VIA

I was lying on my bed again. My mum had gone past my bedroom door at least five times – helicopter mum activated – but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe I'd actually told him. So, OK the words didn't literally come out of my mouth (they couldn't so I don't think that counted for anything) but I had actually told him. Why had I told him?

Saying my brain was going on overdrive at this point would be an overstatement – I was tossing and turning, trying to figure out why telling him was such a good idea. What if he didn't believe me? Uh, I was just being stupid – he hugged me after all! It was because I had never told anyone before, I decided, that was why it felt so weird. Nobody except obviously me and Harrison knew of the arrangement and that was why I couldn't bear to think about the fact that now someone else knew. I trusted Noah – I had no idea why after all this time I finally did – but my head told me adamantly that he wouldn't tell anybody. What was the issue then?

XXX

I decided that, for once, I was slightly happy to go to Biology the next day; after all, I'd basically got a front seat to a massive bust-up between the mean girls. Ok, so it wasn't going to be that exciting, but honestly, I pinned it as a highlight anyway, mainly because I didn't have much else to look forward to. And after Noah being a bit strange at break, it was my only highlight. I desperately hoped that it wasn't because of The Harrison Thing, but I secretly knew it had to be – it's not like anything else had been revealed like that yesterday for him to be like this today. I didn't want to bring it up in any case, so I just left him to do his thing and pretended not to notice. I had Biology to look forward to anyway.

I resumed my seat at the back of the class as I always did, knowing all too well that I was undoubtedly making this into a much bigger thing than it needed to be – it wasn't like they were just going to start maliciously fighting in the middle of class. The most I was probably going to get was them giving each other the cold shoulder (lots of hair flipping for maximum effect).

"I'm not speaking to you." Mackenzie said as soon Katie came into the room. It seemed I was the only one that found it ironic as the tension in the room was suddenly palpable. Nobody dared make a sound and Katie suddenly stopped right at the door wide eyed. Mackenzie gave her a fake sweet smile and then went to take her books out with her ridiculously long gel nails.

Katie slowly came over, walking gently as if literally on egg shells. She looked tired – no doubt this had been going on longer than just in school hours – the bags under her eyes actually made me feel slightly sympathetic. Not that my sympathy meant anything, but I did feel sorry for her; Mackenzie was genuinely being a bitch.

"Fine." She muttered, rolling her eyes and walking over to us. Was she really going to sit next to her after all that? It seemed I wasn't the only one that found this interesting – the whole class' eyes were on her posture as she strode past the front desks and what? I expected, as you would, that she was going to brave Mackenzie, but she didn't stop next to her desk. No, she's coming over to mine.

My brain was finally following a pattern by going into overdrive yet again. What was this? Whenever I someone else approaches me, it's like I don't know how to act, and my mind is telling me all about how it wants to end itself. I held my breath nervously and cursed myself for being this way in front of people that aren't my family, Elliot and now Noah. I smiled at the thought of Noah and Katie smiled back. Shit.

Was that a good thing? Did Katie just smile at me? I know this sounds stupid and strange, but because I nobody really... well... noticed me in lessons, I subliminally thought that the whole arrangement was like watching a trash teen show – I never even considered myself a main character in this rubbish high school drama for at least five hours of the day and that was what made this whole situation even worse.

Katie actually smiled at me? I realised that my mouth was gaping wide open at her and she raised her eyebrows at me. Great. Well, if we were ever destined to be friends (or whatever) in the future because of that awkward accident smile, it was definitely not fated for this Universe because I'd definitely just screwed that up once and for all.

She occupied the grey stool next to me nonetheless and my head did that annoying thing of realising how weird this must look from the outside, considering that from the outside you definitely thought of me as a freak. I mean, come on, it's not like I could disprove that being unable to speak and all. Sometimes I wondered that maybe the definition of freak is not a weirdo, it's someone who can't disprove being a weirdo even when they're not. From the outside, at this point, I definitely looked like a weirdo, and a harmless one at that. My smile felt strange on my face and I knew that Katie didn't think anything of me. She completely ignored me whilst getting her books out which really didn't bother me at all; I could get through an hour of being awkwardly ignored. It wasn't exactly like the Noah thing anyway – we didn't have to do anything together so ignoring me was probably the best option for both of us.

"Ok so the pancreas excretes insulin when blood sugar levels are too high which means..." To say I was uncomfortable would be an understatement – I was trying my hardest to listen to what Mrs Williams was saying but all I could focus on were Katie's small glances at me. Why was she looking at me? I got that nobody really knew too much about me here but seriously, I wasn't that interesting. She kept it up for at least half the lesson, attempting to use her perfectly straightened blond hair as some sort of disguise as she stared at me curiously. I was tempted to suddenly turn my head and glare straight back, but that really would help the 'I'm a freak' situation so I self-consciously kept my head forward.

