Jax.

I place Gabby into my bed. She smells like the cheap tequila she dumped down herself and is still covered in mud; so, there was no way I could put her anywhere else.  The hangover this girl will have in the morning will he unimaginable.  She's just going to have to sleep it off.  I sit in the bed beside her and watch TV as she sleeps.  If she was that pissed at me drunk, I don't know what she will be like sober.

This was my fault tonight. As much as I want to blame her or the guys who took her to the party, I did this. Once again, Jackson is a fuckup and destroys everything he touches. Now I see why Dan thanked me for ending our relationship. 

After a few hours, I lay on my pillow and watch her sleep. For the first time in a long time, she looks calm. She isn't carrying the weight of a sexual assault, or the town and her friends turning against her, or how I screwed her over.  Right now she is just Gabby Brooks, at peace.  Unfortunately, I know when she wakes this will not be the case. She is pissed and has every right to be. She loves me and I hurt her, multiple times.

The more I watch her the more sick I feel.  She is perfect.  She is witty, cocky, beautiful, intelligent — she's every guy's dream.  Even mine, especially mine.

I take the loose strand of hair from her her face and tuck it gently behind her ear, causing her eyes to flicker open. I watch her watch me, attempting to figure out where she is.

"You're safe," I whisper to her.

Her eyes flood with tears, causing my stomach to twist in the most unpleasant of ways. I have never seen a girl look so destroyed in my life and I did it. A moment ago she was peaceful.

"Gab..."

"How could you, Jax?"  Her lips tremble as she attempts to keep her composure, but it's no use.  Her tears spill from her eyes and I'm holding my own back with everything in me.

"I'm so sorry, Gabby. It was stupid. I had just come from talking to your dad and I needed to get you out of my head. She was at the bar dropping off Lily's homework and I thought it would help, so I turned on the charm and brought her home with me. She was just a game. Nothing else."

She sits up, holding her head as if she's already in pain from a few hours prior. I hand her my bottle of water from the night stand, but she doesn't drink it. Instead, she chucks it at me and it hits my shoulder.

"Fuck!" I rub my shoulder as the ache pulses though it.  I didn't realize a damn bottle of water could inflict so much pain.

"I woke up in your arms after your game ended!" she cries and stands from the bed. "I told you I wasn't ready to end it! I didn't want to lose you!"

I didn't want to lose her either.  She was getting too attached.  To be honest, so was I. She wasn't a game anymore, everything was becoming so fucked up.

"I had to end it, Books."

"Why? Why did you need to end it?"

She towers over me, waiting for her answer.  I can't even form a sentence.  I search my brain for the answer that is truthful that won't piss her off anymore tonight.

"Gabby, I -"

"Asshole!" Her face is red as she screams at me. I think half the neighborhood could probably hear it. "I loved you, Jax! And don't you for one second tell me you didn't feel the same! You looked just as heartbroken as soon as we started having sex!"

"Because I was heartbroken!" I yell back at her and stand so that now I'm hovering over her.

She stands there, startled at my outburst, and begins to breathe heavy. Her tequila stained Goo Goo Dolls t-shirt rises and falls quickly, she doesn't say a word.

"Gabby, I want nothing more than to love you back but I can't. I'm a mess..."

She forces a laugh and shrugs her shoulders. "And I'm not?"

"It's not the same." I sit on the edge of my bed and look up to her tear-soaked face.

"Books, you are eighteen. Yeah, you're having a shit year. But you will have some sort of normal life ahead of you. I'm a twenty-three, almost twenty-four-year-old busboy. I will never have a good job after what I did. I have anger issues, I'm depressed, and then there is your dad..."

"I don't care about where you work, Jax! And I don't care what my dad thinks!" she cries.

"Gabby, yes you do. You love your dad. The little girl who sits in the yellow chair just to watch him work on a car — loves her dad.  And if you love him, you care what he thinks."  I take her hands into mine as she continues to stand in front of me.

"How do you even know about that?" she looks at me confused, now speaking at barely a whisper.  "I never told you that."

"Your dad told me that right before he thanked me for ending this. He knew about us. He even mentioned our phone calls."

"He knew the whole time and he didn't end it himself?"

I shrug and look back up to her.

Suddenly, a smile creeps across her face, making me feel uncomfortable.

"He likes you."

I lift a brow to her. "Did you not hear the part where he thanked me for making you depressed? He knows I can't give you the life you deserve. He doesn't want that for-"

"I'm in love with you, Alfie," she cuts me off. She reads my face carefully for my reaction.

I sigh and look up to her beautiful blue eyes. "I'm in love with you too, Books..."

