I grew up as a quiet child and always did what I was told. I never argued with my parents and was always taught to obey your elders. I don't like confrontation and hate big crowds of people. People make me very timid, because you never know what they can say or do to hurt your feelings, without any remorse. I get bullied enough by the kids at school, especially the handsome Elias King. I kind of developed a very unhealthy crush for the silver eyed devil and don't understand why he hates me so much. In elementary it all started with the name calling like piggy Lilly, little porky, fat Lilly llama, fat ape Lilly, etc...all the silly name calls. Then when middle school came around it started to get a bit much like stupid bitch, retarded bitch and Lilly shlong sucker.

Elias and his flunkies started to get a little physical with me a little afterwards. They would throw me to the lockers and grab my backpack while Elias dumps my school supplies on the floor while staring at me with those piercing silver eyes. He and his friends would wait for me after school by the bike stand to grab my key for my lock in my hands and ride around with my bike in the parking lot having me chase them, having after schoolers seeing my embarrassment.

I couldn't tell you how many times that has happened to me. One day dad had received a better job offer elsewhere and we had to packed up and leave, never finished the seventh grade at MirroMora Middle School. Now four years later I'm back to finish my senior year here at MirraMora High the sister school of the bad memories five years ago...and probably in counting.

Looking out my old bedroom window with doubt, sadness, and betrayal. I was furious coming back here to this town, to this misery of a place that's supposed to be home. This place is a personal torture town and home the bully that made my life absolute hell. I still haven't came around to telling my parents what happened years ago. They tried to pry out what had happened to me, but every time I look in their eyes I feel ashamed, embarrassed, hurt, and angry at myself, for not confiding in them. They made me see a therapist, and he diagnosed me with panic attacks and anxiety.

'Why did we have to move back here?'

'What was wrong with where we were?'

'I thought I was making some progress in therapy...I thought?'

Thoughts about the old life doesn't matter because tomorrow I start school and my anxiety is sky high. My stomach is in knots and I haven't eaten anything in sixteen hours, which is horrid. Walking down stairs to the kitchen to grab some ingredients for a small oat porridge and water. After I finished eating, I washed my dishes in the sink and walk back up to my room. Dad was at a business luncheon about his new case and mom was grocery shopping again for the umpteenth time. She has a weird obsession with grocery shopping, I think that's why dad married her and never had a fleeting thought on cheating on dad. Those two are as thick as thieves and high school sweethearts though mom is four years younger than dad...that's another story for another time.

Lucas, my little brother, is in his room unpacking...neverminded, he's playing his console on the floor...typical, as I pass his room on the way. I walk into my room with everything unpacked and boxes in the corner of the room for dad to get them after work. I decide to take a well need long hot shower. I gather my pajamas and fold them neatly on my queen sized bed while kicking my shoes under and walked into the bathroom. I took of the oversized t-shirt and capris and slid off my sweaty socks and hopped in the shower rinsing and washing the sweat off from moving and unpacking. Washing my hair last, I hop out the shower after forty-five minutes and wrap the towel around my body. Walking out as the steam fills and disappears into my room, I walk to the body length mirror and unravel my towel.

Looking at myself naked my therapist always said to practice self love and look at yourself in the mirror and pick what you love about yourself, including how you feel inside. I don't think I'm ugly, I think. Its the fact I was picked on by a boy I had a very unhealthy crush on. Dad says I'm a copy of my mom and mother is an absolutely beautiful woman. She has dark black hair, and light blue eyes with tawny skin. I, on the other hand have amber colored eyes. Mom is a natural slim and big hipped woman, and the same genetics I got from her which I think developed a little too early for a seventeen year old my age. My bust size on the larger side and if I wanted to get new clothes I would have to custom order like mom, how embarrassing! I just stick with a size big on me type wear so I don't have to show off my big assets.

Putting on my pj's I slide into the covers and put my phone to charge for tomorrow's new problems. Turning to turn off my end table lamp next to me, and getting comfortable in bed I wish with the thought of a normal day tomorrow, I fell into nirvana.