Gabby.

In exactly two weeks, I will marry Kane Porter. The next two weeks can't go by fast enough. Not only because I'm eager to marry my fiancé, but I'm already ready to go home. I'm still driving, four hours away from Luxberg, and I can't wait to leave it.

Having our wedding in Luxberg was the one thing Kane would not budge on. It's not at all something I resented him for, I understood his thought process. First and foremost, I met and grew up with Kane in Luxberg. Our history stemmed from there, the good and the bad - and yes, we had a lot of both. Kane's mom had passed away four years ago and his dad was sick with COPD, making travel difficult. Eight hours is a long travel time for anyone going to a wedding, we wanted our family and friends there. This was never going to be something I would argue him on, especially since he was willing to leave his idiot brother in charge of his bar while he moved his life to be with me and my daughter in Minneapolis. He put being with us first, so I was willing to handle two weeks in Luxberg for him.

The next two weeks were basically set to be pure chaos. As soon as we arrive tonight we have our 'engagement party'. This is basically my mom's way of showing everyone I'm not dead or stuffed in some looney bin somewhere. Basically everyone gets to show Zo and I off. No one knows who her dad is other than my family and close friends, we intend to keep it this way. Next Saturday is my bridal shower, followed by my bachelorette party. Then I have one week to do finish touches and recover from whatever Morgan and Sydney have done to me at said bachelorette party before my rehearsal dinner the following Friday and my wedding on Saturday. 

Is it wrong to want to hole myself in my bedroom every minute that I'm not doing something for my wedding?  Probably.  But I don't plan on leaving the house.  There are certain things I want to do with Zo to make it a fun trip for her, but as I listed them out I realized there were definitely parts of my childhood I wouldn't be able to show her.   For starters, reading on the porch.  I can't bring myself to do it.  All those late nights on my swing, reading, looking up just in time to see Jax do the same and smile; I can't do it and I refuse to put her out there by herself when they never caught Courtney's murderer.  Then there was Kane's Bar & Grill.  I love my fiancé but so long as Tyler Porter was running that place there was no way in hell I was taking my daughter for pizza and popcorn.  Lastly, there was the lake.  No, she is not going anywhere near that fucking lake.  No boats, no fishing, no dock to read, no walks through the woods, none of it.  So we are staying in the house!

"Mommy I gotta pee."

I glance in the mirror and see I've lost my alone time, the nap is over. 

"Okay baby girl, you hungry yet?"

"I want tacos!"  Her little face lights up.

What are the chances that when I get to Cedar Falls they are going to have a Taco Bell with a play center attached?  I need to knock out some of her energy.  By then we will be three hours away from Luxberg. 

I take my familiar exit and drive past the University of Northern Iowa, pointing out all the familiar spots to Zo, the UNI-Dome, the library where I worked, the house she spent her first three years in.  Then I drove her past the athletic department, pointing and explaining that that's where her dad and uncle Felix spent most of their time.  That Felix played football and Jax was in wrestling.

My daughter does not ask about her dad.  Once she was old enough to understand a little better, I explained to her that he was gone, but emphasized on how amazing he was.  That she had his bright green eyes and his temper (not his best feature but I loved that she had part of him). I told her about the art on his skin and how much he loved books. That was when she began her reading obsession. There were follow-up questions that left me in tears for days.  I'm not sure if she was upset by the fact that she would never know her dad or if she saw how upset it made me, but she never asked anything again.  I didn't want this to be how we acted with the Jax topic, so I try to sneak him into conversations but she tends to shut down and get quiet.  She'll talk when she's ready, that's how it worked for me.

So when I point out the athletic department and say Jax wrestled there she does her usual, she picks up her book and begins reading.  I won't push the subject.  If she had said anything today that had made her even remotely interested in the subject I would have loved to have taken her inside to show her his picture in the wrestling trophy case.  I deliberately walked past it every day just to see him when I was in school.  It was my favorite part of my day.

After about ten minutes of driving around the school I finally pull up a Taco Bell/Play Center on my phone and let her loose in the place.  It's my turn to pull out a book and attempt to decompress for the home stretch of this road trip.  I smile when I see Zo at the top of the giant plastic tower, sitting in a giant purple cube with a book in her hands, lost in the pages. 

"🎶I gotta pocket gotta pocketful of sunshine, I've got a love and I know that it's all mine oh..."

