. I hear him begin to argue with his mother from outside.

"What the hell is Gabby doing here? You were supposed to get Dan over here! Do you understand what you've done?!"

I hear her mutter something and she returns back outside followed by Jax. She stares at me, making sure I'm not going to scream again. "He doesn't know and you need to tell him..."

He doesn't know... know what? He's dead. He shouldn't know jack shit.

"Gabby tell him."

Before I can even ask what she's talking about Jax begins yelling again. "We don't have time for this, ma! Gabby, for the love of god - go get your dad. I need him over here right now. I will try and explain but I need you to focus. Make any excuse you need to get him into this house without drawing attention to yourself or him."

I can't help it, I reach my hand out and touch his cold leather jacket and then retreat my hand quickly. He's real. "Oh my god" my hands cover my mouth and I begin to sob again.

"Christ" he mutters and turns back to Sue. "You really don't understand what you've done..."

Her head shakes frantically as she reaches around and grips my shoulders. "Jax you don't understand. There are things you don't know..."

"Mom, you need to get Dan over here. Do not call him. Go get him."

"I - I'll do it" I mumble. I need someone here with me telling me I'm not nuts, that person needs to be my dad.

He turns back to me with wide eyes and nods his head yes.  "No one else can come with you.  Just him.  Act normal.  You can freak out and I'll explain when you come back but this needs to stay a secret."

I wipe my face on the sleeve of my NorthFace jacket and take a few deep breaths, looking anywhere but Jax. If I look at him I'm going to continue to lose it. I shake my hands out in front of me to relieve my tension and walk off the porch to walk around their house and back across the street.  He continues to argue with Sue as I round the side of their house. 

This isn't happening. Where has he been this whole time?  He is here and didn't even want me to know?  He looked scared. My dad has to have known... 

I cross the street quickly and walk up my porch.  The rest of the wedding boxes are still sitting there, waiting to be carried over.  Laughter comes from the open windows of my house, so everyone must be awake; that will make this more difficult.  Another deep breath, and then another, and another...  I find myself holding the doorknob unable to walk in.  Zo's giggle escapes the window and I freeze.  Sue's plea echoes through my head "He doesn't know..."  She was talking about Zo.  He doesn't know he has a daughter.  Suddenly I feel as though I'm sinking.  That little girl was destroyed when I explained that her dad was dead.  How do I tell her he's actually alive?  I don't even know what to tell myself!

"What are you doing?"

I peer up to Felix who is giving me the oddest look.  Yeah, I look crazy right now, I think I am.  He has the front door open with the storm-door still closed.  "I couldn't remember if I had my keys... you know I'm terrible with that..."

"Um, it's unlocked.  And even if it wasn't... there's like ten people in this house that could have answered if you had knocked."

Great start Gabby.

"I'm tired Felix, okay?  Get off my case." I open the door and walk past him into the kitchen.  My mom is hovered over the stove, the smell of bacon fills the air.  Morgan is sitting beside Cole with Emmett on her lap, Kane is sitting with my dad with Zo on his. 

"Are you done already?" My mom turns down the heat and looks to me.

"Uh, no.  We haven't actually started yet."

She sighs and returns to her cooking.  I swear her only interest is getting this damn wedding complete.  Whatever, at this point she can do it all. The last thoughts on my damn mind right now are on my wedding. My dad's eyes are fixated on his morning paper.  I feel like everyone else is watching me.  This is not going well.

"Gabs, you okay?  You look upset."  Kane wears his worry across his face and this causes my dad to finally look up.

"It was really hard going over there. Every room is still the same and it was just a lot to take in. Larry is having a really rough day so I don't think that they are going to have Zo come over today.  We are still going to do wedding stuff though.  Um, dad they are talking about doing that treatment to the limestone of their basement so that they can drywall.  Think you could talk to Larry today or take a look at it?"

His eyes roll.  "I think that's the least of our worries today Gabs."

"Please!" It comes out more hectic than I had intended.  "Please." I repeat.  "I need someone over there with me.  I can't stomach seeing Larry like this.  Seven years, you know?  You really helped them through that.  Help me get his mind off of it today.  You can help me carry all my wedding shit over too."

"I can go over with you Gabby..." Kane begins to stand and sets Zo down to the floor.

I need to stop him.  Shit. Shit, shit, shit!  "Actually!  I was thinking you could take Zo around town and show her where we grew up.  Take her to the park?  The school too, maybe mom could go with and do a tour. Show her the dam, maybe take her to get pizza and popcorn at Kane's if Tyler isn't working..."

"Okay" he pecks my cheek.  "I can do that."

I give him a nod and turn back to my dad.  "Please? It shouldn't take long, dad. My anxiety is meeting its max over there and I need this to go well."

Dad sighs and drops his paper.  "Fine."

Thank you sweet baby Jesus. I hurriedly walk back to the front door, making sure my dad is still following with a bunch of over-the-shoulder glances. He looks at me oddly. I'm terrible at keeping secrets so obviously his facial expression is telling me that I am doing a horrible job of acting normal.

