I realised too late that Noah was going to be there in learning support 4 at break time. It was stupid, I know – he's always there – but what with Mackenzie's dramatic monologue, it must have slipped my mind. Trust me, if I wasn't only just going through the door, I wouldn't have turned up.

I guess that for all this time, I'd tried to forget that they were a couple, that Noah willingly talked to someone like Mackenzie regularly (and probably a whole lot else that I didn't want to think about). It just didn't make sense – how could someone that was so nice to me like her? I guessed that I was probably being biased, after all I undeniably liked spending time with Noah more than I should, but it still didn't fully add up. What would they even talk to each other about?

"Oh hi Via!" He was being fine with me. For the first time for a whole week (it was strange to think of it only as a week, it felt like an age), he wasn't acting strange and coincidently right after I'd just got ripped to shreds by his girlfriend. I couldn't see it not being a coincidence but it was still weird. "How are you?"

I didn't know what to say. I didn't have anything to say that wouldn't sound snappy or well... bad. And here was me thinking that having friends would make my life easier.

I'm... fine thanks. I knew he wasn't convinced but there was no chance that I could have sounded fine. I wasn't fine and that was the truth wasn't it?

"Are you sure? Sorry, you just sound kind of... off?" AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH This was not going to end well. I took my time organising a response.

I don't know – I've just got a lot on at the moment I guess?

"Do you want to talk about it?" Honestly, I really did. I know it sounds weird but telling someone about my messy life was actually quite appealing, but then again the main reason I was acting weird was because of his girlfriend. Should I say something? Would it help anything?

Ok just... just don't hate me? He nodded his head, confused. I couldn't see this going well, but I was at least being honest, which must count for something? It's... It's your girlfriend.

I waited for it to sink in; telling him this all at once would just make everything worse.

"Wait this is about Mackenzie?" I nodded slowly, trying to gage his reaction. "What's she done?" I was suddenly aware that this was just me being petty – that telling him would just make me sound like I was shit-stirring. I mean, come on, what was there to be said – 'she called me ugly'? It was ridiculous and definitely something Noah didn't need to hear, especially from me.

You know what? It's nothing – I'm just being sensitive. His face was even more confused, but it was the best way. I just need to... go and sort some things out – I'll see you later?

"OK?" I walked out quickly, my cheeks flushed. What had I been thinking? I was acting more and more naïve by the minute I swear.

XXX

"Via?" Mr Harold called from the front. Shit – I'd been daydreaming in class again. I had a feeling that today was just one of those days where you just have that one thing that rules the rest of the day, in my case the conversation I'd had with Noah. "I'm pretty sure I've just asked the class to begin answering the question, and believe it or not, that happens to include you too!"

I blushed and nodded quickly, picking up my pen. How many times was I going to embarrass myself today? I immediately looked down at my book as soon as I saw Mackenzie and Harrison smirking to each other. Why can't they be the ones going out? I mean, look at it, they have so much in common already – hating me being one of them - and it would certainly have made my life a lot easier if I could just hate them collectively. But no. Mackenzie was going out with Noah and I just had to deal with it.

I think I had such a problem with it, not because I liked Noah myself, but more because it just confirmed all of my worst fears. I mean, the reason I was still sceptical about telling Noah everything was because I knew an eventuality of that would be that he could possibly go and tell all of his friends, including people like Harrison and Mackenzie. Him wanting to hang out with someone just like Mackenzie ultimately meant that they had more in common than I thought, which scared me because I couldn't understand what that could be, meaning that it could easily be making fun of me. It was stupid and my brain being paranoid, but it wasn't an impossible conclusion.

I realised that I didn't have time to think about other people's relationships, especially with Mr Harold glaring at me for the millionth time. I sighed and went back to answering question about the Korean war because it was all I could do at that point to keep my mind off of everything.

XXX

"Via?" I turned around quickly, not wanting to be here. Why was today Monday? Why did I have to attend BSL classes even though I knew it fluently? No, that wasn't fair; I could have easily stopped them right at the start when it turned out there was only two real members – this was my fault and nobody else's. I just had to stick with it, despite Noah being there.

Oh, hi Noah. I tried to sound like myself, the only problem being I wasn't sure what I sounded like. I mean, did my shitty attitude to life come out to Noah, or was I good enough at keeping it at bay? I had no idea, which just made everything worse, not that it was any good anyway. At least Mr Anderson was there – it wasn't like Noah was going to ask me anything to do with Mackenzie with him around. How are you?

I'm good, I think. He signed back. I couldn't help smiling whenever Noah signed because it was... funny, I guess. His hands were clumsy whenever going over signs, probably due to their large size and for some reason, I decided that it suited him, like his imperfect style brought more meaning. I'd have to ask Elliot if he thought the same about these things next time we talked. But that doesn't matter – what were you going to tell me earlier?

I took a deep breath, trying to relieve the tightness in my chest. It's nothing, really – I was just being stupid.

Via I know you! You're never stupid. That shouldn't have made me smile, but a guilty one bloomed from my face anyway. Ugh what was I doing? Just tell me.

Ok, I had lost all concept of everything by this point. All I wanted to do was go back to when things were uncomplicated. Ok, but just... hear me out ok?

