❀ chapter thirty-eight | back to juvie ❀

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I stood behind Anika and waited for her to notice me. She continued looking through the scarves, and I had to say her name to get her attention.

Finally, she turned. Today she wore a beige hat and a long, brown skirt. All earth tones. She stared at me, neutral with the slightest hint of amusement in her eyes. I'd always found it so annoying how she waited for the other person to speak first. But then again, Jack was the same way.

"Hey," I said. "Didn't think I'd find you here. Maybe it's because I mentioned your name earlier. I think that must've accidentally summoned you."

The joke made her smile—barely. Getting a real smile out of her was a game Penelope and I used to play.

But jokes aside, how could I even begin to explain everything that'd happened? I looked around, half hoping no one would listen in and half not caring if they did. At least the store was nearly empty, but Talia would be coming back for me soon. So I had to make it quick.

"Can we talk?" I asked.

Slowly, Anika nodded.

"You missed a lot," I said. "I'm not sure where to start. Can you believe that after Penelope got out, her way of saying hi to me was to wreck my family's flower shop? And apparently as a hobby she's taken up illegal racing. I went to one, and she said that if I won, she'd give me the money to cover the repairs. Except that never happened because this frat dude ended up crashing his car, and me and P got arrested for being involved."

"She told me about that," Anika said.

"Good, so you're caught up. The day we were at that dress shop, Penelope sent me a text. She promised me the money if I went to these coordinates on my birthday. They led to the middle of this state park with abandoned train tracks and tunnels."

"And you believed her?"

"It wasn't that I believed her... It was more that I was bored and wanted to see what would happen."

"Aren't there more constructive things to do with boredom?"

I suddenly felt foolish. Anika never understood the concept of doing things for the hell of it. How her and Penelope's friendship had lasted so long, I had no idea.

"When was this?" she asked.

"Last week," I answered.

Her eyes, accentuated with gold liner today, moved back and forth. Like she was remembering something.

"Penelope wanted me to cast a spell with her to get rich," I continued. "She seemed... kind of alone and deranged. She was pissed you ditched her. She says you found Jesus and want to be a nun."

Anika took one of the scarves and went to the mirror nearby, looking at the fabric against her neck. I thought of Penelope in her green dress checking herself out in the mirror at the overpriced boutique. The similarity between the two moments unsettled me.

"She took my nun joke too literally," Anika sighed. "That's what happens when serious people try to make jokes. It comes out all wrong."

I laughed. "Maybe it'll just take practice. But okay, your turn to fill me in. When did you get out?"

"Shortly after I turned eighteen last month," she said, her voice monotone. "Which meant I aged out of foster care. Penelope let me stay with her."

"Where, in L.A. with her rich Hollywood family?" I joked, remembering the stories Penelope spun—celebrity cults and sex and blood and glamour.

"No. The reality is not as flashy as she made it seem. She comes from a family that couldn't handle losing their fortune. Her father committed suicide. It's true—he was a famous actor. Penelope told me he was involved in elite sex trafficking rings, and his death was staged because he knew too much."

Back in juvie, she'd told me the same thing.

"Do you think it's true?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. She lives with her mother in a farm house in Bremerton now."

"Is her mom really the chief of police?"

Anika scoffed. "Did she tell you that? I wouldn't feel comfortable staying with them if that were the case."

Now this was like old times—comparing notes with her, trying to sift through Penelope's stories for the truth.

"She told me you've had visions of archangels," I said.

Anika stared into the mirror, but she wasn't looking at the scarf anymore. Her entire form was quiet and still, her posture impossibly perfect. The other juvie girls had conspiracy theories about her being a government experiment, a robot hiding under a human suit, a soulless clone who'd come to spy on them. But honestly, I thought they gave her way too much of a hard time.

"I haven't been on the right path," she sighed.

"When did you realize?"

Anika continued to stare at her own reflection, the intensity of her gaze reminding me more of Penelope for a second. Even her sigh, the flair in her walk—their mannerisms were so similar. She put the scarf away.

