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[Chapter Six]

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Mnemophobia – Fear of memories

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Forty-five minutes after Jay and I hung up he showed up at my door looking irritated and tired. He gave me an apologetic look and held up a blindfold. However, before I could argue he started talking.

"I know you don't want to wear it, but it's part of Faux's deal. It was hard enough to convince him to let you work on our computers. Please, Ainsley, just this one time."

I shook my head and pushed down the fear. "No Jay, it won't be once, I'll have to wear it to get back to the room. I don't think you understand my situation. Is there something you are deathly afraid of? Something you have a strong memory attached to? That's how it is with me and blindfolds. Think of Lisa and all the things she could do to me involving a blindfold...I guarantee you it's happened. Sometimes more than once. I can't put it on."

He grimaced, giving me a pitying look. I didn't want his pity; I wanted him to understand my situation. I couldn't put it on, not without having a major break down. "Ainsley, I'll be with you the entire time. Nothing is going to happen. You have to trust me. I promise."

"It's not that simple," I said quickly. "You can promise me all sorts of things, but it won't make a difference. You don't think Lisa promised me I wouldn't get hurt? Or that putting on the blindfold wouldn't be as bad as last time? Yet every time, a little more of me died." I hugged myself and looked away from him. "I don't know what she was trying to accomplish, but she managed to instill a deep-seated fear within me that will be nearly impossible to get rid of. I'm sorry."

Jay stepped closer to me, moving slowly as he reached out to place a hand on my shoulder. "Ainsley, we need your help. It has almost been an hour since you delayed the hacking. Faux was nearly impossible to convince, don't give up now. We need you. I need you to help. Please. Trust me. I'm not Lisa."

His one hand resting on my shoulder burned through my shirt and warmed my skin. I was fighting against the comfort that small touch gave me, but it was hard to ignore the pulsing heat. "Jay..." I started to say, but he cut me off.

"Trust me," he repeated in a low voice.

"How long is the trip going to be? How many elevators will we be in? Will we walk by people? Will you be talking to me the entire time? Am I—" Jay covered my mouth and smiled tightly at me.

"Shut up," he commanded. I glared at him and let out a muffled curse, but he didn't remove his hand. I mumbled something against his hand and he gave me an odd look. "What was that?" he asked.

I licked his hand, grinning when he snatched it away with a horrified look. "I said, 'move your hand or I'll lick it', duh."

Wiping his hand on his pants with a dignified yet disgusted look, he held out the blindfold with his other hand. "Do we have an agreement? It was take about 5 minutes or so to get there. We'll be going downstairs and I will talk to you the entire time, with my hand on your arm. Alright?"

Hesitating, I eyed the offensive scrap of cloth and steeled myself for hell. "Fine," I said, giving a heavy sigh.

Jay handed me the blindfold and slowly walked behind me. He patiently waited for me to raise the cloth up to cover my eyes, placing a hand on my shoulder to let me know that he was there. Shaking slightly, I lifted the thick black blindfold and slowly covered my eyes, trying to remind myself that I was not with Lisa, this was Jay, and he would protect me and keep me safe. However, as soon as I was engulfed in darkness and felt the soft abrasion of cloth on my skin, the torturous memories came flooding in:

'It's time for the blindfold! Your favorite...'

'Don't worry little sister, it'll only hurt for a moment...'

'Can you tell who is touching you? Are your senses that attuned yet...?'

'It's the fear of not knowing when the strike will come that scares you so much, isn't it little sister? Never knowing when and where it'll hit you next...it's exciting...'

'Follow my voice and my directions and no harm will come to you, silly...'

"Ainsley! Ainsley listen to me!" a loud voice, one in complete contrast to Lisa's sickeningly sweet voice broke through the memories. I realized that someone, a man, was shaking me lightly and calling out my name. "Come back to me, Ainsley. It's me, Jay. I'm not going to let anything happen to you, breathe." I was wrapped in warm arms and cradled against a wide chest while the man continued to talk to me. "Come on Ainsley, say something to me. I know you can fight through this. Don't let Lisa win."

