Chapter Nineteen

"Yo, Im taking a break."

"You know this your shop right?" DJ, one of my artist's reminded me playfully.

"What we gon do, tell you no?" Kiana, another artist chimed in, causing the shop to erupt in laughter.

"Bye." I waved them off before stepping into my office. I opened the shop up at 9 this morning and I've been on go mode since. Being that it was pushing 4 I needed more than a damn break, but it was nothing that a blunt couldn't fix.

Hitting shuffle on my phone Someday by Lil Bibby & PNB Rock filled my office as it connected to my Bose speaker.

"Remember having fifty cent to my name
A quarter juice and some hot flames

We were sitting on the couch watching He Got Game, My homie could have been Jordan but he got changed

Yeah youngin had hoop dreams, but I know a few things

That I can serve prolly get some Jordans and some new jeans

The main objective was to make it out

By any means if I find out where to plug stay I'm stakin out."

After rolling up I took the time to clear my thoughts and reflect on my day. It was a simple concept, but it allowed me to go into the next day with a clean slate and a fresh start. As much as I loved what I did, at the end of the day it was still work and if it was one thing my father taught me it was to never bring work home with you.

Speaking of my father, I remembered mom's telling me we needed to talk so I decided to hit his line.

"His old ass better answer too." I mumbled before dialing his number.

"Hello." His BK accent ran thick, answering on the fourth ring.

"Pops." I sung, ashing my blunt and grabbing an apple juice from the mini fridge beneath my desk.

"Son, how you doing!"

"Living, but you knew that though." I chuckled knowing he was shaking his head at me for stealing his line.

"Where my grand baby?"

"With her moms right now, I get her back in a few days." I chugged the small bottle and grabbed another.

"You and your sister need to let me fly my babies out, her and Gia ."

"Please do, they ask about your old ass all the time.
But wassup? Ma told me you needed to talk to me?" I switched the subject quickly before he could scold me for cussing.

"Yeah, the twins been asking bout you."

"Oh word, where they bad asses at?" I pulled at the growing hair that sat beneath my Yankees hat, making a mental note to have Izzy get me right later.

"Somewhere probably tearing my damn house up."

I was 11 1/2 when my parents divorced and 12 by the time the twins were born, you do the math.

My parents separating was mind blowing to me, they were the epitome of love in my opinion. As a child I couldn't understand how they fell out of love or how my father could even imagine being with anyone who wasn't my mother. The entire ordeal had me sick for months and in my adolescent mind it made me question everything. If my parents couldn't get it right, how the hell could I?

It was the summer of 86' and the streets were blazing from the July sun. On a day like this, Dyckman was the move for the block. Kids ran wild, melted snow cones dripped onto the scorching concrete and dope boys flooded the park — flashing their ice to every braud with a fat ass.

Crack was beginning to take over the streets and if you could get your hands on a rock and flip it, you were the man.

At 16 my father touched his first brick and it was then that a Brooklyn legend was born. Like me Rahkim "Sincere" Jones had hoop dreams, but with  six younger siblings to feed college was out of the question. Crack was his way out and the way my father played the game you would've thought it was in his blood. He didn't know it yet, but by 21 he would be a force to be reckoned with, a kingpin in the making. And once the early 90's rolled around it would be a wrap, you wouldn't be able to move an ounce let alone a brick unless my father said so. Sincere would no longer be just another corner boy, he would soon be the plug and that type of power was deadly. He would be on top of the world and with a rider on his side it would take an army to knock him off of his throne.

Raw and unfiltered, my parents embodied hood love. The two met their sophomore year of high school and the rest was history.

My father was what every ghetto braud in NY wanted, a handsome ball player that sold dope — a bird's paradise.

My mother on the other hand was not fucking with the hype. The idea of dating a dope boy was a major turn off. The only thing that mattered to Kimberly De la Cruz was graduating, boys were the last thing on her mind. She was a loud mouth Afro Latina from Atlanta who kept her head in a book and her ass out the streets. In her eyes Sincere was nothing but trouble and she wanted no parts.

The two crossed paths when my mother got caught at the wrong place at the wrong time. Witnessing a murder was the fastest way to catch a bullet and with a barrel to her forehead my mother was learning just how true the old street law was.

"What the fuck did you see?"

"Nothing, I saw nothing! Please let me go." She cried, unsure of what to say as her body shook in fear. She knew better than to be out this late, but she never imagined she'd find herself held at gun point.

"Let you go? So you can run ya mouth? Shorty do I look stupid to you?" Her captor released a devious chuckle. His face was familiar, but she couldn't quite place where she knew him from.

"No, I promise I won't say anything!" Kim begged, praying that she found her way out of this unharmed. She knew if she didn't make it home her parents would be devastated.

"Let her go." A raspy voice from behind caught both of their attention.

