I was, am, a sunflower. Sunflowers are lively, bright and technically not rude. Sunflowers aren't supposed to be mean, they're supposed to turn to the sun. They're supposed to follow it, and I never felt that to be a con about myself. But what happens when sunflowers don't turn to the sun, what happens when they say no, Sun. I will not listen to you. Something goes wrong, it has to. And looking at Amanda, seeing a wilted rose in her, I try my hardest to push back the horrifying memories trying to take me back to the time I tried to challenge the sunflower behaviour.

A car, a no and a lifetime of guilt.

Amanda's stance is defeated. Her eyes are cast downwards, Jason's eyes on her are filled with worry. She's playing with her nails, trying to act nonchalant but I can see the clear anxiety in her body. She's truly a wilted rose, the thorns around her simultaneously defending and attacking anyone who wanders too close. I walk over to her and with my eyes, I plead Jason to give us some space. He nods and walks away, and I look back at Amanda. She still isn't meeting my eyes, aimlessly scrolling through social media now.

"Why did you say it?" I ask her, not one to beat around the bush. She shrugs, looking anywhere but me.

"Though I'd warn you before you go off declaring me as your best friend."

I nod and cross my arms around my chest, taking a deep breath and bracing myself for the question I'm about to ask her, a stone on my heart, "Was it good?"

Her eyes snap to mine, mouth agape, "Excuse me?"

I nod, not letting my facade break, "Was it good? Did you two have a good night?"

A horrified expression takes over her and she shakes her head no, "Stop asking me this. What is wrong with you?"

It's my turn to shrug, "You said you're warning me off. So now I want to get warned off. Tell me, how was it?"

"Stop! What the fuck dude?" she exclaims, arms raising above her head to show her disbelief.

"Why are you not answering?"

"Because it's not something you need to know about now. It was the past! And it was one time! You're his girlfriend, act like it!! Get away from me, call me a bitch but don't ask me this," she rants, her face getting red.

"So it's the past?"

"Of course it is! I don't even like him!" she exclaims, desperately trying to convince me. I smile at her and her expression morphs into confusion.

"So, you're telling me to judge you based on your past. On a time when Nathan and I hadn't even met? I admit it hurt when you said that. I didn't like the way it made me feel, but I don't hate you. Far from it. I know a good person when I see one."

Her eyes remain neutral, looking at me with disbelief. Her eyes well up and I immediately look away, giving her a minute to calm herself down, not wanting to intrude in her vulnerable moment. When I feel she's ready I look back at her to find her smirking at me.

"You're smart, I'll give you that. And super stubborn."

I laugh, "Well, what can I say."

She shakes her head in amusement and continues, "You're a dumbass. I can't promise that I won't blurt out any more dumb things but thank you. For forgiving me, for being my friend."

I act as if there are tears in my eyes, purposely making it more dramatic by flapping my hands in front of my eyes, "This is too emotional for me. Go back to normal, be your bitchy self."

She laughs, her loud laughter catching the attention of Jason, who has been pretending to be in a conversation with Nathan. His ocean blue eyes shine bright as he looks at Amanda and I smirk internally. He catches my eye from over her shoulder and I raise an eyebrow at him and I almost laugh out loud when his cheeks gain a pinkish tint and Nathan elbows him in the ribs.

"So, let's go home then?" I say to all of them, gaining three nods in response

⋈ ⋈ ⋈

"So then, a minute later Nathan screams like a banshee in the locker room, scaring everyone around him," Jason acts out the story he has been telling us as we sit around our living room. Mia and Eli are casually cuddling on the right of the sofa, her head resting on his chest as she leans back into him. His arms are around her, head resting on top of hers. Amanda and Jason are sitting on the other side of the sofa, and I can see that Jason keeps gravitating towards Amanda every now and then but holds himself back. Amanda is completely obvious to the painfully obvious smitten boy to her right, casually leaning against the armrest of the sofa, her legs resting horizontally on his thighs.

I look up to Nathan, who has his arm around my shoulder, pulling me to his side. His legs are folded under him, my own legs resting on his left thigh. He's cringing as Jason is embarrassing the crap out of him as he's retelling the funniest moments which happened in the locker room to us girls.