We both walk out the door and I quickly dart down the few steps of my porch.

"Uh, Gabby?"

"What!?" I jump and turn around. My dad's hands are motioning to the boxes of center pieces still sitting on the porch. "Shit! Right! One trip! You grab two and I'll grab two."

"Are you okay?" he cocks an eyebrow.

I don't answer. I stack two boxes and shove them into his arms. I do the same again and wrap my arms around them tight. Mom is going to kill me as it is for breaking one box of vases. I practically run across the street as tears cover my face.

"Gabby!" My dad calls after me and attempts to keep up. "What the hell is the matter with you?"

I run around the back of the house and drop the two boxes at my feet as soon as we are out of view. Jax is standing on the porch with his hands in his pockets. I don't dare make eye contact with him. My dad rounds the side of the house and his eyes go wide. My pointer finger extends towards the porch. "That is what is wrong with me!  You LIED TO ME! You all did! What the FUCK is going on?!"

My dad ignores me and quickly runs up the steps to the back porch. "Get inside! What the hell are you doing out here? Someone could see you!"

Jax walks inside as Sue begins apologizing to my dad saying that Jax needs to know. Know about Zo? I'm not sure I can tell him that. I was scared to tell him seven years ago. He's dead! If he knows he will want to meet her. I can't have him meeting his daughter who thinks he's dead. I pace the backyard, cursing myself for not replacing the rubber band I broke earlier today. Instead I begin to bite my thumb nail. I'm losing it, my mind... it's gone.

My dad reappears from the house and stands the porch. "Gabby! Get. In. Here... NOW!" He's says this through gritted teeth, as if I am in trouble for them lying to me. I just wanted to drink wine and finish center pieces. I hurry up the stairs and into the Parker home, briefly catching the glance of Jax. My dad slams the door shut behind him and grabs the blinds and pulls them to a close. "Sue, what the hell!?" My dad motions to me.

My thumb nail remains between my teeth as I lean up against the kitchen counter. I feel Jax's eyes on me, the heat of them. He's watching my breakdown.

Sue ignores my dad completely. "Gabby, please tell him. He needs to know."

Tears well in my eyes and I continue grinding down my nail to nothing. I can taste the blood in my mouth from the nail being so low. I don't respond, I don't look at anyone. I'm too busy going crazy.

"Mom, we don't have time for this! Dan, I know you told me not to come home but it has started again." Jax's focus shifts to my dad and my dad gets quiet, taking a seat at the counter and placing his head in his hands. His knee begins to bounce as if he's anxious. I've never witnessed my dad looking like this, like he's scared?

"When?" my dad asks through muffled hands.

"The day you called."

I'm so confused. I'm looking between the two of them, now I see Jax looking just as scared. Jax reaches up to the top of the fridge and pulls what looks to be a piece of paper in a plastic bag and passes it to my dad. He takes it into his shaking hands and sighs. "Fuck" he mutters.

"What's the pink blotches?  I'm guessing it's raspberries so mom put it in a bag."

"This is new though. You've never gotten one? Mine hasn't showed up yet."

"Maybe you aren't getting one this year, just me?"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" I yell so loud that my dad gets off his stool and covers my mouth.

"Keep your voice down." His eyes are wide and telling me this is my last warning. I nod my head.

"Gabby tell him." Sue begins pacing the room. "He needs to know. This changes things. It changes everything... the paper. He won't understand unless he knows."

The entire room goes quiet. All eyes on me. I will not tell him about Zo like this. I don't even know what's going on. My father, a police officer, looks scared out of his damn mind right now. I've never seen him that way, so no way am I going to put my daughter in some sort of danger by announcing this here and now. Dad obviously has spoken to Jax since he disappeared, he never brought it up for a reason.

"For fucks sake! Tell me what?!" Jax yells throughout the kitchen.

I shake my head no at all of them. I can't do this. I look up to my dad and my dad looks back to me, tears are filling his worn face. "You have a daughter." It comes out as more of a whisper from my dad's mouth. My gut sinks.  His shoulders drop as he sees my tears reach my neck. "You have a six year old daughter named Zooey. She's amazing." My dad chokes out the words and wipes the tears from his eyes. "The pink smears on the paper are from a cupcake she had. A raspberry cupcake that caused her to have an anaphylactic reaction the night before I phoned you."

Jax's eyes are back on me, his chest rising and falling quickly, nostrils flaring, jaw quivering. "Zooey?" he says her name with tears falling freely.

I stare directly into his tear soaked and pained green eyes and give him a shrug. "She was the only girl for you..."

He nods covering his face as he begins to hyperventilate, pacing the room. "I didn't want to leave.  We were in danger.  Fuck, Books I am so sorry..." He sniffles watches me watch him.  "I had to go, I was protecting you... I had to... holy fuck we have a daughter?!"

