"Guess who's back. Back again." Noah made me smile without even trying. How can someone have that affect on you?

Hmmm... let me think about that for a moment... He smiled back and it was contagious. His mouth was slightly crooked, but the kind that made him look even cuter. Instead of doing what we usually did and sit at a table, he came right up to me and immediately cradled me in his – very toned – arms. Surely he knew how fit he was?

"Ugh Coach still hasn't decided when the football competition is!" He sighed, kissing the top of my head gently and then resting his chin on there.

I thought it'd already gone? That's why we ended up nearly going back to how things were before wasn't it?

"No that was just sorting out everything with the intercounty competitions – Coach is yet to organise a captain." I could tell he wanted to say something

What's worrying you about it? Surely it should be you?

"Harrison's also going for it." He confesses quietly and we break apart, his arms still on my shoulders. I didn't know what to say but I also didn't want him saying Harrison's name to become like the you know who in Harry Potter. It wasn't even that big a deal.

Oh well I'm sure everything'll go to plan eventually! I finally signed after a long pause.

"Yep" The constipation face came back again, and I tried my hardest not to laugh. "Anyway how are you Via?"

Oh I'm... fine I guess? Elliot came over last night which was nice. I nodded awkwardly

"Oh this is your best friend that likes Game of Thrones isn't it?" He smiled smugly

I'm actually impressed you remembered that! I laughed Though I guess you are a secret nerd after all!

"Shut up! It's my job to remember these things!" He smiled and I had a tightness in my stomach from the conversation last night.

So does that mean.... I mean are we... My signing suddenly went all over the place, my hands contorting themselves to find an acceptable way to ask the question.

"Are we boyfriend and girlfriend?" He looked at me dead in the eyes again "I mean I really really like you Via and I would love for you to be my girlfriend, but you know if you don't want-"

I do I sign rapidly want to be your girlfriend I mean

His face breaks out into a smile that seems to cover his whole face. "Honestly you're acting like you think I don't like you or something"

He got closer and my lips landed on his with ease. I didn't know what I was thinking, wondering if this was all a joke. It was the feeling I'd yearned for since he did it first and the more I kissed him, the more I wanted to. Suddenly everything I'd doubted earlier was gone and all I could think about was how lucky I was that I'd managed to get this. I couldn't think of anything better.

Or maybe I would have if I'd have known that someone was watching us.

XXX

"Are you getting food?" Katie asked me in Biology.

No I've got a sandwich in my bag... I'd never even been into the cafeteria in this school never mind bought lunch, the whole idea of that set my stomach on edge. I mean, for one, it wasn't like I could order food like a regular person.

"Oh I was just thinking we should get lunch together?" She asked and I immediately become nervous. Seriously? I could hear Elliot's voice inside my head laughing about how stupid being scared of the cafeteria was. It was jus that... well... what would people say? I'd always tried to avoid everyone here because I knew that if I didn't I'd have to hear all of the things they said about me, all the inside jokes dedicated to how strange I appeared to be. But maybe with Katie... I don't know, but I couldn't live my whole life hiding in the shadows just because people noticed me. It wasn't like I hadn't heard what they had to say before.

Sure? I don't know are you getting food? I suddenly imagined myself sitting alone in the cafeteria waiting for Katie to finish buying food, and every worry came flooding back.

"No I've got lunch in my bag as well!" I let out a relieved sigh and finally smiled. Having friends was really good, I couldn't deny it. I just didn't know why it had taken me so long to finally make them in school.

XXX

The cafeteria was sprawling with people all knowing what they were doing, which couldn't be said for me. I scanned the room with a tight chest and could only just follow Katie through the mass of people to an empty blue table. It was only when I sat down that I recognised the familiar laughter mixed in with whispering.

"Just ignore them!" Katie said next to me, following my gaze "They're just being stupid and superficial because they've got nothing better to do."

