Chapter 36

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Nia was a very competent leader, but Anne still stumbled her way through the first few steps, almost immediately stepping on Nia's toes.

"I'm so sorry," said Anne, staring at her feet and concentrating hard as she tried to keep up.

"Saintess," said Nia gently. "Saintess. Anne!"

Anne finally looked up.

"There you go," said Nia. "Don't think too much about the dance, and don't look down. Just look me in the eyes and chat about idle things."

"But I'm gonna end up stepping on you again," said Anne.

"No, you won't," said Nia, guiding them both into a smooth, sweeping turn. "You struggle to follow the flow of the music because you're overthinking it. Think about other things."

Anne tried to think of other topics of conversation to distract herself.

"Um, Belle and Collette were telling me all about themselves earlier, and I already know a lot about Corvina," said Anne. "But I haven't actually had a chance to talk to you much. Your father is the Quellinian ambassador, right?"

"My mother is," said Nia. "My father is Baron Armine Lowind. You don't need to remember his name. He moved his permanent residence up to Tranmere in the far North many years ago. I live with my mother."

"Oh," said Anne. "I'm sorry for assuming. And I'm sorry if that was a painful topic to bring up, I shouldn't have assumed you'd want to talk about your family."

"It's fine," said Nia, with a reassuring smile. "Besides, it's working. See?"

It was true. Anne had been dancing much more smoothly while distracted by the conversation. The movement felt good, when it was flowing correctly. It was even kind of fun.

"That's incredible!" said Anne. "You weren't lying when you said you were a good leader. I've never danced this well before."

"The skill was yours all along," said Nia. "You just had to get out of your own way."

"I'm still impressed," said Anne.

"Whatever you say, Saintess," said Nia. They danced a few steps in silence before Nia spoke again. "You know, Saintess?"

"Yes?" said Anne.

"You should try to be patient with Lady Corvina," said Nia.

"What do you mean?" asked Anne.

"Corvina is like..." said Nia. "An architect. Who's spent years of hard work constructing her life so that it flows straight and controlled, like a man-made canal. Because that's what everyone around her demanded of her. They needed a canal. So she built that for them. But now you've come along and told her that you want her to let her life flow freely down its natural riverbed, with all its twists and turns."

The song came to an end and Anne and Nia ceased in their spinning.

"Even if she wants to flow free, it's going to take her a while to demolish the walls of the canal and rediscover the natural riverbed," continued Nia. "That's all I'm trying to say. I hope you'll keep this in mind. Thank you for the dance, Saintess."

Nia bowed and took her leave.

Deep in thought, Anne wandered back over to where she'd left her companions.

"Anne!" said Agis, waving her over. "Look who's here! It's Helen!"

"Pleasure to see you, your eminence," said Helen, curtsying. "I should probably get back to work though, Agis."

"Aww," said Agis.

"Where's the prince?" asked Anne, looking around. "He said he wanted to dance with me next, didn't he?"

"Oh, he's right over—" said Agis, then stopped. "I could have sworn he was sitting over there. Where did he go?"


"Ah, there you are," said Sebastian, sliding through the small opening in the vines that led to Corvina's garden alcove.

Corvina looked up at him, her expression displeased.

"How did you find me?" she asked.

"Followed the smell of tobacco," said Sebastian, tapping the side of his nose.

Corvina looked down at the lit cigarette she held between her fingers. She clicked her tongue. "I didn't know you knew I smoked," she said.

"I'm not quite as stupid as people thing I am," said Sebastian, sitting down on the stone bench next to Corvina.

"I should really be more careful about it," said Corvina. "I was just... trying to calm my nerves..."

They sat together for a moment in silence.

"I wanted to apologize," said Sebastian. "You're right I don't... I don't often think about how hard things have been for you. But you know how useless I am. I don't have what it takes for politics. And after... after everything I just thought it would be better for everyone if I stayed out of your way."

"You don't have to apologize for that," said Corvina, taking a drag of her cigarette. "I pulled away from you, too. After everything."

"Yeah, that's right, you avoided me, too!" said Sebastian. "I'm not so dense and self-absorbed that I can't tell you don't like being around me all that much."

"Sorry," said Corvina. "It's just... your cheerfulness can be a bit grating."

"Grating?" said Sebastian, placing a hand on his chest in an exaggerated gesture of wounded pride. "I'll have you know I bring sunshine into any room I enter."

"Yeah, you're so bright sometimes it's painful to look at you," said Corvina.

"Rude," said Sebastian, lightly shoving Corvina's shoulder with his own.

Corvina smiled. "You're the one who wanted me to be less polite to you."

"True," said Sebastian. "And if 'a bit grating' is the worst insult you can muster, I think I'll survive."

"Good," said Corvina. "The Crown Prince should have thicker skin than that."

There was another pause in the conversation.

"But do you really think I'm too cheerful?" said Sebastian.

Corvina shrugged.