Finally it hit me that I was in Jay's arms. He was the man talking to me, trying to convince me that everything was all right. That last sentence he said really hit home with me: 'don't let Lisa win.' I couldn't and I wouldn't let her beat me. For too long she had used and abused me for her own entertainment. It was high time I fought back and showed her I wasn't some weak pawn she could move around and sacrifice at will.

I pushed against Jay's chest, trying to let him know that I was okay now. He had left the blindfold on, so my movements were limited, but I managed to get the message across.

"Ainsley? Are you okay now?" he asked softly, moving me to arm's length. It was a little unnerving that I could feel his eyes on my face but not see them.

"I'm fine now," I muttered, embarrassed. "Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me," he said gruffly. "Come on now, we need to get going. If you start to get scared at any point, let me know and I'll talk you through it. Okay?"

I nodded and then felt stupid doing so, making sure to add a verbal 'yes'. He chuckled lightly and kept one hand on my right arm. "Alright, unfortunately I cannot give you step by step directions of where we're going, because that would defeat the purpose of the blindfold. However, I will let you know when we enter elevators or pass by something. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask." I heard him open the door and then say so softly I almost didn't hear it. "I'm really sorry about this."

Choosing to ignore his quiet admission, I let my other senses take over as we left my room—my prison—and walked out into the inner bowels of NANO headquarters.

Jay managed to keep up a lively conversation with me the entire time. I was surprised, because, for a man of little words, he sure had a lot to say. Granted, it was all trivial conversation, but from what Dayna and Jaz had told me, Jay hardly talked to anyone. Even his words with Kyle and Dayna were few; and they were his closest friends. I knew he was only doing it to keep me from having a mental breakdown again, but...why?

Honestly, it was probably because he didn't want to deal with calming me down again, but it was a nice gesture nonetheless. It was a good thing I knew nothing would EVER happen between us, not with the freaking massive elephant named Lisa in the way, because he was really starting to grow on me. I mean, yah, he is sexy, but he could also be an asshole and he was broken, just like me. Between the both of us, we had more problems than a late afternoon soap opera.

"We're going to enter another elevator and then we'll almost be there," Jay announced, slowing our walk down to wait for the elevator.

We stepped in and I felt it lurch to go down again. If I was following correctly, we were somewhere near the basement or even further down. I was lost, but with Jay there with me I wasn't half as afraid as I normally would have been.

"Okay, step out and turn to the right, there you go. Just another minute or so and we'll be there." He was very patient with me, keeping me actively engaged in the conversation so that I couldn't zone out and freak out.

When we finally reached the tech room, I had a death grip on Jay's arm and was starting to shake again. "Ainsley, I'm going to remove the blindfold now. It's going to be bright, but—"

"Just take the damn thing off!" I hissed at him, fighting the urge to claw it off and burn it. Jay complied, removing the offensive cloth carefully. I blinked a couple of times to get my bearings and flushed a deep red color. "Well howdy team," I managed to say somewhat confidently. Every single computer tech was sitting in the main control room, staring at Jay and me.

A couple glared at me, others rolled their eyes and turned away, done with their examination of me, while others stared at me without emotion, and there were a remote few techs that watched me with hope in their eyes.

"So," I said, clearing my throat, "any new developments since Ted stalled the hacking?" I waited nervously for an answer, hoping someone would grow some balls and speak to me. It wasn't like I was going to start spewing lava out of my pores if they spoke to me.

Thankfully, a guy a couple years older than me stepped forward. He had messy brown hair with a slight curl to it and bright green eyes. He had wire-rimmed glasses that actually looked really nice on him, not nerdy at all and he was wearing a green plaid shirt with worn jeans and hiking boots. I grinned at him, instantly like him. His attitude said he didn't give a shit what anyone thought of him, he was happy with the way he was.

"Hey, I'm Ted, we talked earlier," he said with a lopsided grin.

"Nice to meet you in person," I said back cheerfully, stepping forward to shake his hand. "The main computer is over here," he said, directing me to a computer in the front of the room.

