Chapter Song: Stay- Gracie Abrams OR Look After You- The Fray

"Are you sure it's okay to be driving in this weather?" Kenny gazed out the window uncertaintly.

I had to admit we probably shouldn't be driving in the storm. Or storm to come I should say. It had been raining all morning and apparently the weather was following us to the cabin. Ken had mentioned there was a storm warning tonight too.

"We'll be fine." I shrugged. I didn't want to worry her anymore than she already was. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife, we didn't need any added stress.

"Did you know that Liam invited our birth mom to the wedding?"

"No way?"

"Yeah," she sighed.

"How do you feel about it?"

"I mean I don't know what to feel if I'm honest. I don't want to see her I guess, but if it's what Liam wants," she trailed off.

"You know you don't have to talk to her right?

"I know but what if. What if she tries to talk to me like last time?"

It strikes me hearing how concerned she was. Kennedy, the girl who attracted everyone's attention by walking into the room. Who was always the face of confidence. She didn't even try either, it was all natural. The girl, well woman I should say, that never let anything get to her. She was fiercely strong and capable of things she didn't even realize. I was constantly impressed by her, even now.

Yet here she was afraid to talk to her birth mom. I couldn't blame her though. It took me a while to talk to my dad after everything that happened senior year. It was a weird feeling to understand that your parents aren't on pedestals but they are people.

"Do you need help if she does try to talk to you?" I offered.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like if I was there with you. I'm sure you'd rather have Riley but if you ever need a second place person. I can be at your service. Groomsmen duties," I gave her a small wink.

"I don't know if groomsmen duties applies to this," she seemed unsure but wanted to smile.

"I mean if it helps the day go by smooth and eases some stress I think it classifies as groomsmen duties."

She looked at me for a moment. The gears were turning over and over in her head. I wished I could read her mind sometimes. She always had so much going on up there and kept too much of it to herself at times.

"Maybe," she whispered touching my arm. I felt my mouth curve upwards.

We sat the rest of the way in silence. The pitter patter or rain and the soft music filled the air. I always liked being able to sit in comfortable silence with her. You didn't get that often.

"Here we are," I sighed pulling in. I pulled the keys out and tossed them at Ken. "You wanna go unlock the door and I'll grab the bags? We can worry about our trash later."

"I can get it," she said putting all out snack trash into the bag the clerk gave us at the gas station.

We had four suitcases total. I really don't know how we had so much stuff to bring. Kennedy insisted that one of them was for decorations. The second one was full of board games and card games and other junk we may need for the weekend. That girl thought of everything.

I brought her bag in first along with one of the others. Then I grabbed the second one and mine. Thankfully they didn't get too wet, but I was soaked.

"We should probably look for flashlights in case the power goes out huh? Did you want to shower or change your clothes?" Ken asked as she ruffled through the cabinets. "What were the sleeping arrangements again?"

"Liam and Riley in the master. Unless she wants to sleep with you girls. You girls can either take the two other bedrooms upstairs for more room or cram into one. But I think the rest of us will sleep in the bedroom down here and the couch."

"Okay." She nodded. "When Natalie gets in with everyone from the airport tomorrow we'll figure out the details. I'll even sleep on the couch if needed."

"You're not gonna sleep in the couch," I scoffed. A crackled of thunder interrupted us, causing Ken to jump. "C'mon let's look for those flashlights."

"We're you going to change?"

"Flashlights first."

"Okay," she shrugged not wanting to argue.

We searched for the next 20 or so minutes and the sun had already set. We found one flashlight, and at least a candle in every room. The storm hadn't let up at all. Occasionally the thunder would rattle the house a bit. We knew how to pick a getaway weekend .

We decided to bring everything into the living room and I decided to shower quickly. She insisted on setting up camp in the living room for us for now. I think she started to decorate a little too, probably to take her mind off things. I just wanted her to feel comfortable. It was a weird situation to begin with with just the two of us.

"What do you want for di-" I asked just as the power went out. Of course.

"Is there anything in the kitchen that's edible?" She asked flicking on the flashlight. "I don't think we should drive into town for anything . We barely made it here."

"We can check. I don't think my mom has been here for a couple months or so."

I got up taking the flashlight after she finished lighting the candles. I found crackers that weren't stale and a jar of peanut butter. There were also canned vegetables but I think the crackers would do first. Plus we still had some leftover road trip snacks.

"Are we holding a seance?" I glanced at her. The candles wer set up in a giant circle and she was sitting inside of it.

"Oh for sure. I mean what else are we supposed to do?" She smirked.

"I'm not sure if I'm up for that. Here," I tossed her the jar of peanut butter and pulled out a sleeve of crackers. I started to move some of the candles around. I didn't want to accidentally knock them over.

"What are you afraid of a little ghost McCormick?" She grinned at me and I felt my eyes widen.

"Haven't heard that name in a while," I muttered taking a bite of a cracker.

"What? Oh, oh sorry." She mumbled.

"You don't have to apologuze." I told her. "I missed hearing it," I gave a shrug trying to brush it off. Don't make a big deal out of things. Calling her on it was already a huge deal. I probably just pushed her into a corner.

"Yeah I do." She sighed picking at her fingers glancing up at me she said, "apologize I mean."

"For what? Calling me McCormick? If I remember correctly you were the only one allowed to call me that," I gave her a smile. I wanted her to know I wasn't mad or anything like that.

