Steady me, be my source of gravity

While my world's unraveling

Say you'll never change

-Stone by Alessia Cara ft. Sebastian Kole

*****

DELILAH

Life is comprised of moments that define you. Moments that change you and tear you apart only to build you back up. But what happens when there is no coming back from said moment? What if that moment is so intense and raw that there is no way that you will ever be the same? What happens when no matter where you look, if you pray to a God above or look for any earthly reason, there is no help or answers coming from anywhere? What happens when in that moment there is nothing else but a void in your heart and mind, not allowing you to think or process anything?

"Delilah! Girl... what's going on?" 

Jo shook me and I couldn't bring myself to reply or breathe. "He's gone... He's just... gone," I choked out. 

"Liam? Have you called Liam?" 

I shook my head, walking away before taking off and running. I had no fucking clue where I was going, I just knew that I needed to find him. There was a million possibilities. The trail that went through the forest, near the lake... the damn park was over 450 acres large. My chest constricted not from running but from the ache, the deep, piercing ache that I felt. 

My phone began ringing out of control. I wanted to pick up but surrounding me was only white noise. I searched everywhere I could in a span of fifteen minutes.

I was unsteady. Everything surrounding me was a blur. Everything hurt.

When my phone rang again, I managed to pick up with a shaking hand. My voice was no better.

"Where are you?" Was Liam's question.

"At the park."

"I know that, Delilah. What part? I'm here."

I was too shocked to say anything. Everything in my body was on overdrive. Suddenly, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"West side," I managed to reply before emptying my stomach at the edge of the trail.

The sound of sirens was distant but I could hear it. How long had it been? Minutes? Hours?

In the middle of the open park the world started closing in on me. My hands began to shake even more and my chest grew tighter. I couldn't breathe. I gasped for air, bending down and placing my hands on my knees.

How could I be such a failure? My son disappeared... My son is gone and it was all my fault.

I heard a stranggled cry and it wasn't until I heard the radioing of an officer that I realized it had left my throat. I clutched the hand of the man feeling like I was about to pass out.

"Delilah Campbell? You need to calm down so you can tell us what happened."

"My... He's gone," I said in a hoarse voice. "He's gone. I-I don't know where he went. P-please," I begged, now my eyes meeting the officer's. His eyes softened as he helped me stand up straight. "I can't breathe," I choked out, putting my hand over my throat.

"You're having a panic attack," he said in a comforting tone. "Focus on me, can you do that? Breathe with me?"

The officer placed his hands on my shoulders and I saw nothing but concern etched all over his face. I gave him an absent minded nod and breathed slowly as he counted to ten. I repeated the process for a few minutes until I could feel my airway opening up again.

"There... That's it," he said in a soothing voice. "I'm Detective Brian Jameson and I'm here to help you. Can you stay with me and tell me what happened?"

"Y-yes," I choked out.

Officer Jameson guided me to where I could see there was a gathering of police cars and search crews already looking for Adrian. In the midst of the chaos, Liam was there with a shocked Jo who had also arrived.

"What the hell happened?" Liam asked, rushing over to me.

I broke out into another sob when I saw him and ran into his arms. He was too shocked to do anything but soon, his arms wrapped around me as he cradled me in his arms while I cried.

"I swear I was watching him, Liam. It was a f-few seconds," I cried into his neck. His grip tightened around me but he didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry," I cried again. "I'm such a horrible mother."

He didn't deny it. I pulled away from Liam, feeling his cold glare meeting my vulnerable one. He didn't need to say a word for me to understand his silence.

"I'm going to look for him," he said before nodding once to the officer and running off.

I saw Officer Jameson swallow thickly. "Calm down, ma'am. We have officers searching throughout the park and surrounding areas. Could you just confirm what your son was wearing?"

"Red shirt, dark blue jeans with black and white Nike shoes and a black jacket," I said without hesitation. "He has brown hair and... Blue eyes. His hair was spiked up and he has a birth mark on his right arm near his elbow."

He mouthed off his description into the radio before returning his attention to me.

"Have they seen him?"

He helped me sit on a bench while he shook his head no. "You need to calm down. You need to remember as much as possible so that you can tell us what happened. Anything suspicious that you saw could be of use."

"I didn't see anything," I said, placing my hands over my face. "Nothing happened he was just..  gone."

Time seemed to drag on. They had shut the park down without anyone leaving until they found him and everyone was searched. But they didn't find him. Adrian was gone and with him, any peace of mind that I had. I wasn't of much use because I was a mess.

