Q U E N T I N

He forgot when he started to feel it, but being a twin sucked.

Of course, there would be pros, as most things in the world. You're guaranteed to have a friend in the same age. You get unconditional love from said friend from all times. You don't need to deal with domineering older siblings or annoying younger siblings, because the two of you would be of the same age.

The con list went on and on, though. Parents had to scrape off significantly more money (double actually, but Quentin was a noisy kid with a lot of demands, so it might stretch the funding to be triple) to feed the kids. Since April was his female twin, Quentin never got the chance to play 'swap lives' like all the other twins in movies. And he needed to learn the term 'Shared Attention'.

Sometimes even 'No Attention'.

Quentin had always known that there was something 'off' with April, even when he was young. April found adventures to be more terrifying than that clown in It movie. April would sometimes eat a single kind of food for a couple of days. April rarely looked at people in their eyes.

After one visit to a childhood doctor one day, his parents started to give April more attention than Quentin. And he was fine with it. He really was. He knew that he was the Lucky Twin. He wasn't the one who had to live with 'That Thing', and he surely thanked his parents that they gave him vaccine shots to protect him from a lot of ridiculous and unwarranted deaths.

And after all, how could he hog the parents's affection when he could so easily win the attention from other people? In high school, he had been one of the most popular jocks. He had dated a lot of girls, and he made friends easily, just like 50 push-ups. Right now, he was on his way to play on NFL, and he had been dating one of the prettiest girls he'd ever laid eyes on his whole life.

Audra had been amazing to him. Whenever they met, all of her attention was focused to him. For once, he was the only one in the spotlight. She pointedly decided to ignore his sister, but the reasoning behind it was unlike the other girls whom he had dated before.

Other girls would say, "Your sister is weird."

Or,

"Is there something wrong with her?"

Or,

"I don't care about your sister."

But Audra once told him. "Your sister has it easy." He would argue that April didn't have it easy, but he remembered. Oh, he remembered. The way their mother cared more about what to put in April's lunchboxes than his. The way their father only gave him a fatherly (which means half-hearted and extra awkward) hug when he told them he made it to the National Team. The way they showed a lifetime's worth of happiness when they attended April's graduation party. The way people around her always cared about her. April hadn't had it easy, but in the same time, she had it easy.

And that was when Quentin knew that he fell in love with Audra. He knew about her struggle, and he knew about her deep, dark desire to be liked by everyone (even though she'd deny it vehemently) She wasn't condemning her sister because she had a mental condition or something like that. Audra condemned April because she was jealous.

And Quentin would feel not as bad, if he somehow felt jealous of April, whenever he was around Audra.

But that was all before he heard about the poisonous things that Audra had to say about his sister.

That little bitch.

Now Quentin had to call his mom and say sorry for being a piece of shit son. He had to call his father and demand grave punishment. He might even have to put off dating and stamp a Warning Label on his forehead.

Because he had just hit a girl.

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22: Paper Notes

I had actually forgotten how peaceful being holed up inside a closed room with no probability of anyone barging in actually is.

After Audra's Moment of Truths, my brain had decided that stalking into my room was the only thing I needed for the world to get better. The clock started to tick in slow motion, and everything that I saw became a blurry motion. I could hear voices, but then my ears were not registering anything to my brain. I couldn't decipher words.

I tried to remember Audra's words, but I didn't even need to try. They were etched inside, and when I closed my eyes, I still couldn't get rid of them.

It was never in my intention to upset someone this much, but I guess when you had a faulty brain, you just couldn't help doing it. The strange thing was, I couldn't really blame Audra.

What was good about me? What accomplishment that I had done to deserve the love that I have now?

If humans were measured by their capabilities, then I would rank on the bottom 1%.

The thoughts of what would constitute of my 1% colleagues started to cloud my head. I lacked emotional trauma that would push me over the edge, and I didn't think I would pull a Hannah Baker by slitting my wrist just to make a point to the people who had contributed to my sadness. My parents had sheltered me well, and I would be way too dissappointed if I didn't get to watch the newest season of This is Us.

For the first time since That Guy left me, my sadness was due to the fact that I wasn't a good enough person to exist in this world. The thought alone surprised me, since I had never been one to doubt the way I had been.

Another thought followed up, and it jolted me right back up.

Maybe I was having an existential crisis.

The idea of having such an ubiquitous crisis made me giddy despite the dire situation. I had spent the last few years concentrating on being broken hearted that I had almost forgotten what it was like to have other problems.

I groped my pants-pocket, and didn't find my phone. That was when I remembered that I had forgotten my phone on the kitchen bar right before my dramatic stalk to my room. Ahh, curse the stars! Would it be funny if I go back to the scene and then take my phone so that I could google 'How to deal with existential crisis?'

But then even the mere notion of facing Audra's face and the others managed to lurch my bladder to a jolt. Oh no. Now I was devoid of my phone and in dire need of going to the toilet.

"April?! April, open the door, please!" I could hear my brother shouting from behind the door. I tried to answer, but then I couldn't produce any sound. My throat became dry and I felt like I had just lost the ability to move my tongue.

