❀ chapter twenty-four | the atomical structure of my unemotional heart ❀

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I was in my room, contemplating the atomical structure of a flower petal when Dad called me from downstairs.

Once I went down, I came face to face with him, Greta, and Talia sitting at the dining room table. Waiting for me.

"Is this supposed to be an intervention?" I asked.

"It's not the time to make jokes," Talia said, and the disappointment on her face got under my skin far more than my parents' did. "You illegally raced. Someone crashed their car. Someone could've died. It could've been you."

"Always wanted to go out with a bang," I said. Mostly to relish in the looks my family gave me then, but even that didn't cut through the heavy cloud hanging over me. I didn't know whether to be my usual defensive self or tell them to leave me alone.

"We're here to tell you you're on your own in paying the fine," Dad said.

Guess defensive it was. "Oh, yeah? And why didn't you tell me Grace was working at the shop now?"

"She paid for all the repairs."

"I thought we had donations."

"She's... paying for our new location. We have so many new customers now."

Leave it to Grace to save our dying business. I couldn't say Grace wasn't good with finance and numbers. Knowing the system in and out was what let her exploit it at her corporate job.

"So you're basically saying she bought her way in," I said, turning to Greta this time. "Didn't think you were motivated by money."

"The flower shop is my life's passion," Greta said. "We were struggling so much before Grace came to help."

"Watch her run it to the ground. You think she's not jealous of you? She'll take over your business first, then your husband."

Worry flickered through Greta's face. Like she'd been in deep denial until now, her composure cracking.

"I am just trying to give everyone a fair chance," she said quietly.

"Just know Jack and I aren't coming back unless she's gone."

"Jack isn't coming back?" Talia asked.

I hoped not. He had come in the flower shop today wanting to work but then followed me out. That had to mean something, right? He wouldn't just start working there knowing about my beef with Grace. Which would be considerate of him.

The type of consideration I'd never shown anyone.

"Can we get back to the topic?" Dad said. "Romy has to pay the fine. We're lucky she didn't get sent to juvie again."

Great. Back with the juvie talk.

"Why don't we get mommy to pay for it if she's swimming in money?" I asked. "Let it be the consolation gift. Maybe I won't try to make her life hell if she bails me out."

And that was basically the end of the conversation. I'd gotten my way. I won by standing my ground, being aggressive, making Dad and Greta quiet. Worked like a charm.

Later, Talia cornered me in my room.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What actually happened last night?"

"Exactly what you think happened. I illegally raced. Left your car there. At least I didn't crash it. But these frat boys crashed their car, and that's how everyone got in trouble."

Talia's eyes widened. I almost thought she'd pull the same line as Dad and Greta: We thought you were doing so much better. Talia had been a goody two shoes throughout high school and even now. She couldn't fathom half of my reckless decisions.

"Is there anything else?" Talia asked.

I thought of Jack, walking off into the dark field, faltering under the weight of his anxiety. I thought of Penelope, her arm around my shoulders, her erratic movements, the long night in the cell stuck with her, a reminder of everything I hadn't realized I couldn't stand to go back to.

I wanted to tell Talia about it. I wanted to tell her about this morning with Jack, the way he held my hands, our walk in that park under the bridge. 

But I couldn't find the words.

"No," I said. "Nothing else."

"Just promise me you won't do anything like that again," Talia said, frowning.

"I promise." And this time, I actually meant it. "I'm kind of... I've kind of outgrown everything. Maybe I seem like I'm crazy. But honestly that night didn't do anything for me."

Talia nodded—this she could understand. "Then what do you think does?"

"I really loved working at the shop before Grace ruined it for me."

"I'm really sorry about that, Romy. I think Mom is struggling right now, but she's just going along with what your dad wants. She won't listen to me. I just hope this drama calms down so we can have our shop back."

"In the mean time, maybe I'll get a job somewhere else."

Just the thought of that made me feel torn inside.

I slumped onto my bed after Talia left. Took Jack's rose quartz out of my pocket. How totally bizarre. Was this Jack telling me he had a thing for me? He didn't seem like the type to do it so blatantly. Maybe he just meant friendship or something. Did Jack Michel like me as a friend? Did I? Our interactions were nothing like any "friendship" I'd had.

Penelope's words: You're such an overthinker. And yeah, I couldn't stop thinking about the rose quartz. Which led to me thinking about him and all the words he'd ever said to me. I counted them mentally, trying to imprint them into my memory, searching for clues that could tell me why he'd freaked out at the race. Why he'd skipped school to find me today. Why sometimes, like today, it looked like he wanted nothing more than to speak, but still couldn't.

I went over the events of Eli's party. Us and Jack drifting on the lake, safe from hypothermia and drowning by Eli's parents' flimsy boat. It'd been the most memorable experience in a while, but maybe because Jack was there. And now the whole racing thing made sense. I'd wanted Jack to be included in that adventure. Like it was the only way I'd actually have fun.

I rolled on my bed to check my phone. It was already on the text thread with him.

you make me feel like i can do anything. but then i can't keep up.

Sudden heaviness. Swaying in the sea, lost, calmed less by the walk in the forest with Jack and more by the slight tug of his hand on my wrist. Jack, Jack, Jack.

We'd been in silence most of the time. Not even texting after that message. And it hadn't been enough. I'd almost forgotten that moment of overwhelming... what? Emotion? Which emotion? Whatever I felt, it was blurry now, like it hadn't been me.

I dreaded feeling it again. Letting it consume me. Turn me into a helpless shell of my former nonexistent self. I realized that every time I felt something, I numbed it. After Jack took me to the park, the gap between us widened again. I'd focused on the bridge, the enormity of the scenery around us, and then the rock. Solid in my palm. Neither of us knew what to do. Almost like we'd shut in on ourselves again.

