Chapter 11 - Blue Eyes

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I'm going to hell. I'm a terrible person. I'm going to die and I'm going to hell. The tea leaves said so.

Brianna assured me that I'll be fine. It's just tea. We were just doing it for fun. Tea leaves mean nothing. None of the omens we got were going to happen.

One already happened. The night of the slumber party, Cassandra had a fight with her boyfriend. We heard her screaming and crying in her room. She's locked herself in there since. Vanessa had knocked on her door and offered her tea, but she just wanted to be left alone.

I'm with her. I just wanted to be alone, too. Except I wanted my friends. Brianna and Vanessa had been very supportive.

Alex came to see me. The girls told him that I wanted to be alone. He gave my phone back and my costume. Brianna threw them in the wash for me. Except for my phone. She just handed that back to me.

Vanessa had cooked us lunch and dinner. She left some on Cassandra's door. She didn't touch her lunch so Vanessa had to put it in the fridge. She did take dinner though. That was a good sign.

Vanessa, Brianna, and I had dinner together. We just talked about school.

I'm an Elementary Education major. I want to be a teacher for kids. Not middle school or high school. Prepubescent and post-pubescent kids are a nightmare. So far, I had been doing well in all of my classes. I was managing in History but I'll probably get a B. That's good enough for me.

Vanessa was a Business major. Her family owned a bunch of hotels all over the country. She and her brother would inherit them eventually. She isn't doing well in biology but she's taking tutoring classes in the library.

Brianna was a Marketing major. She wanted to do social media for cosmetics brands. She also loved photography and art so she was hoping that they would help. She's convinced that she'll fail Calculus. I offered to help her and she was happy to take me up on it.

On Sunday, I tried to study for my upcoming History test. I had trouble focusing. I kept thinking about what I've done. The pastor's daughter had been tempted and committed the sin of lust. The feeling in the pit of my stomach wakened. Why did I like that? What is wrong with me?

I contemplated going to church, but I decided not to. My heart was set on rebellion despite my brain saying no. I made my decision. College is my time. I had control over my own life. The pressures of my hometown are far behind me. No one would judge me here.

My family hadn't even contacted me since I got here. They didn't care about me. My whole life they had pressured me and controlled me. They did not have control over me now.

By Monday, I wasn't feeling much better but I went to school anyway. I avoided Alex. I know he knows, but he didn't bother to chase after me. He looked at me longingly from afar. It made me feel guilty. It's not his fault. He was my temptation and that wasn't his fault. He's just a pretty apple. I was the one who chose to take a bite.

I sighed. This was a bad idea. I don't think I can handle this. I decided that I needed to end this. I decided that I would do it after Physics class. I was walking in his direction, but he dodged me. He was talking to a girl from the same class.

Jealousy ate up my insides. I had no right. I had no claim on him. But I was angry. I walked all the way back to the dorm steaming. I slammed my bedroom door. I started sobbing. Vanessa knocked on my door.

"Are you okay? What's wrong?," Vanessa said with concern.

She asked if she could come in and I said yes. She patted my shoulder comfortingly. "Talk to me."

It took me about a minute or two to collect myself. My voice cracked when I said, "I saw him with someone else."

"Who, Alex? He cheated on you?"

"He didn't. He couldn't. We had no commitment to each other."

"Do you want me to kick his ass?," she said jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

I laughed. "No it's okay. He didn't even really do anything. He was just talking to her."

"Then why are you upset?"

"I don't know. I wanted to talk to him to end whatever we are. I don't know why it hurt to see him with someone else. They weren't even doing anything."

I wasn't making any sense. Vanessa left to make tea for me. I just laid on my bed pathetically.

That night I did my best to study for my History test. It did not go over well. My mind kept shifting to Alex. And that girl. She was blonde with tan skin and had a curvy body. She looked like a Barbie doll. I screamed into my pillow with envy.

I'm going to fail this test. I came in a few minutes late but that's not a big deal. My History professor was cool. As I walked in, my eyes immediately met Alex's. We held eye contact for longer than we should have. I looked away and grabbed a test paper.

I tried my best to focus but my mind kept wandering to him. Before I knew it, most people had finished and left. I was the last to go. I left feeling terrible.