One of the paramedics said it was shock. I wanted to slap him.

It wasn't shock. It was heartbreak. It was regret. When I saw Liam's crestfallen expression it only doubled.

The whole park was checked with no trace of Adrian to be found. Officer Jameson gave me a compassionate look and then looked over to Liam who was heading back our way. He looked defeated and angry. I knew that anger was directed at me. I'd failed him and our son and I didn't think there was ever going to be a way to get that trust back.

Detective Jameson spoke with other officers before placing a call. I felt odd, like it was all just a nightmare and I would soon wake up. Except that it wasn't a nightmare, it was real. 

The world caved on me when Detective Jameson returned to where we were. "We are calling in the Amber Alert. Adrian is no where to be found."

*****

"You two need to relax," Jo said for the hundredth time. "This is difficult but we all need to be level headed in order to think of something to do."

Level headed was out of my vocabulary. Liam was in his own world and mine was falling apart. We were back at his house, none of them wanting to leave me alone. Except Liam couldn't even look at me at the moment. I couldn't blame him Jo and Chris were going to print out flyers over night since they didn't think we were under condition to do much of anything. 

The news were airing the Amber Alert and we had all received the message on our phones. As soon as I saw it, reality hit me in the face. I wasn't sure if my parents were aware of the situation yet but when they did, they'd turn against me too.

Liam and I were left alone after everyone agreed to meet first thing in the morning. He kept pacing back and forth, as if the answer would somehow appear if he kept walking. 

"I don't understand," he said, shaking his head. "Were you not paying attention or... What the hell happened, Delilah?"

I cleared my throat. It was sore, I realized, from crying and screaming. "I was watching him the whole time," I said. "It was five seconds, I promise. I was on the phone and Jo-"

"On the phone? Are you fucking kidding me? You get distracted when you're on the phone, Delilah. You of all people should... Goddammit! How the fuck did this happen?!"

It was as if the tiny pieces of my heart could keep breaking even further. The devastation only increased when I saw his judging expression. "I'm sorry, Liam. I can't... I'm so sorry."

Liam picked up his coat. "I'm going to look for him. I can't just fucking sit around and wait."

I stood up, ready to go with him but he stopped me, raising his hand. "No. You've done enough."

With the door slamming behind him and left all alone with my regret, I curled up on the sofa and began crying. I didn't know where the hell the tears were coming from anymore. I felt so lost, so alone. All I wanted was to help in any way possible but I couldn't.

The situation was helpless. I could only do so much because with the way my emotions were all over the place, I was of no use. 

It was all a reminder that I really didn't deserve to have them back. Once again, I'd ruined it. I could forgive myself for abandoning them, I was able to make that up and show them I'd changed. But this? How could I possibly make up losing Adrian?

Liam came back past midnight. He looked crushed. Without speaking to me he went to his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him. As much as I tried to forget the situation at least until morning came, I couldn't. I'd closed my eyes and see Adrian's little smile or Liam's hateful eyes. 

I went to the restroom, splashing my face with cold water to clean up my tear-stained face. My eyes were swollen and bloodshot, I looked how I felt; like complete and utter shit. Gaining the courage to go into Liam's bedroom, I knocked on the door. When I didn't receive an answer, I opened up anyways only to find him sitting at the edge of his bed with his face in his hands.

"What do you want?" He muttered without looking up. 

"I'm so sorry," I said in a broken whisper. "I should have never come back."

He scoffed. He couldn't even look at me. I continued, hoping that a part of him would understand that I didn't mean for any of this to happen. "My son - our son - disappeared because of me and I'll never forgive myself for it. I'm a horrible person... a horrible mother. You two were always better off without me." 

At my words he glanced up. Perhaps it was the way my voice cracked or the way a pathetic whimper left my lips, but he stood up, taking me in his arms while I began to cry yet again. 

He didn't say anything while he held me. There was no more judging, just two parents who felt helpless and lost without their son. "I'm sorry," I whispered again.

"Stop it," he murmured, cupping my face in his hands and wiping away my tears with his thumbs. "We'll find him, I promise we will."

"You blame it on me though and you should but I-"

"I don't, Delilah. This could have happened to any one of us." 

The hard look in his eyes was no longer there. It was replaced by sorrow and understanding. His face lowered to mine, placing a soft and tender kiss on my lips. "It's going to be okay." 

I nodded but for the first time in my life, I wasn't sure I believed him. 

*****

A/N: Well... Thoughts?

I'm not sure what to say about this one. :/

The next one well, brace yourselves. 

Thank you for reading!

-Luz<3