He nodded, signalling me to start. This is going to sound really petty and you're probably going to hate me for this, but your girlfriend told me today that nobody would ever be able to stand me because apparently, I'm that ugly and unattractive.

He openedw his mouth to say something, but I gestured for him to wait

And I know it's stupid and just Mackenzie being well... Mackenzie, but I just.... I don't think I can do it anymore. I just don't think this can work anymore between me and you. You've been acting weird ever since I told you about Harrison and I don't know... I can't talk to you knowing that you could have potentially been laughing at Mackenzie or Harrison's jokes about me earlier. I'm sorry and I know I'm effectively making you choose which is cruel, but I don't think I can do it the way things are if you're not even going to speak to me normally anymore.

It broke my heart. It really did, but it was the truth: we just weren't compatible together. I'd tried to ignore it, but I knew it was real.

You think I've been weird because of the Harrison thing? He looked at me dead in the eyes, shaking his head softly, as if he was in pain. I didn't get it – what else could it be. He raised his arms again to elaborate.

"Hi you two!" Shit. Mr Anderson. Well, wasn't this just typical? We didn't turn to him, just stayed there, looking at each other like the weirdos we were. My life really was a mess wasn't it? "Hello?"

I turned around, plastering a fake smile on my face, Sorry I'm just tired, I guess. It was an understatement and a gross one at that.

XXX

"And there we go!" Mr Anderson clapped Noah on the back "You're really getting good!"

Noah glanced at me for the millionth time with eyes that still looked like he was injured, and I was still incredibly anxious, sweat pouring out of my hands at a ridiculous rate. I was surprised I hadn't passed out by now, but as always, the only person I could blame was myself; Noah wouldn't know that I had something to tell him if I hadn't started the conversation. I really was naïve when it came to all of this wasn't I? "Right, well I've got to go early today as I've got some paperwork to sort out, but I'll see you all next week!"

I gave a small wave, trying again not to show anything too serious on my face. I had a feeling that it didn't work, but he left anyway. And then it was just me and Noah."

"I tell you what," I turned to him, scared about what he could possibly say next "Let's go and get chips and sort this whole mess out."

It really was the best idea; when it comes to anything, chips will always help. Luckily, school was close to a small café that I was sure got its main income from students getting them after school. Noah ordered a plate quickly and we sat at a table, my chest still tight. I busied myself with Mayonnaise while he started... whatever he was going to start.

Via, I'm – I'm sorry. I raised my eyebrows – it shocked me that he was signing this but at the same time I knew it was useless – apologising wasn't going to solve the problem after all.

There's a lot of things that I need to explain.
OK? I went to a pick up a chip from the plate just as he did and our hands grazed, causing an electric current to go through my arm. I needed to stop this – he was never going to like me like that – he liked Mackenzie after all didn't he? That was what this was all about wasn't it?
I'm breaking up with Mackenzie.

I nearly choked on the chip currently in my mouth, which was not good when you couldn't speak, trust me.

So you don't like Mackenzie?

Nope, not one bit. What? This made no sense! And I wasn't acting weird because of Harrison, well I was but because I've got to go against him for football captain not because you told me what he did to you. I don't really talk to him anymore because of that.

I'm sorry – I guess I just assumed tha-

Don't apologise, to be honest what you said was all right and that's why I like hanging out with you and why I'll continue to even if you say you don't want it. You were wrong about one tiny thing though: we do work together.

I smiled. I couldn't help it. I beamed like I'd never before and for once in my life, I finally let myself believe that maybe everything will be ok.

XXX

Stop! I tried to get a chip from the box – we'd got the rest of them as a take-out – despite Noah's attempt to stop me. This is bullying! I'm going to go straight to Mrs Porter!

He burst out laughing, holding the box above my head. "I think that's very disrespectful considering that you've already eaten half of them." He smiled at my scowl and I jumped up to try and get them again, failing miserably. "Whereabouts do you live anyway?"

Oh, just around this corner. He finally brought the chips down and I took a handful, not trusting him Why?

"Well I'm pretty sure we're walking home aren't we? I live just past that tree" He replied and it was only then that I realised how close our houses were. That was weird – I never saw him outside of school. I guessed it was because, well, I didn't really go outside much myself. "What are you thinking about?"

Nothing much. Just life, the universe, the number forty-two. I counted them out on my hand, not understanding that he would never get the reference.

"You've read it?"

You've read it?! I don't think it's that surprising for me but, for you...

"Are you hinting that I'm not the type of person to read?" He mocked being hurt and I laughed silently

Actually no - you seem to be turning out to be a secret nerd. I mean, you've admitted to watching Game of Thrones as well! He laughs Who knows what I'll find next? Your secret Warhammer collection?

"You know, what Mackenzie said was a load of bullshit." I turned to him, surprised. He was looking straight at me again, as if trying to see into my soul. I liked it. "I enjoy spending time with you more than anyone else right now, and I can definitely more than stand you"

We suddenly stopped walking and for a minute I just assumed it was because we were at his house, but we were still nowhere near the tree. He came closer, his face closer to mine. I wasn't sure what was going on, but what I did know was that I didn't want him to move away. He cupped my chin, tilting it up towards him.

"You're one of the most amazing people I've ever met and the only reason I can think of that Mackenzie would say something like that would be that she's jealous." Suddenly the gap between us closed and his lips gently pressed mine.