I contemplated missing my English class. I was just looking at my feet as I walked away when I bumped into someone. A pair of strong arms caught me. I looked up at Alex. My heart pounded in my chest and my ears felt hot. His green eyes were stunning and the whole world stopped for a few seconds. All I could see was green.

I snapped back to reality when he called my name. I straightened myself out and stood up. I thanked him and I was about to turn around when he took my wrist. He pulled me to the side and told me that he wanted to talk to me.

My mind was reeling. I didn't know what to think. I didn't protest when he led me to the study room. It was empty.

"Why are you running away from me again? You left me alone the morning after Halloween. I was worried about you! Then your roommates told me that you didn't want to see me. What happened?" To my surprise, his voice was filled with frustration instead of anger.

His eyes lowered and so did his voice. "Did I go too far on Halloween?"

I felt guilty. "No," I said decisively.

I took a deep breath. "I - I decided that I wanted to end this."

His jaw dropped. His eyes shone with different feelings. Confusion, disappointment, and worst of all, hurt. I hurt him. I didn't want to. I didn't mean to. I didn't expect this. Then again, I didn't consider his feelings at all. I only thought about mine.

His eyes hardened and his face turned emotionless. "Okay," he said with a steady voice. He stormed out of the room and the door closed behind him with a click.

I fell to my knees and sobbed.

Before long, the door opened to my dismay. I heard something fall to the ground and someone knelt in front of me. "Are you okay?"

I looked up. It was a boy with black hair and deep blue eyes. He offered me his hand and I tentatively took it. He pulled me up and led me to the couch.

I was too embarrassed to say anything. This nice stranger is seeing me at my most vulnerable. He told me to take a deep breath and I did. He gave me breathing exercises until I calmed down.

"You don't have to tell me anything. We don't even know each other," he began. His voice was deep and gruff. It didn't match his comforting aura. "But if you need some comfort I'm right here."

He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me to him. My head rested on his shoulder. I didn't know him, but I needed it. I covered my face with my hands and continued to sob. He just sat there with me and patted my shoulder.

After a little while I stopped. I've calmed down completely. I slowly backed away from him and looked at his face. His expression was gentle but I couldn't tell how he felt.

"Thanks. Don't you have a class or something you need to do?"

He sighed. "Yeah, I have a test on my next class and my laptop died, so I decided to come here to the study room so I could study some more last minute."

My eyes widened, "I'm so so sorry! I should leave. Good luck on your test." I grabbed my backpack and ran for the door.

"Hey," he called out to me. I paused and turned. "If you need anything... I'll see you around." He gave me a sweet smile.

I had butterflies in my stomach and wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. I decided to miss Physics class, too. I needed to take a nap. I was too tired and I didn't want to see Alex.

This was supposed to be my sex diary. But I was too emotionally exhausted to even think about sex. My body couldn't feel anything anyway. Now I'm talking about the boring part of my life.

Vanessa's hugs weren't nearly comforting enough. The boy with blue eyes' did. It felt right with him. I didn't know him. I don't know if I'll ever see him again. I wish I did. I was selfish. I hope the time I took away from him didn't affect his performance on his test.

I had a test everyday for each class except for Wednesday. I got a C on my History test. I was disappointed with myself but I knew I had it coming.

I did better on my other tests. I didn't see Alex except in Physics class. Math and science were my game so I wasn't worried about him at all. I was in my zone.

I walked to my dorm. I finished my test early. It was my last test this week. Alex hadn't finished when I left. I didn't need to worry about running into him at the dorm. I reached my floor and as I stepped out of the elevator, I saw him.

It was the boy with blue eyes. He flashed me a grin and sprinted towards me. I looked up at him. He was very tall but he didn't tower over me as much as Alex did. He was also more muscular and his hair was wet with sweat. He looked like he just exercised.

"I didn't think I'd see you here," he said breathlessly. Aside from his heavy breathing, his voice sounded different from last time. It was more of a smooth baritone instead of the gruff voice I first heard when I met him.

"You sound different," I pointed out.

He laughed. "Yeah I had the flu. I still had a sore throat when we met, but I'm good now."

His friends looked over at us. All of them were sweaty and dirty as well. They were snickering at him. "Yo, Anderson! That your new girl?"

"Shut up, Johnson!," he exclaimed in a deeper voice.

He smiled at me and took my hand. "Come on, let's go somewhere we can talk."