She smiles bigger. I tug her hands until she's close enough for me to place both hands on her tear-stained cheeks and press my lips to hers.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper to her lips.  "I just couldn't stop thinking about you and it hurt so bad.  I woke up that day wanting nothing more than to hold you longer, but you were already gone.  I thought the game was over.  You weren't a game though, maybe at first, but it changed when I got to know you. Then your dad thanked me for ending it and I fucking lost it, because I loved you and couldn't have you."

"Jax, you..."

"You may have started as a game, Books, but you didn't end as one.  I'm so sorry for what I did yesterday.  I can't take it back and I wish I could.  I felt nothing for her I swear to you. She was a game."

She pulls away a bit and glares at me. 

"Don't you ever go near Morgan again." Her eyes are telling me that this is a threat. "If she was a game then she ends like a damn game."

"I won't.  Promise. Zero interest, she was fucking annoying."  I have my reasons for the girls I choose, but that's something Gabby will never understand. She sees Morgan as a friend and I approached her friend.

She nods with a little chuckle and I feel myself let out a breath that I hadn't even realized I was holding.  I set my head against hers, placing another kiss on her lips. 

"Books, you smell like lake water and tequila."

She pulls away groaning and holding her head again. 

"You cannot drink on those.  It multiplies the affects of the alcohol."

"I know," she sighs pressing her hands to her eyes.  "How did you know I was on them? My dad tell you that too?"

"Courtney."

"Right." She lets out a sigh and looks back to me. 

I stand from the bed and wrap my arms around her.  She puts her arms around my neck and as I hold her.

"Your dad is going to kill me.  I told him this was done."

"If he really did know we were together all that time, he knows this isn't done."

She presses her lips to mine again, as I spread my lips her mouth opens, allowing me to taste her.  She pulls away slightly and giggles.

"Okay, so all I smell or taste is tequila, I need to shower."

I nod my head yes, agreeing with her.  She begins to laugh, releasing herself from the hug.  I grab her hand, and lead her with me to the bathroom.  I turn on the shower for her.

"I'll grab you a sweatshirt and some pajama pants.  Towels are in the cabinet.  Need anything else?"

"Yeah," she smiles.  She shuts the door and pulls off her shirt and bra.  "You."

This girl.

With that comment I begin to feel stirring in my shorts. My eyes watch her slide off her shorts until she's completely naked, except for her muddy high top Chuck Taylors.

No words are spoken as she grabs the hemline of my shirt and lifts it off over my head, followed by her lips kissing down my chest. They arrive to my shorts and she pulls them down with my boxers, allowing them to fall to my feet.

⚠️

She takes the erection that has been growing in those shorts into her hand and wraps her lips around it. My eyes shut, breaking my own rule, at the feel of her mouth on me.

"Fuck, Books..." An involuntary groan leaves the back of my throat.

Her mouth is warm and she takes her time, taking all of me into her mouth and then slowly running her tongue along it as she pulls back. My mouth hangs open as she sucks. Fuck, why didn't we do this before?

I open my eyes and gaze down to her. Pretty sure there is nothing hotter than watching the girl you love suck on the erection she gave you and locking eyes with her as she does it. She's still in her chucks for Christ's sake...

"Gabby, I'm not going to last much longer if you keep this up," I run my fingers through her blonde hair.

She smiles and pulls me out of her mouth. I pull her up from the ground and kiss her while she takes off her shoes.

We both walk into the shower, our naked bodies are soon soaked in warm water. I take soap, lathering it in my hands and begin scrubbing her naked body of the mud from the lake, starting with her ankles and working my way up. Once I'm too her belly button, she begins to moan, forcing a smile to arrive at my lips.

"Alfie...?" she moans.

"Yes, Gabby?" I smile up to her.

Her eyes look down to me passionately, but also with complete honesty. "I missed you."

Suddenly I realize there is something hotter than that blow job. Her saying those words right now. She will never know what time apart from her does to me. It hurt.

I stand and wrap one arm around her waist, locking eyes with her. I use my free hand to lightly stroke her cheek.  We both glance back and forth between each other's eyes and lips. "I missed you, too."

Our lips come together slowly, moving in unison. Our tongues begin to caress each other's, and then suddenly this kiss erupts into one of the hottest kisses I've ever had. It is clear that we have been apart for too long. There is now an urgency too it. I'm not pulling away from this and neither is she.

Both of my hands leave her briefly to wrap around the back of her thighs.  With one swift motion, I lift her into the air and press her back against the blue shower tile as she latches into my hair with her hands. She dips back into our kiss with a few giggles.

I pull away slightly too look at her laughter, knowing I put this smile back on her face.

"I love you, Gabby."

"I love you, too, Jax."

I kiss her again and slowly push myself into her as her mouth drops open against my lips.

For the first time ever, I'm making love to a girl, no games. She's my first. The first one I've loved. The only one that matters.