Prologue

Four years ago

"The truth was a mirror in the hands of God. It fell and broke into pieces. Everybody took a piece of it, and they looked at it and thought they had the truth." - Rumi.

   I had the broken pieces of truth, but at the time, I didn't comprehend it. All I recognized was that Mother abandoned me. My sin was being unaware that I was also one of the pieces.

We turned up in an alley beside a bank of large trash bins that stank like old fish, sour milk, and dirty diapers. Mother had a cut under her left eye that was weeping rivulets of blood down her delicate face. Those red tears were the only ones she shed for me. Mother could make a Botticelli angel turn away in envy. She was everything that I was not, and now I was disappointing her again.

She looked golden, despite the bruise blooming on her cheek and her disheveled appearance. I raised a shaking palm to wipe a dirty streak away, but she pushed my hand down with a quick thrust.

Of course. How could I touch that flawless face after my sin? Her eyes that I envied - green as a spring day in a meadow - were blank. Even with danger hunting us, I struggled to find any hint of a relationship between us. I never would. My eyes are the color of mint under a harsh frost, with keyhole pupils. My face is at sharp angles - sharp, slanted eyes, chin, and cheeks. The only soft feature I have is my lips, which are too pouty from all my tantrums and sulking, she'd said. She had locks that tumbled in perfect ringlets of golden blonde, whereas my hair was wild tangles and twists, and yellow as a daffodil, or perhaps more like the picture of a school bus I'd seen in another book. I was strange all around - strange eyes, strange face, strange hair - nothing like my perfect Mother.

I cradled my hand to my chest as if she'd sought to cut it off. "Mother, I didn't understand!"

My mother grimaced. "You were supposed to obey me without dispute. I did all this for you, Madeline. To save you."

"Why hide me at all? Why won't you tell me why? I'm fourteen; I can handle it now. I swear!"

"Shut up, Madeline! Just stay still for now! I don't know if they found my portal. You're like a magnet for harm! I can't do this any longer! All this running and trying to change you is doing no good!"

"What do you mean, change me? I don't - "

She hissed me into silence. "What did I say? If you'd been an obedient child, I wouldn't have to do this! It's only four years. After that, everything will be fine."

Stunned by her hurtful words, I stood frozen, just as she wanted. My mother waved an arm, and I felt a painful twisting in my frame. I crumpled as the pain wrenched at my tendons, and my misery turned into a pounding that was flattening me, narrowing me. I clenched my teeth to try not to scream, but it spilled out from me in an ever-escalating crescendo.

"Shhh! You stupid girl! Are you trying to make them get us?"

"It hurts!" I shuddered from the aching in my bones. Mother reached out to me, her brow wrinkling with regret and concern. A man shouted close by, and she glanced over her shoulder. Then she disappeared, leaving me broken there in soul and spirit.

I sobbed again as the men's shouts grew nearer, and I dragged myself behind the disgusting trash bins so that I could hide from them.

From the opening of the alleyway, I heard a low growl.

I spotted what I assumed was the shadow of an animal at first. Instead, it was an overexposed negative of a husky or malamute. His eyeshine flashed red when a car drove by. I swallowed and scraped myself further into the recess behind the bins, ignoring the rotting stink coming from them. He snarled, revealing jagged white teeth, then stalked closer to me. I crossed my hands in front of my face. A wet nose touched me, then the creature sniffed. I flinched away from him.

Running footsteps skidded into the alley. Then the man I'd heard before cursed. The dog growled and, to my horror, lunged at me. He tore at my belly, taking an enormous chunk from it. I cried out!

I gaped at him as he continued to tear at me, but I felt no pain. Blood was pouring from the hole, but I didn't feel cold.

"Not true ...it's all an illusion," I said, understanding dawning. The dog (?) was trying to help me? I closed my eyes and pretended to be dead. The beast turned his back to me and roared at the men approaching us.

My pursuer wore a hood, and he stopped when he entered the alley. "A Phouka!" He sounded frightened.

"Are you sure?" Another man appeared, also wearing a hood.

"There's no doubt! Red eyes, black fur. He has prey!"

"Is it the girl?"

"It's a boy! He's torn the lad to bits!" The first man had a thick brogue like Sean Connery would if he was also sucking on marbles.

"Let's get out of here! I have no wish to fight a Phouka!" The second man danced backward.

The men ran from the alley. When it appeared they wouldn't be back, I pulled myself up into a sitting position and stared at the dog - Phouka; they said? Savior.

I pressed my face into his thick fur and wept with my heart-breaking. I was no longer alone, at least.