"Right, so I've got some worksheets for you to be getting on with if that's ok with everyone?" Brianna passed the sheets around obediently and I knew that it was going to get even more awkward if I didn't have Mrs Williams to focus on.

And I was right, as always. Katie didn't even look at her worksheet, instead focusing all her attention on me yet again. I really didn't get it at all - she was part of the perfect posse after all – why would she be bothered about me? She was one of the ones that got new boyfriends every week and actually enjoyed going out to parties because they ones she attended were not dead and probably went shopping every weekend because she needed to show off her toned body in every way possible. In short, she was the complete opposite to me.

I felt the same feeling as I did all that time ago in English with Noah when we had no hope of getting the English coursework because I couldn't talk to him. I debated getting the same notepad out again and trying the same thing, but it was too risky; I didn't have any obligation to speak to her after all. The volume of bad things that could happen to me would just double if I attempted to speak to Katie; she was friends with Mackenzie in the first place after all, who knows what would happen if they ended up getting back together?

In the end I left it – it was the best way.

XXX

"Bye Via!" I turned around and Mrs Williams smiled at me. I smiled back meekly and opened the door to finally leave the classroom. By now everyone had gone, and I was relieved to find the corridor empty as always as I got out. Nobody hung around the science corridor on a Tuesday – it was sausage roll day in the canteen at break and I'm not kidding when I say that everybody sprinted out of class like they were being chased by a zombie apocalypse. I'd never had one myself, but it was safe to say that they must have been good.

It was only there while I was laughing to myself that I heard the crying. It was faint at first, the kind I did when my mum was in the house and I knew full well that she'd ask me what was going on with me. I couldn't see where the sobs were coming from but as I neared the stairwell that literally nobody used, they became louder and more frequent. I didn't know what possessed me to investigate, but my legs were instructed to get closer to understand who it was. For all I knew it could have been some puny year 7 who didn't have any friends, but I had a feeling that wasn't the case.

It wasn't until I crept down the stairs and looked under them that I saw who it was.
Katie.

She had her legs up, her chin leaning on her knees and had tears flooding down her cheeks. I instantly felt sympathetic to her – who wouldn't after seeing how Mackenzie was being? Granted, it wasn't like I was going to cry if Mackenzie were to tell me she was no longer speaking to me, but I wasn't her so I couldn't judge. I also probably didn't know the full story.

I stayed on the second to last step for a while, mainly because I didn't know what to do. I mean, what could I do to make this situation better? But the more I heard her crying, the more I wanted to do something. I stepped down another step quietly, but obviously not enough; her head suddenly snapped towards me.

"Oh, I'm sorry," She rubbed her eyes, trying to remove the tears from her face. What was I supposed to do? I knew exactly Via from the parallel universe would have done – that was obvious – but as always, I wasn't her.

There was really only one thing for it. I slid the notebook out of my bag and sat quietly next to her. She looked at me curiously but still upset and I tried to swallow the familiar embarrassment of not being able to speak.

Are you ok? Great. Great way to start this Via – she's obviously not ok! She read it nonetheless and nodded her head softly

"I'm fine – I'm just being stupid" I knew for a fact that that wasn't the case, her tear-stained face gave that away easily.

I'm sure that's not true – what's wrong? Ok, hello and welcome to Via being invested in an argument currently being fought by mean girls. Watch as she definitely says the wrong thing at some point and becomes more of a social outcast than she already is! I really needed to stop acting like my life was a play watched by millions.

"It's just... it's Mackenzie." She confessed and I wasn't the least bit surprised "She's... well... she's threatening to tell the whole school everything."

About...? Was I being insensitive? I couldn't tell – I'd never really been in a situation like this before.

"Just all of the things that I told her when we were friends" Another tear escaped out of her eye "I know it sounds stupid but I trusted her you know? And know she's acting like we were never more than strangers."

Honestly from an outsider's perspective, I don't really take anything that comes out of Mackenzie's mouth seriously anyway.

"To be honest I'm questioning why I ever listened to her as well," She laughed humourlessly "Ugh I was so stupid to ever become friends with her in the first place."

It's not your fault and I'm sure that these things that she's threatening to reveal aren't that bad anyway.

Her face suddenly dropped again. Well done Via – just when you thought you were doing well "They really are, but there's nothing I can do about that now"

You need to stop worrying – Mackenzie's just a bitch that can't handle the fact that she can't control you.

"I guess so," She rubs her eyes again and gives a faint smile "I have a feeling things between her and Noah aren't going well either." I furrow my eyebrows

Are they still going out?

"Yeah I think so – but I'm not too sure" I tried not to show the raw pain on my face. It was like someone had ruined Father Christmas for me – was Noah really the person I thought he was? Was he just playing with me?

Anyway, don't worry about Mackenzie! It's not like she's the one in the right.

The bell rung and I stood up and retrieved my bag from the stairs. It was only when I came back that I realised that Katie had left her number in elegant writing in my notebook. Maybe school wasn't so bad after all.

Author's note
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