He led me to the boys wing. I was confused but I didn't protest. He led me to what I assume to be his dorm. The door said 'Brian Anderson and James Anthony.'

Brian. I learned his name from the door. He told me his name. I smiled. "Yeah, I know. I saw the door."

"Do you mind waiting here? I'll take a quick shower."

I nodded. I didn't know what I was doing here. I just sat on the couch and put my backpack down on the floor. What was he planning?

He came out of the shower five minutes later. He was not shy about his body. He came out with a towel which hung low from his hips, showing off the v under his stomach. He was very muscular and his abdomen was defined. His arm flexed as he brushed his teeth. He flashed me a bright grin. He knew what he was doing. We just made small talk. A few minutes later he was completely dressed. He came out wearing light wash jeans and a gray sweater.

"Let's go. I have something I want to show you." He opened the door and I followed. Brian kept talking and I smiled at his jokes.

Then at the corner of my eye, I saw Alex. He was walking along the corridor on his way to his dorm room. His eyes were stone and he was steaming. He walked past quickly. Brian didn't notice him. He was too busy making jokes.

He led me to the parking garage and motioned for me to get in his car. It was a black Honda. Just a normal car. I don't know why but that felt like a good sign. Muscle cars seem like they were always owned by jerks. He seems to be okay.

Still, I was getting into a stranger's car. What if he kidnaps me? What if he murders me? None of my defenses were up though. For some reason, I trusted him.

We drove for around 15 minutes. He played music and sang along. I wasn't familiar with the songs, but his enjoyment was infectious. He made me laugh.

We stopped at a park. It was the state park. He brought me to the river. The fallen autumn leaves crunched under our feet. I sat on a bench by the water. He followed and sat next to me.

It was beautiful. It was peaceful. It was quiet and the chilly wind was soothing.

"I wanted to bring you here. This is where I go when I'm upset. I thought you might appreciate it."

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I smiled and thanked him.

We just sat there for a while, taking in the nature. I looked at him. The blue of the water was no match for his eyes. Brian had the most beautiful shade of blue I've ever seen. In fact, I've never seen deep blue eyes before. My eyes literally paled in comparison.

We talked for what felt like hours.

Brian was an Engineering Technology major with a Physics minor. He wanted to work for NASA as an aerospace engineer. He talked about his dream of becoming an astronaut and seeing space with his own eyes.

It was beautiful. His dream sounded more wonderful and poetic than mine. I really just wanted to play with kids. He told me that teaching is noble and important. Still, the stars are more beautiful.

It was starting to get dark. The sky was gray and it looked like it might rain. We walked back to his car and the rain started to pour. His loud music and obnoxious singing overpowered the rain. He had a decent singing voice but he sang terribly on purpose. I laughed the entire time.

When we were back to the dorm, I expected to say good bye, but he told me he still wanted to do something for me.

He wanted to make me fried chicken. I laughed. "It's one of the best comfort foods," he said. I offered to help, but he was insistent that he didn't need it.

He warmed up some biscuits and plated for both of us. They were delicious. He smiled and said that it was his grandma's recipe. When I was full and thought we were done, he pulled out banana pudding from the freezer.

The sun was down by the time I left. He kissed me on the cheek and said, "I hope I made you feel better today." I smiled all the way to my dorm.

Brianna and Vanessa were in the kitchen, eating their own dinner. They asked if I wanted some. I told them I already ate.

They studied my face. "What happened to you? Why are you smiling?"

"I saw you crying this morning. How are you smiling now?"

I blushed. "Someone made my day." They were confused and I told them everything.

"He sounds dreamy."

"He's too good to be true. No boy is like that. He probably just wants to get laid."

"Don't be so negative, Vanessa."

"Still, he has a major hero complex."

"Anderson? I think he sounds familiar. Isn't he on the football team?"

"I don't know," I said. "He didn't mention it."

Brianna did some sleuthing and found out that he was. He was a wide receiver. I had no idea what that meant. I know nothing about football.

That night, I smiled until I fell asleep. He made me forget about Alex. He made me forget everything. I couldn't help but compare them. I barely knew Alex. Most of the time I spent with him we were doing something sexual. I spent one afternoon with Brian and I feel like I already knew him. He made me feel good in a different way. I slept peacefully for the first time that week.


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