CHAPTER TEN | Fool

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K Y L O   S T O R M

"It's not the goodbye that hurts, but the flashbacks that follow."

Azariah lays flat on his back against the mattress, as I lean my back against the head board. We're in my room and haven't spoken a word since.

I clear my throat, "I saw the pictures, you took with the girls."

"You did?" He says staring up at the ceiling, not looking at me. "Did it look fun?"

I don't answer.

I hate that we haven't spoken in what feels like ages, but I guess that's the out come of what I did.

"Yeah, we did face masks. And watched some movies."

"Thats uh nice."

"Shoot, Kylo."

"Huh?"

"You have something to say, I can sense it." He says turning his head towards me.

Damn right I do, but I don't know how to say it. Or when the right time to say it.

"I hate how we act like strangers and you're hanging with them all the time."

"Oh- so you're jealous?"

"No?"

"Yeah."

"No- anyways, you don't talk to me anymore. And-"

He cuts me off, "Your a fool, you know?" He says sitting straight up this time. "I love you Ky, I do, but you're a fucking fool."

I scrunch up my face in confusion, "Me?" I point to myself, "A fool?" I pause before speaking next, "What do you mean?"

"God you're so dumb some times, I thought I was stupid."

I have no fucking clue on what he's trying to talk or point to.

"She deserves answers, y' know."

"Who."

He sighs dramatically, "Katalina, Lina. You dumb ass."

I scoff, "Answers?"

"Yes, Kylo. A-n-s-w-e-r-s."

"Why?"

"You're testing me right now, aren't you?"

"No I really wanna know."

Azariah runs a hand through his blonde hair, "You kiss her, say some random shit, and leave." He sighs, "If I was her, I would've wanted some clear answers. Because now, you're with Skylar."

So?

"Didn't mama teach you manners?" He asks, "You can't just run off to another girl, leaving the other one wondering." He looks me in the eyes, "I wouldn't even do that, I don't want to lead them on, if I truly didn't mean it."
     "We're not at home, even at home you don't do shit like that-- why the change?"

"I'm not leading her on-"

"Bullshit, Kylo." Azariah interrupts, "Honestly I don't know why I bothered talking to you right now, your not thinking straight."
     "Find me when you wanna talk, alright? I love you."

He never leaves without saying 'I love you.' I smile.

Azariah leaves my room, his foot steps getting lighter as he walks away.

I throw myself fully against the bed, and stare at the ceiling.

I'm confused is why, I don't know how to act, I don't know how to put the right words together.

I understand his frustration, but at the same time: I don't.

- FLASHBACK -

We walk through the front doors, entering the big hallways. As people lean against their lockers; faces stuffed into books, people sitting on the floor, on their phones.

Cheerleaders stand by their lockers, pompoms in their hands, uniforms on.

Azariah nudges my shoulder, "Dude I can't believe this is the last game of the season, it's fucking insane."

I laugh, "I know man, but I can't wait for next year."

He stuffs his bag into his locker, "You always say that." He snorts.

Leaning one shoulder against the locker next to Azariah's, I scan the hall. Seeing a few girls whisper into each others ear, while their eyes sit on me. One of them fakes a fainting face, while the other says the next few words a little too loud.

"Liz, I swear to god. Payten said he was hella good in bed, I heard her not too long ago." The blonde one 'whispers.'

Another one, "Emily said his dick was this big!" One girl says using her hands to measure.

"At the party last weekend, some girl had her phone out during sex. And he broke her phone and left." She says, "Mid-sex!"

Because it's fucking private, my business, and so fucking disrespectful.

I try to ignore their comments, but it's so hard. When it comes from both sides of the hall, and wherever I go.

"Did you know his ex, cheated on him?"

"I heard he's kinky."

"I wanna fuck him some day."

I sigh, leaning my head against the locker, "Azariah hurry up."

He slams it shut, "Sorry! I know, I know. Let's go." He quickly replies, putting his hand on my back.

My face twists in horror, but quickly changes into nothing.

We turn the hall, and continue walking down the long hallway. Passing by some of our teammates who are heading towards the gym. We enter the locker room, I find my locker right next to Azariah's.

I open it with my combination, take out my clothes and place my bag inside. Before changing I take a seat on the bench.

No one is inside, everyone has already left to the gym. We'll have to run laps, but it's fine.

I drop my head into the palms of my hands, "I can't Azariah, I can't." I breathe.

He finishes putting on his shirt, taking a seat next to me. "Ky."

"Everyone knows my fucking business!" I shout through my hands. "People have tried to film me having sex with them— people know what my dick looks like, people, people-"

I start to suck in big chunks of air, my chest heaving each time I suck a breathe in. Azariah rubs my back, letting me know he's there.

"You're okay. I'm here, when you calm down, we can talk."

I nod.

My mind is telling me i'm fine, but my body tells me otherwise.

"I'll be right back, let me tell coach you need a few minutes, alright?"

I let out a 'no.'

"Ky- you need a few minutes the least, I never said you're not practicing."

Not even minutes later Zariah enters the locker room, sitting in the same spot he was before.

"Shit," He mumbles. "Breathe in and out Kylo." He says softy.

My heart thudded in my chest, my hands open and close. My mouth dry, like the desert. I can't see. But I still manage to breathe in and out just like he said.

"Kylo, listen to me." He crouches in front of me, "Count with me to ten."

I give a faint nod.

"One-- two."

I repeat as he continues.

"Six, seven, eight." My breathing slows down. "Good."

"Nine and ten." I say slowly.

Azariah gets up and gives me a hug, "I'm proud of you, Ky."

