A/N: Oct 22 2021

Hello, hello, It's Friday!!! Here's a new update 🌷 We didn't reach 500 votes on the last chapter but that's okay, we almost got 400! If this one reaches 400 early, I'll post chapter 23 right away 🌟

OH, and I'll either be doing an Instagram live or a Q/A on my Instagram! If you want to chat with me/ask questions, don't forget to follow me @letsgohomehidee on Instagram :)

Q/A: Any song recommendations? I'm currently trying to renew my Playlist 😅🥰

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I remembered scolding Adam and telling him to be on his best behavior. I told him that if he was adopted, he could get out of the orphanage and finally live a normal life. He would have a home, parents, and maybe even some sisters and brothers. He'd be loved the way he should have been. He wouldn't have to worry about the bullies or worry about getting locked in a small storage room again. But deep down, despite my words, I never wanted him to leave. I'd always look out the window and wait for him to return, and when he did, I felt so relieved. It was selfish of me, I know, but Adam was all I had. 

"And then what happened?" Vadim asked, snapping me out of my thoughts. I pressed my lips together.

"And then he left."

Saying those words made me want to hate him, but I couldn't. I could never hate him.

"One day, I woke up and he wasn't there. They said he had packed his things and left early in the morning to some posh family. I told myself that he'd come back within the next three days like he always did, but he never came back. I waited for him every day at that window, wondering when he'd return," I said, my voice suddenly quiet. "I thought he'd come back to see me, but nothing. He left without even saying goodbye. I even started to wonder if he was just a being created by my imagination. All I had left of him was a ring he gave me. I eventually got tired of waiting and asked the caretakers for his address, but they said that it was confidential information. Adam knew where I was, but I didn't know where he went off to, so all I could do was wait."

I ran a hand through my hair, feeling a bitter feeling inside me.

"It felt shitty," I muttered coldly. "Being thrown away like trash. I didn't know my parents when they abandoned me, so it didn't hurt as much. But Adam? He was my everything."

A felt another prick in my chest.

"I guess I was a fool thinking that I was wanted, huh?" I said, laughter building up my chest, dying to come out. No, it wasn't laughter. I wanted to cry. "But it's whatever; it's all in the past."

Vadim studied me carefully and I had a feeling he could see through my bullshit but was considerate enough not to say anything. 

"What did you do afterward?" he asked instead.

"What do you think? I ran away. Ran away, caused trouble, did everything I could for people to hate me, 'cause at least that way I'd get a little bit of attention."

I was a kid desperate for recognition and the only way I could get that was doing something messed up. But no matter what I did, no one could fill the hole Adam had left in my chest. No one made me feel the way he did. Later in my teen years, I ran away, and despite the few posters with my name and face, they eventually stopped looking for me, and so I made a life of my own. 

"Did you ever look for Adam?"

"Yeah," I sighed. "I looked everywhere for him, but he never came back. Never heard a word from him. Gone. Like he never existed."

"You felt betrayed?"

My chest tightened. "I felt like there was no reason for me to exist anymore."

"You hate him?"

I looked away, took in a deep breath, then sighed. 

"No," I whispered. "Never."

"Love him?"

"Doesn't matter anymore. It was all in the past."

"You say that, but you still wear that ring around your neck," he noted, and I stiffened. "Maybe he left for a good reason." 

"Good reason or not, he had so many years to come back. The only reason why I stayed at that orphanage for so long was because I was waiting for him to return. I gave up on the thought of finding a family, but I never gave up on him. Even if he was going to leave, he could have at least said goodbye or something to give me some closure," I said, anger coating my words. And now he was looking for Eric and trying to dig up our past when he was the one who threw it away. He had no right to do that, not after he left me like I meant absolutely nothing to him. 

Vadim opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind and simply nodded. 

"What about you? Why are you stuck in this hell hole?" I asked, changing the subject. "You don't seem like you should be here."

"Like everyone else, I didn't have a choice," he said in a monotonous tone. "My parents came here illegally, looking for the American dream as all immigrants do. They were deported back to Russia but wanted me to build a life here, so they dumped me on a random street with some money and a pocketknife and told me to do whatever I had to do to survive. And somehow, I found myself here."

"Oh. Do you miss them? Your parents?"

"Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But I'll get out of here soon, get a job and send them money. I'm grateful that they threw me here, even if it means being alone and fighting for my life every day."

He glanced at me and studied my face.

"Don't give me that look of pity, friend. Your life seems way worse than mine."

I blinked in surprise and let out a sheepish laugh. Vadim laughed with me, and suddenly, I didn't feel so lonely anymore. 

"Hey, I was wondering, how did you manage to get that high of a ranking?" I asked, and Vadim's smile quickly faded. He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, silent for a moment. I wondered if he had fallen asleep.

"What did I do to get this ranking?" he echoed solemnly, lifting his hand to the dog tag that hung around his neck. He held it tightly, his knuckles turning white. He was smiling, but he looked like he was in pain. It was a dark and cynical smile, and it made me dread whatever he was going to say. 

"I killed my roommate." 

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A/N: Well then 😳

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