"Shit" I slap my book closed, knowing this is going to be my mother calling again.   I dig through my purse, finally locating the iPhone and swiping the screen.  "I am three hours away, just like an hour ago I was four hours away.  When you call in an hour... I will be two hours away, mom! I have my dress.  I brought my jewelry, CALM DOWN!"

"Wow babe, your mom was right.  You sound stressed as fuck."

I cover my face with my hand and laugh.  "I'm going to disown my mother for making me like this.  Why do you have her phone?"

Kane's laugh fills my ears.  "She wanted to know if you remembered to bring the rings and wanted me to hear how you're answering her calls..."

My panic sets in.  "Kane you were supposed to have the rings!  Tell me you have the rings?!"

"Yeah, I have them.  I just wanted to hear your voice."

I clutch my chest and take a deep breath as he continues to laugh.  "You're all going to kill me before I get there, I swear."

"Gabby, just keep calm.  Deep breaths.  Everything is fine.  Who cares if something got left behind?  Not having a cake topper will not end our day.  We will laugh about it and still be married.  Now get your ass back to Luxberg so I can kiss you. It's been days."

"She has the cake topper right?!"  My mother's voice booms in the background of the call.

"No Vicky, the wedding is off.  How can I trust a woman who can't remember the cake topper?"

"Oh my god Kane, don't tell her that!  She will freak out!"

"I think she just said she has a spare.  I think she's raiding your sister's wedding shit.  I need to stop her before Syd gets back.  I love you.  See you in three hours."

"I love you too, handsome.  Go assure my mother that we have a cake topper."  He laughs and ends the call.

Lord get me through this trip.

<><><>

One hour.  Sixty-four miles.  That's how long I have to get my shit together.  Now I'm panicking.  I thought I was panicking before... I wasn't.

Zo reads quietly in the backseat as I clutch my phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"I don't think I can do this.  I can't be in that town."  My hand shakes on the steering wheel.

There's a deep heavy sigh.  "Gabby you'll be fine.  It's two weeks.  It will be over before you know it."

"Talk to me Cole.  I'm like five minutes away from one hell of a panic attack and if that happens you're going to have to come drag me back kicking and screaming."

"What would you like to talk about?" He chuckles, knowing a long talk is exactly what I need right now.

"How's your divorce going?  Are you officially done with your crazy ex?"  Cole got his girlfriend  pregnant four months into our senior year.  They married as soon as they found out they were pregnant and she split a week after she had the Emmett. 

"All done as of last week."

"And?"

"Feels really fucking good."  I can practically hear the smile on his face.  

"So now are you going to be honest with yourself?"

"Gabs..."

"Cole Miller, my sole mission these next two weeks is to get you into bed with Morgan Richards."

"Umm no.  Your sole mission is to marry Kane.  My sex life can stay out of it."

"You're getting laid.  So is Morgan.  Might as well be to each other."

"Please tell me Zo is sleeping, Gabby?"

"She's reading." I shrug and look in the mirror to make sure she isn't listening. "So what's the plan to win her over?"

"Morgan hates me. As bad as it sounds Gabs, I don't regret dating Sarah. I wouldn't have Emmett. But yeah, I went about it the wrong way and really threw it in her face, that's on me. It's my fault she hates me and it's my fault that there will never be a Richards/Miller wedding."

"We'll see."

"Ga-"

"Cole, she still talks about how much she hates you. That means that she's still hung up on you. That means there is hope. You two are meant to be together and it's going to happen this week, I just know it!"

"Glad this is what you're focusing on."

"Me too! I'm going to be a matchmaker! Jesus I've only been dying to tell you she was in love with you since elementary school!"

"Gabby, you pretty much told me every single time we hung out. It's not like it was a secret, you are the absolute worst at keeping secrets." He drives me absolutely insane. He could have had Morgan all throughout our school years! They could be married with cute little Morgan/Cole babies... oh my gosh they would be adorable. His messy brown hair and her big brow eyes?! Yes, this is happening. Finally.

"Then why didn't you ask her out then?"

"I wanted her to admit it. She always turned red when you brought it up. It was like she was ashamed to like me. I'd prefer a girl that actually wanted people to know she liked me."

"You're both idiots."

"Says the girl that's afraid to come home."

"Touché Miller. I'll see you tonight. Wear something that will make Morgan's panties wet. She likes when you wear plain t-shirts. Keep your hair messy, it's a turn on for her."

"Jesus, Gabby. Mom of the year here, folks. I'll see you soon."

I laugh and toss my phone. Thank you Cole Miller, a half hour left of this damn car ride.

Happy thoughts. More happy thoughts.

I've got a good one...