This doesn't happen often and I don't know why it had to happen today.

I hate it, I fucking hate it. I hate that this happens to me, I'm confused. I'm hurt?

"You never use to let their words affect you. Don't start now, I believe in you alright?"

- END OF FLASHBACK -

There are absolutely no words to describe how thankful I am for Azariah, even when we're not on the best terms.

Walking through the doors to school is like walking through the doors to hell.

Hearing people talk about your personal business like it's nothing, is shit.

What if other people were to start talking about their business? Their problems? What would they do?

What if--

My hands stay by my side as I stare at the ceiling.

I hate to say it, but I'm scared.

I'm scared that if I like someone, they'll loose interest in me. They'll stop returning the same love. That they'll let go.

Maybe Azariah is right, maybe I should talk to Katalina.

I've just been so use to pushing girls to the side, because of my past. But my past is no excuse, I can't keep doing that.

I never gave Katalina the answers she deserves.

And I'm sorry, I really am.

- FLASHBACK -

We sit in the grass, the wind blowing over our faces. Trees sway from side to side, creating a soft sound.

Our hands interwind together, her cheek laid flat against my chest.

I stroke her hair, brushing a strand out of her face.

She looks up at me with her blue eyes, "You're so pretty Ky."

"Why pretty?" I laugh, "Why not handsome?"

"Pretty sounds prettier." She snorts.

We sit in silence listening to birds chirp, wind blowing.

"I can hear your heart beat," She places her cheek even closer to my heart. Making it speed up, "Is it beating this fast because of me?"

"Yeah, it is. You make me feel crazy." I reply, she smiles but it alters to a smile of guilt but fades back to the 'normal' smile.

Our phones sit on our left as we watch the sun set, a vibration is heard. I look over and see her phone light up from a message. I reach over and pick it up, the blue-light lighting my face.

I read the text message, once, twice, and again.

My brows furrowed as a picture was sent.

Nathan: Hey Isabelle, can't wait to go on our date tonight.

I miss you, baby.

The picture was a selfie of the guy. He was grinning from ear to ear.

I scroll up further, looking at their exchanges in text.

Belle: Tonight was the best, I can't believe you set up that entire trip for us.

Belle: I love you so so much, you always know how to show me that you love me.

Nathan: Happy 1 year baby.

One year.

I don't know who he is, is he from another school? Who is he.

Theres a tightness in my chest, the air I breathed felt like sharp blades moving through me. My heart dropped, I wanted to be mad, I wanted to yell. But I didn't.

I kept my calm, my thoughts muting out any other sounds besides the beat of my heart.

"Baby?" Isabelle asks, "Are you alright? You got quiet."

"I'm fine," I said, turning off her phone she hadn't noticed I looked at.

A few minutes pass.

"Hey, I wanna say something." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Now."

She gets off my chest the warmth leaving with her. "What about?"

I pick up her phone, she looks at me confused.

I put in her passcode, and it automatically goes to the message. Just like I left it not too long ago.

Her bubbly expression leaves her face, as a new one comes up front.

"Ky-- Kylo." She pauses, "it's not what you think."

I scoff, "Thats what they always say." I add.

Blinking away the tears that pool up at the inner corner of my eyes I continue to speak. "How long has this been going on, Isabelle?" I comment, saying her name, no nicknames.

I still ask even though I know the answer.

She takes a few seconds, "A year." Isabelle, starts to reach towards me.

I look down, putting my hand in front of me. "I can't look at you right now, I can't bother touching you." I exhale, "I need time-- we'll talk tomorrow."

"Please!" She cries, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"You aren't sorry at all."

I push myself off of the ground, standing up. I dust my jeans off, and slip my foot into my shoe, following up with the other one.

This is something completely new to me, and I have no idea on how to cope with it. But what I do know is that I can't be here, I can't be near her right now.

"I gotta go, I'll text you the details." A sob leaves her mouth, a sob I don't get it.

I bend down, giving her one last kiss on the head. It's the least I can do, for myself.

"Goodbye, Isabelle."

She stares at me, mascara running down her cheeks.

I guess she didn't think of the outcome.

We were dating for two years.

The late night breeze runs through my hair as I walk away, I turn my head giving you one last look as you watch me walk away. The sound of people talking as they take their night time walks, echo through the park. For a second I wish I was still seven or eight where in age the concept of sadness was falling down at the playground or when I lost my mom in the store thinking she left me. Where heartbreak was a dare from elementary, where I'd laugh since it was a joke.

Where I was a young, mere boy.

All I can do is wish.

I wonder if you remember when you stopped loving me.

- END OF FLASHBACK -

The flashback brings me to tears, but I blink them away.

I need to find Azariah and tell him I'm ready to talk. Then I need to find Katalina, and then Skylar, but one thing at a time.

One thing at a time. I remind myself.

•─────·☾ ☽⋅─────•

A/N: Hey everyone! I hope this chapter reached your expectations. This chapter I dug deeper into Kylo's past, I wanted to show a side of him no one ever sees. Besides Azariah, I wanted to show what goes on behind the millions of masks he uses. I-- wanted to show you a tiny little sneak peak on why he acted the way he did at the party. Even though it doesn't really like explain it or show it. But there's more to it then I wrote, and I'll write it. But it was just so hard to write it from his point of view, and how he would react since its Kylo the man himself.

And not everyone is perfect, remember that. How they act, what they do, no one is perfect.

But I really hope you enjoyed it, I do. Please show your support by voting, commenting, and sharing.

Until next time, I'll see you on the other side.

- Sunah

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