12- Tears of guilt

Background color
Font
Font size
Line height






Yes baby he threw away the entire bowl of soup in front of my eyes. It made me hurt and angry at the same time, even after how he humiliated me yesterday. I made that for him because I felt guilty of saying those words to him but he? He is such an arrogant man. He made me feel so worthless yesterday but swallowing my anger I did it for him because I have a conscience unlike him. How can he tr eat someone like this?

I know he really cares for you but does that give him right to control me like a puppet? Do you know I feel so lonely being surrounded by these four walls. i feel suffocated, you know all these years I spent in the orphanage"

Namjoon looked at your sleeping figure and then back to paper in his hands, he never knew you were an orphan. If he said he didn't feel regretful it would be a lie.

He was already questioning his actions after hearing his sister's words. He was actually regretting that he had done too much. He wasn't a bad person but his past had shadowed his gentleness and softness , and now his conscience was waking up. He could clearly see how wrong he has been from the very beginning.

"After Lilly was adopted I became alone, due to my introvert nature I couldn't make any friends. I spent 12 years of my life in that small shabby orphanage with no one to talk to. Right now I feel the same kind of loneliness but at least now I know how to write so I tell you my feelings through these letters. Maybe that way I will feel better. No matter what your dad thinks, baby please know that I do care for you. Even if our journey is just 9 month, you will always be a crucial part of my life. You know I can't describe what I feel for you but it's special , really special. I hope someday when you grow up we can meet again, I can tell you how thankful I am to have you. You are my only companion in this time. "

"Sometimes I feel really angry at your dad but sometimes I feel like he is only doing it for you. You know I sometimes feel jealous, You have still not come to this world and your dad already loves you so much. He does everything to ensure you are healthy and you know what my parents did? They left me... they left me in that orphanage when I was barely 3 months---"

That was the end of that page. It was a page of your diary that had slipped .

Namjoon wanted to read more, know more. He was in tears , tears of guilt.

He was crying because he felt so ashamed of himself, he was constantly hurting and torturing an innocent soul , he was taking out his frustration on someone innocent. Only because one girl betrayed him he had no right to judge every woman with the same glasses.

Namjoon was only 13 when he lost his mom and dad but he was lucky he had his sister. Mia was 18 that time, since then she became his only guardian. She dropped her education and began working so that she could provide proper food and education to Namjoon.

She worked hard and sent him to school and then college. Their financial condition was never good; they were just surviving. Later Namjoon too began working part time to help his sister.

It was in his college days when he first saw Emily, she was his classmate. She was a beautiful, chirpy, bright girl. She was no doubt the most beautiful girl they had in class. Almost every boy had a crush on her and Namjoon was no different but he didn't like her just because she was pretty. Her smile was something that had captured his heart. She was a fun loving and bubbly kind of girl, Namjoon always adored her from afar . He knew his limits. She was the most popular girl and he was that boy who no one knew.

Namjoon had grades and looks but to be popular and have friends one needed Money, Namjoon could go to that expensive college thanks to his scholarship. but he could never be a part of it because he didn't have money to wear a new branded outfit each day, he never went to school in an expensive sports car. He was an invisible student .

But this didn't keep his heart from growing fond of her more and more each day. It was a science project when they first got to talk. Emily was paired with him. He was all sweaty and nervous. He didn't know how to talk, is she even wanting to do it with him? But Emily was a sweet girl , just in a span of a week they had to meet for the project Namjoon realised she wasn't just his crush. He had feelings for her. Strong feelings. The friendship grew from there.

Emily's friends weren't really supportive of her growing friendship with someone who wasn't their level but she couldn't care less. She never looked down on people for their financial condition. Somewhere she also started to feel things for namjoon.

With time she drifted from her previous circle , she couldn't hear them talk shit about Namjoon. It was after a year that Emily confessed her feelings, she knew Namjoon felt the same but was scared. Everything was so perfect. Namjoon couldn't feel happier. He couldn't believe his one sided love was finally being completed.

Everything went well till their graduation, they had already been together for 2 years now but Emily's parents were yet to know. Emily decided to reveal about her relationship , Namjoon was nervous , he was nowhere near to her .

As expected they didn't approve , Emily had a huge fight with her parents that night and she came back to Namjoon's small apartment. Namjoon wasn't really shocked when he saw it coming. He tried his best to comfort Emily. He convinced her that he is gonna find a job soon and improve his condition. Maybe then her parent's can accept him.

But Emily was a rebellious kid, She decided to move in with Namjoon . Her parents warned her that if she does so they will cut their ties but she was so blinded by love that she didn't care.

Young woman blind in love chose to leave her kingdom and step into the slums not knowing the hardships.

Namjoon didn't get a job for 4 months but he took part time jobs to bring food on their plates. His sister had already met Seokjin by then and she had moved in with him. It was hard for Emily , but Namjoon did the best he could. He worked late night so that he could bring back enough for her.

Emily was born with a silver spoon, she never had to think about how the food she ate came to her plate, she never had to worry about anything until now. She had taken the decision without any thought despite Namjoon convincing her not to. BUt easier said than done. She told her parents that I don't need money until I have his love.

These dialogues are only suitable for films , reality is much different. When she was exposed to the tough life of poverty she didn't seem to quite stand on her words.

In just 4 months Namjoon could feel the changes but he thought things would get better once he became stable, he understood things were hard on Emily, he was trying his best to make her feel comfortable .

He was trying so hard to keep them together but he didn't expect Emily could do something so low. That day he understood money is the most superior in the world.

Namjoon looked at your innocent sleeping figure. He knew he did wrong but he wanted to mend it.

He want to correct his mistakes.

--------------------------------------------------

I dont know where the story is going. Is it being too dragy?

Tell me if the book feels boring please, all the suggestions are welcome.

It took me so long to write this part, I wasn't satisfied still idk if it is that good .

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE.

You are reading the story above: TeenFic.Net