I bury my face in my hands, bawling my eyes out.  "Please tell me what is going on..."

My dad takes his place back on the stool, placing his elbows on the counter and his head in his hands. His whole body is shaking. He lets out a tired sigh and begins the story. "The day of Courtney's funeral I received an unmarked envelope at work. When I opened it, it had four pictures. One of Courtney, one of Jax, one of me, and one of you."

I swallow hard and listen closely. Jax's gaze remains on me, I can see his shoulders shaking from the corner of my eyes as he cries. Sue sits beside my dad, Larry is nowhere to be found.

"The picture of Courtney had an X through it. The picture of Jax had two small tallies in the corner, ours were blank. There was a note on it that read 'drop the investigation' which I didn't." He continues, his knee still bouncing from nerves. "The following day I visited Jax in the hospital for our probation meeting. During this meeting, I brought up the raspberries, thinking maybe he was attempting to kill himself with them. He informed me that he believed someone was trying to kill him. That's when it clicked, the tallies. The first time in the woods, that was his own fault. But the following two times, it was an attempt on his life. I came here when he was released and we discussed it, both agreeing that this is what was happening and what we needed to do if it happened again. He kept the pen on him. The next day while you were at your doctor appointment, he began to swell, caught it early, used the pen and then phoned me. I had to keep you both safe..." he sobs.

My eyes burn from crying. "There was a wake and funeral..."

"It was Courtney" Sue cries. "They hadn't buried her yet. Same closed casket. One headstone engraved with a brother and sister."

I peer up to Jax, heart heavy. "I would have gone with you. We were going to be honest with each other that night! You promised! I could have gone with you!"

His head shakes no. "Whoever is doing this would have realized what was happening if we both disappeared the same day... it was better that you went to school."

He knows I went to school? That's just fucking awesome. This whole time he got updates on my life while I mourned the love of my life. While I mourned my daughter's father. While I told a four year old that her daddy was deceased because he was sad. While I fell in love with Kane Porter...

"The day of Jax's funeral I got another paper, this time he and Courtney were both crossed off. So they believed it at one time..."

"And they don't now?" I ask confused. "What changed?"

"I called Jax." Dad rubs his face, stands and begins pacing the room again.

"You obviously talked to him before..."

"No." Jax shakes his head. "He didn't. I moved to Wisconsin and changed probation officers. I haven't spoken to your dad since a week after I left."

"So why now?" I look to my dad with a puzzled brow, my voice shakes. I already regret asking because I know the answer.

"A few reasons..." dad chuckles awkwardly. "First because you're marrying your second choice..."

"That's not fair!" I point my finger at him. "I told you there was no comparing the two! Jax was dead! I love Kane!"

I feel terrible as soon as I say it because Jax's eyes fall to the floor. "You're marrying Kane Porter?"

I nod my head yes as I sniffle harder. Nothing, he says nothing after that.

"You said Jax was it...."

"Dad stop." I cover my face to shield my expression.  Jax was it.  The one.  I was going to spend my life with him.  But that's not fair.  I mourned him and let go, I gave my heart to Kane and I'm marrying him next week.

"I also called him because of Zo..." he shrugs.

"Dan you said nothing on that call about me having a daughter.  You called and said you thought Gabby was in danger and not to come home.  To be careful.  Nothing about Zooey..."

"Gabby needed to be here when you learned of Zooey.  I told you not to come home because I knew you would.  You have a real knack for doing the opposite of what I tell you..."

"Wait." I put my hand up to my dad.  "You think Zo and I are in danger?" 

"I know you are...  we didn't order raspberry cupcakes..." My dad pushes the bagged paper to me and I pick it up.  It's covered in pink frosting but there are four pictures, the ones my dad mentioned, but only Courtney is crossed out.  Jax's tally remains at two but his X is gone.  And now there is another square, with no picture but  a Z instead.  Zo.  And there is one tally point.   My shaking hand covers my mouth as I press my eyes shut tight.  "Gabby I placed one call to Jax.  One.  The morning after the cupcakes after I talked to you.  Someone in our house heard that call.  A house that was filled with people that morning... friends, family, people from town helping your mom...  we can't trust anyone but us."  He uses his hand to circle around the room.  "Someone knows Jax is alive and they are threatening us with Zo."

I force my eyes open to look at Jax, his eyes on me.  "We will figure out who Books, nothing will happen to her.  I promise..."

"You better be right, Jax. I live for that little girl."  I open the blinds and open the door while they all start yelling and asking where I'm going. I pick up my two boxes from the yard and walk them back inside, slamming them down on the counter top.

"What the hell are you doing?" Jax eyes the box of wedding decor as I slam down the other bottle of wine I was hoarding in it.

"We are going to put together some fucking center pieces and come up with a plan. I'm going to get sloshed to tolerate it. Hope you're all good with tying tiny bows and using a glue gun."

"Have you lost your damn mind?!"

"YES!" I push the spool of ribbon into his chest. "Welcome home, Alfie."