I tried to believe her and took my usual ham sandwich out of my bag, conscious of every movement I was making. Why was I making this into such a big deal?! I was just eating in the cafeteria, you know, where most people eat at lunch time. I also brought out the notebook at the same time. I'd been decorating it with stickers of bands and things last night because I wanted to make it look more special than the others. I don't know why.

I know it's just annoying, I guess. I didn't want to make this into a big thing because it would just be awkward and give Katie a reason to pity me, which is definitely not something I wanted when having friends. Anyway how are you and Dan?

"Ugh don't even!" She slumped onto the table "He says he wants to go out with me and then decides that he's always 'busy' even though I know he's not"

Are you going to break up with him?

"I don't know" She sighed frowning "It's not that I care about what Mackenzie thinks – it's just that I've given so much to make our relationship to work and it just feels like a shame to give up on it now even if it's not my fault it's going wrong."

I get that but isn't just talking to him about this the best thing to do?

"I wish, at the moment he's even too 'busy' to do that!" She looked around at everyone else, no doubt seeing everyone staring and whispering between themselves excitedly like I'm a new exhibit in their too familiar lives. I really don't understand what makes me so interesting to them. "But yeah it'll have to happen eventually, I just don't know when."

It was then that Mackenzie came bursting in with her posse of barbie dolls, parting the crowd easily. She didn't look like someone who'd just been dumped, but when did she follow the crowd? Her long blonde hair flowed behind her flawlessly as she just skipped the queue that everybody had been waiting in like it was no big deal and just started chatting to her friends with ease. The people around her acted like it was normal as well, which really says something about her.

I got back to my sandwich, thinking about how weird it would be to be caught staring at her after everything.

Yeah well I hope it all goes ok anyway. I focused hard on the paper, the temptation to look at her again being apparent. Didn't I see her in nearly all of my classes already? My brain was seriously malfunctioning by this point, I could already tell.

Katie chatted a bit and the more time went by, the more I realised that maybe the cafeteria wasn't that bad – well at least if I had someone to sit with that was. I didn't want to think about how much worse it would have been if I hadn't had Katie beside me. I smiled, for it to be taken away from me in the space of a few second.

"Hey loser!" Mackenzie shouted, a plate of salad in her hand. I looked up to find her staring at me, the whole of the room suddenly quiet. "Finally crawled out of your hole?"

I could hear sniggers from all directions, not making the situation any better "Aww or is it that you finally made a friend?" She gave me a patronising look and my hands bunched up into fists under the table. This was undeniably a bad idea.

"Don't you have better people to torment Mackenzie?" Katie replied clearly beside me and for some reason it made me more ashamed than before; I was having to rely on other people to defend me – pretty lame isn't it?

"Oh, what you mean - like you Katie?" She gave a signature Mackenzie smile "I was thinking of that, before I realised that perhaps you've already done enough damage to yourself hanging out with that weirdo!"

"Seriously?" Katie muttered under her breath, shaking her head. "What is your problem?"

"I think it's more what is your problem?! I mean, you're the one who decided to replace me with that freak over there!" She shrugged and I could still hear the people around me laughing every time she referred to me. Is this really what people thought of me? A joke?

I wished for me duvet once again and could feel my eyes gradually being turned into glass.

"I mean, just look at her – she's not even replying to me!" She came up closer and waved a hand in front of my face "Hello? Anyone there?!" She stood up, turning around to everyone else like she was an actor in a theatre production. "See what I mean – Sometimes I think about taking her to the nurse's office, but I doubt she'll have any spare brains!"

Everybody laughed, this time not even trying to hide it and I suddenly couldn't deal with it anymore.

It was only as I neared the stairs that I realised how quickly I must have sped out of there. My eyes gave up trying to restrain my tears a long time ago, salty water now streaming down my face like there was a shortage and a silent sob ripped through me. Why could she say those things and think it's ok? Why did everyone find it funny? Why was I so broken?