I walked home feeling alone. Elliot wasn't answering his phone; Katie was going to become the mean girl she was before with Mackenzie; and Noah was too ashamed to even be seen in the same place as me. I hadn't seen him all day – he decided to completely ignore and didn't come to BSL class after school. The more I pushed all of these thoughts away, the more they hurt me, the more I let them hurt me.

The whispering around me was unnerving and I counted myself lucky that I didn't live so far from school; at least my duvet was close. I had at least a whole 12 hours before I had to go back – or not if I could convince my mum I was ill – and that was the only comforting thing about the whole situation. I didn't know if I was judging everything too quickly; Elliot might just not have picked up his phone, Katie was just making Mackenzie happy because she was scared of her revealing her secret and I hadn't actually talked to Noah to confirm my worst fears, but at the same time I knew that everything had changed. Everything couldn't go back to the way they were because you can't wipe the whole student body's mind.

"How was school darling?" My mum asked as she always did, but with the newfound smile that I knew I would take away if I told her what had happened at school.

It was fine! I smiled as genuinely as possible and was about to walk up the stairs to my bedroom before she stopped me.

"Can you just come in here a minute?" I gave her a questioning look as she beckoned me in. Her eyes were darting around the kitchen as if she were trying to spy someone listening to her. I had a feeling that person might have been my brother, but I had no idea what she wanted to talk to me about. "It... it's about your father"

The dead look behind her eyes and the way she said it told me everything I needed to know. He was coming back again, after all of these years after he left us. Me.

"He... he wants to see Theo." She said quietly, rubbing my shoulder. She didn't need to say what was inferred: he doesn't want to see you.

I didn't need to ask why – after all I was the reason he left in the first place and I told myself that I didn't particularly want to see him either. He wasn't the same person that read me the same bedtime story every night for at least two years when I was younger, wasn't the one who had the patience to teach me to ride a bike, wasn't the one who was so supportive at the start of it all. The person that was coming back was just in disguise, "He – he's coming the day after tomorrow."

I snapped my neck up at her. Why hadn't she told me ages ago instead of now, two days before I would have to avoid him at all costs? What had she been thinking?

"I know it's bit sudden but... with all your exams I didn't want to stress you out any more..."

You knew before my exams? That was at least a month ago.

"I knew it would just upset you Via!" She tried to stroke my hair but I didn't let her "And I didn't want to make you feel bad when everything's going so well with Noah and Katie and..."

Big deal – you already have! I signed with venom and ran out of the kitchen, right up the stairs to the duvet I'd been craving all day. I couldn't deal with this – deal with anything.

The tears streamed out hot on my cheeks and I wiped them away harshly, only realising a few minutes later that all I was doing was using a tea towel to wipe up a lake. This had to qualify as the worst day in my life. Maybe.

XXX

"Via wake up!" My mum came into my bedroom, a cautious expression on her face.

Ugh it was too early for this; I swear school really needs to start later in order to have students in the right frame of mind to actually function. To be fair to me I hadn't got much sleep last night anyway, but the reason for that could be skipped over for the simple purpose of not bursting into tears in front of my mother.

I – I'm not feeling very well today, I sat up gently and tried to look as weak as possible, not that it was necessary. My mum's always been strict about us missing school if we were a little bit ill (basically if we were trying to skive) but I knew that with the whole my-dad's-decided-to-come-back-after-leaving-for-five-years thing, she wouldn't mind if my temperature was completely normal and I was showing no other symptoms.

"OK." She next to me, stroking my cheek. "Are you sure you're ok, you know I could take the day off too and we could talk about everything that's going on?"

I shook my head. I didn't want to talk to someone about it at this moment in time. What I really wanted to do was to have a day where I didn't have to think about anything that mattered. Just a whole day to watch trashy tv shows about people who seem to have such an easy life they can actually care about petty things that I never think about normally.

I'll be fine I tried to smile and she kissed the top of my head before standing back up

"I'll be back at lunch if I can," She told me "But if not there's plenty of food in the fridge and don't hesitate to call me if you need anything! Oh and Theo's at a sleepover tonight at his friend's house so don't worry if he doesn't come home at three."

Thanks mum, I signed, and she smiled before shutting my door. I sighed in relief; I didn't have to do anything today.

XXX

-Are you ok?

The text came right in the middle of my sixth 'Keeping Up with The Kardashians' episode, not that I was really watching it anyway. I was still confused at why people cared about their lives so much to commit to so many seasons.

Noah. The person who I hadn't been able to push out of my brain all morning. What was going to happen with us now? Now that everyone knew about us and he had been found out. Harrison was not going to be understanding, I knew that for sure, but what about his other friends? What would Dandruff Connor – Katie came up with the name after moaning about him for the millionth time – say about it after being friends with Noah for so long? I'd heard him say some pretty shit things about me, which wasn't surprising when you considered his personality, but at the same time he and Noah were basically glued to each other most of the time. Translation: when he wasn't hanging out with me.

And that was the thing wasn't it? Why had Noah never told his friends if not because he was at some level ashamed to know me? I'd tried to forget who he'd been before we were paired up for the project but it was undeniable that nasty things had come out of his mouth that regarded me. I believed him every time he apologised, of course I did, but at the same time they had still happened and maybe part of that was still there. I couldn't tell if I was just rambling or exaggerating the situation because I'd just watch the Kardashians all fall out with each other because one of them posted a selfie on social media and then deleted it.

I'm fine – just not really feeling it today

For some reason I laughed at Noah being such a rebel texting in class but then instantly regretted it. I still didn't know where we stood when it came to everything. And then all of those thoughts just circled once again. Great.

Can I come over later?

What do I reply to that with? Why was I pushing Noah away when I wanted him more than anything? I was so confused and all of my thoughts were so muddled that it felt like I couldn't string a logical sentence together. I knew he wanted to talk to me and I knew that that was probably the best thing to happen but all I could think about is how much I'd have to explain if my mum was there as well.

Sure – any time before six

Luckily, mum worked later on a Tuesday, meaning that I had a full 4 hour time period between the ending of school and when she got home.

Ok

He was doing exactly what I'd been for the past two days – giving minimal responses in order to bunch everything I really wanted to say when I was ready. I completely got it and I knew deep down that this could end horribly, but maybe that was necessary. I left it at that and went back to Kardashian argument #100

XXX

The doorbell rang a few hours later and I sighed. It could only mean one thing: I had to get off of the sofa. The only time I'd properly left it was to go and make soup in the kitchen for lunch and then I'd gone straight back onto it again.

I lazily wedged myself off from the padded cushions and walked over to the front door, not caring that I probably looked really bad due to my decision not to wear any makeup of any kind or to just put my hair into a simple ponytail. It was unruly at the best of times and I usually plaited it up or at least tried to make an effort to make it less frizzy and curly but I wasn't exactly expecting to see anyone when I got up this morning.

"Hi." It took a few minutes for me to register who was stood in front of me after opening the door. The master of disguise.