"Are you okay?" this time it was Alex. "Can I come in?"

I sat right in front of the door and leant my back there. My eyes were focused on the white ceiling.

The voices of the three men bickering from behind the door was still so prevalent, though.

Quentin: "Are you an idiot?! She's obviously not okay!"

That Guy (trying his best to keep his voice within the minimal decibel): "Well yeah, how could she be when your girlfriend just basically ate her alive!"

Quentin: "I don't understand girls at all. Now one girl is locked up in the room, and the other one has run out from her own apartment."

Alex: "It would be so easy to rob Audra's apartment right now. How can she leave her house with three strangers?"

Quentin: "I'm not a stranger!"

That Guy: "Now that you're an ex, you basically are."

Quentin: "We really shouldn't worry about that. What about my sister?"

Alex: "Well, the last time she locked herself, she didn't come out for three days straight."

There was an elongated 'Whhaaaaaaaa' lingered in the air.

Quentin: "That's it. I'm kicking the door open. I can't let my sister die out of starvation! She's my twin! Her ghost will fucking haunt me for the rest of my life!"

That Guy: (scoffs) "If that's the only reason why you care for her-"

That Guy stopped abruptly as I could hear two really loud smacks.

That Guy: "Why the hell did you two punch me?!"

Alex: "You don't get to talk about 'Caring for her', Ryder."

Quentin: "What did you put on your abs, Ry-ass? You put a plate of steel? My knuckle hurts."

The bickering went on and on until it eventually became white noise. They tried to beguile me to come out. Quentin resorted to singing the soundtrack of an anime that I liked. Alex tried speaking in Klingon. But I still wasn't ready to go out.

Two hours later, everything finally came to a stop. They had stopped trying. And I could faintly hear the sound of someone snoring. I recognized that it was my brother's famous snore.

All of a sudden, I saw a sheet of paper slipped under the door. There was my name on it, and the looking at the handwriting alone made my heart did a cardiovascular exercise.

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Are you hungry?
R.

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I didn't know if I was capable to reply his question, even in my mind, I still wasn't able to say his name. I re-read the paper over and over again, and at the 100th reread, the hysteria surrounding the fact that I was actually conversing with That Guy had finally died down. I searched for a pencil and then wrote back to Him.

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I am, actually. I haven't finished the strawberry you gave me.
A.

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I slipped back the paper, my heart was in the danger of exploding within my ribcage. I waited for a few seconds, which felt more like a few hours, before another paper came through.

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Open the door just a bit. 5 cm the most.
R.

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I did just that, and magically, a plate of strawberry appeared on the floor. Not only that, it also came with a glass of water.

I took my food quickly and then munched on the fruit, surprised at how very starved I actually was.

Another paper came.

Okay?
R.

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Okay. I'm kind of holding my pee for the last two hours, though.
A.

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I could hear the familiar sound of his chuckle. When the paper came through again, my heartbeats would have been caused me to go into a coma.

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You can come out to the toilet. I will hide where you can't see me. Your brother's sleeping and Alex is out for some food.
R.

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I was in the middle of contemplating his offer when another paper came.

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I won't bite if you don't throw cups at me.
R.

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The offer became too tempting now. I opened the door and sneaked a peek just in case He was lying, but He was nowhere to be found and my brother was already sprawled on the sofa. There was a post-it note on his forehead that said 'My Snore Can Deafen People!'

I went to the toilet, although right before the door, there was another post-it that showed a picture of a kitten sleeping. 'April Hale is AMAZING in bed. She can sleep for 10 hours straight!'

I laughed as I peed.

When I got back to the room, there was already another note waiting for me on the floor. Alongside with my phone.

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Did you like the Teddy Bears I sent you?

P.S: I noticed your phone on the kitchen bar. Just in case you need to stream some shows.
R.

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I answered immediately.

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There are too many. I can't give each of them a proper breathing space.
A.

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Not 30 seconds later, His reply came.

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It's for all the times I failed to give you bear-hugs when you need it.
R.

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The word HUG jumped right into my eyes, and then to my core. It was just a word, but it was coming from Him, and it was such a big deal for me. My chest started to hurt again, and then the urge to crawl out from my own skin seeped into me.

I wrapped my arms around myself and then leant on the door. I couldn't see or hear anything from the other side, but somehow I could feel Him doing the same thing. Leaning on the door, his back against mine with only a thin piece of wood just between us.

And we stayed like that for hours.

Before Audra came back home with puffy eyes and demanded all of us to get the bejeezus out from her apartment. 

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Author's Note : 

I love this chapter :) it reminds me of why I loved writing about April and Ryder. Their interaction is always so cute and so pure. What do you think of this chapter? Don't forget to vote and comment <3 I love reading those, they  make my blood pump to write more! :D Chapter 23 is already out on Radish if you want a faster en-route to read. I'm going to post chapter 24 on Wednesday/Thursday on Radish, and two weeks later on wattpad :)