Chapter 3 - Why Would You Want Me?

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It was worse this time. I felt embarrassed every time I saw him. He grinned every time he saw me. I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach every time.

I didn't understand that feeling. I wanted to ask someone but I can't think of anyone. My best friends from high school surely wouldn't know. They were good Christian girls just like me. I thought of asking my roommates but I felt embarrassed at the thought. I see them everyday. I don't want them to know.

The elevator opened and as I stepped out, I almost collided with someone. I looked up and saw wild dark hair and dark caramel skin. Anna looked at me with annoyance, until she realized who I was. "Hey," we greeted each other awkwardly.

Anna and I aren't close but we're very friendly. Knowing how wild and open she was, I got the idea that maybe I could talk to her. I asked if I could ask her a question. She nodded and walked to a corner. I followed behind her.

She looked at me expectantly, one eyebrow raised in curiosity. I took a deep breath and just said it. "What does it mean when you have this weird feeling at the pit of your stomach? It's not exactly a stomach ache because it doesn't really feel bad but..."

"Are you talking about being horny?" she interrupted. Even with my conservative background I knew what that meant. My face felt hot and she laughed.

"Let me ask you a question. Did you feel this way during your seven minutes in heaven with Alex?"

I quickly looked away and bit my lip. She laughed even more. "Girl! I'm proud of you. Go get it!" I wasn't sure what she meant and before I could ask she said goodbye and walked into the elevator.

I'm horny? This is what it feels like? I felt weird about the thought. It was sinful. What Alex and I did was sinful. I smiled. I don't care that it is. It felt hot.

I laid in bed thinking about it. I have felt this before. I always thought it was a stomach ache. But also I couldn't help but think that it wasn't. Then I thought of the reason why I felt like this.

Alex. His eyes. His lips. His arms. His hands. The way he looked at me and kissed me and touched me. The feeling grew even deeper. I groaned in frustration and smooshed a pillow onto my face.

It's past midnight and I haven't even talked to him for weeks. I ran away every time I saw him. He didn't seem to be upset by it. He always looked amused when he saw me.

I tossed and turned. I gave up on sleep and got up to get a glass of water. My dorm room was dark and quiet. Everyone seemed to be asleep. I tried to make as little noise as I could.

I decided to go to the common room. It had a balcony and I could get some fresh air. It would be nice to see the moon and the stars. I tip toed back to my room to get my slippers and tip toed across the living room to get to the door. I shut it as quietly as I could. The door to the common room was closed but not locked. The balcony doors were open. I guess someone forgot to close it.

There was no one there. The campus was dark and only a few lights were on. The stars were dim from here. I couldn't see the moon either. The breeze was cold. I love the fall season but the weather is ridiculous. It's so hot during the day and so cold at night.

Disappointed, I decided to go back in. I closed the doors of the balcony quietly. Then a door opened with a loud screech. That was annoying. Here I was trying to be quiet while this inconsiderate jerk just bolts in. I turned to give the person a dirty look but as the figured walked towards me I realized who it was. It was Alex.

"What is wrong with you? Everyone's asleep!"

"I know."

He suddenly grabbed me and kissed me. I could feel his desperation and relief through his lips. He kissed me deeper and pulled me even closer. Crap. I'm horny.

I pushed him away from me. "What are you doing?" I whispered.

"Fuck I missed you. I couldn't help it. I wanted to go to your room and have my way with you."

"How? You couldn't have done that."

"I know. Lucky for me I didn't have to. You're right here." He smiled and kissed me again. His hands were running all over my body. I was getting dizzy from the intensity of his lips. I could feel my knees weaken as he slid his hands down my bottom. I squealed when he slapped it lightly and squeezed it. His lips were down to my neck now, working on the same spot as he did last time. I groaned. The hickey he gave me there just disappeared. I couldn't tell him to stop though. I won't say it out loud but I like how it feels.

He grabbed the back of my thighs and lifted me. I wrapped my legs around him and I felt something unfamiliar pressing against me. It moved up and down between my legs and I felt something wet in my underwear. He took us to a dark corner in the common room and plopped me down the sofa. My legs! I quickly squeezed my thighs together. I'm not supposed to open my legs.

He knelt in front of me and attacked my neck again. Even in the faint light I could see his eyes asking for permission. I nodded my head. He was quick to remove my bra and my shirt this time. There was urgency in his movements and I felt my panties wetter than before. I felt wanted. I have never been wanted by anyone before. No one looked in my direction. Wait. Why did he? Why did Alex look at me?

My heart dropped to my stomach. It doesn't make any sense for him to want me. He's gorgeous. He's smart and funny and athletic. There's no way. This is a game. This has to be a game. I pushed him away.

"Stop." He looked at me, lust still in his eyes, but they started to go back to normal in his confusion. He realized what I said and pulled away. He started to get up.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lose control like that." He pressed his lips together. He was waiting for my reaction.

"No no. You're fine. It's just that it's really late and we have class early in the morning." That wasn't a lie but it's not the real reason why I stopped him.

I put my clothes back on and walked back to my dorm room. Even though I didn't look back, I knew he was standing there watching me as I left.


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