" You hungry yn? Should I cut some fruits?" You heard Nara yell from the kitchen. 

"No Ajhumma, I will ask you or better cut myself if I need. You can go and rest up" you replied back , before focusing back on your book. 

It was the same crime thriller you started a few days back and to say you were obsessed would definitely be an understatement. It was so engaging and exciting that you could finish it in just two days but as much as you would love that, you don't want to rush and end this book too soon. So you took your time to absorb every detail . 

And finally today you were at the climax, you were totally engrossed in it. Sighing, and frowning every now and then.

Today was a weekday so Yun was in school as for Namjoon he too had some important work in the office so he decided to finally step out of the house after days. 

As much as you shouldn't, you were insanely missing his presence. Even if he was at home he would be in his office most of the time but still he would just come out and check up on you and have small talk every now and then and then go back to his office . 

It was definitely unhealthy how much you were getting used to him and this environment but that thought now barely crossed your mind.  even if it did, you always chose to ignore it.

For the first time in your life you have lowered your guard and tried to be selfish, enjoying things around you without bothering about the future. As much as it scared you, you didn't want to face it just yet. You wanted to treasure the moment. 

Even if it was your wishful thinking you wanted to believe that you finally had someone who loves you and cares for you, finally you have someone other than Yun as your family. 

Even if it was temporary, you wanted to experience what it is like to be loved? To be cared for? To be protected? To have a companion? 

It isn't wrong, is it?

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"Goshh! How are the writers so talented? I can't believe how can someone be this good" 

You exclaimed, walking into Namjoon's office which also had a small library in the corner. He had stacked various books of various kinds on them. 

You placed the book on the shelf where you had placed all the other books Namjoon had brought for you.

Despite living in this apartment for months, you hadn't been in this room until a few weeks. You weren't any curious or nosy person, you never felt the need to enter his workspace and look around especially without his consent. 

It was just a few weeks back when he first brought you here, along with the new ones he gave you permission to Pick and read any from his collection too. 

Rummaging through various shelfs one book with a black cover caught your attention, it wasn't placed in between the book instead above it. You took it out looking at it curiously. You casually turned a few pages when something fell on the floor. 

" Ultrasound picture?" 

If you yourself weren't pregnant and hadn't seen your own ultrasound before you wouldn't recognise it was of a pregnant woman. It was at an early stage though, 2 months at max. The baby was like a small dot. 

You knew it wasn't yours, and also the date was of years back. 

Is it Mia Unnie's? 

-

"Namjoon!" You waved in front of his face who had zoned out. "Whose is it? Is it Mia Unnie's?" You asked pointing at the photo to be specific to an ultrasound picture you had found. 

Namjoon's face somehow became gloomy the moment he saw the picture. 

He felt a huge lump in his throat forbidding him from saying anything. His eyes have moistened on the verge of shedding tears any moment now. 

"H..how did you find this?" He managed to croak out . 

"I..I am sorry , I ..I just found it in one of your book's. I..it's completely fine you don't have to tell me anything. " Hearing his hoarse voice and the tear which had finally managed to slide down his cheeks you realised it was something sensitive. The way he was staring at the picture, with so much of pain and sadness gave off it was something really personal. 

You stood up turning to leave wanting to give him privacy when he caught your wrist and pulled you back making you land on his lap.

"Pl.. please don't.. don't go..." You were completely taken aback when he hugged your waist tightly crying in your chest like a baby. 

"Sh..it's fine Joon I am not leaving..I am not going anywhere, calm down please" you cooed rubbing his back with one hand while the other combed through his hairs, he was sobbing.

"It's fine, relax you don't have to tell me anything you don't want okay, just -" 

"This is the first and last image I have of my first child" 

Your words as well as your hands came to an halt hearing his words. 

"I..I can never forgive her for killing my child, my first child...she..she knew how much I loved kids" 

Flashback~

Namjoon entered the small shared apartment with a box of cake which he hid in the fridge and a huge smile decorating his face. 

Today he got a promotion. In just one month of joining, his boss promoted him from an intern to an official employee with a good salary. 

Today finally he was going to do something he had been planning for months. 

He was going to propose to Emily. 

He knew, he knew she was the one for him, he loved her so much and he wanted her to know how much she means to her not that he didn't shower her with love everyday but today he wanted to officially assure her that she will be the only woman for him, that he wanted to   have kids and then grandkids, grow old with her spend his entire life with her. 

He entered the bedroom with a sweet smile, he could hear that she was still in the bathroom. He rushed out and did the minimal decoration he could. 

