The following chapter contains explicit material intended for an 18+ audience ONLY.

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I lie on my back with my hips on his lap as he takes me hard and fast. He leans back on a hand, gaining leverage as he pulls me towards him by my waist. His hard cock rubs vigorously against the full depth of my front wall, making me melt around him like the quivering mess I am. It's one of those positions only a porn star could make enjoyable, but fuck. I'm going to lose it. So hard.

"Fu-uck yes, Mick-ey!" I say between his thrusts. The wet sounds of our bodies colliding is just as audible as our panting.

He moans and switches hands, never stopping his pace. "You're so wet, baby. You love my fucking cock."

"Yeah," is all I can manage to say. My body starts to tense, my legs curling up, only making the angle more intense. His trusts make me arch back, his cock hitting my g-spot before sliding deep over and over. Fuck.

"You gonna be a good girl and come for me?"

I clench around him and the feeling intensifies. "Yeah! I'm--" My hands grip the sheets as I moan loudly. My entire body tightens with my orgasm. "Ah!"

My pussy squeezes and releases him as I feel him continue moving inside me. He thrusts a few more times before pushing in deeply, making both of our bodies shudder. He lets out a painful moan, his fingers digging hard into the skin at my waist as he finds his own release.

I look down the length of my body, just to see his gorgeous face. His expression is tense as he pants. When he finally opens his eyes, he catches me staring. He pulls out, and then crawls over me and places a luscious kiss to my lips. "Thanks," he says sexily.  He stands up in all his glory and leaves the room with an accomplished smile.

My body relaxes as I settle back into the comforter, enjoying my post-coital haze. I love the frantic way Mickey fucks me when he's anxious. It comes out of nowhere, his need to clear his head in the easiest way possible. Then he gives it to me just the way I like it. He's ... everything ...

♡♡♡

"Did you fall back asleep?" I startle awake when I hear his voice.

I sit up quickly, trying to shake off my tiredness. "What? No."

"Liar," he chuckles. "Do I look okay?"

I look over at him and my mouth drops open. He's wearing fitted, light gray dress pants and shrugs on a matching suit jacket over a black shirt and slim, black tie. He runs his fingers through his styled hair and cocks an eyebrow at me questioningly.

Goddamn if he didn't look absolutely fuckable in a suit. It should be a crime to cover up that body with anything, but shit ... That'll do. "Uh ..." I swallow hard as my eyes rake over him. "Yeah."

"Yeah?" He laughs. "The perfect outfit for rejection. Again."

Mickey's meeting with cable is today. Ultimately, we knew it was a long shot. An American cable network signing up to let a group of porn producers create a show with erections and non-simulated penetration? Not likely.

He had spent the whole week distracting himself with planning our trip, pretending as if he didn't want it. But I know he did. I wanted it for him.

I sit up on my heels and stretch my arms out to him. He comes over and kneels to wrap me in a hug. "You never know, baby. Maybe you won't get rejected this time," I say against his neck. I breathe in the scent of his body wash and cologne. That smell always seems to remind me of the first day we met. "Crazier things have happened, right?"

He looks at me and grins happily. "Right." He brushes a hand over my unruly hair before pressing a kiss to my lips.

♡♡♡

Mickey's meeting is in 15 minutes and I'm a nervous wreck. Every inch of my skin crawls with an uncomfortable mix of anticipation and nervousness. 

As I walk back between wings of the hospital, I decide the take the scenic route. The bridge through the atrium is bright and sunny, which is the next best thing to the fresh air I want. It will have to do.

When I make it through the doors and feel the sunshine warm my skin, I pull out my phone.

Me: I love you! 

Good luck today!

I'm a good girlfriend on occasion.

Someone grabs me by the waist and nearly scream. I look over my shoulder and see the pretty face of my bestie. "Maggie! You scared the shit out of me."

"Who let you out of the clinic, pretty girl?"

I wrap her in my arms. "No one. I'm a rebel," I say into her shoulder. "Are you heading back too?"

"Sure am." She hooks her arm through mine as we start walking. She sighs heavily and I look over at her. "So, I just got reprimanded in the chief's office. Apparently, word of my second job has been spreading."

Fuck. "I've never said anything. You know that."

"Of course," she squeezes my arm. "It comes with the territory. People hate what they don't understand. I'm sure you know that too." 

"I do. But you're one of the good ones. You don't deserve that."

"Maybe I do," she says dreamily. I look over at her as she stares off into space. She turns back to me and smiles. "People will talk either way. But I know my kid will never have to live the life I did, and that he will never end up like me. He and I are good, and that's all that matters."

A knot builds in my throat. "Okay," I say. "I'll let it go." I want Maggie to be happy. And right now, I  really want to know there is a happy ending for people like us.

We start down the stairs and my phone goes off in my pocket. I pull it out and read the text.

Mickey: Thank you 

baby. I love you too.

My brow creases and I try hard to fight off tears as we make it to our floor.