"We were roaming through the fields around her house," she began after a brief silence, her voice a whisper I had to lean closer to hear. "The night of a full moon. I was not prepared to be ripped out of this reality. To see her for who she truly is. Her mask uncovered to reveal the chasm within her. Like the empty space in the pits of hell."

"Um, wow," I said. "That's... intense."

Eli probably would've found it poetic.

"I once thought good and evil was subjective. Human-determined. But the sense of evil that permeated my spirit felt beyond anything human. I felt afraid. Afraid for everything we've tried to summon. Afraid of God." She paused. "I couldn't explain this to her. She would've laughed and told me, isn't that obvious? But I didn't want to be manipulated into this path anymore. Most of it has not been my decision. I've suppressed my will. I've gone along with her whims."

My jaw dropped. "Okay, now that actually sounds horrifying."

Anika didn't blink. "I saw the vibration of love as a tangible thing. From the archangels watching in the light of the moon. And then from her. Contractive. Negative. Finite. I was used to the way she made me feel small. But from above? I was endless."

How did that even look like? I thought of Jack and how he claimed the citrine stone was magical and would help us out of the forest. Maybe it had. Maybe Anika was on to something. Maybe magic and evil and divine love did exist. Or... maybe her and Penelope had taken some serious drugs and didn't tell me.

"What did you do after?" I asked.

"I decided I could accept it for another night. We ran through the fields for hours and laughed. We rolled down the grass hills like children. I was free. Human. But not because of any illusion of power we shared. We were more connected than ever, and it was only because in my spirit, I'd already left her. Because it was hurting me." Anika looked away. "We were hurting one another."

"You accepted it," I said quietly. "Instead of pretending to be invulnerable?"

I was dying to know more, but maybe this was pushing it already. I never expected Anika to be so... open. Was it more out of a commitment to truth—comparing notes and all—than her truly confiding in me? Did it matter?

She raised her chin, and even that small gesture seemed calculated. "Have you accepted it?"

"What, being hurt? Yeah. In a different way. I thought I wanted that recklessness. The fun. The freedom. That's all it was for me. And when me and P had to spend that night in jail together?" I let out a laugh. "I realized it wasn't enough. It wasn't enough to basically hurt myself for the next thrill. It just left me empty." I thought of Jack. Even Eli. "It pushed people away."

Anika went silent for a while. I couldn't believe we were having this deep, mystical conversation in the scarves section at Goodwill.

"She came to me that night," she said. "The same night you spoke of."

"Came to you?"

"A few days prior I left the farm house when she was asleep. The moon waned. I slept on the streets until I came across a church. She found me there one night alone. She was freezing cold. Her lips were purple. I told her to go to the hospital. I gave her my wool sweater."

Meanwhile, Jack and I—also freezing cold—had been lost and making out in the woods. What a night.

"I let her shout," Anika said. "I let her cry. She said I would find my way back to her. And then she left."

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Really? She left you be, just like that? And with me... the bitch literally strangled me up on that mountain!"

And nearly pushed Jack off a cliff, but I didn't feel like filling Anika in on that back story right now.

"I'm glad you're alright," she said.

"You know what that means? I've always been disposable to her. But you? You're not. She seems to care about you in some messed up way. Or else she would've tried to strangle you too. But now it's too late, because I'm 90% sure she's in jail right now."

"For... strangling you?"

"She stole my sister's car. Among other things. I went to the police station to give my testimony or whatever. I might even have to be a witness at a trial in a few months. She'll be eighteen next year, so she'll probably serve her sentence at a real prison now."

Anika went even stiller than before, her gaze so distant I could no longer even attempt to read her. Almost exactly like how Jack shut down, closing in on himself. Detached from the rest of the world. Which, I'd come to realize, was definitely a bad sign. Did she feel bad for Penelope? Guilty? Why?

Nonetheless, I really couldn't say I felt the same. At least in jail she would no longer be messing with the flower shop. Not that it mattered if Grace was still running the thing.

"Romy! Where were you? And why haven't you—"

I turned to face Talia, who had a pile of clothing in her arms. Well. Now or never. Time to fully catch Talia up to a part of my life I never thought she'd know.

"Hey," I said. "Sorry about that—got kind of distracted. This... is Anika."