"Nigga what?" Ace couldn't believe his ears. His big brother was willing to jeopardize their freedom and for what, some random braud? This nigga was too damn nice and it made his stomach churn.

"You heard me, let her go." Kimberly silently thanked the Lord as she stood face to face with the man that saved her life. It finally clicked as to why the boy looked familiar, he was Sincere's little brother. The two had been classmates since middle school, and while they never held a conversation she knew exactly who he was. Sincere was a legend at Lincoln High, holding the record for most points scored in a single game, 56. He was projected to play at UNC once he graduated, but Sin had other plans. It was his dream to play ball, but at the moment he was more concerned with feeding his family. Ball would bring him money in the long haul but what good was that doing when he was struggling to provide for his mother and siblings now.

"If this girl snitch I'm not sharing none of my commissary and that's on mom's." Ace slid the cold chrome of his 9 across his future sister in law's forehead before stuffing it into his jeans.

"It's 1 am, why the fuck you out walking this late anyway?" Sin turned his attention to a shook up Kimberly.

"I was coming from the library." She whispered lowly, still rattled from her near death experience.

"What?" Sincere stepped closer, unable to hear her soft voice.

"I said I was coming from the library!" Kimberly snapped, her fear now replaced with anger. She couldn't believe she had been held at gun point by a damn 14 year old. If he hadn't had his gun she for sure would have whooped his lanky ass.

"Oh mami bold, I likes dat." Ace stepped back, amused by her sudden surge of courage.

"Who the fuck you talkin' to?"

"You the only nigga talkin' right now right?" Kimberly stepped closer, daring him to get out of pocket.

"Yo shorty, fuck outta my face before I change my mind and shoot your ass my damn self." Sincere threatened her, his brown eyes never leaving hers.

"Whatever, see you at school Rahkim."

From that day forward my mother was all my pops could think about. He had his mind set that she would be his and Sincere always got his way.

It took him 3 months to secure a study date and from there it was history. The two fell in love quick and before they knew it my mother was pregnant with their first child. The day Sincere found out he was bringing a life into this world, his hunger to provide grew tenfold.

"What's this?" Sincere smiled widely, holding up the small blue gift bag.

"Open it!" My mother urged, unsure of what the future would hold once her boyfriend learned the news.

"Stop playing, you for real?" He covered his mouth in shock as he pulled out a pair of white booties.

"I'm pregnant Rahkim." Kimberly spoke softly, she was 16, pregnant, and terrified. She could only fathom how her family would react to the news, but in this moment she only cared to worry about one
— Rahkim's.

"My baby's having my baby." He wrapped his arms around her, holding her tight. They were young but Sin knew what he had in front of him. He was going to build a legacy with this girl.

Seven months later, their daughter Reja Noelle Jones was born and the two couldn't be happier. Kimberly was still in school, determined not to be another statistic while Sincere was quickly falling into the hustler's lifestyle.

Fast forward 8 years, Sincere and Kim were now "hood famous." Sin was officially the connect and Kimberly nor his family wanted for anything. The two were pushing up on their fifth year of marriage and now had three children to call their own. At 21 the pair welcomed their first son Raheem Tamir into this world and at 23 his baby brother Razir Armon made his debut.

The two lived in harmony for another decade before shit started to get rocky. Late nights turned into early morning and early mornings turned into not coming home at all. Sincere claimed to be busy working, but Kim was far from naive. She held a brave face, hopeful that her husband wasn't stupid enough to lose her to a few groupies, but she was wrong. Stumbling in with lipstick stains on his chest, Kimberly had had enough. Rahkim was the love of her life, but she refused to remain silent and bask in his infidelity.

That morning Sincere woke up to an empty house and a note attached to the counter asking for a divorce.

Six months later I was a big brother again with two new siblings, Malia and Masai Jones.

"Tamir!" The sound of my little sister's voice rang in my ear, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Malia!" I matched her excited tone. Lia was a pretty cool kid, always happy and never without a smile. Aubrey reminded me of her every day, which let me know that I was doing at least one thing right when it came to raising her.

"Hold on I'm about to call you off my phone, somebody keeps calling daddy." She hung up and like clock work I was getting an incoming FaceTime call.

"What you been up to shorty?"

"School and more school, oh and I made varsity track. Coach may put me on the relay team when the season starts."

"Yeah? Damn that's wassup, I'm proud of you babygirl! Check your account later tonight."

"I miss you Rah! You moved away and forgot about me." Her moon shaped eyes sunk in sadness.

"I could never, you know I love you Lia." I told her truthfully. Before Bre was born Lia was my baby and I spoiled her every chance I got.

"I can't tell, you don't even call me anymore." She pouted relentlessly.

She was right, since being in Atlanta I could count on one hand how many times I had picked up the phone to call either of the twins. I had fallen off completely with my big brother duties.