"Are you about to cry? What's up with you?" Maggie asks.

"I don't know, I ..." I trail off, blinking away the tears. I know exactly why I'm being so emotional, but Mickey didn't need the distraction right now. I would tell him when we are happy and on vacation, and until then, I'll be crying about everything. "I think my nerves have me all fucked up," I give her a half truth.

"Why?"

"Michael has his big meeting today. If it goes well, it's his first step out of porn. That changes everything." I let out a breath. "I don't know why I'm stressing for him. He was fine this morning."

"Because you love him."

"This is a thing people do?" I ask her.

"Yes, lovebird."

"Well it fucking sucks." I sigh heavily, scrubbing my hand over my face. "I just want it to be over with so we can go on our trip."

"Trip? Without your best friend?"

"Yeah, sorry," I say happily. "He booked us four blissful days in Santorini."

"Santorini?" Her mouth drops open as she smiles. "Oh, wow! Preemptive congratulations on your engagement!" My heart drops to the floor.

I stop walking and pull her to a halt with me. "Congratulations on my what?"

She looks at me like I'm an idiot. "It's your anniversary, you've been living together for months, and he's changing his career to be with you. Now, suddenly in the midst of being busy as shit, he wants to take you on a vacation to one of the most romantic places on the planet?" Her smile comes back. "Girlie. He's going to propose."

Holy fucking shit. I stare at her wordlessly as I go cold.

Maggie's hands grip my arms tightly. "Why are you are freaking out right now?"

"I ..." I think about it, and a familiar feeling washes over me. That achy, painful rush that makes me sick to my stomach. "I don't know," I lie. "That's really ... unexpected."

"Unexpected? I think it's pretty obvious," she says. "So ... are you going to tell me what the real problem is?" I look up at her hesitantly. "Because if you don't want him, I'll take him."    

My phone buzzes in my pocket again, breaking me from my conflicting thoughts. Seeing "mom" on the screen doesn't help. "Shit," I say.

"Oh perfect, you can tell her the news." I look at her fearfully. "Answer it."

"I can't."

"Yes you can."

"Maggie, I really--"

"Do it!" She stares me down like a stern mother. 

I can't talk to her right now. Not after what she said last night. My stomach churns as I stare down at my phone and let the call end.

I look up and find Maggie glaring at me. "That long story of yours better be a good one," she says.

It is.

♡♡♡

I park in the garage and take a minute to brace myself. Mickey hadn't text me. That meant bad news, and I don't want bad news today. I don't want more news of any kind, really. All I want is for everything to stop, but it never does.

I open my conversation with mom and stare at her last message.

Mom: He turns ten 

this February.

My body trembles uncontrollably with anger and fear. I want to scream my lungs out. I want to run away and never come back. I want to do anything but be reminded of this right now.  

Before I can catch myself, I start to cry. My shoulders shake as I try to hold in my sobs. Everything I've been holding in all day comes out. Who the fuck am I? What am I doing? I keep repeating in my head. I haven't dealt with anything that happened to me, all I had done was mask it with sex. I'm the same person I was before, just in a slightly different, happier shell.

Happier. At least I'm happy right? I ask the woman crying alone in her car.

After a few minutes, I wipe my eyes and shake off the stupid emotions. Enough of this guilt shit. I need to go home. I need Mickey.

Making sure my face has dried, I leave my car and take the elevator up to our floor. When I make it to our front door, I take a breath, unlock it, and walk in.

Mickey stands in the living room, his smile so big his eyes squint. He raises his arms to the side as if to present himself. "Guess who got a motherfucking pilot!"

My heart leaps into my throat as a rush of excitement overwhelms me. "What? Mickey!" I run to him and hurdle over the back of the couch, leaping onto him. My arms wrap around his neck, my legs too tense with my excitement to wrap completely around his middle. He grips my waist tightly. "Oh my god!" I squeal. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah! I still can't believe it!" He hugs me tighter. "We still have a lot of work ahead of us, but if we can make this pilot as good as we want and they like it ... Shit, baby! Cable!"

"Cable!" I repeat. I'm in shock. This wasn't supposed to happen. The budget, the notoriety. This is one hell of a step. I turn his face to mine and press a kiss to his lips. 

I pull away and smile at the way his handsome face beams. But when is smile starts to fade, I get worried.

"What's wrong?" I ask him.

"You've been crying."

Shit. "Oh, it's--"

"Don't tell me it's nothing." He sits us on the couch and brushes his hands over my hair. "What's going on?"

I stare into his brown eyes, and know that I don't want to bring it up. Not right now. "I had a ... very emotional day," I say truthfully. I start to cry again, but this time with a different emotion. "I really wanted this for you," I say with a pained smile.

His brow creases. "For us," he corrects me. "There is no me without you."

I nod as my heart flutters in my chest, but then begins to ache again. He leans forward and hugs me tight. I breathe him in, relaxing in the comfort of his embrace, all the while knowing it's just a matter of time before it all comes crashing down.

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