"... the tiniest spider was walking on his locker. It was the funniest thing, seeing our big grown bad captain cry like a little girl."

"I did not cry!" Nathan exclaims as all of us double over with laughter. He huffs and looks away as we girls coo at him purposely, making the boys chuckle.

"Poor Mr Wright is scared of spiders," Mia teases in a childish voice, which earns her a glare from Nathan and a pillow thrown at her, which Eli catches with ease.

"Really dude?" he cocks his eyebrow.

Mia grabs the pillow and throws it back at me, my instincts get the best of me as I catch it and throw it back at her all within seconds. Mia isn't even surprised, as I have another pillow flying in my direction, which I also send back. The rest's eyes ping pong between us as we do what we've done since we're nine. We finally stop only when both our boys grab hold of the pillows and don't give them back to us.

"Damn you people are weird," Amanda comments, causing her to gain a narrowed eyed glare from Mia and me.

"You say like you're any better," Eli replies.

"Can we just watch a movie? My new project partner has taken all energy away from me," Amanda whines as we nod in agreement.

"What project?" Mia asks her.

"My Bio lab partner. He's a new dude, a transfer. A real douche, doesn't work at all," she starts, when the microwave beeps. I untangle myself from Nathan's arms and waddle over to the kitchen, my legs slowly waking up after staying in the same position for so long. Opening the microwave, I take out the popcorn and jump when I notice someone standing behind me.

"Fuck Mia! Why did you have to sneak up like that?"

"What's up with you?" she asks straight to the point, hands on her hips.

I furrow my eyebrows, "What do you mean?"

"You're not fine. I know you, I know how you are. When Amanda mentioned about her new douchebag project partner, you froze without even noticing. In the Bakery, you're always on the edge. What is going on?"

I avoid her piercing gaze and focus on pouring the popcorn into the bowl in front of me. She doesn't look away for even a second, and I sigh. Turning to her, I'm just about to give in when Nathan waltzes in the kitchen clueless, going to the fridge to get some water. He stops midway when he notices both of us standing there, staring at him.

"Okay, I'm clearly interrupting," he says, hastily trying to get out when Mia stops him.

"No, you're not," she says to him while looking at me.

I give her a sheepish smile and whisper, "I'll tell you later. I promise."

Her face relaxes and she nods, grabbing the bowl of popcorn and tapping Nathan on his head while moving past him on her way to the living room. He lets out a low cry of opposition but I can see the amusement in them when Mia just gives him the middle finger without turning around. I laugh and follow Mia when I'm pulled back by him. He grabs my wrist and turns me around so I stumble a little before finding my balance.

"Nay," I slap his chest lightly and he doesn't even react. He's looking down at me with a gentle admiration in his eyes, lips curled up in a small smile. The butterflies which have taken a permanent residence in my stomach come alive and my heartbeat picks up its speed.

"What is it?" I whisper and his smile widens by a small fraction.

He intertwines his fingers with mine and leads me towards the main door, grabbing my coat and his own.

"Wait, we can't just leave!" I exclaim, looking back into the house where everyone must be waiting for us.

He turns and looks at me, smile widening, "Oh but we can, Grasshopper."

As he continues pulling me towards the door and I quickly shout out to everyone, "We'll be back!"

I faintly hear Mia's Sure you will and Amanda's Use protection just before Nathan wraps my coat around my shoulders and leads me out in the cold night, both of us immediately getting hit by the chilly breeze.

He starts jogging a bit now, leading both of us towards his car. He opens the passenger door first, letting me settle in before running over and getting into the driver's seat. When the doors close, he immediately leans over and catches my lips with his own, pressing them to mine like I'm all he needs to survive. Our mouths dance in a choreographed frenzy, breaths and heartbeats merging into one. I grab his hair and intertwine my fingers within it and I feel him smile against me. We pull away from the kiss, but none of us makes a move to get away from each other.

With foreheads touching, I whisper, "This is why you brought us here?"

He chuckles softly and brings his fingers to my undoubtedly swollen lips, his thumb brushing over my lower one.

"Nope. But I couldn't resist," he says boyishly, moving his hand to my hand now, grabbing my fingers and intertwining them with mine.

"You're an impatient one, Wright," I tease him. 