"I just don't think it would do anyone any good if I wandered around acting all gloomy all the time," said Sebastian.

"I know," said Corvina. "I know. It's how you deal with things. But that doesn't mean it's always easy for me to be around."

"Right. Because my life is so easy and carefree..." said Sebastian. "You know, most of what you've said about me has been true. I won't argue with you. But you said there was nothing that could make our father disinherit me? I'm pretty sure there's one thing..."

Corvina glanced sideways at him before taking another drag of her cigarette. "What's that?"

"My preference..." said Sebastian. He swallowed. "My inclination towards... certain... partners."

"Oh, that," said Corvina. "I wouldn't worry about that."

Sebastian looked at Corvina. "You understand what I'm saying, don't you?"

"Yes," said Corvina.

"I like men," said Sebastian.

"Yes, I know," said Corvina.

"You know?" Sebastian was trembling. "Does that mean the Emperor already..."

"Sebastian, it's okay," said Corvina, placing a hand on Sebastian's shoulder.

"But you know what he's like! He... he..."

"I know," said Corvina. "But he doesn't see you as just any other person. As his son he sees you as an extension of himself. He wouldn't disinherit you over that because it's so unthinkable to him that even if someone told him, he wouldn't believe it. It's not something he's capable of allowing into his worldview."

"Really?" said Sebastian. "How can you be sure."

Corvina looked away. She took one final drag on her cigarette before dropping it and grinding it out in the gravel. "Do you remember a stablehand named Giltbert who worked at the palace a few years ago? Tallish young man, shaggy brown hair?"

"Oh, yes, Giltbert!" said Sebastian, looking a bit wistful. "He was a cheerful fellow. Fun to be around. I remember he quit out of nowhere one day. I never found out what happened to him."

"Yes, well..." said Corvina. "He attempted to go to the Emperor with... evidence. Of your relationship with him. I guess he thought he could get the Emperor to pay him off to keep quiet about it or something... He was executed on the spot. For 'gross insults to the crown.'"

"...He's dead," said Sebastian, his voice flat.

"I'm sorry," said Corvina.

Sebastian turned away. "And you never thought to talk to me about any of this?"

"I didn't think it would do anyone any good," said Corvina, wearily.

Sebastian rubbed his eyes. "But doesn't that mean Father does know...?"

"No, I'm telling you," said Corvina. "It's not something he's capable of believing."

"But what if..." said Sebastian. "What if it came from a trusted source? What if you or... or the Grand Duke..."

"If the Grand Duke tried to tell our father that you like men," said Corvina. "He would suffer the same fate as Giltbert."

Sebastian let out a deep breath. He stared off into the distance for a moment. Corvina watched him with some concern.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"I think I just gained a whole lot of new baggage," said Sebastian. "But at the same time, I feel like a huge burden has been lifted... I don't know."

Corvina nodded.

"Oh, but Corvina," said Sebastian. "I almost forgot the whole reason I wanted to tell you all this."

"What is it?"

"Well... Earlier. When the Saintess came in. I saw how you looked at her," said Sebastian. "And suddenly I thought... Well, I thought there was a chance that you might be like me after all. And if you were... maybe you'd like to know you weren't alone... That's all."

"...how was I looking at her?" asked Corvina.

"Like you couldn't breath," said Sebastian. "Like she was the only person in the whole world. Like nothing else mattered."

Corvina squeezed her eyes shut. "...I don't know, Sebastian. I'm so confused about everything."

"Well, that's okay, then," said Sebastian. "Just... you know, if you did happen to feel that way about the Saintess, I just think that would be okay. That's all."

"I can't even think about that right now," said Corvina. "I still don't know if she'll even accept me as an ally!"

"Of course she will!" said Sebastian. "I'm not sure what you're trying to ally with her for, but she's a very open-hearted and accepting person. You know, the first time I ever met her, she said that if the Goddess told her that it was wrong for two men or two women to love each other, she would punch the Goddess in the face?"

Corvina snorted, a sort of half laugh. "Yeah, that sounds just like Anne..." said Corvina.

"Whatever you're so stuck on, I'm sure it will be fine," said Sebastian. He took a deep breath, slapped his knees, and then stood up. "And sitting here brooding in the garden isn't going to get you any closer to any answers. Come on back to the party. Enjoy your night with your friends."

"You go ahead," said Corvina. "I'll just be another minute."

"Fine," said Sebastian. "But just so you know, Lady Nia already danced with the Saintess and I fully intend to take her for a spin myself. And I'm sure we're not the only ones who want to dance with her. If you want your turn then you'll have to come inside before she really gets sick of dancing."

Corvina smiled. "I'll keep that in mind. And Sebastian?"

"Yes?" said Sebastian.

"I don't think you're useless," said Corvina. "Not really."

"That's sweet of you to say, but we both know I am," said Sebastian, turning to go. "I failed that test a long time ago."

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