Switching off the lights he lightened all the fragrant candles he had brought, Emily really liked such candles. It was very simple, just like him. After he set everything he took out the cake which said "be mine forever?"  And placed it on the table. Satisfied with everything he went back into the bedroom. 

He felt so nervous and giddy as he heard the shower turn off, taking multiple deep breaths to calm his racing heart he settled himself on the bedend excitedly waiting for the door to open when a folder fell off the bed due to his hand. He immediately picked it up. 

Maternity clinic?

His brows furrowed in slight confusion but then flashback of Emily throwing a few days back hit him. His hands trembled , he hesitantly opened the file. 

I planned to surprise you today my love but I think I will be the one getting the best surprise of my life" he thought. 

The file along with the shiny black box fell from his hands on the tiled floor making a thump just one the time the door opened and the shiny silver ring from the black box rolled and stopped just in front of her. 

"Oh you came early today?" She asked so casually as if she hadn't done anything. 

Namjoon was still in shock, although he had read the paper twice he wasn't able to grasp it. 

Abortion paper? 

"Ohh I see you have already seen Those? At least it won't be a hassle telling you anymore" She shrugged and picked the shiny metal off the floor. 
"Ohh..it's nicee... but I love diamond rings more" 

"Emily ...I..no no I think there is some confusion. This..this can't be true right? Y..you are pregnant! Y..you didn't get abortion...y..you can't do that I know " with shaky legs he tried to approach her but she just walked back. 

"It's the truth Namjoon. Yes, I was pregnant, two months, I found two weeks back and today I got an abortion" she coldly replied. 

Before she could walk away she was pinned to the wall , never in a million years Namjoon believed he could do this to her, he had always treated her with utmost care and love afraid as if she is some delicate piece of art but for the first time in life he felt this furious, he had never felt this rage towards anyone before. 

"HOW COULD YOU? WHY? WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME EMILY??? YOU KNEW HOW MUCH I WANTED A BABY...h..how could you do that to me? Y..you killed my child ...the child I didn't even know existed until he died? You had no right to do that to me! How could you be this heartless Emily? To kill your own child without any remorse? You didn't even tell me Emily ... You didn't even bother to let me know that I was going to become a father but again why would you? You had planned to kill him without even talking to me! I..I was going to propose to you Today...I.. wanted to live a happy life with you and have kids like how we always talked" His voice broke contrary to the loud yell he had started with. 

He stumbled when Emily pushed him off rubbing her shoulder where he had held her. 

"Marriage? Kids? Proposal? Haha drop it Namjoon. You are bashing me accusing me of killing you child , trust me I did a favour on him . Imagine what he would have been born in this small cramped house? What could you even give him? He would have a loser father and live a crappy life just like you have lived till now! And just don't even bring marriage okay, no one would want to marry to a loser like you, be grateful that I even agreed to date you in the first place.

What do you even have huh? What will you give us after marriage? You will raise kids in this one bedroom flat? Do you even know how expensive baby supplies are? Would you ever be able to afford them in the little peny you get paid? " 

He couldn't believe his ears... Who was she? Was she the woman he loved? No, she couldn't be her! Emily was a sweet caring girl; she couldn't be so heartless and arrogant. 

"I know...I know I am nothing but I wanted to be something for you Emily, I wanted to be a man you can be proud of , a man you could proudly call yours, I always believed you were out of my league but remember it was you who confessed first, after that I had decided I will never let you down, I will be worthy of your love. I never even wanted you to leave your parents, I kept telling you to not do it but still you chose to live with me on your will , I became even more determined to work even harder and give you everything. 

Everyday I worked only with one goal to give you a better life, I knew it was hard for you living here. I..I always tried to be considerate and understanding. But..but today I refuse to hear anything . You have committed a sin and  You don't even feel any ounce of regret. I..I can never forgive you for this Emily.. never in my life I can forget that you are the killer of my child. You don't deserve this ring, my love, you don't even deserve to be in my life." He spat picking the small ultrasound picture that was placed in the file

"HA! As if I was interested. It was not so pleasant hearing you long dramatic monologue Mr. Kim . No matter what you call me but just know that no woman would ever want to be with a loser like you. You should be thanking me for living in this shitty lifestyle for this long. And my last advice, if you really want to be a dad, first be worthy of the title."

••••••••••••••

Hope y'all like this part.

Thoughts on Emily?

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Not every flower in garden in same likewise  every human is different. Don't compare yourself to anyone and feel inferior. You are the most precious in your own kind. Love yourself before expecting it from other.

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