Jax.

The clock reads 7:03AM. I got no sleep last night. Everything was running through my mind. I'm interested to see how Dan plans to make my life a living hell for not staying away from Gabby. I don't regret it, at least not yet, but he was definitely going to make me try to.

I'm thinking about how Gabby and I fooled around last night. I didn't think it would happen. She is not the same as the other girls. Her plan to drag this out, I almost like it. She's keeping me on my toes. Most of them sleep with me and it's done quickly. She plays. When she mentioned last night that we only had two more times, I almost felt disappointed that this is half way done. But I know there is a reason for my rule. They get clingy after four. No girl should have to put up with the shit that comes along with my life. I'm one violation away from an ankle bracelet, which I'm pretty sure Dan would love to make happen.

But mostly, I stayed awake worrying about her. Somehow every time I'm with Gabby, Tyler or his brother are there and both of them rub me the wrong way. Bar-boy looks at her like she's property, his property. But it's the way that she looks at Tyler that worries me the most. Last night, she was terrified and she didn't even have a reason why, other than the boy that deflowered her was creepy. By the time we were on that porch she was sweaty and shaking; it wasn't from the orgasm I had just given her.

So basically my entire night was focused on one thing, one girl, Gabby Brooks.

My first order of business today was going to be contacting the Department of Corrections to see if I could request a change in probational officers. I figure this is hopeless in this town, but I need to try. Dan is pissed, he has reason to be, but it should not affect my probation.

"Jax" Courtney knocks on my door.

I sigh and stare at my ceiling. Maybe if I pretend to sleep she will go away.

The knocking continues. "Jax, Gabby is here."

My stomach jolts at her name. I get out of my bed and open the door, seeing both girls standing in the hallway.

Gabby is still in her pajamas. Checkered white and purple shorts with a white T-shirt, her hair up in a ponytail and of course, a pair of light gray chucks.

Her face looks lifeless. She is not playful today. Her eyes look up to me.

"I want to know. I need to know what you did that is so terrible that he won't let you walk me home..."

I feel a knot form in my throat as my stomach twists in a displeasing way.

I never planned to tell Gabby. She was supposed to be a game, one that would piss off her asshole dad. I never planned on her becoming a friend, it wasn't supposed to go this long. Her dad is taking away everything because of me. Your senior year is supposed to be your best one yet.

My eyes leave Gabby to focus on Courtney. She uncomfortably looks at the floor in front of her, I can tell her mind is racing.

"Court..."

Courtney's eyes come to mine. She looks as though she wants to cry, and I don't want to push be over an edge where she does.

"It's up to you..." I shrug to her.

Gabby looks back and forth between my sister and me. She doesn't understand how much this impacts us both.

"Tell her" Courtney shrugs sadly and walks away from us.

I can't help but to frown at my baby sister as I watch her grab her school bag and walk out the door. My dad stares at me from the kitchen and back to Courtney. She only gets mopey like this when someone brings it up.

"Shouldn't you be going to school Books?" I lean against my door and stare at the floor. I don't want to have this discussion with her. I'm not sure Courtney is truly ready for this again and I don't want to hurt her.

"Jax I need to know..." She begins snapping the rubber bands on her wrist, as if she's nervous. "Please?" she pleads.

I push my door open further and she walks back into my room. She crawls into my bed and sits in the same spot she did last night as we watched our movie.

I don't sit in the bed with her, I pull out my rolling desk chair and sit on it backwards, straddling the seat and placing my arms on the back of it. I want to keep my distance in case she's uncomfortable with what I tell her.

I stare at the girl in my bed as she only looks at the sheets. She has bags under her eyes, she didn't sleep last night either.

"Where do you want me to start Books?"

"Did Courtney get into trouble too? Why did you need to ask her for permission?" Now she looks up to me. She's confused and I can see where she would be.

I don't even know how to start. "No, she did nothing wrong."

"I guess start from the beginning..."

I sigh and rub my face. "The first thing you need to know Gabby, and I'm sure that this is why your dad doesn't like me... is that I don't regret what I did. I would do it a million times over again."

Her face hardens. I figured I should just get worst of it out of the way. This was the truth.

"You would break the law, go to jail and be put on probation again?" she lifts an eyebrow to me.

"I was home in Illinois from UNI for Thanksgiving break two years ago..." I begin.

I set my face in my hands preparing myself to spill each detail about the day that changed our lives.

"I brought my housemate home with me. He was a freshmen, I had just met him that first semester but he seemed like a good guy.  His family went skiing in Aspen over the break and he didn't want to go. Jimmy comes from big money, his dad works in politics. Courtney and him hit it off right away. You know my sister... she can be a bit forward, just like me..."

