Chapter thirty-one: "Cry Baby"

"I can't wait to see you guys again at the wedding," I told them as I eyed Cloud from the corner of my eye that he is pretending to ignore me
He's having a tantrum again, I don't get why I fell in love with this guy

Nikki squealed excitedly "The wedding is a great topic for my vlog, I'm not sure about Nick though" she whispered the last part to me and we get to hear Nick yell "I HEARD THAT!"

I tilted my head from slight confusion "Why?"

She glanced at her brother and rolled her eyes "Because he usually only came for the food and nothing else" she answered and it was obvious she was making face at Nick

Cloud grumbled making sure he was still noticed by me even though he has his broad muscular back facing me
This is what I meant that Cloud keeps wanting my attention

So while talking to Nikki I traced my fingertips on his back and made some drawings on it and he noticed that I was drawing something on his back that he can't seem to figure out, I chatted with Nikki some more, and Cloud got tired of waiting for me to react to his tantrum so he just went back to normal and rested his head on my thigh and slept

I raked my fingers through his hair as he slept soundly
I could never get over how soft his hair is

Then I used my knuckles and gently graze them over his stubble feeling the hair prick my skin, he was loving the feeling that I was caressing him while he slept because I heard a small hum come out of him before sleeping soundly again

"Have you heard about the situation with Alice and Will?" she asked me

I nodded "I feel bad leaving her but I need to be here with Cloud too since there was a thunderstorm today"

"Wait but I thought today was your anniversary date?" she asked me with surprise and worry in her eyes

"Yes it was today and this dork kept apologizing to me while we ate the dinner he cooked"

"I'm so sorry to hear about your date being canceled, so how is Cloud? Was he still shaking like last time?"

I shake my head proudly "He is shaking but not so much as before, he still hates going to therapy though" I giggled
The last time I went to Cloud in one of his therapy checkups, he has taken a disliking about his substitute therapist since the original had a car accident

He hated the therapy session, even more, when the doctor kept asking him about the touchy subject of the accident when he wasn't that fully ready to open up yet

Hearing him trying to describe the feeling he had during and after the accident was something that I could never forget

"I felt like I was being choked  from how fast my heart was beating and my chest tightens that I couldn't breathe, my sister was still breathing a little but those people either ignored us or didn't actually see us due to the strong rain,"  he said

"There were times where I keep forgetting what my sister's face looked like because she was so unrecognizable right after the crash"

Of course, I held his hand throughout when he said that feeling frustrated at himself for forgetting as simple as his sister's face

"So, if you want, can you tell me what image replaced her face in your head that you kept forgetting her original face?" the therapist gently asked him, it was his right if he want to say or not

Cloud's pupils wandered out the window "Her head" he used his hand to touch his right head "It was this side"

I nodded to him "It's your choice if you want to tell, nobody here is forcing you" I reassured him then gave his hand a squeeze

Telling the therapist about your sister that her right skull was crushed is bad but describing it is worse, it's like you are reliving your trauma once more

In the end, he couldn't describe it to the therapist and went silent for the whole session so the therapist just asked me anything he would like to know. If Cloud wants me to not tell he would gently tug my hand and I'll go silent then change the topic

"Nikki, Cloud's going to be okay right?" I asked her as I rest my hand on Cloud's chest feeling his heartbeat

She nodded "Yeah, he's going to be alright just keep a close eye on him"

Nick finally joined in on the call as he sat beside his sister "Penelope word of advice that if people who are depressed just lay around and showing sad emotions is a good thing but when the person who has depression is starting to finally talk and is going back to normal is the critical time to watch them closely"

"Wait but isn't it the other way around?" I was quite puzzled that maybe Nick might have confused what he said to me

He sighed a little "Penelope you know how precious Cloud is to us just like how he is precious to you right?" he asked

"I know, you trio have the closest bond that I have ever seen than me and my siblings could"

Nick and Nikki nodded "I see him as my older brother and Nikki sees him as a little brother, one harsh word that could be said to him could throw him off and might get him to start doing it again"

I covered my mouth with my hand and gazed down at Cloud on my lap "How...would you know that?"

"We had a neighbor that killed himself before his birthday, we both assumed he was doing fine because he was starting to talk with us again but we never get to hear why did he do it" Nikki explained to me with a sullen face

Nick decided to continue his sister's sentence "Since I wanted to know I asked a therapist and he told me that the people who you think are getting better are people who are not good at handling harsh words causing them to do it"

I felt like I was hit with something that I don't know what to do about it, I felt useless in this situation. My eyes watered being scared of losing Cloud "I love him and I don't wanna lose him" I sobbed silently in front of the camera as I try my best not to wake Cloud up
How could someone like me know what to do in this critical time?

One wrong move that I could make could make him do it

Nikki was trying to calm me down and Nick was reassuring me that they'll keep a close eye on him during his shoot in Paris

"What kind of girlfriend am I that I didn't know that this is his critical time?" I asked myself that I was doubting it I was even good to take care of Cloud and his mental well beinh

Nick answered me "You're a good person and we both trusted you to watch over our best friend, so trust us in watching him"

I nodded and we said our goodbyes before ending the call. More tears came out of my eyes and I did my best so they wouldn't fall on Cloud

He shuffled around while he slept and when I blew my nose on a tissue is what woke him up, his forest green eyes immediately looked at my face then he sat up quickly "Hold on, why are you crying? Did the twins said something bad?" he asked me a lot of questions as I cleaned off my face

I smiled a little at him "Its nothing, I just watched a sad movie"
I felt touched that he was alarmed quickly why I was crying when he woke up

"What movie was it?"

"Bambi" I said and he chuckled before pulling me into a bear hug "What a cry baby" he teased me. I closed my eyes and snuggled closer to him
I'll cry even more if you leave me

"Cloud"

"Yeah?"

"You know that I love you right?"

He nodded and kissed my forehead "I know that, why on earth would I doubt you?"

I smiled "Good, don't leave me alright?"

"Why would I leave you?" he was puzzled then checked my face "Is this about the Bambi thing?" he wiped my tears while asking

I nodded
I don't want you to leave me alone