He rolls his eyes and leans in again, hovering his face over mine, "Well sue me for wanting to kiss the crap out of my girl, Palmer."

I smirk and lean up, connecting our lips yet again. When we pull back this time, his eyes are glowing with happiness and content. I peck his lips and ask, "Now tell me, are we going somewhere?"

"Of course we are," he answers vaguely before moving away but not letting go of my hand. I feel empty without his warmth surrounding me anymore, but as if sensing this, he squeezes my hand and his thumb traces small circles on the back of it.

With quick ease, he gets us on the road when I can't hold my curiosity in, "Okay are you gonna tell me where are we going?"

"Nope," he smirks and I groan. I tap my leg impatiently when we randomly start singing along to a song on the radio. We harmonise like the crazy fools we are and just like that, I've forgotten about the fact that I still don't know where we're going till we pull up in front of an old abandoned building. A few stray people are wandering around the main road, and the building is just a few steps away from the main road so it isn't too remote either. 

I look at him to find him leaning towards the backseat to grab a bag I didn't notice before. He smirks and throws the bag on my lap, urging me to look into it. When I open it, I come face to face with a few different colours of spray paints. I look up at him with surprise etched on my face and I find him smiling a toothy smile at me.

"We're making graffiti."

"Pretty sure that's illegal," I say nervously as we get out of the car, the spray paint bag in my hand. I look around to find someone ready to catch us out but all I see are uninterested people, walking to their respective destinations. We walk over to the building, the warm yellow light from the street light shining down on us like a spotlight. I glance at Nathan nervously, "Seriously. I'm pretty sure this is vandalism."

He shrugs like it's no big deal, "Let's live on the edge today."

"Did you plan this?" I ask as he takes the red spray paint out of his bag.

"Yes and no. I had planned it for tomorrow but I just couldn't resist tonight. So, grab a can and get to work."

I bend down and grab the yellow one, still a bit apprehensive but the more I hold the can in my hand, the more I feel confident enough to do this. It's an abandoned building, what can happen?

I shake the can and Nathan mirrors my movement. Both of us turn to each other with identical nervous adrenaline-filled grins on our faces and spray our first colour on the wall. And just like that, we're off. We make random patterns, trying to make sense and at the same time not really caring about the end result.

No matter how much we try to draw something even remotely good, one of us always interrupts the other by drawing over their patterns. I almost spray him with my own paint when he draws a long diagonal red line over my smiley, but I resort to just filling his football with bright yellow colour. He narrows his eyes at me and I poke my tongue out at him childishly. I still manage to somehow spray his fingers blue after changing colours and I almost piss myself laughing when I see him run them through his hair during a momentary lapse of memory. His hair gains a bluish tint where he touched it and groans as he pauses his hand midway when he realises what he just did. 

We're laughing like drunk fools, we're jumping at every small noise we hear in fear of getting busted, because more than anything, we're actually way outside of our comfort zones. Yet when we're together, nothing feels too daunting.

So when we hear someone shout at us from the distance, we scream simultaneously, and we run without looking at what each of us completed drawing. We still can hear the same person shout at us for ruining public property but we don't stick around to listen to them, getting into the car and out of there within seconds. Nathan drives for a few minutes while we both catch our breaths and stops when we're far enough. 

When we both look at each other, our faces are red with both the adrenaline and cold, wide unwavering smiles on both our faces. His hair holds the tiniest shade of blue, the warm yellowish tint from the street light casting shadows on his glowing face. His eyes are locked with my own, and the intensity of his gaze renders me immobile with pure happiness. That's when I'm suddenly hit with the most beautiful realisation I've ever had and soon enough I'm pulling him to me with a newfound emotion which I can't help but pour into the kiss.

I'm in love with Nathan fucking Wright.

⋈ ⋈ ⋈

HII! I'm super late (read: a day) but I'm here (finally). This is sort of a filler but a cute one (I guess?). But it's an important filler for sure. Tell me how it was?

Question then?

Q. I never asked you about new years resolutions and everything so I'm asking now. Don't tell me resolutions (because no one actually really follows them? or is it just me?). Instead, tell me one thing you know you're going to do this year. Can be as easy as reconnecting with a friend or as crazy as sky diving. I wanna know.

Okay, imma go now. Ciao! 

Love,

Anya <3