What If Questions

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Frankie was walking the streets of New York after her final class before spring break. The air was crisp, the sun was shining, and the breeze nipped at her nose. She felt content and happy. Everything seemed to be falling into place.

She walked into a coffee shop and ordered, grabbing her drink, then headed back outside. The sun was starting to set, painting the sky with beautiful shades of purple, orange, and pink. Deciding to watch the sunset a little longer before heading back to Brooklyn, Frankie walked into Central Park, taking a seat on a bench, and watched the sky.

"Is this seat taken?"

Frankie looked over in the direction of the voice, a small smile breaking out across her features. "No, it's free. How are you, Jess?"

Jess grinned and sat down next to Frankie. "I'm good. Just taking one last walk in the park."

"Oh, wow. So you're moving, huh?"

"Yeah. Philadelphia. Next week."

She smiled sadly and nodded. "I know we don't see each other much, but it was nice knowing that you were here."

"Yeah." He looked down at his hands, fiddling with his fingers. "You know, I think about you a lot."

"You do?"

"I do. I think about what you might be doing, what class you're in, who you're hanging out with. I think about high school, and if we were still in Stars Hollow, what we'd be doing right now."

Frankie chuckled, looking up at the stars that were starting to show in the darkening sky. "We'd probably be pranking Taylor."

Jess grinned, looking over at Frankie. "Probably."

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment, before Frankie turned to look at Jess.

"So, besides Philly, what's next on your great adventure?" she asked with a smile.

Jess shrugged. "I guess I'll just see where the wind takes me."

"Do you know where you're living yet?"

"Nope. But I have my car."

She laughed and shook her head. "Always the spontaneous type."

"You know me," he replied, gazing at Frankie. The last bit of sun hit her frame, giving her silhouette a shimmering glow that he etched into his memory. "I think you'll always know me."

"I hope so," she said, turning to face Jess. "You're someone that I always want to know."

Jess smiled, looking away from the girl and up at the night sky. "Can I take you home?"

Frankie glanced down at her watch, noticing the time. "That would be great, thank you."

The pair stood up and made their way to the subway station, boarding the train to Brooklyn.

"So, you seeing anyone?" Frankie asked curiously as they stood in a subway car.

Jess shook his head. "I've been on a few dates here and there. Just haven't found the right person, I guess."

She nodded and shrugged. "Dating sucks."

He grinned. "Yeah, it does. Are you seeing anyone?"

Frankie paused, debating whether to tell him or not, but decided that being honest was the right choice. "Yeah, I am."

Jess' heart sank slightly at her words, but he shoved the feeling away, plastering a smile on his face. "I'm happy for you."

"Thank you."

"Who's the lucky guy?"

"His name is Finn. We met at a coffee shop my first month in New York, but he goes to Yale."

"Last year? How long have you guys been together?"

"Officially, not long. Only a couple months. But we started hooking up in August."

"So, you weren't together when you came to my mom's wedding."

"No," Frankie stated, shaking her head. "We hadn't even hooked up yet."

"Got it." Jess nodded slowly, taking in the information. "Well, I'm happy for you. I just hope he treats you right."

"He does," she said with a small smile. "He's a good guy."

"I'm glad."

They were silent for a few stops, unsure of what to say to each other. When the subway car had emptied out, and there were seats available, Jess gestured towards them, leading Frankie over and taking a seat.

"Do you ever wonder what could've happened if I went with you that night?" Frankie asked suddenly.

Jess paused, glancing over at the girl. "All the time."

"Do you ever wonder what could've happened if you stayed in Stars Hollow?"

"All the time."

She looked at him, eyes misty, but blinked back the tears and chuckled. "I don't know why I'm asking you this. I shouldn't be asking you this."

"It's okay, it's questions –"

"It's not just questions, though, Jess. It's not. It never is with us." Frankie sighed heavily and stood up, swaying restlessly in her place. "I'm with someone. I shouldn't be asking you stuff like that."

"Frankie, they're just questions," Jess tried to reassure her. "Words that float into the abyss."

"You really believe that? You really believe that words have no meaning?"

"No, they have meaning, but –"

"But what? My words don't have meaning?"

"Frankie, stop."

She stopped pacing, turning to face him.

"You still need answers, and that's okay. Otherwise, you're plagued with what ifs, and that's not healthy."

"I only get these what ifs when I see you, though. I only feel like this when I see you."

"Feel like what?" he asked gently, trying to calm her down.