"You right, I'm fucking up, I'll make it up to you Stink."

"Ever since you left Masai has been acting crazy."

"Acting crazy how?" My eyebrows furrowed, worried about what she had to tell me.

"He got kicked off the basketball team."

"When?" I fought to remain calm, feeling myself getting heated from this conversation already.

"A few weeks ago. He got into a fight at practice and when Coach Day tried to break it up he spazzed on him."

"That's it?" I asked rubbing my temples. I couldn't say I was surprised, restraint wasn't a trait that ran in the Jones' family, we all struggled with anger management.

"And he's been skipping school. I think he's in a gang, Raheem." Her voice trailed off the last bit.

"A gang? Fuck are you talking about Malia!" I heard her loud and clear the first time, but I was hoping this was all a joke to get back at me for not being around.

"I'm just telling you what I think. I was looking for his Nike pros and found a gun in his sock drawer. Im scared Rah, I overheard him talking the other day about getting jumped in."

"You told daddy?" I palmed my face, distraught and in disbelief.

"No, I wanted to see if you could talk to him before it got that far. You know how daddy is."

"Where he at now?" She was right, had she told my father first she would be down a brother right now.

"In his room, he's been in there all day."

"Go give him the phone." I instructed her before the screen went black and I heard shuffling.

To think that Masai was possibly in a gang had my mind racing. I knew my little brother and he wasn't built for this shit, AT ALL.

"Yooo." He smiled into the camera, unbeknownst that Lia had already clued me into everything.

"Fuck you on? You skipping school and shit, getting kicked off the team?"

"Damn Lia you forever snitching." He smacked his lips, his smile now a scowl.

"Well excuse me for caring about you!" She mushed his head back before marching out, slamming the door on her way out.

"What's going on man, this ain't you Masai."

"You don't even fucking know me so who are you to tell me what's me or not." He spoke, his words laced in animosity.

"Nigga don't forget who you talking to, I'll beat your ass, stop fucking playing with me! What you think because you toting a flag you a real street dude now? Boy ya balls just dropped, fuck outta here."

"Yo, you not bout to talk to me like a little kid and think I'm just gon vibe with it."

"Oh you must think you got heart?" I smirked watching his face contort with anger.

"Been had it." He held his scowl, not backing down.

"Say less. I swear on everything imma beat your ass when I see you Masai and that's on Cryp. Since you got so much fucking heart, keep that same energy when I see you baby boy." I hung up, pissed that he could be so stupid.

I was younger than Masai when I got jumped in to the Rollin 30's, 12 to be exact.

Every day my card was being pulled and every day I was dropping niggas for playing me like I was pussy.
With a kingpin for a father it wasn't easy staying out of trouble and with his last name attached to mine I was constantly having to prove myself. I was never encouraged to rep a set, but the need to be like my father was all the encouragement I needed. He was my idol and in my adolescent mind there was no better way to pay homage. When my dad caught wind of my decision he beat my ass until I had a limp. He threw me into the trenches, exposing me to a world I had only saw in movies and it was then that I realized exactly what I had gotten myself into. I knew my father had his hand in the drug business, but I was completely naive to the role he played.

I'll never front on the brotherhood I formed, it made me the man that I am. I was a Loc until I died, but a gang was no place for a child to be.

Razi had never been on that type of time. With his head always in a book, gang life was never apart of the plan. But Blue ran deep in our family so he was affiliated by association.

With my father on the straight and narrow for the last eight years I was a little confused as to why my baby brother thought he was credible enough to even tote a flag. Masai had never seen a trap house or shot a gun so I was baffled as to how he suddenly thought he was some project baby. I knew for a fact that my father hadn't exposed the twins to that lifestyle so the sudden behavior was puzzling me.

"Yo, you know ya son a fucking Crip?" I called my father back, not even giving him a chance to greet me.

"Well hello to you too and who, Razi?"

"Try again." I scoffed, knowing he was about to lose his shit.

"I must gotta another one running around Harlem because I know you not talking about my baby."

"Bingo."

Imma call you back." He hung up the phone and I already knew what type of time he was on.

Exiting my office, my mood was completely shot so I called it a day, leaving the shop in the hands of my artist's.

Unlocking my G-Wagon I sat in silence replaying the last 30 minutes of my day. This shit had my nerves going haywire. In the middle of talking myself down my phone began to ring. Looking at the caller ID I saw it was Sage and answered it via Bluetooth.

"Hey baby!" Her sweet voice soothed me instantly.

"Wassup ma."

"You ok? What's wrong?" She asked, concerned riddled throughout her tone.

"Nothing, I'm good love." I reversed out of the parking lot and found myself driving with no destination in mind.

"Rah, what did we talk about yesterday?" She reminded me of the conversation we had last night.

"Communication." I sighed.
I hated being vulnerable, but I knew I could be transparent