He shimmered, turning into a boy of about sixteen. I was pressing my face into his chest. A stranger's chest. A cute stranger's chest. He helped me stand up. I glanced down at my black t-shirt and saw that I was unmarked. No blood.

"Thank you." I hazarded a wary glance at his eyes. They were no longer red but a deep chocolate brown. They were sleepy eyes that drooped somewhat at the corners.

"You, okay?" His voice was as much of a shadow as his form - low and quiet. I felt wrapped within it.

I nodded.

"What are you doing in my territory, Sidhe boy?" The shadow voice became sharpened barbs of jet stone.

"Boy?" I inspected myself and discovered that all my budding curves had disappeared. I was as flat as one of my books. "She did not!" I stamped my foot in anger.

"Who did not?"

I ignored his query as I struggled with the fact that I was now a boy. How do I act like one? My mother trained me on how to be a lady, and she'd been strict. A lady mustn't climb trees, a lady shouldn't get muddy, and a lady shouldn't tear her skirts to make sails for her make-believe ship.

Okay. I wasn't very good at my lessons. But, being a boy was saving me. I didn't know this Phouka any better than I knew my pursuers.

He held me tighter, and his tone became tense. "You didn't answer me. What are you doing in my territory?"

What could I answer? I couldn't tell him the truth. I didn't understand the truth myself. So, I told him what I thought. "My mother deserted me here because I disobeyed her. I'll leave your territory as soon as I can."

He let me go, and I danced backward. I saw I was smaller than him, although he wasn't imposing. He was about 5'8", but that was five more inches than I had. I doubted I would gain inches as I'd stopped growing the year before. I couldn't resist admiring his lean frame and wiry muscles that tensed when I had retreated from him. He had café au lait coloring, with shaggy hair that was the same shade of black as his t-shirt. The ends of his hair brushed the collar of the shirt. Heavy bangs hung just above his straight, dark brows. His eyes had a fringe of dark lashes that God seemed only to bestow upon boys. A roman nose and narrow face kept him from being too handsome. However, bee-stung lips swung the meter back to arresting.

"You have the weirdest eyes," the boy whispered as he studied my face. "Like I could stick a key in them."

I deflated. Mother had done all this to my body but hadn't change my eyes? I had no choice but to believe she'd come to hate me. It wasn't my imagination. With a trembling voice I asked, "What do I look like?"

"You are elfin and cute, like any Sidhe boy. Long, curly brown hair. Those eyes. That is a problem if you're trying to hide. "

I pulled a hank of my long hair forward. Brown now, more like a chestnut brown than a poop brown. Attractive, I guess. She'd tamed the frizz into shiny spirals. Thanks, Mother. Once I was a guy, I needed Pantene hair. Yes. Awesome.  I checked my ears for points - none there. Well, that was good, at least. So, I was small, male, with loads of glorious hair, and... cute?

As I recalled him calling me Elfin and cute, I snorted and dared to tease him. I blamed it on stress. "Did you just call me elfin and cute?" I asked, my lips hesitating on a smile. 

He shrugged and didn't act the least bit embarrassed. "So?"

I had no retort to that, so I asked, "What's your name?"

"Luis."

"I'm Madeline."

"Madeline?" His mouth quivered with amusement.

Well, I had been a girl just five minutes before! Wait. I  shouldn't tell him that. "So?"

"I'll call you Matt."

He'll call me Matt? Did that mean he would let me stay?

"Are we friends now?" I asked. 

"No, you're my prey, but I'll keep you around until I'm ready to eat you."

I laughed, positive he must be kidding and then clutched my throat. My laugh had changed into the rusty grate of a boy just entering puberty.

He cocked his head like a dog, baffled at my reaction. "You're an odd boy."  Then, a light of understanding gleamed in his eyes. "Not a boy. I see. It's not a bad disguise after all."

I fidgeted as I realized my hope for an Oscar had died. Would he kill me now?

"Come on. Let's get out of this alley. It stinks." He held his hand out, and I grabbed it with relief.

Luis helped me stumble out of the alley and into four years of waiting and hoping. He'd been on the streets for a while, and he taught me all he knew about getting by. But he always reminded me I was his prey. While we were on the streets, I met Adrian, who had run away from home after his grandma died. We all worked to survive together, except Luis couldn't cause food to appear, and we could only use his tricks on the humans for so long before they became wise to them. Finally, we got caught one day.

Luis and I ran, but the police caught Adrian. We left him behind.

I betrayed, just as Mother betrayed me.

Adrian, I know you'll never forgive me.