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The introduction wasn't as awkward as I thought—thanks to Talia's social skills and cheerful demeanor. After shopping, Talia invited her to come with us to get coffee. Whether it was out of politeness or curiosity about the enigmatic, chicken-sacrificing girl I'd told her about only hours before, I wasn't sure.

Anika didn't speak nearly as much as she had with me, and I couldn't tell if she felt awkward or at ease in the silence. Talia had enough tact not to bombard her with questions about our time in juvie, and the afternoon went pleasantly enough. Toward the end, we stopped at a park on the waterfront—even though it was cloudy and about to rain. Like our parents, Talia always found an excuse to go out in nature.

"Your sister is kind," Anika said after Talia got up to use the public restroom.

"I kind of told her about you for the first time, like, an hour before seeing you at Goodwill," I said, leaning back on the park bench. "So she was probably a little concerned. She handled it pretty well, though. Maybe you should keep talking to her if you're into that religious stuff. She's Catholic. Maybe you'll find it interesting."

Anika took a sip of her coffee. "All religions are interesting."

"Right. So, where are you staying now?"

"Nowhere."

"You're homeless?"

"I prefer the word nomad."

She saw the look of worry on my face.

"I've stayed at a youth shelter some nights," she said. "I met a group of hippies at the church. We're going to Oregon to find God."

"Why would God be in Oregon?"

For the first time, Anika laughed. The laugh of someone who'd released years' worth of heaviness on her shoulders.

"Why don't you stay with me?" I suggested. "My parents are kind of like Talia. A little nervous but nice at the same time. I'm sure they'd be happy to—"

Anika took one of my hands in hers. Then gave me a smile. It'd started sprinkling, and small droplets of rain flecked onto her deep brown cheeks.

"Romy," she said. "You are oddly kinder than how I remember."

I tilted my head at her. "Is that an insult?"

"An observation."

"Well, yeah. It's been forever since I saw you. And don't act like I'm totally heartless. I've been, um, going through some weird evolution lately. I even found a psychologist I don't hate. But hey, even sociopath Romy would want you to have a decent place to stay while you're figuring out your next steps."

She stared at me. No longer that blank, time-to-detach-from-everything-around-me stare. She had the stare of an observer recording every detail into memory. Studying people like textbooks—even me. Which was funny, because I'd always felt like I was observing her. Her and Penelope. The duo I wasn't quite a part of. The third wheel who didn't fit.

I thought I'd let them go for good, but there was still that part of me that couldn't. Not because I needed the excitement, the weird rituals, the cheap thrills. Not anymore. I thought that whatever "bond" we had didn't go much farther than the surface level, but I found myself... worried. Worried for Anika. Worried I'd never see her again, like she'd disappear to Oregon and everything she told me—this bizarre, haunting story—would stay locked away in my memory.

Now I could say I was a little closer to understanding Penelope—desperate and not wanting either of us to leave.

"When I was lost in the forest," I began, "which is a whole other story, but maybe we'll get to that—anyway. I realized that... what held us three together was how we all wanted to be heartless. Empty and detached in different ways. But it's not enough, you know? For any of us."

I couldn't remember a time when Anika ever tolerated physical touch from anyone except Penelope, but she hadn't let go of my hand.

"We believed that was where power came from," she said. "Penelope encouraged me to venture deeper into extremes. I encouraged her to detach entirely. And we did. I've pushed myself so many times. I've waited. Nothing happens."

"So what you're saying is that black magic doesn't work?"

"Not quite," she said. "It appears everything we believed was wrong."

"Maybe you should take P's place in the beauty pageant."

Anika looked toward the water. The boats looked tiny from here—blurry in the fog and rain slowly closing in.

"Thank you," she said. "For being a friend."

"Here, let me give you my number. If you need anything, just call, okay? Promise me you won't drop off the face of the earth?"

"I won't."

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A/N: It's so nice to see Romy learning how to be a better friend 😭 I think her character development really shines in this chapter. I hope you enjoyed getting a deeper look into Anika's perspective. A song that reminds me of her is "The Devil Told Me I'm Not Alone" by Gemini Aaliyah (which I also linked above if you want to listen)

Any predictions for what will happen next?

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