"You're right," she smiled at the floor. "But there's so much more to that. Not really my place to call you that anymore."

"What do you mean?"

"Yeah you do." She sighed again looking at me gently. She was waiting for me to catch on, but I didn't get what she wanted me to know.

I came to sit close to her. Maybe it was the candles and darkness that drew me in. But it was probably just her. She had that ability. She looked sad. Tired even.

"You know she'd be eleven by now? Almost a teenager." She said. I couldn't tell if she was actually asking me or just speaking out loud. "You know what she would say about this?" She looked up at me biting her lip.

"What?"

"That I was being stupid," she chuckled. "Probably not in those words but something like that."

"You're not the only one whose being stupid," I whispered.

"I miss her," she sniffled looking down again. She began to fidget with the wrapper of the crackers.

"Me too."

I wanted to hold her. I wanted to pull her into my lap and stroke her hair. Whispering to her that it's all be okay. But it wouldn't be okay. Maybe we never will be. Not when you lose someone that important.

I felt her head against my shoulder. Just the slightest weight, but it was enough.

"I'm sorry I never came back. I'm so sorry," her eyes met mine. They were glossed over. At the tipping point after being held back for so long. "I'm sorry that I keep trying to avoid you and then I'm just a mess. It's not fair."

"I'm sorry I let you," I whispered. It took everything in me to stay rooted. Painful almost.

"I was a coward. I ran and didn't come back. She would have never forgiven me if I didn't come back. I almost didn't come back. Worst sister ever right?" She seemed to chuckle at the last part.

"Is that the real reason you came back?" My voice sounded so small. I felt so small, yet the room felt too crowded.

"I mean I couldn't miss my brother's or my best friend's wedding could I?" She struggled to laugh through a sob. "But kinda. I mean I knew I had to eventually." She wiped away some tears with her palm.

"I'm a coward for pushing you away. I could have came after you and tried harder. I could have fought for us but I gave up. I decided that if you weren't going to fight why should I?" I gritted my teeth. "But you came back. She would have forgiven you regardless. Livi was always good about it that."

"Yeah but I was too late. The last time she saw me was at the airport when I promised-" she broke into sobs. "I promised her Cal."

I broke and pulled her into me. I'll be damned for all I care. I let her sobs fill my chest as I leaned back against the couch. I was glad we were sitting on the floor there was more room.

"She could never hate you. Nobody could hate you Kennedy. I sure as hell couldn't."

I didn't know what else to say to her. Maybe I should tell her things like it wasn't her fault. It wasn't, but if she wasn't gonna believe herself I didn't think I could convince her. More than anything I wished she didn't believe it, but it was out of my control. So instead I sat there holding her for as long as she needed me to.

"You know I go visit her grave. Bring her flowers every week or so. Talk to her sometimes," I whisper as her sniffles softened. "I did it when I came home from school, but now I try to go every week or so."

I didn't know why I was telling her that. It wasn't like she cared to know. I never went around telling anyone, but it slipped.

"Really?" She asked. "I mean it makes sense you were always her favorite."

"Yeah, I gotta fill her in. I tell her about my little sister, my nephew, our friends. I talked to her about you coming back to town." I smiled to myself. But regretted saying that last bit. I probably shouldn't have. Was that weird?

I never told anyone I go visit her grave. Only their dad knew. I'd seen him there in passing a few times. He'd give me a hug and sometimes say things but that was it. It gave me a sense of peace talking to a gravestone.

I think it was because even though I was speaking out loud to no one that could reciprocate. I was still talking. I imagined how the conversation would go if she was there.

"Maybe you should take a visit there befor you leave. I'm sure she'd like it," I whispered gently into her hair. It was so simple but I felt like I was walking into the Lions den.

"Maybe," she mumbled. She's go when she was ready. But sometimes that girl was too hard headed she needed a nudge.

"I'm sorry for everything, Cal." She sat up in my lap.

"I'm sorry too. For hurting you, for blaming you, for everything." I whispered inching closure to her.

Her eyes poured into mine and then glanced down at my lips. I felt mine do the same. Closer and closer we came together until I could feel her breath. I wish I could blame it on the mood lighting we set for ourselves or the storm.

But it was her.

Everything about her was intoxicating. I wanted all of her. No matter what happened between us.

"Cal," she whispered. It sounded like a plea.

I pulled her mouth to mine as I held both sides of her face in place. The whole world went silent as it pieced itself back together.

I pulled away resting my forehead against hers. I hated how right it felt. How much I missed this and my body ached for her. How much I missed her.

"We shouldn't," I whispered.

I didn't open my eyes for fear that she'd disappear. I dreamt her voice so many times. We were supposed to move on. The ship of us sailed a long time ago and crashed at sea. It sank and was lost. There was no way we should have found a piece of us in the wreckage we caused. But we just couldn't help ourselves.

"I know," she responded. I could feel her breath on mine as her hands grazed the bottom of my shirt. "But I don't want to talk anymore."

"Is this okay?" I managed to ask between kissing her neck.

"Yes."

—————————-

I hope this isn't too big of a cliffhanger!!!

But this has been my favorite chapter to write so far, I feel like it's such an intimate moment between Kenny and Cal. I also couldn't decide on a song so there's two. Which one do you think fits better?

So I hope you enjoy and have a little patience while I work on getting some more out to you!! I appreciate you reading this and hope you are loving it. I love all your comments and thoughts ❤️❤️❤️

Thank you for being here ❤️