"Like...like I'm betraying you somehow. And the butterflies, and the memories, and just...you! Everything about you, and how you make me feel, comes flooding back, and I can't make it stop, which makes me feel horrible because now I feel like I'm cheating on Finn, which, maybe I am, or maybe it just means I shouldn't be in a relationship and that Kayla was wrong, but I don't even know if I'm in a relationship, I mean, we made it official, but officially, I don't know if that means I'm his girlfriend or if we're just officially dating now and –"

"Frankie!" Jess exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders so she would stop rambling.

"What?"

"You're spiraling."

"Right."

"Breathe. In, and out. In, and out. Again."

They stood there, alone in the subway car, breathing together, until the train pulled up to Frankie's stop.

"This is me," she said quietly, grabbing her bag from under a seat.

"I'll walk you home," Jess said with a small smile.

"No, I can't ask you to do that."

"You didn't ask, I offered."

Frankie sighed and nodded, and they stepped off the train and walked up the station's stairs onto the street above.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, Frankie scared to speak, and Jess unsure of what to say.

"Look, don't feel bad, okay? You still need answers. It's natural to want answers," he finally said, breaking the quiet between them.

"I can't help it. I can't help feeling like I'm betraying both of you."

"Why are you betraying him?"

"Because I still have these feelings that only you bring up. And it just feels like, by asking the questions, I'm cheating."

"And why are you betraying me?"

"Because I still have the feelings, but I'm with someone else."

They turned onto Frankie's street and walked up to her building. As she rifled through her bag, looking for her keys, a thought popped into her head.

"Oh, my God. I'm an idiot."

"Why?"

"Because you probably don't even have the feelings anymore. I mean, it's been two years, it's crazy to even think that anything I'm saying is even remotely true for you, too."

"I do."

"You do, what?"

"I still have them, too."

Frankie paused, then chuckled. "That might make everything worse."

Jess cracked a smile and laughed. "Maybe."

Finally grasping her keys, she pulled them out and unlocked the door. "Are you okay getting home?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine," he replied with a nod. "I'm glad I saw you tonight."

"Me, too. Sorry for spiraling on the train."

"No need to be sorry. We all have moments."

Frankie smiled, then reached out and pulled Jess into a tight embrace. "Good luck with everything. I know you'll do wonderful things in Philadelphia."

He returned the hug, hoping that this wouldn't be the last time they would see each other. "Thank you. I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you, too."

After another minute, they pulled apart, and Frankie wiped her cheek quickly, not wanting Jess to see her tears.

"I should get going. Still have some packing to do," he said, backing down the stairs.

"Go be great, Jess Mariano."

"I'll try my best, Frankie Gilmore."

She smiled and watched Jess' retreating frame until he became one with the darkness, then entered her building. As she ascended the stairs, Frankie pulled out her phone and dialed, hoping he hadn't already left for his spring break ski trip.

"Francesca! I was just thinking about you! It's cold up here and I miss you," Finn exclaimed as he finished unpacking his bag at the ski cabin.

"Hi," she said quietly, entering her room and shutting the door.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, concerned.

"Yeah. Well, I don't know. I just...I wanted to tell you what happened tonight because I don't want to keep secrets from you."

"Okay." Finn sat down on the edge of his bed, listening to Frankie's explanation of her evening. When they finally hung up the phone, an hour later, Logan came into Finn's room to see his best friend with a very distraught expression.

"Everything okay?" he asked, leaning against Finn's door frame.

"I don't know," the Australian said slowly.

"What happened?"

"Francesca saw her ex-boyfriend tonight."

"The one that left her?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. What happened?"

"They talked."

"And?"

"There are still feelings there, I guess."

"Yikes," Logan breathed, sitting down next to Finn and clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Well, what did she say?"

"She said that whenever she sees him, she feels things, and that she asked him questions tonight."

"What kind of questions?"

"What if questions."

"Ouch."

"I don't know what to do, Logan. I like her. A lot."

"Well, she told you about it. That's gotta count for something."

"I guess."

"Plus, everything you've told me about that situation makes me think that she hasn't gotten closure. That could be why she still has these feelings. But it doesn't diminish what she feels for you." Logan emphasized his point by poking Finn in the chest. "You, my friend, have her. Lock her down."

"We're official, though."

"But officially, what?"

Finn paused, pondering the question. "I don't know."

Logan chuckled, patting Finn's back as he stood up. "Figure it out, my friend. I see you two together, and you work. She's happier with you, Finn. I know she is." He stepped out of the room, but turned around suddenly. "I will say this for the ex. She was in love with him. That high school sweetheart kind of love. It may have been epic, but you two can be better."


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