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The moment I sat with my friends at lunch, I knew it'd be an interrogation.

"There you are!" Seth exclaimed.

"Here I am," I said.

Eli, as usual, was glaring at me. "I hope you know there's people in the hospital."

"Yeah, those assholes who made fun of Jack at your party? Can't say I feel much sympathy for them. And you shouldn't, either."

"That doesn't mean... you know what, I'm not going to argue." Eli flicked a crumb off the table. "But I can't believe you brought Jack."

"Yeah, thanks for rescuing him for me. But don't act like you didn't love having your little moment in the spotlight. Driving Seth's car like you owned it. Winning the race."

Eli's eyes narrowed. He knew I was right.

"And you ditched me!" Seth exclaimed.

"It's what you deserve," Eli said. "You said it yourself I was getting in the way of you and your stupid racing friends." He shook his head. "And it got to you. You were letting what other people think affect us."

Seth picked at his lunch. "There's no us, bro."

"Whatever. I'm just explaining why I made a scene."

"Don't worry, Eli," Megan interjected. "Someday you'll find another emotional poet that'll love you the way you deserve."

Eli laughed bitterly.

"But you guys still haven't told me what happened at that race thing," Megan said. "I'm really sad you left me out of this one."

"Should be glad," Eli muttered.

Seth, food still in his mouth, started explaining: "So, after these two ditched me—took me forever to get to the other side—and there were sirens and all this shit happening. Eli was gone, Jack was gone, and I saw Romy and Penelope arrested. I had to get a ride home, because you—" he jabbed a finger at Eli "—stole my fucking car."

"Penelope?" Megan gasped. "What does she have to do with this story?"

"Good question," I said. "I was as surprised as you are."

"So you got arrested with her?"

"They were in the same car, bro," Seth added, finally swallowing his food. "They were part of the race."

"Oh," Megan said. "Um, wow."

Seth shook his head. "Should've been me in that car. Penelope is so hot."

"You're not her type," I said. "And I'm pretty sure you're gay."

Eli actually burst into laughter at that one. He looked quite handsome when he wasn't all scowling and angsty. Megan joined in, even gave me a high-five.

"Screw you guys," Seth grumbled.

My eyes trailed toward Jack, sitting at his usual, nearly-empty table. Probably wanting to stay as far as possible from me, Eli, and Seth.

"Now let's talk about the real gays here," Seth said, jerking his head at Eli. "You and mute boy."

"I was just trying to help him," Eli said.

"Didn't Jack say you were friends in middle school?" I asked.

"That's ridiculous."

"You acted like you knew exactly what to do. Like you'd helped him through something similar before."

"Fine, it's true," Eli admitted. "There, it's true!"

"You're such a bad liar," Seth cackled. He scooted closer to Eli, getting all up in his space. "You were really friends?"

Eli raised his chin, probably trying not to show discomfort. "Yeah. We went to the same middle school. And guess what? He wasn't "mute boy" then."

"What?" Seth's eyes bulged. "He could talk?"

"He can," Eli said. "He could. Like, barely. Not that much at all. And I was the one who saw him talking less and less, going completely silent." He finally faced Seth. "Because he got bullied by assholes like you."

Total silence. For once, Seth actually looked guilty.

"And he wasn't the only one," Eli muttered.

The bell rang. For once, Eli had gotten the final word, and Seth was the speechless one.

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After several arguments, my parents finally forced me to attend another session with Psychologist #5. And I found myself at the place I least wanted to be—sitting on her pink sofa.

"It's been a while," she said. "You missed a session. What happened?"

"Honestly, just kind of forgot," I admitted.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like everything's a roller coaster."

And somehow, throughout the course of the hour, I spilled. I told her everything. From the race to talking to Grace at the flower shop. I couldn't perfectly explain what I'd been feeling—why were therapists so obsessed with that?—but telling her what I could made me feel almost... relieved? I'd clammed up with Talia, but maybe that was because she was family. Too involved. I couldn't trust her not to go to our parents about my drama. But this random lady with oversized glasses? Fair game.

"What you're saying," she said curiously, "is that being a 'sociopath', a delinquent, or any of the labels other people have pushed on you... is starting to not feel like enough."

"Basically," I said. I took the rose quartz out of my pocket. "Oh, I almost forgot. My ex-coworker Jack gave me this." I explained what I'd read on the Internet about it being the "stone of love". "What do you think he meant by it?"

"It doesn't need to be overtly romantic," Psychologist #5—her actual name was Srinidhi—said. "Perhaps he is trying to say he accepts you. Accepts you feeling things differently than most people. Much like you accept he doesn't speak. You said you told him not to feel pressured to talk to you. I think that shows a lot of maturity."

"I guess that makes sense," I muttered.

"Maybe you should reach out to him," she suggested.

"Are you really playing match maker now?"

"I'm only encouraging you to interact more with the people who show, with actions, that they accept you."

"Right."

After the session ended, I stepped out of her office and into the misty rain. I got into Talia's car—she'd been waiting an hour for me to finish after she dropped me off. It was Friday night and I had no plans. Srinidhi's suggestion echoed in my head.

When I pulled out my phone, I found myself typing out a text:

To Jackass:

Hey

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A/N: Twenty-four chapters in, and Romy is finally dealing with her emotions! I'm lowkey proud of her haha. It looks like Seth is starting to become self-aware, too. Do you think he'll finally (truly) make up for his actions toward Jack in the past? 

Also, if you've read this far, it means you've reached the half-way point of this story (45k words!). Planning for maybe 20 more chapters ^-^

I hope you enjoyed, and stay tuned for some more Jack x Romy (aka Jomy aka Rock) in the next!

(Dedicated to Lbeanio for the thoughtful questions and comments!! thank you so much :D)


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