After Ted and I shook hands, the tension in the room was dramatically lowered. I could still feel a few people glaring daggers at me, but frankly, they could suck it. Ted brought me up to date on the situation, motioning for me to sit in the chair.

"It seems like they're still blocked at the moment, but as you can see, every once in a while the screen will flicker, like it's trying to break through the freeze you put it in."

Nodding, I simply looked at the screen, moving things around with the mouse, but not typing or clicking on anything. "Alright. I've seen this before. Lisa's computer guy made me watch one time when he was hacking into...someone's computer. I think I can figure out how to permanently block this hacking program and possibly send a miniature version of the virus back at them."

I glanced back at the team of computer techs behind me and gave a friendly smile. "I'll have to move fast to combat the series of traps and codes Lisa's guy will have set up. Plus, now that Lisa knows I'm the one who stopped it, she'll take a hand in thwarting my attempts. I will do my best to explain everything that I do. If anyone has any questions, please ask me, but it will be nearly impossible to stop the process once I have begun."

"Before you start, can you just give us a general idea of what you're going to do, and why none of us can do the same thing?" I heard a sarcastic voice ask behind me.

I bit my lip and nodded. "Sure thing. I'm going to unfreeze the system, but before they can start hacking again, I'll implement a series of beta codes to distract him. From there Lisa and he will throw different viruses and codes at me, which will have to be deciphered and hacked within seconds. If I don't, they'll get past my defenses and it will even harder to kick them out. Any more questions before I start?" I turned around again to look at everyone and caught Jay glaring at them, daring them to challenge me. Silly man.

"Let's kick some ass," Ted grinned.

Taking a deep breath, I positioned my hands on the keyboard and smiled. "Here we go," I felt the familiar rush of excitement race through my veins. I loved computer puzzles and this was the mother of all puzzles.

As soon as I unlocked the pass code I had Ted place to freeze the computer, the hacking program started up again. Talking out loud, I sent a series of beta codes to throw Lisa's guy off and prepared to crack the system. Almost instantly, he sent back traps and sequences for me to avoid and unravel. Continuing to talk and think out loud, I fought them to the best of my ability. It was hard work though and I was lucky I had the entire NANO tech team behind me. Every once in a while, a couple people would shout out suggestions to counterattack and I don't know if I would have been able to fight off the program as well without them.

Finally after a grueling hour of fighting, I had the advantage and gave a little cheer. "Just a couple more codes, ladies and gentlemen, and then we'll have blocked Lisa's program!" There were a couple cheers and whoops of joy. Ted even clasped me on the shoulder and congratulated me.

Right as I finished typing the last code in and was preparing to send the system back to attack Lisa's computer a text box popped up and began typing: 'IS THAT HOW IT'S GOING TO BE? FINE. LET THE GAMES BEGIN. SISTER.' The screen went blank after that, and it took me mere seconds to finish up counterattacking.

"Well," I said after a moment. "That was fun. Plus, Lisa definitely knows it was me." I turned to smile grimly at Jay, "Which means she'll be here soon, just like you wanted." Oddly enough, he didn't seem too happy about that.

Ted was brimming with barely suppressed joy as I stood up to stretch. "So, she's blocked completely?" he asked hopefully.

"That hacking system is," I replied confidently. "However, it's not to say she can't develop another one and use that system to hack into NANO. Plus, any computers not hooked up to this one will need to be blocked. I can set up a type of firewall program that doesn't rely on too much technology to safeguard against most future attacks." I paused, knowing it would be hard to convince the techs to let me continue to play on their computers. "The thing with Lisa," I continued, "is that she is able to do what she does because of technology." I looked at Jay at this point, hoping he would understand. "You can't fight her with technology, it will only aid her and make it worse for you. Think of all that she has stolen from NANO; she will use that against you."

Jay sighed and ran a hand through his cobalt hair. "I get what you're saying, but what are we supposed to do?"

