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There is no real me, only an entity, something illusory.

[Bret Easton Ellis]

• • •

On Monday morning, the corridors were strangely quiet.

There wasn't the usual static buzz of electricity in the air; there was no chatter, and more noticeably, no laughter. People were huddled close together, murmuring amongst themselves, as if for the first time, they actually cared about being overheard.

Kody spared a glance at his sister as they walked through the hallways, her eyebrows knitted together in confusion, clearly just as puzzled as he was. "What's going on?" Sophia asked under her breath, wary about not breaking the thick silence they were slowly wading through.

"I don't know." Kody replied, stopping at his locker, where Rhea stood leant up against the wall. Her dark eyes were rapidly darting up and down the corridor, examining the scene before her. "I'll catch up with you later, Soph." Kody waved his sister goodbye, watching her leave before turning to his new friend, "I'm not crazy, right? There's a weird atmosphere." He stated cautiously.

"You're not the crazy one, Kody." She smiled, though he could tell it was forced. She adverted her attention across the corridor, jerking her head in that direction. She was gesturing towards a boy Kody hadn't seen before.

He was short and slim, wearing a baggy jumper that fell past the tips of his fingers, and a pair of navy dr marten boots. Kody used to have a pair just like them, but they fell apart from overuse. Seeing them again made him want to smile. The stranger's pretty face also made him want to smile; he had big emerald eyes bordered by thick dark lashes, freckles which kissed his flushed cheeks, and shaggy blond hair pinned out of his face with a yellow hair clip. "Who is that?" Kody asked, his eyes still trained on the stranger.

"That's Arlo Middleton." Rhea replied, continuing to stare him down. In fact, it seemed that the whole school was looking at him.

"Is he new or something? Oh my god, is this how everyone looked at me on my first day?" He asked, starting to panic slightly. It was a pretty small town, what if they weren't so welcoming to newcomers? What if he had been so nervous on his first day that he hadn't even noticed the looks he was receiving?

Rhea shook her head. "He's not new."

"So, what's his deal?"

Rhea finally ripped her eyes off of Arlo, and focussed on Kody's amber irises instead. "Four months ago, he tried to kill himself." She said simply, as if that fact alone didn't have the power to ruin lives. "He's been locked up in some mental asylum ever since." She shrugged, "No one knew he was back."

Kody's chest was heavy and his heart was numb. Rhea would never fully understand the impact her words had on him, but right now, he tried to push his emotions aside. "I'm gonna introduce myself."

Rhea grabbed his elbow and held him in place, "Are you stupid?" She rose her brows questioningly, then rolled her eyes when he stared back blankly. "You can't befriend a psycho. Leave him be."

He tilted his head to the side and examined her incredulously, "He looks lonely. Wouldn't you want someone to talk to if you were in his position?"

She shook her head, "I wouldn't be in his position, Kody. He chose to die. Do you know how fucked up you have to be to even try doing that to yourself?"

"He's not fucked up, he's ill." He corrected her politely. As easy as it would be to lose his patience with Rhea, he had to give her the benefit of the doubt. In almost every respect, this town was a few decades behind in terms of destigmatisation. Things like mental illness and suicide weren't discussed in the same progressive ways as they were back in London; old views and expired ways of thinking were clear just from the students' expressions.

She tightened her grip on his sleeve, "Kody. Listen to me." She said firmly. "You don't want to be friends with someone like that. You especially don't want people knowing your friends with someone like that."

He was liking Rhea less by the second, so he resolved to leave before his opinion on her was irreversibly changed. He shook her off, ruffled his dark hair and crossed the corridor, leaning against the wall beside Arlo. The boy flinched when he saw him approach, his fingers curling around the strap of his backpack nervously. Kody noticed that his nails were painted black, and it made him smile. Maybe he wasn't as average as the rest of them. "Hi." He greeted in the friendliest voice he could muster, trying not to notice how many pairs of eyes were on him.

Arlo looked ready to bolt at any second, but something kept him rooted to the spot. Up close, Kody noticed some smaller details. Deep dimples, freckles splashed across his face like raindrops, a necklace that dipped into his jumper, something gentle in his forest eyes, and two little creases on either side of his nose which indicated that he wore glasses. However, his most prominent expression was fear. "H-Hello?" Arlo replied.

"I'm Kody. I'm new, I joined last week." He smiled. "And you are?"

Arlo looked surprised, "Y-You don't already know my name?" He queried skeptically.

"I want to hear you say it. It is your name after all, no one else's. Plus, it's a pretty cool one." He smirked.

"Arlo." He gulped, his nerves appearing to slowly subside. He was like a wild animal that Kody was learning to tame. "S-Sorry, why are you... did you need something?"

Kody laughed, "I just wanted to introduce myself. I know what it's like being the new kid."

"But I'm not new."

"Yeah, you are." Kody countered. "Every time you get a haircut or have a shower or buy a new set of clothes, you grow into a new version of yourself. We're changing everyday, Arlo." He winked.

Arlo nodded, whilst Kody tried to figure out a way to get through to the kid. He'd finally found a dose of contrast in the black and white blend of repetition and familiarity. The boy stood before him was different. He was too far from average for Kody to give up on. He couldn't go back to conversations about reality TV and pizza toppings every lunchtime. He needed at least a fragment of his old life back, and Arlo embodied everything he was craving.

"So, do you-?"

"I should go." Arlo gathered his books into his arms, his pale cheeks blushing red. "It was nice meeting you." He mumbled, and Kody couldn't tell whether he was telling the truth or not.

At lunchtime the canteen was full of chatter revolving around one topic, or more specifically, one boy. As Kody sat with his new friends, he searched for any sign of Arlo, but there was none. Apart from their brief encounter before first period, he hadn't seen the boy all day. Rhea and Christopher talked loudly amongst themselves, reevaluating every detail they knew about Arlo's 'stunt', as they called it, while Isabel ate in silence, occasionally sharing short, sympathetic looks with Kody.

"Surely, he used pills." Christopher was saying through a mouthful of mashed potatoes. "You've gotta be an idiot not to use pills. Why would you wanna kill yourself any other way? It's just messy otherwise."

Rhea shrugged, "I don't know how he did it. Darya never told anyone."

Kody was trying his hardest not to pay attention to their conversation, but his interest got the better of him, "Who's Darya?" He inquired.

"Arlo's sister. She's in the year below." Rhea answered. "She's the one who found him."

"Poor thing." Isabel didn't take her eyes off her food; her mind was somewhere else.

"I don't know how anyone could put their sibling through something like that." Rhea shook her head disapprovingly. "She'll never recover... seeing someone you love like that..."

Isabel dropped her fork, "He obviously didn't mean to hurt anyone." She snapped, her eyes widening at her own words. She hastily picked her cutlery back up and continued eating, her cheeks reddening.

Christopher didn't acknowledge his girlfriend's mini outburst. "Arlo just stopped coming to school one day, and no one knew why." He explained to Kody. "Darya told a couple of her friends about what her brother had done and eventually, the whole school knew. It got too much for Darya, eventually she stopped coming in too."

"Yeah, for like a week." Rhea added, "Not four months like her brother."

"Guys." Isabel looked up at them with big pleading eyes. "Please can we talk about something else?" She begged.

The table fell into silence.

They all ate quietly for a few moments before Christopher piped up, "So, has anyone seen that new horror film yet?"

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