Gabby smiles and nods, knowing that I'm right.

"They sneak off together the second night I'm home. I knew they went off, I didn't like it, but I also didn't stop it. My sister has a real knack for dating losers, I liked Jimmy... so if she was going to be stupid with someone, I was cool with it. It also meant that I didn't have to entertain him the entire time I was home either."

Now I begin to feel sick, but in a rage fueled sort of way. I fucking hate Jimmy.

"Courtney was not herself the next day. She was quiet. She was pale, she didn't go anywhere near him. It was like she was afraid of him all of the sudden. My parents even knew something wasn't right with her and when they kept trying to talk to her she fucking lost it. She threw a tantrum like a child, it was like she was crying and throwing shit for no reason. I followed her to her room it took me a good hour to get her to calm down. She assured me she was fine, she was just having a bad day."

The knot in my throat grows. I know Courtney does not want her friends knowing this about her.

"Books you can't tell anyone this. Court is not as okay as she looks and this is why..."

She stares up at me. "I won't tell anyone Jax. If she doesn't want me to know you can stop..."

"I trust you Gabby, and I'll tell you. Just keep it to yourself."

She nods and waits for me to continue. I let out another sigh, I wish Court would have stayed for this part and just told it herself.

"I did not know at the time Courtney was a virgin. She had a lot of stupid fucking boyfriends, like I said, she picks winners." I roll my eyes.

"I also didn't know that they had sex the night they snuck off. Apparently he was really rough with her. Like, really rough... on a virgin."

Gabby's eyes fly up to mine and I watch her swallow hard.

"Like I said Gabby... I didn't know at this point. She wasn't spilling any of that to her brother, we didn't talk about shit like that and we were really close. I didn't even know he was like that..."

I stare at the wall. I can't look at her for this next part because it makes me ill to think about to this day.

"Jimmy and I hit the bars that night. I left with someone and I thought he was doing the same. I got home the next morning after my parents had left for work. When I got in the house I heard Court screaming. Like blood curdling screams..."

I close my eyes and try not to picture it again. I'm always trying to forget it.

"He was raping her. She was tied up and I had to pry him off of my little sister. She was bruised everywhere. All I saw was red. It was like I became a different person and I was filled with rage. It only took one move and I had him on the ground with a broken spine. Full-ride wrestler, I knew how to bend someone until they broke."

I open my eyes and look at Gabby. Her eyes are glassed over and she looks empty. Like she is in the room but her mind isn't. She's staring at my clothes hamper and not moving a muscle.

"So after he's put into the hospital... I get a visit from his mother. She showed up at our home and fucking blew. I broke her only son, literally. I mean, I get it. But she went fucking crazy. Half the neighborhood heard her as she stood on our porch. My dad stood beside me, my mom watched from the door. She started hitting me. Not lightly either. She wanted to hurt me and I didn't blame her. I was raised not to hit women. So I took it, and took it but eventually it needed to stop. I had my hands in front of my face trying to block her hits and my mom was freaking out. She tried to stop her and she took a swing at my mom and I tried to push his mom away to block it. Not hard, just so that she didn't hit my mom. She stepped back and missed the step, fell down two steps from the porch and broke her wrist."

I rub my face and finally prepare to tell her why her dad is my probation officer.

"So I was charged with the attempted murder of Jimmy and the assault of his mom. They lessened me down to an assault of Jimmy because his fucking parents didn't want it out that he was raping young girls. I plead guilty, was out in jail for three months. Four years probation. My record is sealed so that no one finds out, as is his. It would hurt daddy's political career. Jimmy is in a wheelchair for the rest of his life, his dick will never get hard again because of me and I'm okay with that."

I take my hands from my face and look at Gabby. She is still looking at the clothes hamper. She hasn't moved an inch. She is not herself right now at all, it's like she's lost. It's the same look she had last night, scared. I guess now I find out if she's really scared of me. Which, judging by how she's acting, is a yes.

"It's an older brother's responsibility to look out for their little sisters Books..."

She still doesn't flinch.  I feel sick as I watch her. I don't want her to think less of me. I stick by what I did. Other than I wish I would have pushed his mother a little bit to the left so that she didn't miss a step. I just wanted to protect my mom.

"Gabby?" I plead for her to say something.

Her eyes finally dart towards mine, her body remains perfectly still and she finally speaks.

"He fucking deserved it." She says bitterly. A tear falls down her cheek. "And so much more..."

She stands from the bed and walks out of my room. I hear the front door shut shortly after.

That definitely was not the reaction I was expecting from her...

She's scared... but it's not me that she she's afraid of...