"Eliminate as much technology as you can. They won't be very useful as a barrier to Lisa and it's best to have multiple back up plans. Don't you have a backup system in case the power goes out? That's the only thing that will slow her down."

"How do we know you aren't just saying this to make it easier for Lisa, your sister?" a voice called out angrily from the crowd of techs.

Turning around, I faced them and held out my hands in an open-palm gesture. "I suppose you really don't, but I'm trying to be as open as possible. Just because Lisa is my sister doesn't mean I'm anything like her."

"Yah, but she's still your sister," the guy pointed out again. "Why wouldn't you help her?"

Before I could even think about how to answer that question, Ted stepped forward and a little in front of me and crossed his arms. "If Jay trusts her, then I trust her. You should be ashamed, judging someone based on their family. I say we give her a chance, and if you have a problem with that you can take it up with Weaver or Faux, not with Ainsley. Understood?"

I placed my hand on Ted's shoulder and quietly thanked him. He didn't have to stick up for me, yet he had put himself out there and defended me.

"No problem, Ainsley," he said kindly. "Now, what's the firewall program you were talking about?"

"Oh," I said, "I can teach you how to do it, since that'll make more people comfortable if you're the one setting it up."

Ted shook his head, "Nah, you'll probably be twenty times faster than me, go ahead. We'll watch again, as long as you talk out loud."

Shaking my head, I pointed at the chair. "Nope. I'm going to teach you how to do it because you'll have to set it up on the other computer systems in NANO. Since I really don't want to be lead around with a blindfold for more than I have to, you're going to learn." A couple of the techs chuckled lightly, understanding how much I hated being blindfolded.

Ted gave a hearty sigh and dramatically made his way over to the chair. "Fine, fine your majesty, as you wish." I walked him through the process of setting up the program, making sure all the other techs could learn too. When we finished setting it up, I did a quick review of the process and then told them how they could remove the program if needed.

"Well, that's all I can help with for now," I said regretfully. "Please take into consideration what I said about Lisa and technology."

"We will," Ted replied firmly, watching me with admiration in his eyes. "You're a genius with computers, Ainsley, it was an honor to work with you."

I blushed, but before I could return the compliment, the same harsh voice cut in. "If we're done here, I have more important things to do that babysit the prisoner." A large guy broke away from the group and sneered at me before leaving the room. A couple others followed, giving me the same cold treatment. It hurt, to see people hate me that much, but there was nothing I could do about it.

Ted stepped forward and pulled me into a hug, taking me off guard. He put his lips against my ear and whispered, "Don't let them bother you. You're never going to make everyone love you, no one can. However, there are more people on your side than you believe. Stay strong Ainsley." He pulled back and released me, shooting a cheeky grin behind me at Jay.

Still in shock, I wasn't quick enough to see the full glare Jay was shooting Ted's way, but I caught the gist of it. Why was he glaring at Ted? I shrugged off the question and walked over to Jay's side.

"Let's get this over with. I don't want to wear the blindfold longer than necessary," I said, holding out my hand for the fabric. Jay handed it to me stiffly, still semi-glaring at Ted. I smacked his arm and frowned at him. "Enough of that, Ted is a nice guy." Was Jay jealous? Whatever for? I turned back to grin at Ted. "Feel free to visit my lonely prison of a room whenever you want. I'd like to be updated on any technological issues...if possible."

Ted nodded in agreement and waved goodbye before making his way to the main computer. I caught Jay's frown before covering my eyes and succumbing to the suffocating darkness once more.

"Ains, you okay?" Jay's soothing voice broke through the fog. Ains? He had a nickname for me now? I'll admit, that made me warm on the inside. I wanted to smack myself the second after I thought that. Pathetic, that's what I am.

Instead of grabbing my arm, he laced his fingers with mine and led me out into the hall. Maybe waking blindfolded wasn't such a bad thing after all. Not when I was distracted by Jay's warm skin. I could feel the calluses on his palm, and the strength beneath the surface. Maybe I had something to thank Lisa for after all. She was the reason I was kidnapped and holding Jay's hand.

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