Way too soon to feel so strong

Way too young to hurt so long

I'm hurting

Was it worth it?

-Last Dance by Dua Lipa

DELILAH

When we arrived to the hotel Liam began undressing and making his way to the shower without really speaking to me. I could tell he was irritated at the fact that Brian was still trying to contact me, but I wasn't at fault. Things seemed pretty clear the last time we had spoken and if the detective went back on his word, there wasn't much that I could do. We weren't even in the same state at the moment. 

Not only that, but apparently Carissa also decided to contact him on our way to the hotel. The day went from being wonderful to dreadful. The situations were different; Carissa had gained her place in their life. I wanted to be okay with it, I wanted to not mind, yet when her name popped up on his phone, I felt like throwing it out the damn window. 

I heard the water begin to run and sighed. The backpack that held the surprise that I was supposed to give Liam rested on the side of the bed and given the situation, it seemed like it would remain unused. 

I carried the backpack to the restroom and set it next to the sink, glancing over to the see through shower glass separating me from Liam. He was leaning against the tile wall and I didn't have to be directly in front of him to see how tense he was. 

Before I could think too much of it, I undressed and let my hair down and gaining courage that I didn't know I had, slid the door open. Liam didn't turn around, as if he already expected me to be there. Tentatively, I placed a hand on his shoulder, letting it rest there for a few seconds before he turned around.

His eyes darkened when he took in my naked body and without a word, he pushed me back against the wall, kissing me with everything he felt. With his leg between mine and his hands holding my own back, he was the one in control. I moaned softly, feeling how he awakened every part of me. He owned me.

I ached to run my fingers through his hair but I knew this was what he needed; to feel that despite having Brian around, I belonged to him. And I did, there was no denying it. His tongue met mine, my own not standing a chance against his dominating one. I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the water run down on us while his lips went down my neck, nipping at the skin. 

"I hate that other men see you like I see you," he murmured. 

"I'm with you," I replied, squeezing his hands tighter when he thrust his hips against me. 

In our breathless state his eyes met mine and I found that even with the years of knowing him so well, I was unable to decipher the emotions behind them. He shook his head, trying to erase the thoughts that were flooding his mind but when he failed, he kissed me once again, as if he found peace there with me.

He murmured something against my lips that I couldn't make out until he pulled back, letting go of my hands.

"I love you, Delilah."

Surely it was just the water affecting my hearing. 

Except then he repeated the words, brushing his thumb over my lower lip.

I felt the same way but for some reason, I couldn't bring myself to say them. Liam sighed, bringing his hands to each side of my head. 

"Is it enough to love you, Delilah? Because I'm going insane thinking that even loving you the way that I do, things won't work out. I know I want you, God know's how much I do, but how the fuck are we going to erase our past? I trust you now, but do you trust me with Carissa around?"

"I- I don't understand," I replied, still too shocked to be able to say anything else. 

"Is love enough, Delilah? Do you even love me back? Will having sex right now fix everything else?"

Those questions were too hard to answer. Was there when a right answer to them? Was love enough? Liam gave me a sympathetic smile, kissing my lips once again. 

"I want it to be enough, Delilah. If we both love each other we can fight through whatever shit life throws at us but you have to know how you feel too."

"I know how I feel, Liam."

"Why can't you say it then?"

I couldn't have given him an answer even if I tried. All I knew was that I was scared that he would somehow realize that I was the wrong choice after all. I never was insecure but this feeling I had for him, so intense, so real, made me vulnerable. It was terrifying.

"Sex won't fix anything, Delilah. Without knowing where we stand sex will only complicate things."

His rejection stung. I fought back the tears until he rinsed off and walked out.

I wanted to feel loved, I wanted him to kiss me, make me feel like we would be okay but he didn't even want to have sex with me. It wasn't only that, but also the fact that he didn't think I loved him back. If I said the words out loud my whole heart would be in his hands, every part of my soul would be exposed to him.

That's the thing about love though; if you say it out loud, you're basically handing over your heart to the other person with a ribbon and all, trusting them not to break it.

And I loved Liam so much it was frightening.

I don't know how much time I let the water run over me but when I finally stepped out it was with a new mindset.

Fear would not dictate my decisions.

More than anything in the world I wanted Liam to know that I felt the same way about him. He should know that I was willing to fight for us, that we could make it through whatever obstacles were ahead of us in the future.

We were no longer two naive and immature teenagers; we were adults who had taken a while to find their way back to each other but here we were, with nothing holding us back but our own fears.

If things didn't work out between us I didn't want it to be because we didn't try. I refused to live in a land of 'what could have been.'

I dried myself off and brushed my hair, looking at myself in the mirror. He loved me.

That knowledge gave me renewed strength.

I put on the red negligee Jo had given me along with the barely there underwear, and covered myself with a silk black robe I had brought with me.

Trying to forget my nerves I opened the door to find Liam leaning against the headboard with his eyes closed and a glass of wine in his hand. He was stressed, worried about what awaited us.

The only fear that I had now was his rejection.

"Can we talk, Liam?"

"I don't know what else there is to say, Delilah."

"A lot, actually."

Finally, he opened his eyes. He looked over to where I stood against the wall, still not trusting myself to be close to him.

"What is it?"

Here goes nothing.

"I'm not going to say that I like having Carissa around," I began, hoping that he wouldn't get angry. "I trust you but I don't trust her, not after the things she said about me."

"I thought you didn't mind if she's around," he said narrowing his eyes.

"Would you mind if Brian is around me all the time?" I asked raising an eyebrow. I saw his Adam's apple move as he swallowed. "Exactly."

"And second, to answer your question, I do think love is enough. The same way love makes you vulnerable, it's also meant to give you strength to fight through whatever gets in the way."

"Two people have to love in order to do that," Liam pointed out, pouring himself more wine. I followed the movement and flexing of the muscles in his arms, getting distracted for a moment.

The sound of his voice brought my attention back to the conversation at hand.

"I can't love for the both of us," he continued. "Though I've always loved you so much it probably could be enough, if you don't feel the same way then it's pointless. I don't want Adrian growing up and thinking that it's okay to be stuck in a relationship in which he's the only one giving his everything while the other person holds back. As far as Carissa goes, I can tell her to back off for a while, at least until you and I get it together and figure out what we're going to do that way there's no third parties involved. The detective, well, that's up to you Delilah. Even then, it doesn't matter what we do if you don't feel the same way."

"I didn't say I didn't though."

*****

A/N: The 'L' word has been thrown out there.
Too soon?
And it looks like Delilah is coming to terms with what she feels.
Leave your thoughts!

-Luz❤